about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

My bf is a stubborn jerk, to be blunt. Well for starters he got mad at me the last time I phoned him becuase it was before 6 pm. He moved away to another province 6 weeks ago for a job. He hasnt phoned me or emailed me since then. I also suspect he was annoyed becuase I didnt sound more upset that he was moving.
Everyone has warned me about long distant relationships, and I used to think me and my bf could do it. But now I can see what they were warning me about.
I cannot believe that my bf hasnt even wished me a merry xmas yet! Or bought me a gift and sent it in the mail!!
So my question is should I wait for him to email me or should I?

I don't see anything wrong with sending him a short email. Just something saying you hope he's okay because you haven't heard from him and wish him happy holidays. Between moving and a new job, he may have been too busy to call or write. I wouldn't give him forever though. A relationship, especially a long distance one, needs communication to survive. If he doesn't write or call soon, you might want to move on. Good luck.

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I have a few questions, here. Thanks in advance!

I've tried eating fruits for a meal (Like apples), but minutes later, I'm hungry again! This doesn't make sense to me. Why does this happen?

Also, I don't like many veggies. Are there any vegetables that actually TASTE GOOD? I can't stand broccoli.

Last question! If you want to lose weight, is it REQUIRED to decrease the intake of carbs? I'm a very picky eater, and most of the food I eat has carbs.

The apple may not be enough for your body. Try eating some cheese with the apple. The protein in the cheese will help stabilize your blood sugar keeping it from dropping and making you hungry again in a few minutes. Another option is eating a fruit salad. That gives you the health benefits of eating fruit but at a larger serving that's more filling.


I also can't stand vegetables. The ones I do like are corn, peas and carrots. Have you tried a salad to get your veggies? Another option is to try preparing the veggies in a different way. For example, I hate zucchini, but love zucchini bread. With a little experimentation, you may find a way that you like your veggies.


The low-carb diet is one of the many diets out there today. It varies by person whether it will work or not. Since you like carbs, I think the best thing for you would be to balance your diet, making sure to include meat, fruits and veggies. Another thing to watch is serving size. We tend to eat more than what is actually considered a serving. A serving of fruit or veggies should be about the size of your fist. A serving of pasta is about the size of a scoop of ice cream. A serving of meat is about the size of a deck of cards. A serving of cheese is about the size of your thumb.

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I had the worst day. I found out this morning that one of my friends died in her sleep at her parents. I hadnt talked to her in a long time so I felt a lot of guilt. I also had to phone another friend who had a falling out with her 6 months ago and she felt so guilty she spent the whole day crying.
The funeral is on wednesday morning and I can't go because I have to work. So I spent 40 dollars to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to the funeral.
I also stubbed my toe, slammed my finger in a door, and got my period today. I don't have a bf to comfort me and all my other friends are too upset over the death of our friend to talk to me. Is there something that I could do to make myself feel better about this situation? I thought that by getting the flowers I would feel better but I only feel worse. And how can I get undepressed? It's right before Xmas and I don't want to ruin the holidays for my family.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know it hurts right now, but it will get better over time. Sometimes there's not much you can do other than sit down and have a good cry.


Try to get some friends together and have a memorial service for your friend. Go around the group and have everyone share a good memory of your friend. Plant a flower or a tree in her memory. A friend of mine died two months ago and we had a memorial service and planted flowers. It helped everyone to remember the good time and gave us all some closure.


It's common to feel guilt when a friend dies that you've lost touch with. To this day, I'm kicking myself for not spending more time with my friends that are now gone. Sit down and write your friend a letter telling her how you feel or visit her grave and tell her. I know it sounds odd, but it can help. To this day, whenever thoughts of friends that are gone get to me, I visit their graves. People may think I'm crazy talking to myself, but it helps.


Remember that you're friend is in a better place now and is watching over you. My thoughts are with you.

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I'm married, and my husband and I rent a house from my parents. I'm 20, and my husband is 21. They've been pretty generous by offering us the house over other renters, and giving us a lower rent. They insist of holding a copy of the house key for emergencies, which is fine with me.

Here's the problem. Lately, they've been letting themselves in without knocking. After my husband and I come home from work and put the baby in bed, we tend to sit around...not completely clothed. More than once now, they've caught us like this; once just walking around naked and twice being intimate.

But maybe worse, they let themselves in when we're not home. I don't think they mean any harm, but they come in, look around, borrow our stuff, and clean.

I'm afraid that they'll find something they don't like and kick us out. I feel that we're adults, and we pay rent, so we deserve some privacy. Am I right that we should have privacy? If so, how should I go about talking to my parents? I don't want to make them feel bad, since I think they're just trying to help.

I think you're right to expect some privacy. However, because it's your parents, this will have to be handled with tact to avoid hurt feelings.


I would sit down with your parents or maybe just your mother. First, I would thank them for their generosity and help. Then, I would gently explain that you would like some privacy. Tell them you would like some private time with your husband and child. Ask that they call before visiting so they don't catch you in a position that's potentially embarassing for all of you. Since they've already walked in on you before, I'm sure they will understand the necessity of that. Since they are probably lonely and wanting to visit with you, try setting aside a night or two a week to invite them over. It will help to make them feel welcome, but on a basis that you're all comfortable with.


Since they also come in when you're not home, you need to talk about that as well. Make sure they understand that you don't mind them borrowing something, but you would like to be aware of it beforehand. It can sometimes be inconvenient when you need something and it's gone. As for the cleaning, unless you are willing to take that on yourself, there isn't much you can do. If you are willing, tell your parents that you appreciate the help, but you would like to try to run your house by yourself.


Good luck. I hope this works out for you.

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Snow is a whole new conception to me, so does anyone have any tips at all about jogging during the winter through the snow, ice, and slush?

Or, is it as simple as "carefully", or "don't"?

You can jog through the winter. It just requires a little caution. Dress warmly in layers so you can take things off if you get hot. Make sure to wear clothes that breathe such as cotton so your clothes aren't sticking to your body if you sweat. Try shoes that have a lot of tread and grip. Snow often hides the ice beneath and you don't want to be skiing on your jog. Good luck.

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I am having friends for dinner this weekend, and one women is not allowed ANY dairy in her diet. (She is a new mom and is breastfeeding-and for some reason can't have dairy). I can not figure out what kind of dessert to serve. It can't contain butter, chocolate, or milk. Any ideas?

Try angel food cake with a fruit glaze. Another option is a fruit salad. A sorbet is also a good option. If you have a health food store nearby, try there. They often sell products made with soy rather than milk. Personally, I find the taste of soy ice cream great.


You can find some non-dairy dessert recipes at the links below. The second link is a dairy-free cheesecake.
http://dessert.allrecipes.com/directory/2461.asp
http://www.recipezaar.com/recipe/getrecipe.zsp?id=85078

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Well I'm a 16 year old girl.


I usually have a huge appetite and I would eat enough for about two or three people my age but for the last month I have had no appetite at all. My friends think I'm going anorexic but I'm not. I want to eat like I used to but I'm never hungry. It has been 5 weeks since I lost my appaetite and I see no signs of it coming back soon. My friends and I are getting worried because I have now lost almost 7 pounds and I was originally at the healthy weight of 124. I don't know what to do. I talked to my counselor and she told me to go to the docotr but I just went to the docotr about three weeks ago because my throat was looking really bad and hurting. She also told me to eat healthy when I do eat and for the most part I do. When I eat I usually eat like a few bites of a sandwich or a small amount of pasta or a piece of fruit. I just don't know what to do. My friends think I might be developing an eating disorder but I don't think so.

I would make another trip to the doctor. They need to determine what is causing you to lose your appetite. If the doctor says the same thing, I would recommend getting a second opinion. Something is causing you to lose your appetite. Until they figure out what it is, I think there is a possibility that this will continue.


To keep healthy until they determine what's going on, you may want to try drinking Ensure or Boost as well as taking a multivitamin. This will help make sure your body is getting the needed vitamins and minerals.

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i wanna do something for the childrens hospital for christmas.. i know its too late now but im thinking about next year. has anyone ever done anything like this? if u have, how did u get started and get donations? any help would be appreciated.. thanks

I applaud your generosity and community spirit.


First, you need to speak with whoever is over the children's hospital to make sure that whatever you decide will be okay. There may still be time to do something this year, even if it's on a small scale.


Personally, I think a toy or card drive would be wonderful. Another option is a Christmas dinner for the families. When a child is sick, many times families skip holiday dinners so they can focus on the child instead of all the holiday preparations. You can also do Christmas caroling.


For help, you can contact your local service clubs (Kiwanis, Lions, Rotary, etc). They may be able to offer help with planning and maybe even donations. Sometimes local schools will offer help as well. Local churches are another option.


For a toy drive, once you have the planning part out of the way, try contacting your local stores. A lot of times they will donate items for charities such as this. For the card drive, talk to the principal at your local elementary school. This may be something the children can participate in. For the dinner, visit your local grocery stores. They will often donate food items as well. For caroling, get together a group of friends or speak to whoever is over your church or school choir.


Good luck. I wish you the best with this endeavor to brighten others' lives.

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My son got married to a young woman who is the oldest of 8 children. His wife Penny is a wonderful young woman but her mother has these 8 children ages 3, 15, 16, 17, 19, 21, 23, 26 have several different father's and their mother always depended on the oldest daughter to handle everything. Now that this daughter is gone the whole family is falling apart. The mother goes gambling every night and the 3 year old is left alone. Last night my son and his wife Penny went over and the 3 year old little boy was in is under pants alone in the basement with a party going on on the top floor with the teenagers. He was cold and hungry. My son does not know what to do as they are expecting their own child in two weeks and really did not want to take on this child. I can not sleep thinking about this child and if I say the word I am sure the mother will say great - you can take care of this child for the next 18 years. I am 57 and have recently quit work to take care of my 86 year old mother. My husband and I are quite comfortable financially but taking on a child is quite a committment. I have an entire play room with a bed and many toys for my grandchildren. This child does not even have his own bed but sleeps with his mother in a basement room that does not even have a closet or a set of drawers. The house is an unbelievable disaster and would probably win the award for the messiest house contest. I have not been able to sleep all night or for the last couple of days thinking about this child. I am thinking of phoning the mother and telling her that we can take the little boy for a while if she wants that but I think that it might be a very long while. My husband thinks that it would be okay to take him but that the mother might fall apart more if she does not have this one to look after. What do you suggest?

I always find it sad to hear about situations like this. Since the child isn't being taken care of, someone needs to step in. Are there any other family members or siblings that can take the child? Would your daughter-in-law be willing to help if you took in her little brother? I'm not sure that the mother would fall apart more because it appears that she doesn't take care of the child to begin with.


Has anyone spoken to the mother about her gambling problem? I dealt with a mother with a gambling problem throughout my teens. My sisters and I all left home before we were 18, with me taking responsibility of the youngest sister. It was when my mother realized she was losing her family that she realized she had a problem and sought help. Many do not realize that they have a problem until someone points it out or they notice their family falling apart. I'm including a link to gamblers anonymous in case you decide to recommend a local meeting to the mother.
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/


Personally, I would call child protective services. What the mother is doing is neglect. The children, all of them in the home, need to be taken care of. They deserve to grow up in a safe, nurturing environment. They may be able to arrange for the child to be put in your home until the mother has beat her gambling problem.

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So I've had my license for a while now (almost a year) and I'm a good driver except when I'm in the car with my mother.


I know all parents get ire when their children start driving but she takes it to a whole new level. She points out the tiniest mistake and then lectures me about it until I make my next one. She gets so uptight while I'm driving with her that after a while I pay more attention to her than to the road. When that happens, I make even more mistakes which lead her to talk and lecture even more.


And it's not even mistakes that she points out to me. It's also what she thinks might me a future mistake. Like, "There's a red light ahead, make sure you don't run it!" or "Don't hit that truck coming the opposite way!" Like I'm blind and I can't see an OBVIOUS red light or a huge 2 ton yellow truck comming my way!


I know she means well but it makes me nerves and I can't drive.


I've asked her to try to just let me drive and it worked...for 2 days. And after the 2 days, we were right back where we started. Any Ideas?

Sit down with your mom outside of the car and tell her that her remarks while you're driving make you nervous and make it difficult for you to concentrate on driving. Maybe if she sees that her remarks are taking your attention away from the road, she will lighten up on them.


My mom was like that when I first started driving until I told her I couldn't focus on her and the road. After that, she didn't remark on my driving unless there was something serious that I didn't appear to notice or I asked a question.


Good luck.

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if you have urin test. when it comes back would they be able to see if you were pregnant even if they weren't looking for it and would they tell you?

Unless they're specifically testing for pregnancy on the urine test, they won't be able to tell. They have to test specifically for pregnancy to be able to see if you're pregnant.

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My girlfriend and I live togehter and we both believe she is pregnant. She was told by her doctor years ago that she has endometriosis and that she coold not have kids. We had a scare several months back. She took 5 at home pregnancy test. 3 came back positive and 2 were negative. 2 weeks later she had her monthly cycle. She is now late again 2 months. She again has taken at home tests. All 5 have come back positive. We are pretty certain that she is but need a doctors blessing before we tell our families. Problem is that she has no insurance until mid January 06'. We cannot go through the holidays without letting our parents know. Do you know of any places close to or in Geneva IL. where we can get a doctors exam that will not cost us over $100. I have called several OBGYN offices and with no insurance it will cost atleast $135-$175.00.

Go the local health department or planned parenthood office. Some cities also have pregnancy clinics. Most should be able to offer you free or low-cost testing so you can be sure. If she is pregnant, they can also help with prenatal care until her insurance starts. Good luck.

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ok my dad does weed and i just know my mom does it too. and well they are always saying how much they hate people that do drugs and here they do it. well i hear that if your parents smoke and stuff well the kids are liable to start and well i smoke ciggaretts and my parents dont know about it. my point is will i start doing drugs since they do? an help will work thanks jennie

Just because your parents do something doesn't necessarily mean you have to. Why do you smoke? Really think about that question. Genetics does play a big role in our lives, but there's always things that we can do to change. You always have the power to break the cycle if you stand strong.

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This is going to sound dumb. But every once and a while i get this really sharp pain right under my left boob like behind the rib cage. and it hurts so bad i cant breath. it knocks the wind out of me n i can't move, but this literally 15 seconds later its fine. it use to happen like every couple of months. but its been happening a lot this week.
wtf is this? lol i never bothered to ask anyone cause it didnt happen a lot. but now its becoming more frequent. any one else get this?

I would talk to your parents about going to the doctor for a checkup. It may be nothing, but it's better to be safe and get checked in case it's something else. Good luck.

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hey. since last week, my 3 partners and i knew about the spanish project, which is to "reteach" a chapter to the class within 40 minutes. So, i went home and typed up a plan for us to follow and a packet for the class to do. but once i showed my group, they thought: "yeah its good. we should all do extra worksheets, though, for each topic". and i KNEW that that would not work. last year i had the same project, and my group ran out of time and we were rushing through everything and yeah. well they didnt think we would run out of time. anyways, last weekend i asked if they wanted to go over what we were going to do and they said no. the same thing happened when i asked if they wanted to do it after school this week. well now tomorrow none of us know what we're doing (tomorrow is when we present) and i have tried to get us together to work on it! what do i do? this is a TEST GRADE!

I would talk to your teacher and explain what's going on. A group project is supposed to be worked on by everyone in the group, not just one person. Since you've done all the work, perhaps she'll let you present the project alone.

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I'm thinking of going on birth control, and I'm just wondering what works best. I've heard you can gain up to 15 pounds, and I really can't afford that (I'm an actress and a dancer). Also, I don't have a ton of money and I can't have my mom find out. Any cheap pills that don't have a million side effects?

Not all women gain weight while on birth control. I was dieting when I started birth control so I never gained a pound. I have a friend who also never gained weight even though she wasn't dieting.


All birth control has side effects. However, just because it has a side effect doesn't mean it will necessarily have one for you. I would visit your local health department or planned parenthood office. They can better explain your options and help you get the birth control that's right for you. They tend to be free or low-cost so it wouldn't be expensive for you. Just be aware that you may have to try a couple different pills before you get the one that's right for you. If you do have side effects, contact the person that prescribed them to you and they will usually switch you to a different kind.

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I have this friend andi wrote her and her new best friend a note saying u do everything together and i think i got them really mad at me and now when i say im sry they just say shut up and she tells people she doesnt want to be my friend anymore

what should i do?

A friend that doesn't consider your feelings isn't a good friend in my opinion. The fact that you wrote the note says to me that you were trying to save your friendship. You shouldn't have to apologize for the note. You have every right to be upset about being excluded. Personally I would drop this friend and find someone who is a true friend and cares about how you feel. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but a true friend wouldn't do what you've said here.

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I have a huge problem.....I'm a failure at everything in life . All my previous friends have told me so and my whole family is CONSTANTLY telling me that I'm a failure. Even people who don't know me personally, tell me that I'm a failure when they hear about me. So , what they're saying (that I'm a failure) is true, since so many people have told me the same thing. Before, hearing that statement would motivate me to work really hard. And it would work because I would achieve my goals, temporarily. Now, whenever anyone tells me I'm a failure, it doesn't motivate me anymore. Instead, I get really sad and stay in my room alone and cry. I even skip going to college because I'm so sad and don't want to be annoyed by anymore people telling me the same thing. I already have depression and am taking medication for it, so hearing this statement from people doesn't help. Now my question is: HOW DO I GET OVER THIS? HOW DO I MOITIVATE MYSELF AND STAY MOTIVATED? HOW DO I PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT I'M NOT A FAILUTRE? Sorry for the long letter. Please, no smart alecs.

First off, you're not a failure. Everyone is good at something. The trick is figuring out exactly what that is. For example, from your letter here, I see that you're articulate and write well. Also, just because you don't get something on the first try doesn't make you a failure. Finding the courage to try again makes you a winner in my book.


I would speak to your doctor. You may need a change in medication. Sometimes it takes a couple different tries with medication to find the one that's right for you. I would also consider visiting student services about counseling. Most colleges offer students free counseling on campus.


I think the remarks are part of the problem. Is there any way you can talk to those making the remarks to get them stopped? Can you try to ignore the remarks? Sady, if someone is told something enough, they start to believe it. The people around you should be encouraging you, not knocking you down.


As to proving you're not a failure, that's something you need to do for yourself, not everyone else. No matter how hard we try, someone is always not going to like something about us. It's human nature. The more important person to worry about pleasing here is yourself.

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I've never been a big fan of my nose and I've always thought that if I got plastic surgery, I would look a million times better. I don't want anything huge - just that little bump that some people have in the middle of their nose removed and straightened - but my parents are both against it because of the risks. What kinds of risks are there, exactly, with very minor plastic surgery like this? I understand that it could possibly go wrong but if I go to a surgeon that I KNOW is a good surgeon, wouldn't that eliminate that risk?

Thank you.

There is always some risk, even with minor elective surgery. No one knows how your body will react to the anesthesia, the procedure, or any medications prescribed afterwards. Even a good plastic surgeon could run into problems during the procedure because of how your body reacts. There is also a risk of infection as with any surgery.

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what do you think would be a better present to get for my friend in the uk? its out of a book that hes wanted for a while, or a shirt that says Canada on it. i thought that might be a bit cheesy, but i'm not sure. i could buy him a cd but i'm not sure which ones he has. so which to buy.. ?

thanks

Since you know he's been wanting the book for a while, I would go for it. I don't consider books a cheesy gift if the person likes them. I love to read and like getting books as gifts. To make it more personal, include a short note telling your friend how much you value his friendship.

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