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his work vs. me
My boyfriend's dad has a business, his dad got very sick and now my boyfriend is working every single day, helping his family. I see him once every 1-2 weeks. I miss him and I know working this much isn't healthy but he tells me constantly he "has no choice". He's very family oriented so I wouldn't make him choose. It's just I would like to see him more, and besides it'll get his mind off work. What am I supposed to do? Wait it out and do/say nothing?
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He says he has no choice and you say you would not make him choose...hmmm...you are both wrong. We all have choices and we can only make them for ourselves, not for anyone else. He has already made his choice for now. You need to respect that. You do have the right to choose what is now best for you. Stick by your man or be honest and tell him you need someone who has a lot more time for you. Just don't try to whine or demand or annoy him into doing what you want, because he will resent you and you will regret it. There is no right or wrong here, but sometimes people need different things. Is he worth your patience?
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I think you should definitely wait it out for a little bit longer for a number of reasons.
First, this could be temporary and things could get better. Right now, it is a very hard time for your boyfriend and his family with the head of the household being ill.
I understand you miss him but being a good girlfriend means supporting your boyfriend and being there for him through thick and thin. Right now he needs you to be as supportive as possible. He is already in a tough situation both emotionally and physically. Don't make it any harder for him.
I am sure he wants to see you more and be more available. But the fact is that he needs to help his family during this tough time. What kind of man would he be if he didn't? This shows you what great character he has.
If roles were reversed, wouldn't you want him to understand?
Find ways to do things together, even if its for a short time. Can you help him with his work? That would be a great way to spend time with him while still having him fulfill his duties and obligations to his family. How about suggesting he hire another person to help?
Meanwhile, just enjoy the time you do get to spend with him and know that eventually, it will get better.
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Like the others have said, don't give up on him.
While waiting for things to get back to normal,
why not give him a call and arrange to bring
him lunch. It may only be an hour or 30 minutes but it will show your support.
Mention to him that you want to spend time with him,
even if it only an hour. Maybe then he will make
an attempt to see you more often. He may think you
wouldn't find it worthwhile if he can't spend a
long time with you while he is busy helping his dad out. Let him know that isn't the case. :)
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I think yes, you should wait it out, but don't just "say nothing." He is obviously going through a hard time in his family life and needs your support.
Working is not unhealthy. Some people work 2 and 3 jobs daily to support their families.
What he is doing is a good thing. It shows how much he cares about others, and how much he will sacrifice to ensure his family makes ends meet.
It shows that he feels family is the most important thing, which is nice to know if you ever plan to settle down with him.
With his dad being sick, he is obviously working to support the family. If he chose not to do that, where would his family be? They may get to the point of worrying where their next meal comes from if he didn't take over the responsibility.
So see, it isn't unhealthy. It is the right thing to do.
Hang in there, have patience with him, and support him during his family's time of need.
ygs-29/f
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Yes, if you really like this guy, wait it out and just be there for him. He's obviously going through a tough time with his dad being sick, and having to work so much. Maybe you can stop by his work and bring him lunch sometimes, or make dinner for him a couple times a week, or even ask if there's anything you can do to help out at his work. Let him know that you miss him, but don't make him feel guilty.
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I think you should wait it out and be patient. Your boyfriend is showing you how responsible he is. His family raised him and gave him everything he has, even life, if you want to get down to the lowest common denominator.
You should be proud of him. This is also telling you that when and if you two start a family, he will be there for YOU. He will never turn his back on his obligations simply because they are hard, or he would rather be somewhere else.
It should be enough to you to know that if he had a choice, he would rather be with you. Think about it, how many spouses do you think have to keep things going at home and keep up their spirits in order for their husbands to fulfill their obligations. Soldier's wives, astronaut wives, fisherman's wives. All of their husbands have to travel for months to earn a living and support their family. It always helps to know that the person you love, but had to leave back at home, is supporting you.
If you love this guy, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, this is the time for you to strenghten your relationship and say to him that you understand that what he is doing is necessary, and that you will be patient and wait for things to get better. Say that you know he would be with you if he could. AND tell him that you admire him for taking care of his family this way. This is a lesson for you too. And he is watching to see how you handle it. He won't forget.
And keep this in mind. I know a couple of girls, married with children, whose husbands are SO IN LOVE, they won't even leave the house to go to work. Nope, they'd rather be home with their loving wife and children, and together they can all wonder where their next meal is going to come from.
Good luck to you, and especially good luck to your boyfriend
Michele
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