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My best friend blew me off again!
My "Best" friend did it again and I'm not sure to react this time. We have know each other for 30 years. We say we were in the womb together because our parents were friends and we hung out and sleep at each others house til the end of high school. We lost touch while she was in college but then we hooked back up again. We worked together and then I got pregnant. This weekend she told me she was going to take me to Stevie B for my birthday and all of a sudden she couldn't get the tickets, but we were still goign to hang for a while, that was until she called and told me that she was going home for the night instead. I now have two children, 8 and 1, she wasn't there for either birth or even to visit me in the hospital, nor has she been to either ones birthday parties. We always say that we will be friends forever no matter what but now I feel so hurt I don't know if I any longer want her friendship. Friendship goes two ways and I seem to be the only one giving. Is it mean or bad to feel this way? It's my 30th, a major milestone, I was at both of her 30th parties, ugh!!!!!!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
This has happened to me many times. What I have learned from my personal experience is that there are many variaties of people. THerefore, there are also many different types of friendships. I use to have high expectations for a friend. I had a simple request. All I wanted was a friend who would be there for me through thick and thin and someone who I can trust and have fun with. Little did I know that that wasn't the easiest thing to find.
I encountered many friends who have backstabbed me, lied to me and who have "blew" me off on numerous occasions.
There are a three things you can do to handle this. A) Stop being her friend completely. B) Deal with it in silence OR C) Tell her how you feel and hope she changes.
I highly suggest option C. As your "best friend," you should be able to talk to her about almost anything. That also means, she should be understanding when you express feelings of hurt and sadness. Approach her at an even playing level. Don't allow her to get defensive by acting aggresive or offensively.
Instead of pointing out all the negative things she has done, tell her how it made you feel when she did it.
Your right, a friendship and ANY relationship is a two-way streak. You give some and take some. If there is someone who only takes, there is no way the relationship will work.
It is clear she has let her responsibilities as a friend faulter. It needs to be addressed. Especially since this is a long standing friendship. Every relationship requires work.
If she still doesn't change or make any attempt to redeem herself, than it may be time to part ways. Sometimes we hold on to old relationships because of the history. BUT sometimes, friendships have expiration dates. You had your time, and now it's time to move in seperate directions. People come into our lives for a reason. Some stay and some leave.
You deserve to get back everything you put in a relationship. Just be sure that others appreciate you as much as you appreciate them.
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I can understand why you're so upset about this, you seem like one of those people (like me) who take friendships seriously, and are always there for your friends and except the same from them. And it's unfortunate when these things happen, especially, when you've been friends for 30 years. I think you should talk to her, and really let her know how bad she has hurt your feelings. She may not be realizing the pain she's causing you, so I would try that first.
If you still have problems after doing that, I'm not sure if this friendship can make it. Considering it can't be a one-sided deal, it has to be from both sides willing to work on the friendship. Oh, and no, of course it isn't mean of you to feel this way. Anyone, including me, would feel this way if they really cared about their best friend. So your feelings are perfectly normal.
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It's only natural to feel this way, of course after knowing someone and sharing so much with them its going to hurt you. Seen as though you have known each other so long I believe you should be able to be open and honest with her, tell her how you feel, maybe even write her a letter. Its hurting you more also because its your 30th. Perhaps your friendship is coming to an end but maybe it will be best for you as you wont have to deal with the pain of being blown off again.
Good Luck xx
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