|
my bf is ashamed of me.
So I have been dating this guy for almost a year. He was kind and affectionate and we met each others parents and everything. All of a sudden he says its "inappropriate" to hold my hand in public or hug me in public. He refuses to let me meet his friends, and when we walk together he likes to walk like 10 billion feet a head of me. Lately I feel like I have been doing everything wrong cause all he does is complain about all the things I do wrong, but yet he said I am his soulmate and loves me to death. He doesn't want me talking to certain people and attend events with him. I feel like he is shamed to be seen with me. We are both in our 20s so this is all just too strange to me. When he said he didn't want to hold my hand in public, felt like I got stabbed.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I could understand why you feel that way. I am sorry
Have you talked to him about this?
Give him a chance and tell him how it makes you feel. Some people are not into public displays of affection but maybe you can find a middle ground.
If he doesnt want to hold your hand maybe he can agree to walk next to you. Even when you are out with friends you walk close.
See if you can agree on somethings that both of you are comfortable with.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you! xx
]
So in a yrs time, there wasn't even a hint of this? If a person is hiding their true self from another, the real self comes through much sooner, after a couple months. Therefore if he changed so all of a sudden, perhaps something happened in his personal life to cause him to change so greatly as far as his emotions and how he feels about you and treats you. Have you asked him why? Don't let him pin the blame on you and say its something you;ve done. There's two sides to every story as there are two sides to every coin. It's his side you need to hear, as to what brought about such a big change. If his company is about to cut employees and he might be one, another girl has caught his interest, he is addicted to drinkin, a recent new drug addict or recently into gambling and has that or something else to hide, I can see him acting like that.
But to say he loves you and your soulmates is a bunch of baloney. I could say I was the Queen of England but just my words doesnt make it so. It is by watching my life and my actions behind my words that will prove who I really am as a person or not. Consistancy is important and he's not being consistant with what he says. If you want to believe in a fairy tale and that you're living one with him even though he's nothing more than a troll or ogre, than you're welcome to do so. But this is not how a man in love with a gal treats her. I will close with a test I found on love that I added to some input of my own. Its a test to determine if a guy really loves you.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
]
Do you want to be in this relationship?
That's more important that any shit he is saying about love or soulmates. Do you want to be with someone who treats you this way?
He's insulting you, and he's doing it even in public. He's shaming you and deliberately hurting you. He's probably gaslighting you, treating you as though you are crazy when you address the things he is doing which are shitty.
If this isn't the sort of relationship you want to be in, you either have to speak up, or get out. Once a man has chosen to be this hurtful and disrespectful, I'd vote for get out.
Forget how he feels, and stop worrying about what he wants. Look yourself in the eye and ask what you want. Is this good enough for you? If not, then it's time to move on.
]
no sweetie this is called controlling you slowly over time.
the reason why he doesnt want you to talk to certain people is because hes trying to isolate you from anyone who might treat you better, or tell you that theyve noticed your unhappiness and if all you have is HIM to talk to then he can really do no wrong.
Isolation breaks a person down slowly over time. The other tactic they use is the CLASSIC telling you that your doing all kinds of shit wrong and complaining non-stop about you and treating you like your a no body all the time.
Then they tell you they love you to play on your emotions and keep you intangled with them....This ISNT love ok trust me, ive seen this happen in a ton of different ways with my girlfriends over the years. ITs CLASSIC manipulative bullshit. get out now while you still can.
just because he isnt hitting you doesnt mean hes not harming you. If you dont want to be there you dont have to be, it takes two willing people to stay in a relationship and if hes that unhappy then he shouldnt have to be there right?? well the next time he says some shit like that, tell him hes welcome to leave if he wants. He probably WILL then he'll be right back at your door or calling saying their sorry and they miss you and they'll never do it again and then the cycle just repeats.....NO ONE treats someone they really love like that. He simply wants control over you and everything you do and thats never ok....
I just helped a friend of mine get out of a relationship like this after not having been in contact with her for years because HE felt threatened by me and im a female! He knew that i was smart and could see through his bullshit. Unfortunately she stayed with him for so long that she ended up having two kids with him and now look.....shes attached to him for life because he still has a right so see his kids. She'll never be able to look back and say "what was i thinking, that guy was a complete asshole, and im just glad i was able to get away from him" He'll never just be that bad relationship you were in "ages and ages ago". these types of people PREY on your emotions and take FULL advantage of the fact that they KNOW you care for the deeply, and by sticking with him, despite how hes treating you, your proving to him just how far your willing to allow the abuse to go.
]
More Questions: |