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My Friend Died and I'm Depressed
I had the worst day. I found out this morning that one of my friends died in her sleep at her parents. I hadnt talked to her in a long time so I felt a lot of guilt. I also had to phone another friend who had a falling out with her 6 months ago and she felt so guilty she spent the whole day crying.
The funeral is on wednesday morning and I can't go because I have to work. So I spent 40 dollars to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to the funeral.
I also stubbed my toe, slammed my finger in a door, and got my period today. I don't have a bf to comfort me and all my other friends are too upset over the death of our friend to talk to me. Is there something that I could do to make myself feel better about this situation? I thought that by getting the flowers I would feel better but I only feel worse. And how can I get undepressed? It's right before Xmas and I don't want to ruin the holidays for my family.
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Wow. First of all, sorry to hear your friend died.
Well, to get over it, you need time and fun. After a few days or weeks, go out and party (or do whatever you do to have fun.)
Dont feel guilty. Its not your fault she died. You didnt know she was going to die, so you couldnt have known to talk to her. And its not your fault you have work and cant make it to the funeral.
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awee thats soo sad, but if i were you i would tell your boss that a close friend died and thats its very important to you if your there. if they dont understand thats not right, but i would still go anyways . a funeral is a really important thing to attend it helps with the closure of someones death well im really, very sorry about your friend, i hope everything goes okay and i hope i helped Mariahhhhx3
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I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know it hurts right now, but it will get better over time. Sometimes there's not much you can do other than sit down and have a good cry.
Try to get some friends together and have a memorial service for your friend. Go around the group and have everyone share a good memory of your friend. Plant a flower or a tree in her memory. A friend of mine died two months ago and we had a memorial service and planted flowers. It helped everyone to remember the good time and gave us all some closure.
It's common to feel guilt when a friend dies that you've lost touch with. To this day, I'm kicking myself for not spending more time with my friends that are now gone. Sit down and write your friend a letter telling her how you feel or visit her grave and tell her. I know it sounds odd, but it can help. To this day, whenever thoughts of friends that are gone get to me, I visit their graves. People may think I'm crazy talking to myself, but it helps.
Remember that you're friend is in a better place now and is watching over you. My thoughts are with you.
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First of all, I want to express my sympathies to you and your friends on the loss of your friend. The loss of anyone close to us, or who has been close to us, is never easy and we have to allow ourselves to go through different stages of grieving. This site [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) is wonderful in explaining the different stages of grief and how one can cope with those stages. (Note: Scroll down the page because there are a bunch of ads for books at the top.)
You need to know that guilt is a normal and common stage of grief. I don't think we ever feel that everything was done "right" before the death of someone who dies. I also believe that we all have things that feel as though they are unresolved with the deceased person and that, of course, brings on the guilt feelings.
Not talking to a friend for a while or having an argument that isn't necessarily resolved are normal happenings in life. Most of us can feel guilty about those kinds of things withOUT the other person dying. If the other person should die, then that guilt only becomes more pronounced and exacerbated. It is exacerbated because we feel as though there should have been something we could have done. Could haves, should haves, etc. - try hard not to focus on those things. It is all in the past.
All of you need to allow yourselves to FEEL any of the feelings that are cropping up now...even guilt. If you let yourselves go through the normal stages of grief, they will pass more easily and you'll be able to move on. You need to remember that your deceased friend had not talked to you for a while; it wasn't just you who didn't talk to her. You were both participants in busy lives that kept you from keeping in contact as often as you now wish you had. Your friend who had the falling out with this girl/woman needs to remember that a falling out involves two people. She obviously was not the only one who was involved in that falling out. This is not to say that either of you should look at your deceased friend in a bad way. I am only trying to point out that you guys were not doing these things you feel so guilty about alone.
I feel sure that all the things that happened to you physically have to do with a feeling of surreal circumstances. Meaning, since something so traumatic does not feel quite real yet, it is common to walk around in sort of a daze. For instance, this daze then allows for you to not be overly aware of your surroundings. Your period could have started because it was time - you didn't say. Or it could have started early (?) because of the stress you are feeling. Whatever the case, having your period start when you're already feeling fragile and vulnerable is hard. Menstruation is not exactly a comfortable thing for any woman to go through. If there is something stressful going on, the side effects of menstruation may be worse because your mind and body are going through such turmoil.
I would guess that you felt worse after sending the flowers to the funeral home because you are feeling as though you "should" be going to the funeral. Funerals are ways for the living to say good-bye. Sometimes people go out of respect for the families of the deceased, but in my opinion they are much more for people who feel they must be in the presence of the deceased so that they can say good-bye. Well, I haven't attended many funerals in my life, by choice. My way of saying good-bye is very private and I need that privacy for my own healing. This is NOT to say that you or your friends should hole up in your homes and grieve alone. I'm just saying that there are different ways to say, "Good-bye."
My suggestion to you and your friends is that you get together in someone's home or at a favorite restaurant (even a favorite restaurant of the girl who died). Instead of focusing on what all of you wish you had done or hadn't done, focus on all the things you really admired/liked about your friend. Express good memories and happy times. Light a candle for her - white usually is a symbol of spirituality, light and goodness; pink is usally a symbol of love...you could light one of each color. Have a silent moment as the candle (or candles) is lit. You could do this at the beginning of your get together or at the end, as a way to say good-bye while imagining her encircled in the light of God, happy and free, and knowing that there is love pouring forth from all of you. She will know this. Believe me. Another thing that my friends and I have done is to write a short prayer for someone and then "let it go into the universe" by burning it. Fire is a way to cleanse and to release. By burning a prayer or something you want your deceased friend to know (even an apology if you feel that is necessary), you are releasing it in a spiritual way and more often than not a sense of relief comes over the person who is "letting go" of whatever they are wanting to say. Cry together. Laugh together. Share together. Sometmes having little "rituals" can make us feel better. A good-bye ritual that is created solely by you and your friends for your other friend will be special and memorable. If this idea sounds weird to you, just remember that funerals are rituals in and of themselves. They're just a different way for people to say good-bye.
You are not apt to get "undepressed" in a snap. Again, you will want to allow yourself to go through all the feelings you have so that you can let them go. Take bubble baths and listen to favorite music. Pamper yourself right now. Take care of yourself so that you don't fall into a deeper depression. You and your friends may find that talking together will be enough, but if it isn't, then maybe all of you could use some grief counseling from either a Grief Support group or if you're in school, a school counselor. One of the things I think many people fall into is that they feel they shouldn't speak of the dead. That it will make others uncomfortable...as well as the person who really wants to speak. However, it usually works the opposite way. Speaking of your friend should be able to help all of you to release some of these pent up emotions.
I know you are worried about how you're feeling right now so near Christmas. I understand. If your Christmas and your celebration of it are a little more low key than usual, please try to give yourself permission - it's okay. Talk to your family and I'm sure they will understand as well. But try to make this Christmas special instead of a horrid one to remember. On Christmas Eve and/or Day, light another candle for your friend. Focus on the real meaning of Christmas - the new birth. Your friend is now experiencing her new birth in another sort of way. Wish her well with her new life. Tell her that you miss her. This Christmas, give your friend your gift of love and then release her to a new and better life.
I know you will come through all of this all right even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Go easy on yourself. I seriously doubt that your friend left this earth with any ill will towards anyone.
So, again, I'm so sorry for your loss. But all of you can try to make this time a time for forgiveness (especially of yourselves) and love. It will also probably be very good for all of you still here because it will give you the chance to appreciate what you have in each other.
My best wishes are with all of you...as well as for your friend who has moved on.
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I know this has to be a hard time for you right now and that's why you stubbed your toe, slammed your finger and got your period. You are under a great deal of stress due to your friendâ??s death, which is completely understandable. I've lost people in my life and I know how devastating this is. Your body is on HIGH ALERT right now so it is extremely necessary for you to do things to bring your stress level down. You and your friends will all probably come down with colds. There is nothing I can do for you emotionally. This is something that you do have to work through on your own. You and your friends could use some grief counseling. Contact your school or church for some suggestions. They usually have a list of things that will help you in the emotional sense. Until then what you might try is being the beacon among you and your friends. Call them and suggest y'all do something like go to a movie. At first they may not want to, but if you keep at it eventually they will. It's perfectly normal to want to isolate yourselves during times of stress. It's just not the best choice. It's ok if you go to a movie or simply go shopping this gives your body a break from the stress it is undergoing. Tell your friends that it is for their own good to get out of the house for a while. Eventually they will join you and y'all will start talking about things and can then work through things together. Another thing you and your friends should do right now (I know this will be hard) is eat right. I'm not talking McDonalds or Burger King. I am saying that while your body is going through this stress you have to be extra good to it. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. This will help your body obtain the vitamins and minerals it needs so it can handle this undue stress. It also helps in keeping your body clean which helps you feel better. Take a lot of vitamin C all through the day. This contributes to your immune system functioning correctly. Your body is now in a "fight or flight" stress alert. Your body is confused as to where the threat is coming from. So, it is in high gear. All the solders are in line and ready for an attach. These solders are at such a high stress alert that they stumble or even attach you. They have to do something they are antsy, so, they start to clean house which then brings on cold symptoms. The mucus formation is the bodies way to rid itself of toxins. Our bodies are riddled with toxins. We get them through the foods we eat, the air we breathe, and the water we drink (if you drink from a tap). These toxins are stored in our fatty tissue. This is why most people come down with colds during times of high stress. Eating well, taking vitamins (especially C), and drinking lots of water throughout the day will keep your body functioning clearly. This will help you stay healthy during all of this. One comment about vitamin C I want to make. Try to take it all throughout the day. If you start having loose bowel movement it will be because of too much vitamin C. If this occurs simply back down one pill (serving). What you end up with is the perfect amount to take during this stressful time. And take it. It will make a huge difference to how you feel physically. You canâ??t overdose on vitamin C so donâ??t worry about that. But, if you experience the symptoms I described earlier back down on your intake some. Also, adding calcium and magnesium would be of great help to you now. It will help you feel calmer and you will sleep better at night too. I wish you the best of luck during this time of loss. If I could be of further assistance to you feel free to contact me. Iâ??ve included some websites for you to go to. They are support groups and most of them are forums like Advicenators. This might be a great place for you to express your grief. Good luck!
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Namaste,
LULABELLE
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Heyy hun
Awww I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's death.
Because of your friend's death, you can't really feel not depressed.
You feel this way because you care alot about your friend.
Go take a bubble bath even though anything you do won't help much.
It takes time.
If you need anything or some one to talk to you can IM me on XXMiSZJUCiiXX anytime.
♥
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