Member Since: November 3, 2015
Answers: 80
Last Update: February 16, 2018
Visitors: 3809
|
| |
My 63 year old dad was recently diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer’s. My family dynamic is not exactly easy to mobilize to help with the long haul we’re in for. I don’t live in the same state & my sister (who does) hasn’t been much help (outside of directions ive tried to put in place from time-time).
Making matters worse is my dads 20 year girlfriend. They own a house together and are technically in a legal “domestic partnership”). She has never been very supportive in any matter, let alone something like this. She still works and travels almost half the month for business leaving him at home for 2-3 days at a clip. All the while interacting with every man on social media when out of town. If you saw her FB, you wouldn’t even know he she is with anyone. No pictures of them. No check-ins, likes. They’re barely friends.
They have never really been too in love...more like convenient partners after each of their first divorces. We’ve begged him to leave her several times (prior to the his health concerns) to no avail. Even when we see the frustration & depression sinking in through the years. He does not want to be alone (which i fully understand).
My sister has always said they’d take care of him, have him live with them if ever needed but he has always been a stubborn one & would never agree.
Neither my sister or my dad’s gf have helped with the doctors, appointments, paperwork...
My father is getting worse. Is on medication (when he remembers to take it) and conversations are slowly becoming harder and harder with everyone.
I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I’m the only one that can diffuse the situation & lead things on the right path. It’s pretty impossible for me to move back home & every time i start the ball rolling with everyone, it always gets dropped and nothing progresses. It pretty much digresses every time and i have to start all over. My dad has alienated his friends and family over the years. Mostly because of the girlfriend. She always finds a way to piss them off one-by-one until they eventually stopped coming around completely.
He is on disability (gets something each month to live), has an ok (not exceptional) amount of money in savings, retirement plans that he can use (but hasn’t drawn from).
The main problem is the girlfriend. If we forced her out, it would lead a path for destruction. First, my father would be devastated if she ever left. They own a house together. Believes that he is and has always been in love with her. I’ve tried talking to the girlfriend, leveling with her, but she plays doe-eyed deer every time. Promising to help & take the lead, but never does. I’ve asked if nothing else if she could make sure medication is being taken & i still have no confirmation ever. She wouldn’t even take a morning off of work to drive him to a doctors appt & is completely manipulative. To her and pretty much everyone.
By not helping at all, she’s endangering my father every day. I’m trying to stay positive as much as possible, but the appearance is that she’s content with things this way. Uses it to her advantage some times, manipulating him by claiming she said or done things that i know 100% are inaccurate. She’s always been like this. And now it’s frightening to think she could be using it to her advantage every waking minute of the day because he won’t be remember most of it anyhow.
Should i be taking any preliminary legal actions at the moment (he refuses to sign a will by the way) in order to prepare for a fall-out with the girlfriend?
Should i hire a private detective to watch the girlfriend in case there is a domestic partnership battle over anything?
Has anyone had an experience like this with a difficult loved one & a manipulative spouse/partner?
Any advice at all would be sincerely appreciated! Thank you. (link)
|
So sorry to hear about your father and that your family is growing through this.
This is a very difficult situation as you know. You are not close and even if you were if he has someone that he is in a domestic partnership with that person is in charge of decision making and if that is also her home it’s going to be difficult for her to leave. The only way you will get him away from her is by putting him in a home and again I believe she would have to agree. I definitely recommend speaking to a lawyer to see what your options would be or have them check into his relationship her in case there is something that can be done.
It’s nice that you care for your father and you should continue to help where they allow it.
I wish i had a better advice for you.
Sorry again
|
Please excuse the hostile title of my question, but I am VERY angry right now. I want to warn you in advance that this writing might make me sound like a truly terrible person, but like I said, I'm extremely angry and fed up at the moment with my parents and my situation.
My parents have one of the worst marriages I've personally ever seen in my life. I don't understand why they ever got married in the first place or why they have stayed married for as long as they have. It's against our religion for them to get divorced, but there are many times that I feel like they, and the rest of our family, would be better off if they got separated or something. I don't think that's against their beliefs.
If I had to tell you everything wrong with their marriage, I'd be writing all night. There are numerous ways that my parents marriage sucks, but basically, they're distant, secretive, rude, verbally abusive, and vindictive. They spend entirely too much time apart, they leave each other out of things they do with their friends that they should do together, they keep secrets from each other, they call each other names that I've never called my worst enemy, and they do things just to make each other angry. Their marriage is constantly getting worse instead of better because when one of them gets angry at the other, instead of talking about it like normal people, they just get revenge on each other.
My parents scared me out of ever wanting to get married. I know they don't have a normal marriage and I know it's possible to get married and be extremely happy with your spouse, but even so, I just never could get up the guts to bite the bullet and commit my life to another person PERMANENTLY not knowing for certain what our marriage would look like one day. I am a Christian like my parents and if I did get married, I couldn't run to get divorced as quickly as some people do. I could get separated, but only if I was desperate and my husband and I would still be joined together legally. Also, the fact that I grew up watching my parents dysfunctional marriage and have never really, closely seen what a good marriage looks like kept me from having confidence in myself to know how to be a good wife and make a marriage work.
I always wanted a family, but when I kept chickening out of marriage, I decided just to have kids on my own using both IVF and adoption. I now have a large family that I'm raising by myself and I'm extremely happy with my life choices most of the time. But on occasion, I do feel sad that I don't have a husband and my kids don't have a dad. They have father figures, but not a legit dad in their lives. I feel bad about that, especially for the boys, but what can I do now? Who wants to marry a single mother raised in a dysfunctional family who doesn't even know what a healthy marriage looks like. Even if someone did, there's not a counselor in the world that could assuage my fears about marriage.
The reason I came here is that my parents are constantly putting me in the middle of their arguments and I get SICK OF IT!!! It's not FAIR!!! They get mad at each other for things I have nothing to do with and they make me take sides, help get revenge on each other, and bad mouth each other to other people. It SUCKS!!!
While I deeply love both of my parents, despite their flaws, and have a very close relationship with my Mother, my relationship with my dad hasn't been good since I was twelve. We've been very distant and we both hate that. We try to work on it, but every time we seem to be getting closer, something happens and our relationship goes straight to hell again.
So over the past six or seven months, my parents have been working on remodeling their house. The first thing they did was remodel the bathroom my sister and I used to share. They took out that bathtub that used to be in it and put in a shower in it's place. I use that shower when I can because it's by far the nicest and one of the most spacious showers I've ever used.
Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was using that shower and when I opened one of the two glass sliding doors, said door fell and shattered. It apparently wasn't put on right. Both of my hands were badly cut up. I had a cut in my finger on my right hand that went all the way down to the bone and the glass took two big chunks of skin out of my left hand that required stitches. I had a cut on my foot and one my left arm that was DIRECTLY OVER all of the veins and arteries in that arm that can kill you if you cut them open. The whole thing scared me to death. I was very sore for over a week and although I've been feeling better and healing fast, I temporarily lost some of the feeling in the finger that was cut all the way down to the bone and I fear I might be anemic from the blood loss. That probably sounds a little dramatic, but I lost a lot of blood, more than you'd think, and I was also on my menstrual cycle at the time. I've been having symptoms of anemia since then.
I was afraid my dad was going to be angry about what happened. I was scared he was gonna scold me and make me buy a new door. I was a little scared that he would even ban me from his and my mom's house. Instead, he was nothing but worried and sympathetic towards me. He wanted to look at my hands and arm, he asked me how bad the whole thing scared me, he gave me a couple very big hugs. He couldn't have cared less about the door. It was the closest I'd felt to him in a long time. It was one of the rare moments when my dad shows me how much I mean to him and it meant a lot to me.
We've been tight since then, but tonight, my mom almost screwed the all of that up. You see, on Saturday, I wanted to take my kids to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie and my mom said that she'd like to come. I found out that she told a lie to keep my dad from knowing where we were going out of fear that he'd come along if he knew. My dad has since found out where we went and that we'd left him out of something he'd have probably enjoyed and I feel bad about that. I didn't know my mom was going to lie to him like that. I should've invited him myself, but I didn't realize how much he'd have wanted to come. I didn't think he'd like the movie. Even as an adult, I loved it, but it is still a kids' movie and a musical, so I assumed my dad wouldn't want to come, but apparently he would and now I feel like sh!t.
That incident with the shower door happened two weeks ago and today was the third time that my dad had promised to go to the closest home depot an hour away and get a new shower door. He didn't do so and my mom wanted me to confront him and be a b!tch to him thinking that he'd get it done faster if I did. Thing is, my dad and I have been getting along great lately and after the whole thing with the movie, I was scared that he already wasn't happy with me. If I went and was an @as hole to him about the shower door, then he might explode on me and our whole relationship would go south again. Especially since I was the one who broke the door.
I went to politely ask him about the door, but when he was really sweet to me and we talked for a minute, leading me to realize that he wasn't angry with me, I lost my nerve to say anything that could anger him. My mom kept pushing me though so eventually I mentioned it to him, but it didn't help much. He was perfectly sweet about it, but didn't sound like he had gone to indeed home depot and I failed to light a fire under him like my mom wanted me to. This is not a good example of one of my parents putting me in the middle of an argument, but it's what prompted me to come here.
My mom is furious with me for not standing up to my dad and telling him off about the door like she wanted me to. She brought up the times I have stood up to my dad when it was for myself and accused me of not caring enough to do it for her. I explained to her that the rare times I've had the backbone to stand up to my dad, it was because he provoked me to do so, but he didn't provoke me today. I also explained that even if I had more of a backbone, my dad didn't deserve to be berated for the door today. Yes, he should've gotten it like he promised my mom, but he had a pretty busy day and I don't understand why it's such a big deal anyway. There's another shower and a bathtub in the house. My mom does like to use the new shower, but not often it's not like it's the only place in the house to bathe.
This is what I'm sick of. My choices tonight were to either be a jerk to my dad and ruin how well we've been getting along lately or to not be a jerk to my dad and make my mom mad at me. My parents do this to me all the time. They put me in the middle and make it so I can't possibly get out of the situation without making at least one of the mad at me. My mom acknowledges that she puts me in this position. She says flat out that I have to choose between her being mad or my dad being mad at me. I've tried to tell them that I'm not getting in the middle of anything, but that tends to make BOTH of them mad me.
It's really not fair because I have done nothing to get myself in these situations. I didn't cause my parents to have such a disaster of a marriage, I don't cause their arguments, I don't cause myself to be put in the middle of their arguments. I have no options. It's either p!ss my mom off or p!ss my dad off. Their are no other options.
The only other thing I can think of that I could do is to stop being around my parents, but that is not an option. I love both of my parents very much and could never alienate them from my life.
Super sorry this has been such a long writing, but I just wanted you to know everything you might need to know about the situation. Does anyone have any advice? (link)
|
Im so sorry you are going through this.
I agree its best not to get in the middle. Its seems as though you have mentioned this to them but they are not listening to you.
The next time something happens and they try to involve you nicely mention that you dont want to be in the middle because you love them both and you wish that they would just try to get along better for the family.
They may not get it at first and yes they may both get upset at you but what do you have to loose? This happens anyway.
Continue to do this nicely and stating how you feel. Not so much about being angry but being hurt and exhausted by the situation. Remember to keep your cool. Its more effective to show how hurt you are and how much you love them both vs being pissed off.
I feel that after doing this consistently you will see a change.
It may take several attempts but dont give up!!
While you are doing this also work on your relationship with your mom and dad separately.
Eventually you should be in the clear so to speak but expect it to take some time and expect some bumps in the road.
Once you feel a little more confident you may want to try having a talk with both of them.
It may help them a little.
Maybe you can suggest some ways for them to get along better since they dont believe in divorce. If they want to be "room mates" there is a way to do that with out having so much chaos.
I would ask them arent you tired of all the fighting?
Just a suggestion but definitely work on the other part first.
I hope some of my suggestions help!
wishing you all the best and sending lots of love to you and your family!
|
|
Ok so i own a Siberian Husky pup he is almost 1 year old he is a great dog love him till death. He listens when inside the house great but i feel like its only because he feels like he is trapped. As soon as i let him outside he no longer listens and if he does something bad and i have to punish him i put him in a cage in the house then it takes me a week just to get his trust back he will not come when called will not drop a item when told to do so. And Like i said this is only once we leave the house when we are out doors or in the backyard of the house. He is fast a short 50 pound little ball of fire always on the move he has a huge backyard to play in and i try to get him to the dog park at least twice a week depending on the weather. I train with him everyday but he does not seem to get it he is very hesitant when i call him to me in the backyard and does not even acknowledge my presence at the dog park. He will be bad picking on a puppy at the dog park then we get home and he jumps up on the coach with me like were best friends and i am not mad at him. He knows i am the Alpha again great in the house wont touch food dropped on the floor until told to do so sits when told to even knows when i get him in the house and he was bad he knows to go into his crate. I tried looking everywhere online and everyone says the same thing just practice in your backyard bring him out on a leash i have tried it all as soon as he gets a inch freedom he takes a lot more then a mile. If anyone has advice i really appreciate it also food does not interest him i don't know if i already said that but if anyone knows like a irresistible dog treat that would also be great (link)
|
From my experience with puppies I would say it is closer to 2 yrs for them to grasp the training.
The crate also shouldn't be used as a punishment . Even though it may happen that way sometimes. Does he sleep in there? is he use to his crate? is he in there when you are not around?
I use have my puppy in his crate whenever i couldn't keep my eye on him and i made time to ofcourse play or walk and when i needed time where i couldn't watch him like a hem he went into his crate.
Your puppy is almost a year now. It's going to take time to change things around if you want to try this.
Puppies are like kids... they behave at home sometimes and when you go out they embarrass you.
Give it more time and the secret is being consistent with your routine. If you can do that for another year i think you will be fine.
As far as treats have you tried home made ones?
Treats are tough just depends on the dog and if he has tasted table food that will usually make things difficult. Our food is better. :)
Good luck and be consistent and have patience!
|
|
So the other day I had a job interview at MacDonald's and they said that they would call me and tell me if I got the job of not. My problem is that I have an appointment with the dentist Wednesday to have dental Surgery I should be fine to go back to work the next day since I am only having 5 teeth pulled if I get the job. Would it be okay to ask for the day off if they call or do I need to reschedule my appointment with the dentist? I just don't want to get fired when I just get the job . Thanks in advance. (link)
|
If you get offered the position you can tell them when you want to start. If your surgery is Wednesday you can start Monday. Give yourself those few days to recover. 5 teeth is alot. Getting a tooth pulled is not a big deal but 5 may leave you in pain.
It should not be a problem. You can tell them you have some appointments and its best for you to start Monday.
|
May someone please be kind enough to give me constructive criticism, and maybe give me some advice on what areas to improve in? Thank you! :D
This is what I have completed so far. I'm fully aware that it's immensely depressing, but I promise you it's going to soar smoother and more optimistic later on in my novel.
"Done. Beyond done I am of ferociously fighting against myself, against who I am. I cannot function a state of emotional nor mental stability any further than I have for the last eight years. I am exhausted and mentally ill. Where am I leading myself to in this everlasting journey to God knows where? Could I act "cowardly" as innumerable, heartless people call it by overdosing on my prescription drugs of a wide diversity? If I can be bravely honest here, I have attempted such a horrific suicide once before. Yet, like everything else in my damned worthless existence, I had failed like my father when he endeavors to quit taking cancerous drags from his cigarettes.
Far into the dark night scene I can manage to focus my ordinary green eyes on the yellowed colors in the luminous lights from the street lamps. Oh, how gorgeous they are surrounding the Main Street road. A car is racing at 50mph, far too rushing but why should I care? I'm impatiently awaiting the cold arrival of my death either way. If this car doesn't do the job, then I can lie and say I was stupidly not paying attention to what was driving into my dull presence. That I was far too tired, that no thought crept into my mind full of scattered pessimistic words, I was thinking too much - but that I intentionally intervened in the continuous journey they were leading? I could never."
I yearn to improve as much as I'm able, so please any advice would be appreciated and fully be brought into my consideration. :) (link)
|
If you have always wanted to be an author, then you are good enough! You have these feelings for a reason. There are people you can pay to bring together the words on your pages but the vision is yours. Go for it and dont stop until your work is out there!!
|
|
I'm in the process of wanting to commit suicide as I want to be with my son, I haven't got anyone at all, my partner ignores me blames me for what our son did, he wrote me a letter blameing me and how much he hates me and he wished I was dead instead, I'm having nightmares and dreaming of being with my son so so much, iv tryd to get help and I cant get any at all, I'm on medications and it makes me feel even worse, I sit up each and every night now as iv planned my suicide to the end, as I vet left at him on my own quite alot and i know I wouldn't be found till.i am dead, I need help and I cant get it so what's the point, I wouldn't be missed at all as I'm always on my own anyway, I tryd it last year and it felt so good as it took the pain away what I was feeling, cant believe I am still here, please help me or vive me son advice to help me please, next time I'm going to go somewhere very spe ial so I has to be right I do t want to wake.yp I'm done and fed up, iv found homes for my pets tht iv raised and they don't need me now, thank you for reading (link)
|
I am so sorry for your loss. Please dont do this. Just because his time here with you has ended it doesnt mean your time has to end!!!! Part of life is experiencing loss. I know this loss is extremely difficult but you will get through this. Please know and trust that things will get better. You will always feel the pain of this loss but time will help you manage. Your life is changing and has changed. Things will get better I promise you. Please please please believe that I beg you.
You say that no one cares for you, you dont know that and you are wrong because i dont know you and I care for you. I dont get paid for writing to you.
So start to change your thoughts. You need time to mourn your son and you should take that. Online support groups are great for support.
In your town there may be things you can join or volunteer. Start to change your circle of friends/acquaintances and watch your life change for the better. It takes time but its worth it and in the end you can feel proud that you changed your life. It is possible! You are not alone. Dont feel ashamed or guilty this is not your fault.
There is alot of support on here and you can write to me on here anytime. You are a good person.
Sending you lots of love!! I know you will be fine just start making some changes asap. One day at a time
|
Okay, so how it all started.
A close friend has a tendency to ignore me when he gets upset. I hate being ignored, it hurts. He always has excuses to ignore me for days!
So the last time he did it I don't know what got into me but I just decided to cut. To my surprise, it actually helps! Not the pain but the blood. I don't know but seeing the blood makes me feel way better. I feel less bad. So after that I cut every time I get angry, frustrated or when I just feel bad. Well, my life isn't exactly great, I have other better reasons for cutting besides my dumbass friend.
I do not cut deep so I do not think its any dangerous but should I still stop? I cut my thighs and hips not my wrists so no one finds out. If I have to stop how do I stop? Its really addicting. (link)
|
I could understand how this could be addicting. Anything that feels better than emotional pain will be. This is going to be a process for you . You have to change your thoughts to see a different reality. It's hard for you to see it now but basically what I see is you are giving the "dumbass " friend too much power. People are going to hurt you and you are going to feel bad but this is a part of life. We all hurt people from time to time and if we are mingling with people that are consistently hurting us it may be a good time to distance yourself a bit.
No one is worth your hurting yourself for! NO ONE!
Maybe you aren't cutting deep now but it may progress. I imagine that eventually those cuts are not going to
hurt as much and you will have to cut deeper.
I also feel that you should share this with a parent or someone you can trust. You need support right now
and you may need to attend some group counseling with other people that have been where you are now. It helps when you can relate to someone.
I hope you seek the support you need and remember you need to love yourself over these hurtful people. They are of worth it.
Sending you lots of love.
|
|
So I pretty much want to forget about my dad he hurt me a lot and I even searched the internet for help but nothing helped me My dad was abusive and he cheated on my mom a lot. He also sexually assaulted me when I was little. Pretty much my mother had me at a young age around 15. And my 'father' was fine and all as I can recall. But when my mother left to work he would bring me with him and he would pick up a woman and bring them over to our house and well you know have sex with them. What was worse is that I had to be in the room with them when they were doing that, I remember when he did that and he turned all the lights off cuz u suppose he didn't want me to see I dont know and when he did I would cry silenty. He left me when I was 5 and I never knew he was abusive towards my mother till the day he hit her in front of me and my brother and I tried defending her and when she called the police he left and I heard he is in mexico now I always try forgetting him but its hard and he pretty much affected my life. Please give me some advice...... (link)
|
I am so sorry you went through this.
I'm not sure if it's possible for you to completely forget about your Dad or if it's even healthy because the events connected to him are a part of your life. However you need to try to move on from this. It's possible you are looping these events in your head looking for answers when some of them you already have. None of this is your fault. Not in ANY way. There was nothing you could do to prevent this.
Keep telling yourself this. This is the truth. Bad things happen but don't let this define who you are or what you are meant to do in your life. a
You are going to feel pain and when you do cry or get upset.
You have to deal with all of your pain from this in order to move on. Will you ever forget? no but you will start to heal.
That's where you need to start. If there is someone you can talk to let it all out. If you are spiritual pray and start to notice the happier side to your life and be grateful for it.
This is a lot. I'm it trying to make this sound easy. This will take time and you need to allow yourself this time to heal.
Start with dealing with the emotions that are connected to
this. It doesn't mean that you should halt your life but it's ok to take some time to reflect on it. It's better to deal with it now than to bury it. Burying is only temporary and it will come back just as intense where if you deal with this now the memory or pain from it won't be as intense and he won't come into your mind as much .
I'm so sorry again. No child should experience what you have and are going through . It will get easier as long as you give yourself time to get through this.
Wishing you all the best xx
|
I have no interest in anything. I'm disabled. So - at least for me - life is meaningless, because all life is is waking up, going to school/work, playing with your hobbies and then you go to sleep and repeat the same cycle all over again.
I have looked into finding interests for years, but I just am not interested in *anything*. I'm disabled, so I can't drive anywhere or go to work/school.
So what do I do when life is meaningless? Do I just lay here and wait for death?
(I'm done seeing therapists and taking prescription drugs, by the way. I have cooperated and put forth plenty of effort with multiple therapists, but it only made me feel worse. And I've been prescribed a multitude of different medications, but they only make me feel dizzy and drowsy.) (link)
|
I am sorry to hear about your depression. I am not disabled but I know what it feels like to feel like you can't do something.
I struggle with this daily and the only thing physically I have to battle is my weight.
No you just don't wait to die. You are correct in trying an alternate route with out medication. Some people need it but many do not.
What do you do now? You dig deep with in yourself. YOU can pull yourself out of this.
I know you don't believe it now but you will. Join some online support groups on Facebook. Google a little and see what disabled people do. See if you can find something to do that you will be proud of. I don't know you but I admire you. I believe you are here to show people that NOTHING can hold them back. It's not easy ... but is anyone's life easy? Everyone has something to battle. I have pulled myself out of some pretty low places and I know you can too.
Believe in yourself and everyone else will. Believe in yourself and watch the world change around you.
Trust those words. You are meant to do more. We all have a purpose. Start by believing in it.
I wish you all the best in your journey. It will change I promise!! but only if you want it to.
|
Hello, I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I'm completely out of money and overdrafted by -$10 in my account.
I'm a college student who just moved off to college less than a month ago and found a new job three weeks ago. It turned out though that in the first two weeks my job didn't give me very many hours as I was training so I only wound up with about $110 for the first week and haven't been paid yet for this last week and won't be paid for this week until next Thursday or later.
My issue is that I have a car payment and car insurance which totals about $425 together and my car insurance was taken out this morning, which is what overdrafted me.
I even sold a watch that I loved to make money ($80) but I sold it online and now I won't get paid for it until the buyer gets it and accepts it, but who knows when that will be when I just shipped it today.
My car payment ($316) is due on the 26th and though I have a grace period I have no idea how I'm going to be able to make this!!!
Fortunately, because I am a college student I at least have a meal plan so I can depend on that for food during the week. However, I have no money for food on the weekends or anything else I might need. I'm also 100 miles behind on an oil change in my car so I don't even feel safe driving it and it needs a synthetic change which is $60! I don't know what to do, I feel like everything is a giant disaster right now!
I can't ask my mom or dad for money because they don't have any to spare and I'm stuck on campus without any friends since I'm new here.
Please help me with some ideas!
(link)
|
Hi I feel your anxiety and I've been there more than I'd like to admit.
I'm going to throw some ideas out at you.
Babysitting children
babysitting elderly people
Pet sitting
Cleaning houses
these are jobs that will pay you pretty much that day or of its for a few days of work you will get paid by the end of your work week.
Check classifieds or websites that advertise.
Sometimes people need help organizing etc
Another thing to think about for the future is your overall expenses.
425 dollars a month is a hefty bill for a college student
If you find that you are not pulling in what you need to make your payment , you may want to consider selling your car.
Just a thought , you know your situation better than me.
Last advice is to breathe. Every time you start panicking take some deep breathes. Things will work out. Believe that there is a solution for this and worse case if you are late with your car payment it's not the end of the world.
It's not ideal for your credit and you don't want to be an entire month behind but it is what it is.
Please dont do anything you will regret . It won't be worth it in the long run.
If things don't come up quick enough don't be afraid to talk to your parents . Explain everything to them. The worse thing they can do is say no.
People set up go fund me pages. That's another option. Maybe friends and family can help. Every little bit counts.
I wish you the best! and don't worry it will be ok! you are not the only one in these situations. It's very common.
Stay positive you are going to be fine!
Good luck !! xx
|
|
My boyfriend and I have been arguing about random things lately now and then. I sometimes feel that he is trying to find an excuse, I don't know why. Recently he just asked me about my car, and what year it is. (Its a mercedes s550 2007). He drives a VW Passat. I feel that he thinks he is always in competition with me and sees me as his rival instead of companion. I told him I don't think a person's car or what they have is what should be important but the person themselves. I said I don't ask about your car or your business. We had fought about my previous car as well, as he wanted to use it for a few days since I am no longer using that one. Well that didn't work out, and he ended up renting one and kept taking photos with it and even tried to race me. This seemed childish to me coming from someone in his late 30's. Anyway going back to today.. I feel like he is always analyzing me and trying to figure something out from my answers. Shouldn't the woman be doing this? Anyway, today he asked again and I still did not tell him, I asked what does it matter, it doesn't matter for me. He said it does because it defines your personality and if you don't tell me what year your car is then who knows what you won't tell me later on in life if we get married. I wrote back if it's something important of course I'll tell you but unimportant topics like this shouldn't matter. He went offline. We have been seriously thinking about marriage soon but how would it be if we happen to argue lately about everything and our minds are very confused. I just don't know what to do, and should I tell him my car year (aka feed his egoistic curiosity). I don't know anymore. Thank you... (link)
|
I know how frustrating this is. I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes these things are important to people. Maybe you should feed his ego and see where it takes you. If something as simple as this makes him a better boyfriend to you then so be it. The only issue I see with this is how he will handle things when you are in a position where you have something "better" than him. In that case maybe you can remind him that you guys are together and you share your successes together. It's time to try something different.
Please don't take this as you are doing anything wrong because I feel that I would react the same way but since you love him it doesn't hurt to test out some things so you can learn. Relationships are tricky and the more you learn about your partner the better things will be for your relationship.
Good luck!! I hope this rough time passes quickly!
|
My life kind of started to end on July 15 2014. My wife of 52 years and I were sitting on our deck when we looked at each other and said, You know something we got it made. That was because I had finally retired and we had moved into our new house in the mountains. That was around one pm when we spoke those words.
That night around seven we got a call from one of our daughters (Barb). She told us that she had just left the doctors and they had told her she had stage four ovarian cancer, and that she had 1 to 5 years to live.
This as you can imagine floored us. The next morning my wife (Elaine) and I packed her suitcase. We decided that my wife would move in with Barb to help her as much as possible. Barb lives three hours away, so we thought I would drive down on weekends and bring our dog with me.
After three months of Elaine staying there and me coming down on weekends, the stress got so bad between my wife and I. You see, Elaine is 71 years old and she was taking care of Barbs whole house. There are four in the family, Barb, her husband (Jeff) daughter (Kristin age 21) and son (Jeffery age 17). She looked like she was 90 years old. This was killing my wife. Well after three months had gone by, Barb went back to work, so Elaine decided to come home and we would go down on weekends. This lasted till 1/10/16 when Barb passed away.
When my wife came home, I was relieved that she could rest and try to get back to somewhat of a normal life. Well that did not happen. From the minute and I mean minute Elaine walked in the door I was accused of having an affair. I could not believe my ears. Her reasoning was she found Cialis in my bureau drawer. After her throwing this at me I showed her that it was a sample with my name written on it. The funny part of it was, Elaine was the one that picked it up at the doctors office. By the way our doctor not only wrote my name on the box but the date 1/16/2012. Four years before we moved to the mountains.
That was the end of that session. But two weeks later she told me my girlfriend stole five pair of her jeans from the closet. I could go on an on about the accusations but to name just a few. Cigarette butts found in the street meant my girlfriend was standing there watching the house. I was told while we where both out shopping together that there was blood on our mattress pad. When we got home the blood had disappeared. Now remember we never left each others side.
I won’t bore you with more details because there is over 50 accusations made. None of which were true.
Anyway last week a new neighbor moved in and you guessed it I was having an affair with her.
Well two days ago she left me, drained our bank accounts of over $125,000. Leaving me not only with my wife of 52 years but without a penny.
I can’t do this anymore. As much as I love her I want it all to end. I can’t stand the pain. I sit here and look at a bottle of pills the doctor gave us for depression and can’t stop thinking this would end my pain. I was a strong willed man all my life, a rough and tumble construction worker. Well I am a broken man now. She broke me and took my will to live.
(link)
|
I am so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this.
I think it's safe to say that your wife was looking for reasons to leave you. Why? only God knows but after living a completely different life for the time she was caring for your daughter and her family how do you get things back to normal?
What do you do now? It's hard to pick up your life again after going through something like that. So try to be understanding .
As for you ... well you come first. You have your life and even though your family life has been shaken up this is not your end. Your story doesn't have to end this way!!! I hope you realize this after all these years that you deserve to leave this world when it's your time! Don't take this into your own hands.
I know you are probably thinking at this age what's the point?? Well you do have a family so you have LOVE! Your wife is grieving but believe it or not she still loves you. So So much!!! So much that she couldn't even tell you to your face her truth she had to make excuses so she wouldn't hurt you. Even though her decision still hurts. If you speak to her again , don't fight , let her vent and just tell her you love her . It helps to hear it.
I'm pretty sure there are some things left you wanted to do in this life? Maybe some of them seem little or insignificant but they are not if they mean anything to you. This is how you get your spark for life back! Don't take this for granted. Not everyone can say they have been around this long. As long as there is air in your lungs you keep living and enjoying everything life has to offer!!! Your age is only a number it does NOT restrict you from having happiness!!!! You still deserve it all! Please believe that! I believe it for you . I don't gain a thing by telling you to keep going . It's going to be ok. I know it will and once you believe this you will find your way again.
Sending you lots of hugs and my love!!!
you are going to be great! And also give your mind and your body some rest. There are some
beautiful days ahead for you so be ready :)
|
my 21 year old daughter is in prison for 10 years for killing her friend when she crashed while she was drunk driving. Her friend was in the passenger front seat. She was drinking too so if she had driven it could have been the other way around
We received an visit from her friends parents who are still angry at us and say that a ten year sentence is too light and it should be longer
Obviously, I have no defense for what she did. She did a terrible thing and ruined her life and is paying for it but ten years seems like a lengthy sentence (link)
|
So sorry to hear that this happened to your daughter.
In all honesty since someone lost their life it actually seems like 10yrs is a light sentence.
I know being her mother 10 yrs is a long time.
I can understand why the parents of her friend are still angry. They lost their child and unfortunately the only person they can direct that anger /pain is to the ones who are living.
The way I see it ... is if both of them were drinking they share the responsibility . Your daughter should have known not to drive but when you are drunk you don't always make rational decisions. Her friend should have known not to get in the car with her. I'm sure there is more to this story but everyone should take responsibility for their own actions. Her parents are in pain more than you can imagine. It's going to be hard for them to see this any other way for a long time.
21 is very young and it's an age where you are still learning how to responsible. Hopefully they will realize this one day.
All you can do is appologize to them. I wouldn't fight. Even though your daughter being in jail for this long is unfortunate at least you have her.
Blessing to your and your friends family. Work on finding peace
|
|
About 4 months ago I was 13 wks pregnant and had an unexpected miscarriage. It was days after finding my best friend since 6th grade and my childs father naked in our bed together when I came home (they swore nothing happened--that they were just really drunk and . So, I blamed the miscarriage on him. He thought that I had gotten an abortion or done something to hurt the baby (never would I have done that). Well... Long story short, my child's father & I split up and I slept with my ex 2 times. When I came back to him I told him what I had done. Well, he told me in order for him to forgive me that I had to quit my job, pack up and move to sc with him for a job offering that he had gotten... & I needed to get pregnant again. So, I did it. Well, after I got pregnant he finally told me that he had slept with my best friend. We were so close. My kids called her aunt & I was her sons godmother. We have always been so close. I even used to tell her that she is the only person in the world I would ever trust to lay naked next to my husband. We were inseparable. I'm not sure why she did what she did to me. But it hurts. I feel so betrayed by both of them. On top of it, my child's father told me that I need to come clean with whatever else I am hiding because he "KNOWS there is more"... Well, there is absolutely nothing more that I am hiding from him. No secrets. I wish there was a way to prove that to him, but I can't. Other than to continues flu tell him that I am telling the truth. I have told him absolutely everything! I have no secrets anymore and I should feel great about it. But, he is making me feel terrible... Like I am lying to him and still hiding stuff from him. He says I just need to come clean for closure or we will never move on from this and we will never be happy again. It is making me resent him as the days go by. I hate the fact that I have told him every little secret and he still doesn't believe me. I hate that he will never find closure because he has his mind set that I am still hiding stuff. I think if I stay, he will eventually cheat again because he thinks I am still hiding stuff from him. I can't deal with it again. But I also do not want to miss out on the amazing life we could have together if he would just let me prove to him that there are no secrets. We have potential to be great. A happy loving godly family who should and would be forgiven for the sins they have confessed. I don't know whether to stay or walk away. Please help! (link)
|
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Unfortunately I don't feel you will have the life you want with this man because it sounds like he is taking advantage of you.
You telling him you slept with someone else is just what he needed to "not trust" you anymore.
People have secrets and yes it is possible he feels you have more but if you tell him you don't he should believe you. If he does not trust you how can this relationship grow?
He also slept with your best friend. Cheating is cheating but when it's with someone that close to you that's pretty low. There are so many women why choose your best friend? It seems like he wanted to hurt you not only because he did this but because he told you! You asked but he only decided to tell you after you got pregnant again. Doesn't that make you feel like you are stuck? It seems like he knows how to manipulate you in my opinion.
But let's say that I am wrong....
1. He does not trust you
not many places your relationship can go from here and like you said to mask his pain it's quite possible he will cheat again.
2. He slept with your friend.
so not only did he betray you he basically help ruin a friendship.
and he tells you after he suggests getting pregnant again.
3. you worry he will cheat again
since he feels you aren't being honest
All of these things in my opinion are not easy things to get over.
If you feel that you can forgive him for all of this and get past the fact that he does not trust you than continue giving it a shot.
If not then you know your answer. No need to rush into this answer let it settle a little but not too long you deserve to be happy and with someone who loves you.
Good luck! xx
|
I was wondering what you thought do you feel it is really that big of a deal nowadays to have a nude image of yourself online not a sexual one but like just of yourself nude on a beach or similar?
(link)
|
I think these days it is very common to see these types of photos online . I think it can be a big deal depending on where you are or where you are going in your life. There are celebrities that do this but I would say that for them sometimes their positions call for it or they just feel like knocking down stereotypes about body image. If you are in your teens it's probably too soon for something like this and it depends on how it's done. Our bodies are beautiful but there are ways of photographing it to make sure the message is received in a non sexual way.
Unfortunately if you are very young, it gets sexualized no matter how hard you try.
I think whether it is a big deal or not also has to do with the intention of your photo.
There is a lot to think about but just remember once it's out there is no way of getting that photo back. People start copying and sharing right away. So if you have to think twice you probably aren't ready.
|
I'm 21, in college and questioning my sexuality (as I have been for years).
In the past I've had two serious relationships, have gone on several dates with men who didn't work out, and I'm actually currently in a relationship (which I'm seriously considering ending). All of these have been with men and now I feel like I would be happier with a woman.
Sexually, I'm attracted to both men and women, but prefer the female body to a males. As for everything else, I also feel as though I enjoy the company of women to men.
I enjoy feminine activities, shopping, doing makeup/nails, reading, interior decorating, cooking, eating out, gardening, arts and crafts, walks on the beach, ect. I know that these things aren't just attributed to females and that everybody is different, but when it comes down to it most men don't like doing them as I've run into time and time again. I'm so tired of being with a guy and being told he won't do anything "girly" with me because everything I like to do tends to be "girly".
I tend to wish I was holding hands or laying in bed with another female when I'm with my boyfriend. I have such better conversation with other girls and always have more fun around other girls.
When it comes down to it. I can't see myself spending my entire life with a man. I keep giving it another chance with men because I always think "maybe this one will be different" but I always wind up wishing I was spending time with a girl.
(link)
|
I think there are several things going on here.
It seems like you are attracted to men on some level or else you wouldn't have dated one.
Now let's not mistake that attraction because you haven't found someone that shares your interests.
There are men out there that do have "feminine" interests
So it's quite possible you have not found the best man for you.
Now as you mention you are also very attracted to females.
So ofcourse this seems like a better fit . However some females prefer a man with more "masculine" interests.
It's nice to have someone you can relate to however SOME women are turned off by this . So please keep this in mind.
It's quite possible you are bisexual. So while you are exploring your sexuality I would continue to date women and men.
Don't drive yourself crazy if things don't work out because this is normal. As a matter of fact you have a bigger dating pool which is nice.
So maybe a more "feminine" man and or maybe a more masculine woman... maybe
you will see how things pan out . Just concentrate on finding someone that will treat you right and that you share SOME interests with.
Leave the rest to friends!
Have some great girl friends and guy friends and that will fill in gaps.
Good luck to you and remember to have fun! you will find the right person and figure all of this out! xx
|
|
Well i am 20 years old from India in my final year of Engineering. I hav been facing lots of criticism at home by dad who happens to be too much of a perfectionist.I somehow manage to get all his criticism for no fault of mine.i just happened to be seeing A cartoon on tv which led to one thing and then another. The last thing i knew was my dad telling me i have no aim in life and stuff..i agree i m not totally pumped up. I love to take things in my pace..it isnt so that i am not in the field i love. Or i do not study. I give in my 100%. Till now, i have given everything my best shot. I have failed and been disappointed..but i do not take everything too harshly. I try to learn from my mistakes. Analyze myself. But i do not show it or tell any1. Just bcz i did nt get marks the way my dad or for the matter even others expected..dad says i have been fooling them and nt studyng which i havent at all.I do not compete with any1 except myself. I do not mind others going ahead of me or staying behind me.its just i do not rush heavily into things, i love takin my time with things. I have huge aspirations in life and ready to face any failure bt you just cant criticize every step i take and call it "constructive criticism". I tried telling him my point of view but he just doesnt seem to understand my side. I may be wrong sumtyms i accept it..same way he cant be right all the time. I end up gettin criticized if i speak up..if i dont i neways get criticized. I ignore but this frustrates me.he has been jobless for some 8 years now and doing some small business which gets our family but my mother is the only one who is earning..i m really. Frustrated..please advice needed (link)
|
It's sounds like you know where you are currently in your life and where you are going. Maybe Dad is taking out his own frustrations on you? or Maybe he thinks that by belittling you it will make you soar. It's also possible this is a conversation you need to have with your father and keep him in the loop and tell him how the way he speaks to you makes you feel.
Sometimes when parents don't know what's going on with their children or don't understand parents will act out. ( yes even though they are parents they have their adult tantrums too ;)
So try to have a talk with him about this and keep him in the loop. If that doesn't work try your best to block him out. It sucks to have someone bashing you especially a parent. I am so sorry you are going through this. Stay focused and you will be able to support yourself and get away from this.
I hope talking to him helps.
Good luck to you! xx
|
|
Ok so this happened recently my sister who is 3 years younger than I am walked in on me and saw me naked which to me being naked is normal and no big deal,so later after the initial shock of the encounter faded away I went to kind of say sorry to her for seeing me naked. She then said to me "You dont need to freak out over it you were just naked, you dont look bad either and frankly I thought you had a nice package too not overly big but nice and thick" should I feel like no big deal by her comments? (link)
|
Her commenting on your "package" is inappropriate in my opinion.
Since she is younger than you if you feel comfortable you can tell her that you do not want her commenting on your body anymore because it makes you feel uncomfortable since she is your sister.
If you don't want to address this again at this time which is totally understandable ,you can say this to her if it happens again.
Side note start locking the door when you are changing or go in the bathroom to change.
Your sister should be knocking the door but sometimes mistakes happen but I would take some extra steps to ensure this doesn't happen again.
The issue here is not that she saw you naked. ( even though this should not happen all the time) The issue for me is her comments on your private areas. It's a little much
I hope this helps
|
21/f
I always feel like I don't have time for anything. Like the clock is just ticking life away and there is nothing I can do about it. To an observer,I would probably seem like I've got everything going for me. When in reality,I've never felt more miserable.
I'm always waiting for it to get better,but it never comes. I keep waiting for 3 years to pass my anatomy exam but it just isn't working out. I keep waiting to become more likeable but I only have one close friend who doesn't really understand when I get emotional. I have recently broken up with a guy I loved very much because he was homophobic. I keep waiting for an opportunity to meet someone right for me but it feels like it will never come. It feels like I will never reach all those great things in my life. My best friend said he thinks that I'm going into a black hole of negativity again and this has to stop. I would stop if I knew how. I won't go see a doctor because it is greatly stigmatized in my country. I don't even know why I feel this way. I was mentally abused in elementary school but I thought I was over that. Can someone help me overcome this? I feel apathetic and I'm losing my will to live. (link)
|
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Life is tough sometimes so its normal to feel this way and you are no longer with your boyfriend so this is going to be a rough time for you but its not anything you cant overcome.
Maybe you should take some time to figure out what makes you happy. Its possible you may start off with little things. Maybe you feel like sleeping late one day. Maybe you feel like singing and dancing in your room. Just to give examples. Concentrate on feeling good and what comes naturally and dont put too much thought into it.
If you use Social Media take a break from it. Worry about you. Once you start to feel better these things that you desire will come with more ease. Take a walk get some fresh air when you can and just breathe and admire the world around you. Its going to take time so dont expect immediate changes and you are worth the time :)
Try to slow down your thoughts some and dont over think things. When these small things happen that make you happy take a moment to recognize it and be grateful. Things will get better soon. Just take care of the most important thing which is you!
Good luck xx
|
|
I am a middle school girl and I suffer from severe depression. I experience suicidal thoughts on a regular basis, and find it hard to go for a night without either crying, self-harming, or making an attempt at my own life. I have been bullied for appearance, sexuality, and various other things. I only have one friend, who often times gets me depressed as she also suffers from severe depression. I have attempted to make more friends many times, but to no avail. I'm too scared to tell anyone or ask my parents for a psychologist. What should I do? (link)
|
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I have experienced depression but on a smaller scale so I am just going to put some things out there.
Are you happy with your overall appearance?
Sounds like a stupid question but really think about it. Are you wearing clothes that you like? or are they what you feel will be acceptable?
Maybe you have long hair and you want short hair?
The point I am trying to make here is that if you are not being your true self that can make you depressed or add to your depression.
The other thing that I recommend you doing is sharing this with your parents. I know you are afraid and you have every right to be this is a big deal but if you dont get some help things will get worse and your life is so valuable!!
Maybe you will be able to work things out with your parents to start.
See if you can join some new activities that you are actually interested in. Some in school and or some in town. That should relieve some tension and you may make some new friends.
Dont be so hard on yourself.. life is tough but you can do this! and there is nothing wrong with asking for help.
Good luck to you , i hope you start feeling better soon you have s much to live for!xx
|
|