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please advice from mature persons only thanks :)
17 _female
hi I am in my last year at highschool and I have only had 3 boyfriends.... my last bf who i currently talk to is 8 yrs old than me and we have been together off and on since I was 14....we are both virgins still because I dont want do that as yet ....but sometimes things get umm sexual and he gets angry sometimes and may sleep then he is normal when he awakes or he masturbates....with both methods I feel bad ....honestly I think maybe I should leave him but I dont know how to,,, because eventually I have to face this again since I dont want to be single forever.
what do u guya think...if I should leave how can I?....ps we have talk already and he says I am too childish.....but it ia my religion that I respect
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well here is the thing.
It seems like you really like this guy but are your values more important than your feelings for him?
Being single at 17 doesnt mean you will be single forever. If you are going to feel guilt after sleeping with him its not worth it then you are not ready. You can end up having relationship problems after you sleep with him due to your guilt as well and what a waste that will be. So you if you are not ready dont do it and no you are not childish you have morals and you are sticking to them there is nothing wrong with that.
Its ok if he can accept that. Its tough because you have feelings for him but you have to be able to accept the decisions you make in your life not him.
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Only 3 boyfriends? Wow, thats way more than my 3 daughters. None dated in HS mainly for the reasons that they didnt want the emotions of break ups to distract from their learning and the guys too immature yet. You have plenty of time.
So the big issue here is sex before marriage and waiting to be a virgin at your marriage bed if thats what I gather from you mentioning religion. I highly doubts that he gives a care whatever else you believe in your choice of religion, only the part that affects him, sex or rather the lack of it.
You have to decide for yourself whether you will remain a virgin until marriage or not. We started our first daughter with a promise ring to remain a virgin. By time we got to the last daughter, I had done more research on sex and virginity and the reasoning behind it. My viewpoint has changed drastically based on what I discovered and also what I experienced in my own marriage.
For one thing, it is not true, at least in my experience that two people who strongly like or love each other but are not in love can marry and grow to love each other. I married at 20, him 24 and we both had little experience in relationships and love. He was not a virgin, I was. Turns out, our personalities were not a match. He treated friends better than me. Sex didnt get better during the years passing but got worse and worse so I had no want of it with him. I'd never gotten oral sex from him and never had an orgasm with him. He never looked at me with passion in his eyes. We had straight missionary sex only when convenient for him and he still wasnt happy with me. I won't bore you with more but there are many ways that the sexual part can go wrong and if I had but been sexually active with him before marriage, I would have known from what I experienced over a couple months in the bedroom that we were a very poor mismatch. This is more often the reason for adults divorcing than other reasons, the fact that they were a really bad match for each other, nothing wrong necessarily with either person and they may be the perfect match for someone else as I know now with my 2nd marriage. He was also mismatched with first wife. We all know so little when young that we can't possibly make the best decisions on a person on our own. Even family can be fooled...mine was.
You need to research for yourself the background of the history of virginity. It was created in the long ago past by men as a way to assure that any children born were really theirs. The female could be pregnant by another man at the time she married if there wasnt such a thing as remaining virgin. This was long long before birth control or ability to do paternity testing so it worked for the antiquated times. The catholic church banned use of birth control for whatever their reasons and women in that church who had too many kids or difficulties during pregnancy felt bad having to secretly go against the laws and use birth control. The Church hasn't caught up with modern times. Lots of the laws in the bible including Kosher foods was to prevent food poisoning in a time refrigeration didnt exist yet to kept foods longer and some meats go bad faster but aren't bad to eat in todays time if handled properly. However today many people still go by what was written in the bible for bible times and just after, it was a time of no fridges and no birth control so to apply that thinking to today is nothing more than ceremony, of a custom, not an actual need. There is no harm to a female if she were to be on birth control and have him use condoms for STD protection. She will not have any kids therefore until she is ready to marry, the original reason for the rule girls should be virgins. If you want to go along with an old custom that is no longer relevant, that is fine dear and any man should respect your wishes, no matter what they are. I had a list on a dating site, no smokers but guys met me saying they didnt smoke, hoping I'd get to like them first and the smoking wouldn't matter. I am allergic to cigarette smoke so I couldnt be married to someone who did smoke and I wouldnt expect someone to stop just for me as there was always the chance they might go back to smoking. So yes, guys will say and do whatever they want to get what they want regardless of your choice and reasons. No its not childish to want to be a virgin at marriage if you like that old custom. Its great if it works out okay in the end. But his calling it childish is the wrong discription, he used only to get his way. I am not trying to get my way, just educate you a bit as to how virginity custom came about and leave it up to you to decide then what you will do.
Your life is yours to live as you see best and you should be respected and allowed to make your own decisions and not have someone try to convince you otherwise, that person doesnt respect you. Just make sure you know the pros and cons of information on this issue on all sides. You don't beleive cus you grew up in the church or your parents taught you this but it should be your very own conviction as with any other choices you will be making in your adult life. Research first and make knowledgable decisions in everything, even in how you choose someone to date, the dos and don't of dating, etc. You dont have to give him any reason, just tell him you don't feel you both are a good match and you're not going to see him anymore. End of story cus he doesnt sound like a good social dating prospect and even worse if considering him for future husband material.
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Yeah i have to agree with Razhie here. This guy sounds like a loser.
Partners are supposed to respect each other even if sometimes they may not agree. He could have taken so many other paths in telling you he didnt agree with your religion or whatever. Its OKAY to tell your partner "well thats ok, that YOU, i personally dont agree or believe in that but if thats what you do then thats ok"
Theres certain ways in which you let someone respectfully know that you dont agree without being mean, cruel, or insulting.
If he thinks your too childish then you need to say "ok BYEEEE" and seriously walk away. I know its easy to think that youll never find someone again but just trust the slightly older people here that you are barely in the prime of your life right now. People are going to come and go and some will stay and some will not and thats OKAY.
We're all on our own life paths and yours and his simply are not in the right place to be able to make things work obviously. Sometimes with ages being different, if both really want to make it work, then they will do everything in their power to do so and that includes, knowing what NOT to say and he obviously isnt there yet.
There will be other guys ok. there will be jobs youll get or things youll go to and there will be guys there just HOPING your single so THEY can hit you up for dates. ; )
good luck
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Yes, you should leave this person.
He mocks your faith and your values. That's a deal breaker right there.
He calls you childish, but he is the one who thought, at the age of 20 or so, it was okay to date a 14 year old. No matter how wonderful you are, that paints the picture of a very immature 20-something guy, and a guy who is likely looking for a very young women he can control and bully.
You are 17. That is hardly at risk of being 'single forever'. Really, you are just now at the age where most people begin to date with any seriousness. So look at this seriously. You don't want to sign up for a lifetime of insults, shame and disagreements. Walk away from this guy.
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