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I Feel Excluded
Basically my friends keep going to movies that I would really like to see, on Saturdays. A day that I can't really hang out on because of my job. All of my friends have completely free Fridays, but we never really do anything on Fridays, we end up sitting around the whole day. But then on Saturday, they go see the new cool movie. I have tried confronting them about it and they say that it's just in my head, even though I've been able to provide specific incidents. I stay calm about it when I talk to them because I'm not mad, but for some reason they think that I am pissed. Then they usually say that I'm mean for even bringing this up. And in the end, I usually end up saying something kind of offensive, but not too bad, like "Fine then, be a jerk about it." And they freak out. I feel stuck.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
This is one of these questions where I have to be blunt, so don't read anymore if you can't handle it:
I'm getting a VERY strong feeling that these people don't like you. Not only do they not like you, but it seems like they're having fun at your expense and are getting a kick out of excluding and hurting you. In fact, it sounds like they're setting you up to confront them so they can spin it around, make you out to be the bad guy, and leave you feeling guilty.
Unless you're overly sensitive and exaggerating, I side with you 100%. I don't see why they can't, at least on occasion, go to the movies with you on your day off. I can understand saving the movie for Saturday, because if you don't work and you have nothing to do, Saturdays can be horrifically boring, but I don't understand why they can't compromise.
One week they could go to the movies without you on a Saturday and one week they could go with you on a Friday. At least then you wouldn't feel as excluded as you do now. It's hard for people, especially teens (I assume you're a teen!), to come together when some work and some don't, but if you're truly friends and you care about each other, you make it work.
It sounds like they're not willing to make it work, which for me, would raise up a red flag and make me question my friendship with these people. I certainly wouldn't want to feel excluded, so I can only imagine how you must feel. Have you tried simply asking them about it instead of confronting them, which might make them a little defensive, naturally?
I would suggest a lighthearted chat with one or two of them and bring it up in a nice, controlled manner. If you attack them, especially as a group, they will attack back and make you feel like it's you vs. them. That's not a good position to be in, but I'm not sure if they're setting it up to be that way or if the way you're handling it is making it seem that way.
If it's you who's causing the problem, which might be the case because maybe you're jealous, feel excluded, and resent that you have to work and they don't (which is all perfectly OK to feel), just explain how you feel to them and don't let it turn into an argument where you're all playing the blame game. They should understand if they're truly your friends.
If they don't understand, I would get suspicious that they're enjoying the fact that you're getting so upset. It sounds to me like they love getting a rise out of you, and you continue to give them what they want every time you get mad. I'd give them one more chance to prove that they're truly your friends before I found another group of people to hang out with.
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