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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I have this guy friend who I met on a game online 5 years ago. Even though the game shut down, our communication continues (not that communication that we talked everyday). We never meet because we're far from each other and we had phone calls maybe 3 years ago together with some friends.

Then 2014, I studied to a place that he can reach, but still we never meet. During my vacation (december 2015), we became closer, we chat 24/7. Then new years, he said he likes me, and I don't feel the same. He said that its okay and lets stay the same but everything's awkward. Then he's asking if we can meet. I refused because (1) i never meet someone I met online (2) he likes me (3) I'm an introvert. No one's initiating the conversation and I actually want to talk with him since I'm attached and I don't have other someone to tell whats happening with my life. I stalked his social medias everyday. Should I talk with him? Or should I block him, so I can stop myself from stalking? Or just do nothing?

I don't see a problem. If he's no longer initiating conversation, then thats a good thing, it means he's given up on having you as a girlfriend. You want just a friend and unfortunately when two peoples feelings differ like that, there is no way to really just remain friends.
You did say that you are an introvert and so you are most likely a lonely person. You also say you have no one to talk to about whats going on in your life. So in your lonliness, be careful who you reach out to for just having someone to talk to. If its someone of the opposite sex who switches from friendship feelings to wanting more or someone from the start who wants a dating relationship and you don't, then do not initiate anything more with such a person if you have said you don't feel the same way.

TO do so, is a way of 'using' another person to fill your needs when you really don't want to give them what they want in return. To contact him could give him false hope and make him think you changed your mind when all it really would be is a form of leading him on when you have no plans to get into a relationship with him.

If you get really sick and tired of being so shy and having difficulty making friends, then you'll come to a place of being ready to do something about it and when you are, write back to this site asking us all how to do so. I don't feel that being introverted means not having friends but having issues with social anxieties definitely is. I used to be introverted and had social anxieties, once I took care of getting rid of anxieties, in HS I had friends tho still an introvert. Later in life, I became more outgoing so that I am now half and half, extrovert at times and others times I lapse for brief times into my quieter self. Its more of a personality thing, introvert and extrovert. I was able to be more outgoing all along but didnt know it cus of the anxieties. Don't use this guy just for someone to talk to, find others. And more than just one person. If you have only one friend, that friend will be carrying the whole load of being your only outlet for conversation and that might become too overwhelming for a person and make them pull back, so the goal is to become a little more outgoing, make a handful of friends, not just one. I wish you the best.

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So, Throughout my entire life I have been a pretty quiet boy, sticking to myself and my close friends and that is about it. I enjoy playing video games and sports with a group of close friends, and outside of that my other social expiriences are pretty limited, especially when it pertains to a female. However, at my High School (I'm a junior, 17) there is a Sadie Hawkins dance, ( a sadie hawkins is a less formal dance, where the girl is supposed to ask the guy). Now, if this were like prom, you wouldn't see me near the school and it would not cross my mind once to ask anyone, but since its vice versa now I'm fair game. And what I thought might happeened, a girl asked me. And I can't say no to that, so I said yes. But the problem lies in that I a. have never been to a dance and don't know how to act b. can't dance like at all c. the "group" I'm supposed to go with I know litterally no one. I'm not a social butterfly, and the opportunity to meet new people and go to a dance does not appeal to me in the slightest, in fact I would rather be stuck in a plane to europe with donald and hilary then go to this dance. So the advice I am asking for is what to do, how to get myself ready for this social trek, what to talk about maybe" I am pretty lost on the subject and none of my friends are going bc they didn't get asked. Thank you for any response and fml.

Hurray for what advice man said, it saves me the typing cus my sentiments are exactly the same.
As to not knowing how to act at a dance or with a female, the best way to learn is to just get out there and do it, its called the school of hard knocks because you will learn but part of your learning will be from making mistakes and hopefully learning from them to not repeat the next time.
One thing that has relaxed me when starting something I don't know, and yes even meeting people is to admit that I am nervous and have no experience but I am willing to learn. Facing ones fear of looking dumb or stupid as far as lack of knowledge is the fastest way to make that fear go away. So as to how it translates to you, I would let the girl know that you are happy she asked you out, thank her (cus this is an opportunity for you to learn social skills) and let her know you haven't really dated or talked to girls much so you have little experience and may say and do some things wrong. Ask her to please forgive you ahead of time as its not on purpose but due to lack of knowledge and you welcome her letting you know if anything you've done is not proper and to let you know what she would like, even as to what subject to talk about.
Then with dancing, I know many guys who can't dance and those who said they couldn't. But you don't have to be a star dancer, if you can recognize a beat and tap a foot to it, then you can bop to a beat while pretty much standing in place. If thats still a bit too much for you, then consider just the slow dances. You get to hold the girl close, let her rest her head on your shoulders if she likes and just sway from side to side slowly in place and maybe slowly turn in a semi circle as you do it. Don't watch your feet as you make more mistakes that way. Worst case scenerio is if you keep stepping on her feet, say sorry and dont give up, tell her to stand with her toes on top of your feet and you will be taking steps for both of you and getting used to that can be fun and hopefully will have you relaxing and laughing. good luck

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I just had dreamt recently, 10 minutes ago. Itvwas so strange that I was able to read and write something. It was a name. The scenario was like this. I happened to walk into a steet in the town where there were people being so busy. So I went to fish something from the commotion. There was someone who was found dead. Then everyone rushed into the bus and so then I went. Someone noticed that the dead body was left in the house so someone asked me to go back and see if the body was there. I went back home. I was walking when I was directed into another dimension where I was in a boat in the midst of the ocean. A girl was drowning and I immediately saved her. But before I dragged her almost close to my small boat, the dead guy approached us and gave us a stare then he said that I would meet her soon. (The ocean was like of in the Sicily, I haven't been there but I've seen some photos). And then the scenario directed into the continuation of me going to the guy's home in a town to check his dead body. As I was near to the house, I was directed again but to my dad's house where he was sketching a big ship and the guy was standing beside him with 4 guys. I asked him why are you here again, he said you'd need this in life. I told my dad that the guy is dead and said yes he is and I looked at his side, and the guys left. There was a note left in the table saying, "I go back bus". While I was still holding my dad asked me in a hurried manner to write the name of the guy. I wrote it in the small sqaure pink paper. The name was "Dee Ross Bound". I even mistakenly wrote "de rose boud" and correcred me. I've read the name again in my dreams and then I accidentally woke up. What does this means? Please help me. Btw, I can control 80 percent of my dreams sometimes but not in this case. A year ago, my freind told me that you can't read something in your dreams and I asked my teacher and said yes it is impossible but you can write something. I'm confused plus what could it mean? Also about the boat and the girl, I'll be going in Italy in 2 years. And about the dead guy I don't have an idea about him. Please hear me out. Thank you. And sorry for some typos, I just had woke up.

I can only speak from personal experience as I am no expert on dreams. I have found that if it is a one time dream, no matter how detailed it was, it usually wasn't a message in it for me, only when it was the exact same dream over and over and over countless times. The same has happened to my sister. If a family or certain family members have any psychic abilities that come up occasionally but not consistantly, that too can be a message. My sister dreamt nightly for about 8 months of the devastion of Hurrican Katrina before it happened and once it happened the dreams disappeared. I used to dream of intruders trying to break into our house to kill us all however in the dream I was always a male instead of female, big brawny muscled guy with fighting ability. I had no weapons so I killed each one that gained entrance into our home by snapping their neck with my bare hands. That did not make any sense to me as a Christian at the time and bothered me since it involved killing people, even if to protect others, and the fact that I was a male was particularly disturbing too as I had no tendencies toward maleness in Real life and the church didn't support such a thing as gay people. I grew and went my own way spiritually later which included acceptance of all and belief in reincarnation. So when the dream occured again, with my new personal viewpoint, I now believed that I must have been a male in a past life, a warrior skilled at killing with his bare hands, although always done in self defense. Once I came to grips with this possibility and embraced it, the dreams stopped immediately and its been decades and I haven't had it again.
I can't say why you had this dream. Just keep a journal of it. Write down any others you get and see if they seem to be related. As in my own and my sisters dreams, even if we never figured them out, it wouldn't mess up our life, like missing a one time opportunity for something. Things of that importance most likely will be passed on to you in other ways than in dream which are much more symbolic and can sometimes not pertain to your own life or your current one. I wouldn't put too much worry or effort into solving it like a puzzle. I know this doesnt help you with your ques4tion, just hoping that you may decide to not let it trouble you so much after reading what I've shared.

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I'm female, 19 years old. I started college on the 19th, and have been feeling... rather horrible. That wasa Tuesday, and I was fine, then Wednesday came, and that night I felt like I was dying. I don't want to tell anyone because I'm not sure if I'm exaggerating, but I had this sudden... sadness overwhelm me at night, it was horrible. I went into the bathroom and the minute I was in I broke down and started crying like crazy, trying to keep quiet as I had my roommate sleeping in her room. I have had this feeling before but it was just so strong... I don't know how to describe it. I felt hollow, hopeless, and at some point, while in the shower, I had to sit down inside because it was too much. I have been feeling as if life has no meaning, like I don't really matter to anyone. I'm a pretty shy girl who doesn't make that many close friends, not even in my own English Department. I remembered it started when I considered going to the US to study Animation, and when I saw the trailer for Zootopia felt inspired and wanted to try applying; now for some reason every time I see the trailer for the movie I get that similar feeling inside. I'm not proud to say this, but I have considered suicide, only momentarily, just because I feel like... nothing really matters. I thought that it might've been a panic attack at first, as I'm prone to excessive worrying, but it was more emotional than physical in a way. Then, when I came home this weekend, I felt much better, which made me think I was just having nostalgia, making me extremely stupid. I can't depend on my family like that, it makes me feel like I need to grow out of it but I need my family. I love them. Right now I have to go back, which is two hours away from home, not that much compared to other people, but its making me have the worse turmoil of emotions that I simply hate. I can't travel to the US if I'm going to keep having these turmoils, but I feel like there really isn't a way to... I don't know, fix this. Another thing is that I'm worried about the money I would spend in an Animation program like that, meaning I'd have a lot of debts afterwards and I don't want to worry my parents like that. I think its also not healthy that I tend to space off into my imagination when facing these sort of emotions, its become a habit, like a defense mechanism and it kills me from the inside because I start wishing more and more for my fantasy worlds rather than reality, which brings me back to the suicide thoughts I think are terrible and hate myself for. Please, I don't know what to do anymore... it keeps happening over and over no matter how much I pray, exercise, try to have fun, district myself... what does it matter if I just keep going back to this?

Hon, what you are describing sounds like depression. There are two types, a temporary depression due to a terrible situation in ones life and usually thats a one time occurance and doesn't keep repeating often. Perhaps a year or so later, some other event might affect a person for a short while. Something like distorted thinking can bring on depression like this.
The other is clinical depression and though distorted thinking can bring it on, people with this depression will probably have it constant, for life and require being on medication.

I dont know what country you are in and what is offtered for help there but in the U.S. there is different help depending on the type of depression you have and how you respond to any treatment. Often, doctors still try to prescribe medication first which can have its own side effects that many patients don't like but should be better than suffering the depression without any help. However there is also another kind of treatment some Drs use here besides medication. These psychologists will attempt helping patients first using methods calls CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This method tends to work for both depression and anxiety disorders. I know it works because I used to have severe anxiety as a child and teen and finally asked for help and what worked for me was this CBT. If all attempts at CBT don't work, then there is still medication but many still live a happy life on medicine for depression. It would be best for you to see a Dr. Get some emotional support and tell your family. This doesnt mean you are broken or causing this yourself. You can't help it but its good to have others to encourage you to seek professional help. Don't do as my own daughter and fail to tell anyone or ask for help. She hid it well, crying in private like you, I never saw anything wrong and I was very involved in my childrens lives so your family and friends may not have a clue and yet be so willing to help support and encourage you to find a cure that works for you.
My daughter didn't ask for help until her condition got worse after the birth of her first child, having thoughts of killing herself and the child and it scared her enough to tell me and call her Dr. She was on meds for quite a time but eventually suffered side effects and instead of letting the Dr. know so to get a different prescription, she just stopped taking and got worse. No one has been able to convince her to see a Dr. again and for all I know, she's barely hanging in there as she doesnt communicate with family anymore, trying to live with this on her own. I hope you reach out for help.

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Hi,

You answered my previous question about being lonely and not feeling connected, and told me I could write to you to share more so you could be of more help.

I am going to address some of the things you mentioned in your answer as well as give more information about some things. So:

1. You suggest getting my family doctor to check my hormone levels. My family has a family doctor, but we only go to the doctor when we are due for immunizations, or if we are sick. It's never really been explained to me, but basically if we don't absolutely NEED to see the doctor, we don't. Which I don't understand, we live in Canada, don't we have free healthcare? Anyway, not sure getting hormone levels checked is really possible...and also if I mentioned thinking my hormone levels were out of whack to my mother, I would have to explain why I thought that was a possibility, and, no offence to you or this site, but this isn't exactly a reliable place for health information, and I"m not really supposed to be on any websites except for those necessary for homework and social media(even that is limited).

2. Relationships with family...this is really really complicated. I'll start with my brothers. They are 13 and 15. We used to get along really well; I still get along well enough with the 13 y/o, but the 15 y/o and I have not been getting along well recently. All he wants to do is play video games, and all he will talk to me about is video games(and I have almost no interest in video games). I listen, just to be nice and try to engage him, but I don't enjoy those conversations. He also seems to find a lot of pleasure in finding little things that will bug me a lot. For example, he found out what my least favourite song was and plays it just to annoy me. He puts his shoes on my part of the shoe mat in our entranceway. Stuff like that. Yeah...

Okay relationship with mom...it's pretty great, I mean compared to some of my friends I have a great relationship with my mom. However, there are some topics that I feel like are off limits for conversation with her, but I would really like to talk about, like: boys, my body, anything related to sex(probably because we are Christian), negative emotions(well I can talk about them, but she doesn't want me to go on and on, and kind of pushes them off a little), and questions about why our family does things the way we do. We do talk quite a bit about stuff that happens in my life and whatever...just some things seem to be not allowed

Okay the most complicated part is my relationship with my dad. He is a really great man, but we don't always get along great. He helps me with my homework, and if I ever want to play a board game or go for a walk, he is almost always available. But conversations with him are difficult, to say the least. Basically it feels like almost anything I say he will judge me for. I mean once I said that the sky was a pretty colour of blue and he responded in a negative manner. With him, there are DEFINITELY topics that are off-limits. Actually it's not just conversation topics... there's a lot of stuff off limits with him. He has a lot of rules, like my clothes can't be too tight, short, bright, low-cut....etc....and his idea of too tight/short/whatever is very different from mine and my mom's so I can't wear the kind of clothes that I like, the clothes that are in style...basically I'm wearing loose jeans with baggy t-shirts all the time and I feel like I look like a frumpy old lady...but that's not what I'm talking about here...anyway yeah my dad seems to have something against nearly every aspect of popular culture: fashion, books, movies, music....and I can't even mention any of those things in his presence without him criticizing me. There are so many things that I didn't even realize were outside his limits of what is "okay" until I mentioned them...now I am almost afraid to bring up topics other than like school or our plans for the weekend (well and a few other safe topics) because I am afraid that something I say will be outside of his morals and then he will criticize me and make me feel like I did something wrong, when most of the time what I said wasn't bad at all.... And he doesn't seem to understand my feelings sometimes too...Like the other day I was all excited because I had just been accepted to university, and I told him at supper, all excited like, and he was like "well getting in isn't the hard part".....like couldn't he at least be happy for me? It was a school that I didn't even want to go to, I only applied because he wanted me to!

3. I've realized that I do still feel like I connect with my friends, but only while I am actually talking to them. Whenever we actually have conversations, which isn't often because we are all so stressed because we have exams next week, but on the bus or once in a while at lunch, we do talk and I am happy and I love being with them. However, when I'm at home doing homework or in class without them or sitting at lunch watching them do homework, I just feel lonely.

4. Yes I definitely need a lot of one on one conversation. My problem is that I have so much schoolwork to do and a job and extracurriculars that I don't have time to talk to people, and when I do have time to talk, they don't have time for me.

5. I wonder if part of the problem could be the amount of stress I have at school right now. Exams are next week and I have a lot of studying to do. I am a good student, but I have to work pretty hard.

6. In the past I have kept a journal to record my feelings, but recently I have been too tired by the time I look at my journal to actually want to write anything. Also, I find it really hard to express myself briefly, so when I write in my journal, it often takes me like half an hour to get through all of my thoughts and then I am going to bed even later than I was going to (which was already too late).


Okay..that's a lot of information...I'm not sure it was all relevant, but it felt good to get it all out.

Thanks for taking the time to read my questions and look at them and think about my situation. I really appreciate it!

Thanks for your answers. I do believe most of it is all related.
You may be right that exams coming up at school are a part of the problem but I feel they are only secondary to the real issue here.
What I see as the key problem is that you have no one to talk to about any topic on your mind, to confide in, be able to be yourself in sharing your views, information or stories without fear of condemnation or such reactions.

You would have at least your friends to talk to a little but like you, they are all focused on studying for exams and not really available emotionally or conversationally to just freely chat without watching the time.

You dont have siblings to talk to even. No sisters, just brothers with one only wanting convo's related to gaming which is not going to satisfy your real need to relate to others in conversation.

The worst is having well meaning parents who love you and feel they are doing the right thing in how they are raising you but it does not meet the very basic needs of any teen girl.

I don't think badly of them. I used to be in their shoes with the Christian background and raising my kids by the standards the Church was teaching or at least strongly implying to all church members.

Heres a bit of my history to explain what I see as the problem based on what I have experienced.

I wasn't raised in a Christian home but as a teen decided to start attending a youth group and from there, married a guy in the church and continued on from there. I remember as a young adult going with husband as counselers to help at a church youth retreat one summer at a lake. It was hot and everyone was wearing summer wear and bathing suits. I wore a decent 2 piece but was shocked when church leaders approached my husband and told him to talk to me that as a counselor, I had to set a good example for the kids and what I wore was not acceptable for a Christian woman. It would cause young boys to have their thoughts stray to sex and basically...the church wanted to avoid anything they felt might cause a young man to have a hard on.

And this dear is the whole crux of a majority of the problems in the church, good intentions but way too misguided and impractical. What familys and church were trying to do was totally shield young boys from ever seeing or hearing anything that might make them horny, rather than teach them how to deal with it. Behind this all is the belief of no sex before marriage and that included masturbating. What they failed to see was how impractical this is because the boys would see girls at school, on the street, at the dentist office, the grocery store, in the park, dressed in ways that might make their bodies respond in the way God made our bodies to work.
They fear that our bodies reacting in a sexual way to what we see, even females, is a sin. It is something that we biologically can't control. But we can control our thoughts and know to remain faithful to remain a virgin despite how we get turned on, or remain faithful to a spouse. How a young girl is dressed by the way has nothing to do with protecting her from a twisted soul bent on raping women. A good portion of raped women were not dressed provocatively in any way and sometimes are even extremely plain in looks to elderly. My own daughters experienced similar problems, even with fellow Christian friends at school. I remember my middle daughter coming home upset saying her Christian friends didnt approve of her new top saying it was too revealing. Most her friends were heavy set while she was slender with a good size chest that couldnt be hid unless wearing a sack. This top had a scoop neck line that didn't end anywhere near her bra and the fabric didn't pull away from the body to allow glances down the shirt to see her bra or more of her chest. I never agreed with what the church had to say on sex and dating and dress codes but pretended to go along as I really didn't know of anything else better out in the world than the church, I didn't know of any other better options.

I even attended a wedding of a young couple right after I married where they had been raised by parents like yours who couldn't even talk about personal body matters, let alone sex and dress codes were strict. No kissing or hand holding until married in fact in this case. And so, I witnessed something I'll never forget my whole life, when the pastor said the groom could kiss the bride, the poor gal was so afraid of not knowing what to expect from a little kiss let alone her very first kiss from this guy in front of an audience, that she fainted and didn't revive for some time. Some wedding! A couple months later, news was whispered among the church goers that the couple had their marriage annuled because neither of them ever had sex together. They were too afraid of experiencing this very common and wonderful part of life even under the right circumstances.
The other part to a church going overboard on some things has to do with Hell and Satan and anything that in their minds even remotely comes near to their way of understanding of being someting evil in influence or of the devil. I have met more people who talk about the devil and see troubling spirits in the church congregation than I have ever met in regular society. Most of these people live in fear every day. I was told to not allow my kids to have anything to do with Harry Potter books when they were kids. When one teacher was reading the book to class, I asked that my daughter not have to hear it but read her own book and so they let her sit out in the hall during that portion. Now I could kick myself for putting her through that. Later in life, when the first movie came on TV, I came upon it and watched a portion on TV, realizing it was nothing more than fantasy like the Lion Witch and the Wardrobe which the church approved of because of the author. I saw then that I had not been thinking for myself, choosing to just go along with what I was told in this area. Your parents may have been raised in Christian homes which makes their views even stronger and as far as practical and working to teach how to live as a believer in an ugly world, next to impossible.
This is what your real problem is dear.

So as I see it, you have until you turn 18 and are legally an adult, to begin making your own choices in life, whether they reflect your parents views, are a less strict version or totally different. This also means, there is little likelihood that you will ever have any real helpful conversations with either parent unless the Holy Spirit somehow touches their lives and changes their hearts by showing them Gods path for them and how in their good intentions or how they were raised, that they in fact are not even on the path God meant for them. It wasn't for me, until I started listening to the counsel of the Holy Spirit that I made it back on the path but in a much more healthy style.
You can't change your parents. You can only choose to do what is best for you.
If you choose to obey your parents all long as you are under 18, then you will have to do without a lot of the very practical talk you need, none of which is evil or wrong but a very important part of life, but somehow your parents are at a place where they cant handle the subjects, not thinking about, not talking about. A girl should be able to talk to Mom if she felt she had a bladder infection or vaginal infection which can happen to virgins too but don't cus the parents would think she'd been sexually active. So many teens live in fear, are miserable or have a real medical need and yet can' broach the subject cus its off topic with the parents.
This is not good nor healthy for you. I don't propose disobeying your parents wishes. But I do suggest you use some sound reasoning regarding your life dear. If a child were born to misguided parents who felt alcohol with a meal was okay and had all the kids do so but later became alcoholics and expected their kids to drink with them until drunk and passed out, would you feel the child should respect those parents rules on drinking and do so without choosing something different. I dont think anyone would say that is okay but there are some pretty bad parents out there who make life hell for the kids who don't go along with their lifestyle and rules. Kids are basically helpless until they qualify as an adult legally and can get help for them-self. So they go along with the show to keep a roof over their head, food in their stomach and clothes on their back.
There was a law passed for teens, the Hippa law, regarding anything related to the sexual organs, cycles, etc. so that teens who couldnt approach the parents could still legally on their own go get advice or help from womens clinics or Planned Parenthood. Many churches have hate for any place that may do abortions but it doesnt make any of the rest of what they offer bad, any more than a diabetic deciding to avoid grocery stores because they offer products with sugar in them which is bad for them. It comes down to the choices and convictions of the individual.
Right now, You could say you are in defiance to your parents by even writing to us when this is a site they would not approve of you using as it doesnt fit their limits. I encourage you to pray and ask God if it is okay for you to seek information and or help if needed on subjects your parents won't allow such as anything personal and or related to your cycle. This Hippa law keeps your visit to a clinic totally in confidence and the parents will never know.As to how God would view such an thing, is it bad to intentionally keep a secret like this from them? Maybe some would think so, but hon, I want you to know that through my life, I've discovered God looks more at the intent in my heart, my reasons behind my feelings or decisions rather than a black and white following or breaking of a rule or law. Yes, It is important to honor the parents but it is also important that you get some basic need to talk on certain subjects met. Clothing you can wear what they say until you turn 18, and it won't hurt you, but in some cases, foreknowledge is important and since there is no longer sex ed in schools, most teens know very little these days and believe one can can pregnant from swallowing a guys cum. There is no way that can biologically happen as the stomach is not connected internally to your womb.
So if you have a need to chat on a particular subject, there are plenty older people on this site with lots of good advice, and there are younger people with not as much life experience and it could be sometimes not the best advice but that is something for you to sort through. As long as God can see your heart is not angry at the parents or trying to hurt them by seeking advice, only getting the help you need, then you should be fine. You do need people to talk to and soon your friends will be past their exams and available again. Some help or need with things your peers won't have enough life experience to help with, there's alway Advicenators. I am sorry for your situation dear, but I beleive you are a strong person and will make it through this time and come out an even strong person in the end. It will take patience and lots of talking to God when lonely. I did lots of that when married to first husband who turned out to be abusive.

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Hello. I am a female in high school (16)
There is a guy named Maxx that has been a good friend of mine for 2 years to this day, and I've caught major feels for him! And Friday I found out he likes me back too... my best friend Jamie says on Monday I should ask him out or go out with him, and he is the nicest guy ever he is so sweet and funny.. I know he would never hurt me. We started out friends! I would LOVE to date him and knowing that he likes me back

Dating behind Moms back and the fastest way to lose trust with her if she finds out and getting basically grounded for the next 2 years.

I do agree with Adviceman that learning about the social parts of dating is better done now while still under parents care and their guidance and training rather than to start the entire process after you turn 18 or are in college. I get plenty of letters on here from college age folks who havent a clue what to do in normal dating circumstances so its better done with parents able to give input.

It might be too big a step for your mom depending on religious views or others life events of her own for her to allow you to go out on dates just on Fri/Sat with a curfew time.
However I have another suggestion that may not sound better to you. But it is a suggestion that if Mom agrees to this, it is certainly better than nothing, and may I remind you that learning to become best of friends is just as important as the attraction and romance part.

I have 3 daughters and when they entered HS, one of the many things I discussed with them about dating and sex was, that they were welcome to invite any male friends over to our house just as they would any girlfriends. Only difference is if in her room, the door had to remain open. He was welcome to attend family events just as her girlfriends did. I suggested male friends instead of the romance and boyfriend thing simply for how distracting it can be from their grades but if they and the guy fell hard for each other and were likely to end up wanting sex, to let me know and i'd get them on birth control. Not my first choice but way better than them ending up pregnant. Of 3 girls, not a single one decided to date in HS and not a single guy invited to come hang at our house while we parents were home, ever took a daughter up on it. This tells me that either the guys really weren't all that interested or their interest was purely sexual and thus, my arrangement/offer wouldn't work for what they ultimately wanted.

So I suggest having a good talk with Mom. Find out how she decided on her guidelines for dating, give her the reasons adviceman and I see as important for you to have a chance to begin to learn how to have a close friendship with a boy that moves towards "more" at a slower pace controlled by the parents. I felt that if a guy liked our daughter, he should be willing to meet and interact with her family and parents. That is the best way for a young man to gain your parents trust if he is truly acceptable. They are wiser and can spot the inconsistancies and know if he's just putting on a show to get what he wants and they also know you well enough to know if you are doing the same. If you want to have at least the chance to hang out with him for great chunks of time, just being in his presense, thats a good start. Gain the parents trust that way with the eventual goal that they give their permission for you to date a guy while still in HS. I can't say it will be Maxx but this I believe is the best way to go. I have heard from one gal whose parents got to know and accept such a boy as a family member and really trusted him and gave their okay for their daughter to be having sex with him but ofcourse getting birth control first. The jump from classmate to their daughters date, is a bit too much for many parents who are really only trying to protect you. And like me, you'll find that no matter how matter you may be for your age, when it comes to dating, relationships and sex, there really is so little that we know at this age that we are very ill prepared to make the best decisions on our own. Even at 20, I still knew little and ended up marrying a bad man. So you need to come to an agreement with the parents instead of fight them on this, find a good compromise of which I believe my version might be one of the best for parents not yet ready to let a daughter just start dating.

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How do I join the gay rights movement?

Hi there. I did a search for join gay rights and got several hits. The best is the listing in Wikipedia for you to browse through. I'd suggest contacting several of the agencys and asking them how you can join to help.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_LGBT_rights_organizations

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How do I find a boyfriend?

You dont give me much to go on. Finding a boyfriend, and the process and reason for dating is going to be different for people depending on their age, their gender, what experience they currently have in dating and relationships or not, even their reason for wanting to date, and if there are other issues like being under 18 and parents having dating rules for you, and even a family being religious can effect how I might answer you. Not dodging your question. Just tell me a bit more and I'll see what I can do to give some advice.

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Hi, I'm 14 and I have a birthday in the summer time. I was wondering if it's worth having a birthday party for my 15th birthday if I am planning on having a Sweet Sixteen. If I don't do anything then I'll just hang with my family. But if I do shoul it be something small like a trip to the movies. And if you have any ideas please feel free to write those too! Thanks!

I had 3 girls and they got to celebrate each one of their birthdays in some ways with friends. sometimes, not a traditional party once at your age range but a sleep over for a limited amount of friends, or better yet, a birthday mall experience. All invited friends plus one mom to help, would bring no gifts, just cash for a gift and I and the other mom drove all the girls to the mall to drop off for the next couple of hours so they could help her decide how to spend her birthday money and some had money of their own to spend. We had the cell numbers of not just daughter but several other girls in case our call couldn't be heard by one. Had an appointed time to meet in the center or by a store or fountain. Took them back to my place for pizza cake icecream. That was a favorite my daughters repeated for several birthdays. If you have a couple parents willing on the drop off and pick up, its very little effort on the parents part and they still get to enjoy pizza and cake after with you and your friends.

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17 _female
hi I am in my last year at highschool and I have only had 3 boyfriends.... my last bf who i currently talk to is 8 yrs old than me and we have been together off and on since I was 14....we are both virgins still because I dont want do that as yet ....but sometimes things get umm sexual and he gets angry sometimes and may sleep then he is normal when he awakes or he masturbates....with both methods I feel bad ....honestly I think maybe I should leave him but I dont know how to,,, because eventually I have to face this again since I dont want to be single forever.
what do u guya think...if I should leave how can I?....ps we have talk already and he says I am too childish.....but it ia my religion that I respect

Only 3 boyfriends? Wow, thats way more than my 3 daughters. None dated in HS mainly for the reasons that they didnt want the emotions of break ups to distract from their learning and the guys too immature yet. You have plenty of time.

So the big issue here is sex before marriage and waiting to be a virgin at your marriage bed if thats what I gather from you mentioning religion. I highly doubts that he gives a care whatever else you believe in your choice of religion, only the part that affects him, sex or rather the lack of it.
You have to decide for yourself whether you will remain a virgin until marriage or not. We started our first daughter with a promise ring to remain a virgin. By time we got to the last daughter, I had done more research on sex and virginity and the reasoning behind it. My viewpoint has changed drastically based on what I discovered and also what I experienced in my own marriage.

For one thing, it is not true, at least in my experience that two people who strongly like or love each other but are not in love can marry and grow to love each other. I married at 20, him 24 and we both had little experience in relationships and love. He was not a virgin, I was. Turns out, our personalities were not a match. He treated friends better than me. Sex didnt get better during the years passing but got worse and worse so I had no want of it with him. I'd never gotten oral sex from him and never had an orgasm with him. He never looked at me with passion in his eyes. We had straight missionary sex only when convenient for him and he still wasnt happy with me. I won't bore you with more but there are many ways that the sexual part can go wrong and if I had but been sexually active with him before marriage, I would have known from what I experienced over a couple months in the bedroom that we were a very poor mismatch. This is more often the reason for adults divorcing than other reasons, the fact that they were a really bad match for each other, nothing wrong necessarily with either person and they may be the perfect match for someone else as I know now with my 2nd marriage. He was also mismatched with first wife. We all know so little when young that we can't possibly make the best decisions on a person on our own. Even family can be fooled...mine was.
You need to research for yourself the background of the history of virginity. It was created in the long ago past by men as a way to assure that any children born were really theirs. The female could be pregnant by another man at the time she married if there wasnt such a thing as remaining virgin. This was long long before birth control or ability to do paternity testing so it worked for the antiquated times. The catholic church banned use of birth control for whatever their reasons and women in that church who had too many kids or difficulties during pregnancy felt bad having to secretly go against the laws and use birth control. The Church hasn't caught up with modern times. Lots of the laws in the bible including Kosher foods was to prevent food poisoning in a time refrigeration didnt exist yet to kept foods longer and some meats go bad faster but aren't bad to eat in todays time if handled properly. However today many people still go by what was written in the bible for bible times and just after, it was a time of no fridges and no birth control so to apply that thinking to today is nothing more than ceremony, of a custom, not an actual need. There is no harm to a female if she were to be on birth control and have him use condoms for STD protection. She will not have any kids therefore until she is ready to marry, the original reason for the rule girls should be virgins. If you want to go along with an old custom that is no longer relevant, that is fine dear and any man should respect your wishes, no matter what they are. I had a list on a dating site, no smokers but guys met me saying they didnt smoke, hoping I'd get to like them first and the smoking wouldn't matter. I am allergic to cigarette smoke so I couldnt be married to someone who did smoke and I wouldnt expect someone to stop just for me as there was always the chance they might go back to smoking. So yes, guys will say and do whatever they want to get what they want regardless of your choice and reasons. No its not childish to want to be a virgin at marriage if you like that old custom. Its great if it works out okay in the end. But his calling it childish is the wrong discription, he used only to get his way. I am not trying to get my way, just educate you a bit as to how virginity custom came about and leave it up to you to decide then what you will do.
Your life is yours to live as you see best and you should be respected and allowed to make your own decisions and not have someone try to convince you otherwise, that person doesnt respect you. Just make sure you know the pros and cons of information on this issue on all sides. You don't beleive cus you grew up in the church or your parents taught you this but it should be your very own conviction as with any other choices you will be making in your adult life. Research first and make knowledgable decisions in everything, even in how you choose someone to date, the dos and don't of dating, etc. You dont have to give him any reason, just tell him you don't feel you both are a good match and you're not going to see him anymore. End of story cus he doesnt sound like a good social dating prospect and even worse if considering him for future husband material.

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Should I join a gay dating site to find guys?

I am all for using a dating site to narrow down the hunt for a partner which is like hunting for a needle in a haystack...very hard to just bump into the right someone. You increase your chances by volumes of people who see you or you seeing their profile and writing to them. You also increase the numbers of people who contact you who are far from what you are looking for and there are a lot of weird people, real duds out there and of course lots of liars. If you can be careful and thorough in checking someone out, you'll do fine. I used a general dating site that had options for men seeking men or women seeking women besides the usual women and men seeking each other. SO some regular sites can still be used. But using a site for just gay or titled LGBT is a good way to go. I was on 3 dating sites. Some people who hate doing this stuff but want to find someone may only sign up on one place so you will increase your chances of meeting someone by putting a profile in the best of the sites you check out. There are even sites now strictly for people over 50 and for those with herpes. Start checking it out and have fun.

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So I have been dating this guy for almost a year. He was kind and affectionate and we met each others parents and everything. All of a sudden he says its "inappropriate" to hold my hand in public or hug me in public. He refuses to let me meet his friends, and when we walk together he likes to walk like 10 billion feet a head of me. Lately I feel like I have been doing everything wrong cause all he does is complain about all the things I do wrong, but yet he said I am his soulmate and loves me to death. He doesn't want me talking to certain people and attend events with him. I feel like he is shamed to be seen with me. We are both in our 20s so this is all just too strange to me. When he said he didn't want to hold my hand in public, felt like I got stabbed.

So in a yrs time, there wasn't even a hint of this? If a person is hiding their true self from another, the real self comes through much sooner, after a couple months. Therefore if he changed so all of a sudden, perhaps something happened in his personal life to cause him to change so greatly as far as his emotions and how he feels about you and treats you. Have you asked him why? Don't let him pin the blame on you and say its something you;ve done. There's two sides to every story as there are two sides to every coin. It's his side you need to hear, as to what brought about such a big change. If his company is about to cut employees and he might be one, another girl has caught his interest, he is addicted to drinkin, a recent new drug addict or recently into gambling and has that or something else to hide, I can see him acting like that.

But to say he loves you and your soulmates is a bunch of baloney. I could say I was the Queen of England but just my words doesnt make it so. It is by watching my life and my actions behind my words that will prove who I really am as a person or not. Consistancy is important and he's not being consistant with what he says. If you want to believe in a fairy tale and that you're living one with him even though he's nothing more than a troll or ogre, than you're welcome to do so. But this is not how a man in love with a gal treats her. I will close with a test I found on love that I added to some input of my own. Its a test to determine if a guy really loves you.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

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When my nephew was about four months old, my sister told me that she and her husband had named me as my nephew's legal guardian in their will simply because I was already his godmother. I was very surprised and touched, especially because at the time, I felt I was the most unqualified of anyone who could have taken him. I was 28 years old, unmarried, temporarily unemployed, didn't have my own place to live, and had zero experience caring for a child on my own. I thought they were crazy for choosing me. I was the only adult in the baby's life who had ANY of those problems and I lived nine hours away from them and still do, as opposed to my brother in law's entire side of the family.

Recently, I had to rewrite my will and when naming a legal guardian for MY children in the event of my death, my sister wasn't even on the list of prospective guardians and it makes me feel very guilty, especially since she and her husband obviously had so much faith in me to take good care of their son when they made their will. The thing is, my sister has nothing to do with it. I think she's a wonderful mother and there are few people I'd trust as much to raise my children. It's my brother in law, who is the problem.

I do NOT want my brother in law, Matthew to raise my children for many reasons, including that I just don't want my kids to turn out like Matthew. He's rude, anti social, vulgar foul mouthed, selftish, arrogant, disrespectful, and shallow. He drinks too much and pushes others around him to do the same and he has an anger issue. I would really hate for my kids to develope these qualities.

I also don't want him to push my kids to be like him the way he pushes my nephew, Lane to do so. Matthew is a very avid hunter and fisherman and has not given Lane the choice not to take part in those activities as well. I have a lot of kids, almost all boys, and only one has the slightest interest in hunting while none of them like fishing. They like target shooting, but not hunting. Most of my boys are athletes and very much like sports. One (who I love very much and don't mean to insult) is kind of a nerd and likes things like comic books and video games, and one is into theater. My daughter likes things like swimming and creative writing. I want my kids to be able to be themselves and to do the things that make them happy. Matthew doesn't seem interested in letting Lane do what makes him happy and I'm afraid he'll be the same way with my children. I'm afraid he won't let the athletes play sports because their practices and games would interfere with hunting season. I'm also afraid he'll destroy my nerdy son's self esteem and make him think it's a bad thing to like the things they like and that he'll keep my son who likes theater from participating in it.

Finally, I don't think Matthew likes my kids very much. He doesn't like me very much, so I think my kids are disliked by association. I don't want him raising them, but I feel bad that it'll mean my sister wouldn't get them either. They're not even on the list of prospective guardians. I named my parents as the guardians, my in laws as the guardians if my parents can't do it, my husband's two brothers after them, and two of my uncles and two of my aunts after them. My question is, SHOULD I feel bad about not making my sister the guardian of my children when she made me the guardian of hers? Am I justified? And how do I tell my sister if she ever asks me who the guardians.

You are doing the right thing. Your sister if she was single and this man not in the picture and she was able to afford care of, would make a good prospect. That is not the case. With the type of man that this brother in law is, you are doing the best thing to protect your children based on what you see now. If in the future she divorces that man and remarries a kind wonderful man who'd make a good substitute dad for your kids, then at that time you can change the will. As long as you are alive, keep watch on those you've appointed as guardians just in case and if someone who is great prospect now goes off the deep end in the future, again, change who the guardians of your kids would be in case you die. This is not a situation where you are supposed to reciprocate. You choose a guardian couple based on how good and loving a parental couple they would make. Your sister might love your kids but the influence of her goodness would be cancelled out by his bad erratic behavior. My ex verbally abused me and although he yelled at the kids sometimes, his mental illness issue was with adult women so the kids werent attacked verbally but trust me, they are all adults now, 3 girls and i see now the damage that growing up with their own dad did to them. Each ones life is affected in some major way that dictates their decisions or lack of them or avoidance when it comes to relationships now and I am so sorry to see that and wish I had left him when they were real little rather than wait until they were out of the home. It doesnt matter who is raising the kids, biological dad, adoptive male parent, the state, a guardian, whoever it is, needs to be the best possible parent to your kids. So you are doing right. I don't know if your sister in is denial of her situation with husband so it may be awkward to tell her if she asks that you have no problem with her but that since her husband automatically comes with her, you feel he is not a good choice at all to raise your kids. If it were a different guy she was married to that you approve of at the time, you would be okay with having her and husband listed as guardians. That is the truth. If she is too personally offended by this, then perhaps she isn't the best choice herself at this point in time. Its hard not to offend family at times. Its happened to me twice in my life. Mom taking offense and not speaking to me for a year, dad offended and telling all family that I rejected some free firewood he dumped in my yard, construction teardown full of nails and it was in the yard where my little kids played. My sister took offense on his behalf and neither spoke to me for about 8,9 months. I had done nothing wrong, just making a wise and best decision to not have nail studded wood scattered in huge piled in my backyard making it unsafe for my kids. You are the mom. You must think of their best interests first cus if not you, they have no one else who is going to look out for what is best for them. Thats what is the essence of a good nurturing mother and you are one of them.

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I had my wisdom teeth out about a week and a half ago and am still feeling some pain and swelling. The bottom two were impacted. I was prescribed painkillers (percocet I think) and haven't finished the whole bottle yet. I'm still taking them but one a day instead of every 4 hours. Is it okay that I'm still taking them over a week from the surgery. I figure if they prescribed me that many I should take them as needed until they're gone right? I'm just paranoid that my body will develop an addiction if I drag it out too much longer. The pain is still bad but not as severe as the first couple days. For instance right now I'm laying awake in bed and my jaw and bottom gums are killing me.My mom keeps saying to not take them unless the pain is absolutely unbearable but that's hard to say and I'm not sure she's right about that (plus I'm an adult). Should I stop taking them entirely or continue taking them as I need them until they are gone?

I have to think back over 30 yrs to when I had all my wisdom teeth dug out and a tooth that grew thru roof of my small mouth, removed all at once. I was bruised and in pain afterward but not excessively so. I do have high pain tolerance, however I was not given any pain killer prescription to take afterwards. In fact, 2 days later, I went went the parents and siblings on a summer vacation. My only problem was that my jaw felt very tender and if I or anyone else bumped it or touched lightly, it really hurt. I would think the pain killer was meant only for your recovery time recent after the surgery to take care of any pain once the pain killer you were given for surgery wore off. Maybe some Drs. have differing opinions on pain killers. But I healed up pretty quick. So by time I was at 1 1/2 to 2 weeks out, I couldn't tell I'd ever had it done. So if you are feeling any pain at this point, I would call the Dr. and let them know because there could be an infection in the gums due to the surgery. It doesnt happen often from what I hear but its possible as with any medical surgery in Hospitals. Do not ignore it, as you are likely in more danger of the liver or kidneys having real problems and there have been cases of death from absessed teeth and gums and the infection making the bodys organs start to shut down. Perhaps you had a special procedure done that would result in pain for a week or two. But you already weren't taking the meds as prescribed for pain so you need to learn whats really going on from the Dr. and this time, follow any instructions exactly as given, not as what sounds good to you. Did you even ask your Dr. if you used the whole bottle, would you get addicted to pain meds? People dont get addicted from one bottle from what I've heard. Its getting the repeat prescriptions, over and over and over and taking more each time than the prescribed amount that will result in addiction. SO call your Dr. ASAP cus if infected, your health and your life depends on it.

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What do you mean write to you? Dragonflymagic

If something I answered caused you to have further questions, the simplest way to get me to clarify or answer more questions on the same subject for you is to look up advicegivers, find my name and go to my column and click the button for writing to me. Questions left with a rating can not be accessed and answered by advicegivers, so if you need to write to me, I just let people know sometimes that I dont mind trying to help any further. You dont have to write if you have nothing else to discuss.

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I want to become a zumba teacher what should I do?

Have you taken a class and danced zumba before? If so, asking the teacher how they got a degree to teach the class is the easiest way I can think of.

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Right 3 days ago at my last day at work I was asked for my cellphone number and we had been (from what I can take from it) flirting. I said yes and wrote it down for him. But he has not texted? Is he not interested? Or am I overreacting? By the way I am 16 and a girl, the only reason I could think he wouldn't contact me is because of my age ( he is older but not by too much). What do you think?

If he's 18, then regardless if your okay with it, he shouldn't be considering a dating relationship with a girl under 18. It is just a temptation to have sex if all goes well in the dating and most guys would have a problem waiting 2 years until you were of legal age so he couldnt get in trouble, reported by someone and end up in jail.

I realize teens under 18 have sex all the time and that is not the issue as theres no federal law there governing that but there are some laws that differ state to state.

If he's under 18, and asked for your number, it does seem to mean he is interested in you or was at the time maybe just due to the flirting. You were responding in the flirting but you did not ask for his number when he asked for yours, did you? If you didn't, he may have had 2nd thoughts, questioned what he picked up in the flirting and felt that maybe you weren't as truly interested in him as he was in you so he hasnt called. Maybe he's having cell problems, maybe he's really busy in his schedule when not at work and its gonna take some time for him to have a chuck of time free to sit and chat for a couple hours. If he's still showing the same attention in passing at work, I'd say he's still interested. You don't have to wait for a guy to ask you for a number or ask you out and then feel like you owe him the return a ttention and have to feel the same way about him. If he flirted, you gave your number but you aren't interested in him r eally or just not sure, then dont worry about it. If you like him or any other guy, you get their number and ask them out. Or if it feels less intimidating to you, just ask if you could hang out with him as friends away from work. This shows its not a serious thing like dating and commitment yet but you have enough interest to want to hang out with them, and then let nature take its course.

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my husband said that it will happen when it happeneds what does that mean in the long run?

Well, be sure he's on the same page and really wants children cus he may not have a great interest in kids and is only considering letting nature take its course so you have one to satisfy you. It could be that attitude is behind what he said or as adviceman said, he doesnt want love making to become mechanical and timed so its more about him doing his duty and performing as the inseminator. That takes all the joy out of love making for lots of people even the females.

There are lots of ovulation and fertility tracking help to read about online. I will list a couple and you can look up more. But I would do as adviceman said, dress sexy, and lure your man to wanting to make love without knowing that it happens to be the time you are ovulating. He doesnt need to know its the right time for it to work for you. Just track it by what ever methods you decide to choose.

http://www.webmd.com/baby/charting-your-fertility-cycle

http://www.babycenter.com/0_predicting-ovulation_484.bc

http://americanpregnancy.org/preventing-pregnancy/natural-family-planning/

Lastly, I will mention that if your husband wears briefs, rather than boxers or no underwear, that briefs can temporarily prevent a male from having enough sperm. I've heard sheep farmers use this method of binding the anatomy of male sheep closer to the body to prevent them being as fertile, leaving only the choice sheep to impregnate the females. It works the same in men, the temps are higher when its all held close to the body and less sperm are produced due to the hotter temps but it reverses as soon as they are left to...ahem...dangle naturally. So if he's wearing briefs, you might explain and coax him to wear boxers until you do become pregnant if tracking the ovulation times for you doesnt work. If both ways dont work, then it will be time to see a fertility specialist.

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I am lonely. I guess you probably figured that out from the subject.

I don't really get why I'm lonely though.

I am 17, F.

I have great friends. I have my 4 BFFs, and I see them 5 days a week at school, and some of them on Sundays at church. We talk about all kinds of things, but I don't always say much... Recently most of them have been doing homework at lunch and not wanting to talk a lot...we eat lunch in the art room at our school because it is quiet so we can hear ourselves talk and occasionally do homework (and we are all introverts so sometimes an entire day at school with lots of people gets tiring). I never like doing homework at lunch, I feel like doing schoolwork for the whole day is enough, I deserve a break at lunchtime.
I chat online with one of them every evening while we do homework, and we talk about everything that is stressing us out and universities and the things our families have done to annoy us.

My family is great too, but recently everything my brothers do seems to annoy me to no end. Like if one of them takes a cucumber slice off of the veggie plate before we pray to start the meal, I find myself getting upset. I used to have a good connection with both of them, but now I find myself unable to talk to them because they just ignore me if I try to talk about pretty much anything other than video games. I love my dad, but we don't have a great relationship. He helps me out with homework and plays games with me and stuff like that, but we don't talk about anything meaningful. My mom is great, but she's currently very stressed out often and she's busy.

I feel like I'm not connecting with anyone, even though I talk to my friends almost every day. I don't even know what I want...there's not much they could do better...and I have so much homework and a job and it's not like I have that much extra time to spend hanging around with people.

Your situation could be a combo of issues making it harder to identify what is at the bottom of your lonliness and feeling of not connecting with anyone. As we always say, none of us are Drs. and even a Dr. wouldn't diagnos a person by phone or text without doing an exam.
As I see it, there is a slight possibility that there is a medical reason that might be part of whats behind this and then the rest would be mental or emotional issues, and I am not talking about you Having mental illness, just issues related to the mind and thoughts.

You did say the brothers irritate you now so easily for stuff that you know shouldn;t be an issue. That could surprisingly be a medical issue. I'll explain. Lots of teen girls anywhere from the start of puberty until into early 20s can be affected emotionally by having too high an amount of the female hormones in the body. All females experience a bit of getting sad or crying or angry more easily just due to the hormones showing up. But in excess, it can create all sorts of problems like depression for one. Its easily fixed by a Dr. with meds. for the next few years until your body stablizes on its own which we almost all do sometime into adulthood. So you might ask a family dr. to check you for your hormones levels to see if too high and if not, mention what you are experiencing to see if they would recommend a mental health specialist.

A great majority of peoples problems in the world can all be traced back to their thought life. Having distorted or negative thoughts can affect a person in feeling disconnected and the more they dwell on it, the more they feel it. Find ways to cure the thought issues and you cure the problem. It is behavior and feelings related to thoughts or call it cognitive behavior and there is therapy for it. CBT , but only certain psychologists use this method. So if you end up going for counseling, make sure its one who employs cbt first and meds as a last measure as some still only use meds as the only way to attempt to help a person.

You may very well already be depressed and that would require being seen by a professional also. If you do not have chronic depression, and its more due to a current circumstance or event, then this kind can be treated possibly non medically also with CBT, I have gotten over temp. depression this way and my daughter who went to a Dr. was told to do the same things I had read about and used and it worked for her.

I only know what you have chosen to write so I dont know much about your relationships with family. There may be issues there that the parents and brothers are unwittingly adding to your problem. Not intentionally mind you, but I just wonder if any of them know what you are going through. My oldest daughter at your age was sufferin depression and tho I had pretty much daily talks with each daughter and they knew they could talk to me about anything subject even sex, she did not let us know and there were no signs what so ever. YOur family may not be aware of whats going on inside of you. I dont expect the brothers to understand but surely the parents will. Do not blame them when you share whats going on or they will close up and just attribute this to you just being a teen in a phase. So dont go saying "Dad, I am having trouble feeling connection to anyone, like you don't relate to me well or Mom you're too absorbed in your own issues to have time for me.
But you can let them know what you are feeling. I as a kid and teen rarely spoke up and complained, or even just shared what was bugging me.

It sounds like you need lots of good one on one conversation. So do I and so I wouldnt even bother making new friends with someone where I had to carry the conversation or who didnt have time to chat with me ever. Dont make it all about you but find out what you can do to at least verbally support the parents if not something you can do to help. It should be 2 way. You share what your issues are and how you feel you need more quality one on one time with each person in your life but dont share just about your problems but ask how things are going for them too. As for the friends, they have changed the schedule recently so you're not given the same opportunity to talk as before. When you have no one to listen to you, sometimes its helpful to keep a diary/journal and just record your thoughts. I did this often as a teen and young adult and it helped me. It might help you in part, at least when its not really possible for anyone you know to have time to be in conversation with you.
Asking about the other person and finding things you can do for them is a good exercise into building that connection, how we relate to others. But as a teen, I was waiting for others to approach me and seldom did I make the first move. Sometimes you gotta check yourself to see if you are putting in any effort. If you need to talk more or have more to share so I can try to be more help, let me know by writing to me thru my column. Blessings dear.

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I've been unable to handle the pressures of high school this year. I'm a senior, and a very slow one, if you know what I mean. I'm failing some major classes due to a strong lack of interest and my finals are during this week. In my chemistry class I've learned almost nothing. I don't remember any of what I really did learn, and it's not just because of my lack of interest. I've recently noticed that reading has become increasingly difficult for me to do on my own. I cannot stay on task and I end up skipping sentences or misread things. Even when I ask for help I still can't understand what's going on. I'm also having issues in dealing with my peers. They proudly lack interest in anything that doesn't involve quite a bit of inappropriate topics. It agitates me. The classes that I enjoy, from what I've been told, have to be put aside for the requirements to be fulfilled in order for me to graduate. Unfortunately, I don't feel the same way. It's come to the point where I'm so stressed that I feel ill. I've begun to consider dropping out and hopefully pursuing an education in what I want and not what the school claims that I need. My mom told me that if I do drop out that my chances of getting into college are still possible but I'd need to make up the credits that I didn't get. She also advised me to figure out the pros and cons of this decision. As much as I'd like to graduate with my friends and get a scholarship, it doesn't seem possible where I'm at now. What would be the best thing to do?

Okay, I understand you feel pressures of your Sr. year. What I dont know is if this is something new compared to your other years at H.S. or if this is a pattern where you have kinda barely skated thru getting the needed grades to pass on to the next grade each year. Being the last year to get things right if you've not been applying yourself, or having difficulty with learning that may be an actual learning disorder, is definitely a way to feel extreme pressure to be able to graduate. The things you shared, and the words you used cause me to think that there is some unknown yet factor that is contributing to or causing the problems you are having.

I don't remember any of what I really did learn
Reading has become increasingly difficult for me to do on my own.
I cannot stay on task
I end up skipping sentences or misread things.
Even when I ask for help I still can't understand what's going on.

To support you, frankly, that doesnt sound like a person who is goofing off, not serious about getting an education, even though you mention losing interest. It is easy to lose interest when the going is too tough for you in the first place and its easier to want to give up.

Also, schools are set up to teach in only one teaching style so if your way of learning is different from the way used in schools, (mine was) a person can find many subjects hard to learn and master.
Could it be ADD, Attention deficit? Perhaps. You didn't mention whether you have been checked for that and ADD ruled out. So in addition to a learning disorder, it could be other sorts of things. YOu said you ask for help and still it doesnt help.
I am adding a link to an article on lot of possible things that can affect learning.

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/learning-disabilities/learning-disabilities-and-disorders.htm

Usually, these problems would have been present all along but perhaps not recognized. These things dont just show up in ones last year of H.S.

If these are new problems related to just this year, perhaps something changed in your life, or the family's to distract you enough to cause attention problems to snowball. It can be as simple as Dad lost job and is looking for a new one, a grandmother you were close to died, or perhaps its a combo of all sorts of things including intake of too much sugar which will produce the same effects of ADD. Have you started a habit of using energy drinks like Red Bull this past school year. It seems to be an epidemic among young people who see no problem with it but it can affect some people with ADD symptoms which will affect your ability in school. I dont know you and your situation well enough to be able to pin point the actual issue or issues but I am betting there are things behind this and its not just a lack of your trying or lack of desire and willpower. Its important to discover what is causing these issues cus even if you drop out and just manage to pass a GED, learning disabilities or whatever it is, will follow you into any job you try to do and if you can't learn all the details of a new job, you aren't going to keep a job and the depression will continue to grow due to your situation. I'd have a talk with Mom. Show her the article and what I've written. In the article they also mention things like aspergers, and other things on the Autism spectrum of disorders. My husband is a highly functioning autistic. No one meeting him would know it. He is very intelligent but certain subjects were beyond him to grasp in the way taught. Someone finally taught him to just memorize what a word looked like to get the spelling so writing and spelling still is hard for him and he's always asking me to spell fairly simple words. If for some reason you have something like this, it would be sooo easy for parents and school to miss it. The only way he learned he had it is that when his parents went thru marriage counseling, the counselor wanted to speak privately with all the kids to see how the problems affected them and that psychologist is the one who discovered my husband was highly intelligent, way beyond his peers but he just couldn't prove it in school and so he got bored with it too as he struggled. He was tested and info gathered, what little they knew back then, and concluded he was a highly functioning autistic. There are still days when too much input and things not going smoothly can try his patience and he might whine or curse at times but he has learned thanks to the pychologist and many meetings with him, how to come up with ways to learn to handle what his disability is and to still be able to function and reach his end goals. So, I think its time to at least rule out that there aren't any disabilties lurking that are causing your problems, ones that are hard to detect. Come to think of it, many things are hard to detect in a person. My 1st husband had mental illness but I and no one else could see it. Although married to him, I noticed how he got worse over the years and it caused him to mistreat me. A counselor caught it but he didnt want the help... I hope this gives you some hope.

You may not graduate this year but if theres something that can be done for you like training how to get around a disability to still pass classes, then summer school or repeating the year may do it. Or you may just decide to get your GED. But I would highly give this some thought dear. I wish you the best. Do talk to Mom and share this.







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