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virgin vs. experienced
Alot of my friends are virgins, but I'm not. I've had a few sexual relations actually. I don't feel the need to defend myself or feel bad about it because I'm 21 and on the right path in life. Now, my best friend is becoming good friends with one girl who hates me and is also a virgin! For the first time in my life, I feel slutty. They basically advertise to everyone how "good" they are and I know this other girl will talk bad about me to my best friend. My best friend has never judged me, but I feel like she will now. It's my life and I feel like they have this virgin club going on, and I'll just be left out. What should I do? Let this all go or salvage my friendship?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Your best friend could just be going through a phase. I remember going through a phase like this... I joined this Baptist church and started trying to be all 'godly.' At least... By the Baptist definition anyway.
Point being... I drove two of my bestest friends in the world away for a while. During my 'godly' phase, one friend came out of the closet concerning his sexual orientation... While the other became a single, teenage mother. Both were so afraid of being judged that not only did they not tell me what was happening in their lives, but they didn't talk to me for several years.
In the end... I learned that I wasn't being 'godly,' I was chasing after the approval of a group of people by following their rules. And that... If I really wanted to be like God... I had to love unconditionally. My friends and I started talking again... And though this might not happen for everyone, re-connecting was pretty easy. We're better friends now than we were before, and we've been friends now for... Um... Fifteen years, I think. Ha... It's been so long I can't really remember.
Anyway... How does my story apply to you? Well... I guess what I want to say is that... You've no reason to be ashamed of yourself, regardless of your sexual history. Don't let this new chick put you down. I'm NOT telling you to be mean... Just don't put up with it. If she starts talking smack about you or anyone else, treat her like the child she is and walk away. As for your friend...
Tell her that you feel like you're being judged. Don't ask her to choose between you and the new girl, just explain to her why you're upset. If she can't understand... Then maybe you should disappear for a little while and make some new friends. Remember that it doesn't mean the friendship is over... You may just have to wait until this phase has ended.
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Although I am not necessarily condoning sex before marriage, I also don't think that in today's world "a few" sexual encounters" at age 21 is abnormal. Actually I think to be a virgin at 21 would be more unusual.
Maybe you misjudge your friend. Maybe she won't judge you. Regardless, the Bible says, "Judge not lest ye be judged" meaning that God is the only one that has the right to judge you. Neither of them do. You do not answer to those two girls. Your life and/or virtue will not hinge on what they say or do not say.
Love yourself for who you are and the kindness you show others. Never let a friend go. If anyone lets go, let it be her, not you.
GL TheMaster
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amberTHEtherapist: Not to be mean or anything, but that is AWFUL advice.
I don't think someone who's planning on getting married at 15 should be giving relationship advice at all. That is the last thing you want to do, is be snippy and drive your friend to dislike you, and that girl to talk MORE about you.
I don't really have any advice for you, other than to not follow that. I've never personally been in this situation, usually where I'm from, it's the opposite problem that people have actually.
All I can tell you, is that if this girl is really your best friend, then she won't judge you because of this new girl. Since you're all 21, or around that age, they obviously aren't mature enough to carry on an adult relationship.
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Well i know what your feeling. Cause im only 15 and im in the exact same boat as you. I have done EVERYTHING and people in my school think its such a big deal, but i have a commited relationship that i have been in for about 4 and a half months now, and we are planning on getting married when we're older ;] So its not like im a 'slut' or whatever. But your older and thats a lot more normal for you to be like that, so i dont know what those people's problems are. Especially since you said one or two of them are your friends? Well i think you should just say something to them, say how you feel about how they pretty much shun you out. But really, say something to them about it. Cause i dont think thats too fair for them to be doing. What you should say to get back at them is " Well at least ive got experience, and im not prude like you!"
;] <3
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