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too much
im a fifteen year old female..and i have this friend, her names jessica. shes not a horrible freind but she is very dramatic and she lies and likes to gossip..alot. well the other day i didnt feel like talking on the phone so i didnt answer her call but she kept calling, it went from the house phone to my cell phone back and fourth for almost and hour. i got sick of it and finally answered and she got mad at me and said that i was ignoring her. i told her that i just didnt feel like talking, and she got mad. now im a really nice person and i need help coming up with something to tell her so she can leave me alone already, i mean its nice to talk sometimes but im not a "talking on the phone" type of person. so i just need a way of telling her to kind of back off without coming across as being ignorant. thanks =]
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if you don't want to really talk just make up something like i am not allowed on the phone or i cant talk right now..its not nice to lie but if you don't want to talk you don't want to talk!
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Let me get this straight -- She's dramatic, lies, gossips, and calls you 100,000 times a day?
Like you said, she isnt a horrible friend but she isnt a good one either. I would, tell her to stop calling you because you just dont like to talk on the phone. That isnt being a mean person, you're being honest. If she doesnt understand that and gets mad at you, big deal. It's better off since you dont have to deal with her drama anymore. And it's easier since you dont have to be TOO mean about it. If you even end up staying friends with her, try and get her to stop being so dramatic, and talking gossip is a huge no-no. There really is no point of gossiping, everyone does it but there is a limit, you know? It always ends up hurting people in the end and I would explain that to her. If explaining this, and going through all this trouble to try and change someone that might never change is a hassle, just let her go. She doesnt seem like a very good friend in the first place, so it's not like you're missing out and a great friendship.
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You never mentioned if your friend is an outcast or nt or if she has social problems. I'm reading between the lines here and I sense that has to be the case and the real problem. Don't get angry at her as she genuinely likes you and probably needs you more than you know.
What should you tell her? Tell her you value her as a friend and sometimes friends need to see other friends or pursue hobbies etc. or study. While I cannot always be there to talk on the phone/Internet I do appreciate your friendship and I'm not ignoring you.
The next part is the trickiest as you don't want to hurt her. Tell her that you would be willing to introduce her to a few people she would get along with so she has more friends or help her find clubs etc to join to explore her interests.
Then level with her and mention I hate how people treat you at school and want to help you. There's a few mistakes that you have been making with me and others socially that are affecting how people respond to you.
Tell her you are not attacking her at all and mention the lying, gossip, and the phone call business and let her know you want to help her to succeed and be liked.
Be a real friend here rather than telling her off. She is oblivious to the fact there is a problem. You have to show her what people think when she does this stuff. That would be the greatest thing you could possibly do. She hasn't a clue obviously.
Call her back etc. when you want to and just tell her to only leave one message at your house or on your cell (not both) and it will be returned. Likely she does this with everyone she knows. You can help her break it but in a tactful and mature way rather than telling her to buzz off or employing the F-bomb you have on reserve ;)
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Avoidance or ignoring her will catch up to you, so you are going to have to confront her with your feelings. Tell her that while you value her as a friend, you just don't have the energy to keep up with her. Also, you don't need to apologize for being who you are, just be sensitive to who she is. Maybe she sees gossip as a way to bond with you or she wants to know what you think as a way to get to know what you value in a friend. Try to steer your conversations away from gossip, and your friendship should grow beyond this.
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tell her you don't really enjoy talking on the phone for a long time. i don't really like the phone that much either, so when people call all the time i always tell them that i don't really like talking on the phone and i thnk its kinda boring. and i reallllyyy think you should help your friend stop gossiping. its gotten me into a LOT of trouble and i encourage you not particapating in it.
i hope i helped :]
Jess
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I'd advise you to just tell her you're not much of a 'talking on the phone' kind of person. If you want to be blunt, you can just tell her straight up that she comes on a little too strong and she needs to distance herself from you a little. If you're looking to sugar coat it, you can say that YOU need to be distanced a little, so you can focus on some more things in your life (school, family, etc.). Either way, you definitely have to talk to her, or she's not going to change.
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