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Should I initiate to start the conversation?


Question Posted Sunday January 24 2016, 5:01 am

I have this guy friend who I met on a game online 5 years ago. Even though the game shut down, our communication continues (not that communication that we talked everyday). We never meet because we're far from each other and we had phone calls maybe 3 years ago together with some friends.

Then 2014, I studied to a place that he can reach, but still we never meet. During my vacation (december 2015), we became closer, we chat 24/7. Then new years, he said he likes me, and I don't feel the same. He said that its okay and lets stay the same but everything's awkward. Then he's asking if we can meet. I refused because (1) i never meet someone I met online (2) he likes me (3) I'm an introvert. No one's initiating the conversation and I actually want to talk with him since I'm attached and I don't have other someone to tell whats happening with my life. I stalked his social medias everyday. Should I talk with him? Or should I block him, so I can stop myself from stalking? Or just do nothing?


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Dragonflymagic answered Thursday January 28 2016, 9:48 pm:
I don't see a problem. If he's no longer initiating conversation, then thats a good thing, it means he's given up on having you as a girlfriend. You want just a friend and unfortunately when two peoples feelings differ like that, there is no way to really just remain friends.
You did say that you are an introvert and so you are most likely a lonely person. You also say you have no one to talk to about whats going on in your life. So in your lonliness, be careful who you reach out to for just having someone to talk to. If its someone of the opposite sex who switches from friendship feelings to wanting more or someone from the start who wants a dating relationship and you don't, then do not initiate anything more with such a person if you have said you don't feel the same way.

TO do so, is a way of 'using' another person to fill your needs when you really don't want to give them what they want in return. To contact him could give him false hope and make him think you changed your mind when all it really would be is a form of leading him on when you have no plans to get into a relationship with him.

If you get really sick and tired of being so shy and having difficulty making friends, then you'll come to a place of being ready to do something about it and when you are, write back to this site asking us all how to do so. I don't feel that being introverted means not having friends but having issues with social anxieties definitely is. I used to be introverted and had social anxieties, once I took care of getting rid of anxieties, in HS I had friends tho still an introvert. Later in life, I became more outgoing so that I am now half and half, extrovert at times and others times I lapse for brief times into my quieter self. Its more of a personality thing, introvert and extrovert. I was able to be more outgoing all along but didnt know it cus of the anxieties. Don't use this guy just for someone to talk to, find others. And more than just one person. If you have only one friend, that friend will be carrying the whole load of being your only outlet for conversation and that might become too overwhelming for a person and make them pull back, so the goal is to become a little more outgoing, make a handful of friends, not just one. I wish you the best.

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Razhie answered Tuesday January 26 2016, 2:33 pm:
Do you think he wants to be your friend? Or sees you as a friend?

Generally, when someone asks you to be in a relationship, it means they aren't happy with a friendship and will usually withdraw from the friendship if you turn them down.

It's not evil. It's just human. You rejected him. Rejection sucks and often leads to the end of a friendship.

If you want to be friends, you'll need to speak up and reach out to him. Tell him you still want to be friends and you feel you are drifting part. If you don't want to be friends, then yes, you should stop stalking him. It's not a healthy way to cope with the end of a friendship.

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