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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

My mom was an active alcoholic for years and it ruined a lot of my childhood - especially high school. It was hard to watch and difficult to deal with an addict. The good news is, she's been sober for 4 years.

I'm really proud of her and am so happy, but now I'm 21. I want to have a drink now and then or just have some alcoholic beverage laying around for if I feel like drinking, but I'm so terrified to keep alcohol in the house.

How do I continue the occasional drink at 21 without making her feel bad or go down the wrong path again?

Until you move out and have your own place, then in concern for Mom so as there's no temptation around, you do not bring alcohol into the house, nor store it there and you don't drink in front of her. If she attends Alcoholics Anonymous, there are great classes for family to attend as well to help support and understand the recovering alcoholic. They would tell you the same thing I am saying.
So your options for a drink is going out to a restaurant or bar with friends as a group and rotate who is designated driver or drink at a girlfriends place and plan to not drive.

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Do you ever feel like life is just so totally meaningless and you're overwhelmed by the futility of it all? Your thoughts race but you're not even thinking about anything really, and you're just so full of the sense of inherent worthlessness, so you just lay in bed for a few hours, and then you come back to earth. And it's an odd feeling while you have it, it's just nervous energy and a drive to do something but you don't know what, but it's even worse to be grounded again in the concrete world, to be content with the mundane mediocrity of life.

I love how Rainhorse answered you. He's got a great way to look at the situation and I can truly say he's right, that at times, all people have their periods in life or days when they question life, feel overwhelmed and it feels so futile.
I can get overwhelmed by emotion of how badly things are going in the world, the economy so bad and its so hard to make a living that every person needs 2 jobs to barely break even and each person is one paycheck away from being homeless. I currently live out of my van with the husband. I work part time but with the ways things are in this world, I can't get ahead very easily. Yes, we both could choose to have a full time and part time job in our fifties, work ourselves to the bone, maybe end up run down and very sick or ill in health, never have time for each other but we can say we have an apartment! Those I know who have apartments are only there to sleep at night and gone all the rest of time working just for an existance. We are not willing to lose our health and not have time for each other. Its a 2nd marriage for both and way better than our firsts so we truly treasure what we have. We can look back at just our own parents in the different time growing up and see how successful they were and its something that no longer is a reality unless we win a little something at the lottery.
Then I see a movie or read a book about something terrible that humans have hidden from the public, horribe ways of treating other humans, the biggest we all know about, the persecution of jews and concentration camps but I've recently read something just as bad and it made me heart sick and crying for 2 days for the people my age and older who lived thru such terrible treatment. It made me realize that pretty much all humans are capable of turning on each other, they just need the right thing or event to break down their moral fiber and cause them to react like animals with the fight or flight complex. It doesnt matter how good a person we all are, when our very existance is threatened, we all will fight to save our lives or want to give up. I can think of worse for myself like being blind or in a wheelchair while having to live out of my van. You may have to look hard for a few things that you can say you're truly grateful for but in the whole existanc of your life, it seems like a drop. I may feel overwhelmed and certainly agree life seems futile at times but I also believe that as souls, we are here to learn, and become more like our creator and its hard to learn when everything is rosy. I think back to childhood when times were easier. The greatest achievements of personal growth for me have been from my mid thirties on and I am still making them. It takes tremendous forces in the earths crust to transform carbon into diamonds. I like to think of us all as diamonds in the making and if not for this harsh life on earth that seems meaningless, we might not grow. Don't get me wrong, my personal growth triumphs seem like so few compared to the mundane daily schedule of my life, but thats the way it is for all of us. I think it would be equally overwhelming to learn and achieve a new success on a monthly or daily basis. I had one year like that and I can tell you it was just as overwhelming as the hardships of life...feeling like I was on a rollercoaster going faster and faster with no ability to slow down or stop the thing so I could get off. I felt just as out of control with all the ground shaking break throughs I was having all too many and too quick all together. So trust me, versions of these feelings can occur on both ends.

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I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, who I love, for five years. He's honest, hard working, loyal. He has all the characteristics that any woman would hope for in a man. We have a really healthy relationship, we hardly fight and are good about communicating with each other. But there's this guy... We met through mutual friends a couple years ago when I was with my boyfriend already.Time went on and with no effort at all we became really good friends. We are so connected in a way that I have never been connected to somebody before. And it is known between me and this person that we have feelings for each other. I have tried for years to shake these feelings for him because I feel guilty about thinking about somebody else when I'm with my boyfriend. So, the problem is that I don't want to break up with my boyfriend, I love him and I love spending time with him but I'm falling for this other person and I can't keep going on in this relationship while I'm having thoughts about somebody else. It's not fair to my boyfriend, myself or the other person. So do I continue to try and suppress my feelings for this person who I see on a weekly basis? Or do I break it off with my current boyfriend?

Miss undersmock has some good points. After 5 years, you mention nothing about whether this bf is the one you want to marry and have kids with or if he doesnt want to got that little bit more in commitment. And you didn't mention age, also a factor depending on the actual situation.

Her reaction is what you will get from most anyone and its my first one too. I wonder why threaten a great relationship by getting involved with another, unless perhaps you are too close to the situation to see what is Not right with your great relationship. You did say that you love the boyfried for 5 yrs but instead of saying he loves you too, you launched into trying to convince us exactly how he is a good guy "honest, hard working and loyal". Those are good traits and yes, when seeking a life long relationship or long term one, those are traits to look for but theres so much more to finding ones perfect mate.

I could go the easier route and say perhaps you are polyamorous at heart, able to have several real love relationships in life at the same time.
But there is a catch here if truly polyamorous, because ones partner would know all about it and give his approval and not feel jealous like he's losing you. It goes both ways and means you'd be supportive of your boyfriend also have other love interests, not just sex partners but people who truly become a part of his life.
It becomes not a comparison of something lacking in one, or something better in another, but just someone with a different personality and things to bring to the relationship. This is not for young people who havent started having kids for if sexual with several, it can be a problem if you don't have the core relationship where you two are planning on kids but you end up pregnant by others. Polyamory is not an answer for young folks because they are still learning how to handle one relationship successfully and having two or more just multiplies the problems you're having in the first one, cus you are still the same person with your own same baggage that goes into all other relationships until a person learns to deal with them self and become a whole person before getting into one let alone more relationships.
My guess if that you haven't really given thought to want you need and want in a man. Other than some of the obvious basics that you were able to recognize to look for, what would be a custom made perfect partner for you, not saying without issues cus none of us are perfect but right for each other as far as working well as a pair and together with similar goals and even things to learn in life. Make a list of the qualities of each guy. Is there something lacking in one that is not there in the other? You can't have everything on your list, but make sure that what you do get is the core important stuff in a guy, the things which if missing make it a deal breaker to be in relationship with him. While you are thinking about your needs, remember, that you are need to be perfect for some guy to meet what he needs most in a mate and wife and mother of his kids. Both need to be perfect for each other, not just the guy right for you but you are not right for him, he's just content to settle for less. Perhaps you settled for less with the 5 yr boyfriend. What do your friends and family think of the bf? If settling for less, by choice, say on a scale of 1 to ten, you have a 7, or 8 and thats good. But you are hoping to find a 10, you may be looking for someone who just isn't out there. I will say that I do understand how it is easy for the heart to fall in love with several people at the same time. But its the practicality of living out a life with one versus the other that you need to be very sure about. Sometimes its just the excitement of a new relationship that mimics the real thing, called New relationship energy as I don't think its been 5 yrs of knowing number 2, probably more like 2 yrs. You may think you know him well in that time but you don't have that kind of time to invest in getting to know him that well, like the living with someone, knowing the person sort of thing. Be careful in what choices you make because in the end, you can lose it all.

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I pick at my skin. I used to pick at scabs, and that's left me with a lot of embarrassing scars, mostly on my legs because I used to almost always wear pants, and I didn't want the ugly scabbiness to be seen, but now, I'm nearly sixteen and I'd like to be able to wear dresses and skirts sometimes, but I'm embarrassed. I stopped because my parents made me. The process itself was very distressing- they always told me I'd have scarred-up legs and arms and it wouldn't look good- and it just made me very anxious. Now, I pick at my fingers almost constantly. I can't use hand sanitizer and lemon juice is painful, and sometimes it hurts just to get water in them. I can't remember a time not doing it. In fact, I distinctly remember a time in elementary school, I'd have to guess second or third grade, that I was doing it and just pulled off so much skin on my thumb that it kept bleeding for ten minutes, and hurt like hell. Somehow, I was more relieved to have it off than I was distressed that so much blood was coming out of me. I do it significantly more when I'm anxious or nervous, but even when I'm not, I still do it. During class, there I'll be, just picking away. I do it constantly without even realizing it. I've tried to stop, but I can't fund anything that works. I've tried nail polish, I've tried just "hey, I'm not gonna do this anymore", but nothing's worked. It's painful and embarrassing and I always just want to hide my hands away so nobody sees it, and I look at other people with pretty, un-picked hands and I'm jealous. And to clarify- I pick at the skin around my fingernails, like the cuticles, not the nails themselves. What's wrong with me? Does anyone have any advice, or even sympathize at all with me? Even that would make me feel better, to know I'm not the only one to do this.

We aren't professionals and neither are your parents. Picking at oneself is usually a nervous habit, boredom or something else to take your mind and thoughts off of whatever really does bother you deep down in side that you may not be aware of.

The fact you don't even realize you're doing it tells me that your subconscious mind is the one controlling this so the solution would be getting through to your subconscious mind and explaining why it needs to stop. Its almost as if with the conscious and subcon. minds that its like having two persons inside of you fighting each other. It is very difficult for any one person to simply have success with talking to their subconscious as if talking to a friend. I have done it in circumstances as a teen when terrified of going to the dentist and kept telling my subcon. that if wasnt time to get scared yet cus I wasn't at the office yet, and next, you're only sitting in the waiting room, so no need to be scared yet, and next, you're only sitting in the chair and no novacaine yet, until I had talked myself out of being fearful until the last second, right before they started working on me. But I at least knew what the issue was. For you, it could be as simple as something you heard or was said to you as a very young child that your subconscious took the wrong way and now its only release from what was once said that bothered it, is the picking. I can't say that for sure but there is certainly something going on there.

The cure? I have heard that hypnosis works well. Had a co worker who went to one after a mean coworker scared her at her restaurant job so badly she spilling boiling water all over her chest. She was jumpy ever after and it interfered with her ability to do her job. She went for hypnosis and because hypnosis is a way of bypassing the conscious mind and speaking directly to the subconscious mind, thats why it work. Another way would be to see a psychologist who can work with you to discover what the cause of your doing this is, and I want to be sure to explain that not all psychologists put people on meds and say they have some mental disorder. There are ones who prefer to solve issues using anything but meds first like Cognitive Behavioral therapy. I would say,You are not a candidate for medications form what you've said, but again, I'm no expert, just what I've seen in my life so far.

You can try talking to yourself, your subconscious mind as if it was another person inside you, ask its name or give it one. More success if you truly acknowledge it and learn to listen for thoughts that pop into your head with a name. Like mental telepathy thoughts with yourself but holding that silent convo with yourself. Tell your subcon. that whatever it was that happened long ago that made her so scared or nervous that she began to pick at skin and scabs, she doesnt have to worry cus you're now older and won't let anything bad happen to her. Tell her to stop the picking and that to help, you'll apply something to your hands that doesnt taste good. So if you don't like really hot stinging peppers, I'd rub the hands with it so that every time you go for your hands without thinking about it, your sub will be reminded by the nasty biting sting what shes doing and you can then remind her again to stop. Its worth a try. And heres a link to a product to stop the biting at nails

http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/thum-b-sucking/nail-biting-liquid/ID=prod922-product

but it won't help if your mouth isn't going near the hands and just picking with fingers at skin. I have no idea what to do for that except something outrageous and very embarrassing, to wear rubber gloves on your hands to school or where ever you go during the day and just tell others you have extremely dry hands and are treating them this way. Let your subcon. know that if she continues to pick at you, that you will start wearing rubber gloves to stop her and that will be embarassing for both of you so you need her cooperation to stop. Maybe like a little kid given a new rule to obey who will test the parents, you may have to show your sub. you mean business. Instead of starting with school, put on gloves just to go for a walk, bike riding or to the store instead of school which woould be worst. As I said, its hard for people to work with their subcon. minds themselves and gain success. But if you want to try, it costs barely nothing. I hope this helps you. Since its a habit now for years, you need to get past a month of not picking to stop the habit for good. Instead of keeping your fingers busy picking, try somethinhg else to keep them busy. You've heard of worry stones...I hope. A small smooth stone you can handle in your pockets and keep twirling it around in your hand. I will keep my hands busy in a pocket with a strip of paper, using the one hand to slowly roll it into a tube and unroll it again and keep repeating. I've done that with ribbons on dresses too when younger. Sometimes, I think for me, It was a combo of being shy when younger, and the stress of that and also having lots of energy that needed to go somewhere, not ADD but having lots of natural energy that needed some kind of outlet while I needed to sit still so I also swung my legs or curled and uncurled them around each other. I still do this, not all the time, only when stressed and needing something as a small outlet for energy until I can get out and do bigger stuff. I hope this helps you dear. If you try everything yourself and still have no success, keep this to show the parents and have a good talk with them about searching for a medical intervention with hypnosis or a counselor.

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I need help why is a boy shy to be around with a girl

Girls seem to be more social and into wanting relationships than males at the same age. Girls may not know all the proper do's and don'ts but at least they're out there doing something.

If a boy had no sisters, he really may not have a clue what a girl is like, the good and bad, and be afraid to learn or look stupid. Also, lack of experience, this being the first time for them having an interest but not knowing how to approach, how to talk to girls, and the fear of rejection will hold them back.
Another thing when young middle school and sometimes HS, boys are afraid of their friends ribbing and teasing them over liking a girl and friends can be ruthless if they've seen it before so thats enough to keep them shy and not approaching a girl.
tHERE are many reasons.
If you like him, start talking to him. Better yet, to give him permission to talk to you, ask him for help, whether you need it or not. Guys like to be of help to a girl, it gives them a mission, something to focus on so they don't feel so awkward. Tell him you want to learn how to talk to guys and how to be friends with one and you'd be willing to teach him the same to be one with girls. You are choosing him cus you like him and he seems to be the nicest guy around and most likely willing to help you with this. Then befriend him like you would a girl. Lots of topics are neutral, favorite music, bands, food, etc... but if you try to talk to him about jewelry and the latest fashions and makeup it may bore him. He may have an opinion on what he likes but lots of talk, may not be his thing unless like my husband, theres more of an interest in gems and semi precious stones than I have.
Give it a try dear.

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so I have a problem with a girl so lets call her Bella So it all started the day I told her we cant be friends with her anymore because of this incident where her mom is saying all badwords to my brother for no reason so I wrote something that looked like if I was threatning her so this is what I said " I don't want to hurt you in a way I could". I know I was so stupid to say that and what I ment to say was I don't want to hurt your feelings and I got all the blame so I'm restricted to talk to Bella and really she is taking my friends and making a new squad and she is stealing my memebers and I want to punch her and so now she is all boasting about her new squad members so I need advice on what should I do and don't say talk to her because I'm not allowd to not even the school nor my parents want to see me talking to her at all and now she is using everything against my will I already have enuf problems with the principal and my parents so plz help me anybody

Once words are spoken, they can't be taken back. A person can say they didn't mean it but there's something called memory and everyone has one and so does she.
Although in your case, I dont know all the details but if parents and school principle don't want you two near each other or talking, then there's nothing you can say or do to change things with her anyways.

As for this gal stealing friends, there is no law that says a person can't have more than one friend nor laws that prevent people from befriending who they want.
The only law may be one from the principal if this girl herself is the only real trouble maker and you were totally innocent, then time will show that and things will happen where the principal restricts her from hanging out and influencing your friends in a bad way. If she becomes too much of a discipline issue in school, she could get kicked out. When we are young, we are impressionable so depending on your ages, most likely middle or high school, kids can easily be fooled by someone befriending them simply cus at those ages, all we want is to be accepted and liked by all and we aren't able to or choose to overlook the warning signs of reasons why any person isnt a good fit for a friend. If anyone was truly a good friend of yours, then no one would be able to steal them away just by saying things about you. A true friend would investigate to see if those things said are true or not, or simply wouldn't believe them because they know you well enough.
It could be that she simply is doing this stealin of friends to get at you without being seen near you. If all your friends hang with her, then theres no way you can hang with your friends due to them being around her and she being the one you need to avoid.
I know its a crummy deal but don't let her have the satisfaction of seeing it bother you or she'll get what she wanted. Don't even try to attempt seeing your old friends she's stolen, go out and make new ones. If theres no one you think you might like, you could surprise yourself. Some times, best friends who are truly loyal to you come in all shapes, sizes and looks. Perhaps the shy quiet wallflower of a girl who is always alone would welcome friendship and be a very good friend, the goth girl, the nerd type, the overweight girl, the girl without fashion sense, etc.
In the real adult world, you are going to be working someday with All these different types of people and while not becoming best of friends, you'll need to at least know how to get along and care about your co workers for work to go smoothly and help each other with your work loads for the benefit of the company by the end of the day. I am guessing that if trouble girl sees you going out and making new friends, she'll likely lose interest in pretending to be best of friends with your original friends. Or they may soon see thru her on their own and see that she is only using them to get at you. So when your old friends come back to you, take them back with a smile and a hug and let them know how glad you are to have them back. Don't blame them or b ring up their being so easily swayed by her. Lots of us all did the same at that age, its a common thing due to our brains not done growing and coming into full maturity until our mid 20s. Just forgive them inside yourself, You dont have to nor should you tell them you forgive them as that could cause problems. Before you speak in the future, count to 20, calm down, stop defending yourself cus those who matter will know the difference and don't say things you may regret later. this will likely all blow over in time. I know its no fun especially at a time when developing friendships is so crucial to the age, but theres nothing much else you can do except adjust your thoughts, actions, what you say and dont say and take the initiative to make some new friends while waiting for old ones to return and end up with even more friends in the end.

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Me & my bestfriend have been friends since Middle school (shes always been insecure/threatened type inside and out), & i guess you can say she's ALWAYS been jealous of me for example, she'd always get mad and annoyed that if a guy she liked thought i was hot so she'd always tell them something like "but she said you were ugly" or something worse. she'd also always try to find a way to bring me down physically and/or mentally. I guess i can say she has gotten over that from what i can see for myself (idk what she says behind closed doors) so NOW lol, she would say i dress to fancy or nice to go to a basic place & i would tell her that iam not a basic bitch i have to look good wherever i go and that she doesn't care about how she looks. She also has a boyfriend now and he would give me compliments and she'd flip out on him. I told her that i wanted to die my hair blonde and like a monh later she dyes her hair blonde and told her boyfriend that i copied her when i finally dyed my hair blonde. She's always been the one to always i'd say complain that i'm concieted, i mean i am, concieted, confident, etc. I always would say "I'm THAT BITCH" because i feel as though i am. but fast forward now she says that she has to look good all the time, she speaks like me, wears the same jewelry as i do, she use to complain about how long my nails were when i would get them done, now she gets her nails long, she trys to wear the same clothes as i do, trys to copy my hair styles, she calls herself "that bitch" now, she trys to be into stuff like i am for example, i am so big into fashion&shoes and she's trying to be the same way (it just doesn't work because she cannot dress) if we go shopping and i say something is cute for me, she buys it, she one day said "(my name) wants to be me" & it was such a lie like i honestly cursed her out because its totally the other way around. she says stuff like "(my name) taught me." like I don't know, am i crazy or does she want to be me? i need your opinions.

Yes, you have a friend who is simply annoying by trying to tell others that you are copying her when she is copying you after putting you down about what you look like on the outside.
I don't know how well you know her but one basic thing I can say is that a person who does what she is doing has a low self confidence and low self image so they have to borrow one from someone they admire. In fact, if the person were not a young kid but an older adult able to admit they have some kind of inferiority complex and want to do what it takes to become more confident, there is a version of what she's doing that works. However she's going about it wrong, taking on the clothes and style and talk of another isn't going to help boost her self confidence because its a matter in her mind. I used this technique after a divorce when out in dating world again. I went with what I felt was my best feature, my eyes, and then thought of an actress whose eyes mine came closest to and whom i ADmired. Then where ever I went, I first got a mental picture in my mind of myself looking like her with the self confidence that such an actress would have and the results were amazing. Every where I went, strangers, men and women would stop me and tell me that I had very pretty eyes. That happened even when not wearing makeup and had never happened like that in my life before. Even on days I didn't practice the visualization thing before leaving home or entering another building, I still was getting the same reaction from people.
Since I obviously hadn't done anything different with my eyes, it was something else people were picking up on, and I can tell you, its the self confidence. Self confidence will attract people to want to know someone like that because they are more fun regardless of how they look, and are never a downer.
If you still consider her a friend despite how she's treating you and want to help her, I suggest you first don't argue with her or refute her or try to set her straight when she states to others that you're copying her. The other people have the same ability to pick up on confidence in a person and likely know you well enough to know she's just spouting nonsense. If anyone beleives her, then they aren't worth being your friend anyhow so I wouldnt spent a moment stewing a bout it. To help, don't tell her about the version to gain self confidence I told you as a cure to help her. Just introduce it as a fun game you both should try and tell her about picking a famous confident actress she admires and can find one small thing about her that she can physically identify with. Looks don't have to be exact. Maybe the same shape lips or nose or eyes but the coloring different. You can pretend and choose an actress yourself unless you want to do this for real yourself, just get her started by making it an experiment. Tell her you saw it somewhere online that you can't remember but its an experiment to try to become even more popular than she or you already are. talk to her as if she's on the same level as you, popular and has her own style, or just let her say shes copying you, cus deep inside, she knows its not true.

For all you know, she may come from a home where the parents both verbally abuse her and she's like this because of her home life. Good luck

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I'm a 12 year old female.

I am in 7th grade, and I'm friends with this group of girls, we text, invite each other to stuff, eat lunch together, do all the squad stuff. I'll call them by the first letter of their names (A, T, M, M2, H, E, L) and their are people I hang out with and consider friends, but they're the main group. Anyway, there are these two girls I hung out with in elementary school, I never really fit in during elementary, but in my middle school I've found my own group. I'll call them E2 and C. E2 left and found some other girls. I was ok with that, I was getting bored of her immaturity, and I went to sit with the squad I mentioned earlier. I started to hang out with them regularly and stopped hanging out with C. C is very immature, not like E2's immaturity which is being very young girly, but she cries over everything. She also is a total downer, I auditioned for the play and I was super excited to get my role, and she's all "oh, you shouldn't get your hopes up" "we're just 7th graders. And she is young girly too, she still plays with dolls. With my new friends we listen to music, watch movies and YouTube videos and gossip, you know? Pre teen stuff (H is almost 13, but whatever). And physically, she hasn't even started puberty. Me and my squad have all had our periods (I had my first he 15th) and wear bras and stuff. The problem is she keeps following me and even took T's spot so we had to move to a different table. How do I get C off my back without hurting her feelings?

Are you just remembering E2 and her personality from elementary school or have you spent enough time with her lately to know that she isn't a match as a friend due to her personal interests, immaturity, etc.
This sort of thing happens in girl/boy relationships too you know. One is interested in the other romantically while the other doesnt feel anything more than just friendship if that even. When it comes to having to tell a suitor that you just don't feel a connection, I have always used the line, Sorry but I don't feel any chemistry between us. So if you tell the girl that you have tried but don't feel the kind of bond and chemistry between you both to be friends, then its the truth and the only thing you can say.
Now this doesn't mean she can't strike up a friendship and actually truely be a good friend for one of your 7 buddies. There isn't actually any good reason to ban a person, telling them they can not attempt to become friends with someone before they even try. If you try that, then you are being a version of immature. Whether someone has got their period yet should not be a requirement either when it comes to who they want to befriend and others deciding to befriend her.
If you haven't spent any time with her recently, then using a line that you dont have much in common currently would make you look dumb cus you have no way to know yet unless you're a fortune teller, and psychic, if she has changed since you last spent time with her or not.
Unfortunately, in seating arrangements, I've never known any lunchroom to have assigned seats by name of person like teachers do in the classroom, so you can't tell her not to sit somewhere. Perhaps, place your jacket and a book on table right next to the friend you intend to sit by to save your spot while you are going thru the lunch line. Things will change as soon as she finds some friends of her own, her own group to hang with and you'll no longer see her. Perhaps she is simply only going over what is familiar to her and is too shy to make new friendships. If you know this about her and its true and you're more outgoing, have a talk with her asking if she's like some help learning how to get over being shy so she can make friends on her own, and still make it clear you don't feel the friendship bond with her if it's still true. thats all I Can think of dear.

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So i have this friend lets say his name is John. Me and John have known each other for two years now. We are in high school (both 17 juniors) and we started being friends freshman year. Everyday he makes it his goal to tease me an make fun of me (playfully of course) he even takes my stuff. Last trimester i used to have like 3 classes with him. One being Algerbra. In algerbra i sat next to Johns friend and we used to laugh and joke around and just talk while doing work. Every time we were in a convo John would butt in asking what we were talking about and what was so funny. He will eve shush us to be quiet. At one point he told me to come over to his desk (after class was over) so i could be away from him. The guy i sat next too was friends with John. He told me that John has liked me for a long time. John doesnt know he told me. There has been this other person that told me that John thought that i friend zoned everyone and will never get in a relationship with anyone (I have never had a bf before and im just selective.) I get so confused with John because he acts like and treats me like we are friends by teasing me and joking around all the time. But then he gets jealous. He hasnt really shown any interest in me romantically atleast not openly. He did ask me to be his Valentine last week and to go to the movies. I agreed but i just feel like he is only confusing me even more. Rarely we text and when we do its like half the convo is teasing me and the other like small talk. I just feel like i am forced to think of him as only a friend because that's all he has shown me. I cant take him seriously. Back in freshman year someone asked him if we were dating we started laughing about it and he even told me he couldnt take me seriously because we just laugh/joke all the time (even though hes the one that starts it). Here it is 2 years later....does he still feel that way? Or was that just a cover up back then? Since freshman year i have matured a lot. The constant teasing and jokes come across just immature and gets old. I feel like if he really was interested in me he would put in a little bit more effort. Maybe he is scared of rejection? I rejected his friend and hes told people that the guy asked me out 3 times and i rejected him (not true). The guy was crazy possessive and wouldn't leave me alone. I'm scared of going to this movie with him because i feel like it will be so awkward. Like he will have nothing to say besides the teasing he does. I've never been on date before and definitely never been on one with him. I just don't know what to do. Does he even like me?

Does he invest so much time teasing all the other girls in school? Is his teasing known and experienced by many others? If not, then you can rest assured, he's teasing just you because he's interested in you and it isn't some kind of personality trait of his you'd see everywhere with everyone.

So if he's interested, why hasn't he had real convo with you instead of teasing? Young men who haven't dated much or have little experience yet understanding girls really haven't a clue how to talk to women. Some men never learn as I discovered after a divorce when I joined dating sites. Grown men in their 40 to 60s were writing me and had no idea what to say.

So your guy is trying to show you in all ways he can, even body language, that he is interested, but won't make the first move and ask you out for fear of rejection AND the fact he hasn't a clue how to talk to a female and what they like to talk about. Likely he fears that the moment he stops teasing, that he'd say something stupid in real conversation and ruin his chances with you.

It really takes the lady breaking the ice for the guy, especially if she is interested back. So if you really like him enough to want to get to know him better, how about you asking him if you both could hang out together. No matter what he says, you could say, John, I have checked around and but all the clues you are leaving, intentional or not, I know there is some kind of interest in me. I like you too, and I do enjoy teasing but I don't like it to be the only interaction I have with a person. I would like some real conversation with you. If you haven't a clue what to talk about or how to talk with a girl and thats why you only tease when you say anything to me, I want you to know, I'd be happy to teach you how to talk with me, and with girls. I promise I won't get upset if you say or do things wrong. As long as you are willing to learn and not treating me on purpose, we'll get along.

Usually when I face my fears, they disappear right away. He may not know this and heres your way of helping him do the same so he can discover that you are interested in him too.
The inability to hold eye contact and wanting to be really close space wise to a person are more signs of a persons interest in you. So go for it girl!

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So I live in a duplex, it's a house with two stories. I live in the basement apartment with my roommate, and two other girls live in the apartment above us. Me and my roommate both want cats extremely bad. I volunteer at the humane society, and there is a cat there I've been wanting for a long time. In the lease we both agreed to no pets on the premises. The girls in the apartment above us signed the same lease, and over winter break they had a dog in their apartment for about a month and they never got caught. I talked to my landlord about it and also offered to pay a deposit, but she said no and that past tenants used to be able to have pets but they ruined the apartment. I don’t know whether or not to just sneak the cat into the apartment. The landlord lives about an hour or two away from us, and her and her husband never come to the house unless I ask them to come fix something. If they need to come to the apartment they have to let us know a couple days in advance so in that time I could move the cat somewhere else for that day and then bring her back. I’m almost 100% sure that they would never find out, but if they do catch us we would get evicted and have to pay $500 for the “damages,” even though I offered to pay that as a deposit and she said no. Is it worth it to just sneak the cat in?

Just based on morality and truth alone, you already know the answer to your question. You've only written because you want someone to agree with you. I love animals too but I've never brought in pets while I lived in a place that doesnt allow it.

You are at a point in life where you need to decide some very important basics of how you will live it. Thats not something I can decide for you but I can at least share a few perspectives of my own based on what I've observed with other people, even friends and family.

In the time of your grand or great grand parents, being a person of your word was a very important thing. That meant that anything you spoke and agreed to without having a lawyer make a legal document that you signed, you kept your word or promise, whether anyone could catch you sticking to it or not. It's not a matter of getting away with something but what you are opening the door to in your moral life. I've seen those who were good people start this way, cheating, or going against the rules or promises they made in just one area but when they kept getting away with it and not caught, it became easier to do this in other areas of life. You need to decide whether you;re going to be a trustworty person of your word or not in life cus years from now, you could have taken yourself down a very bad path and find it hard to make your way back to who you were before making these personal choices and compromises based on desires of your own. Granted, giving an animal is a home is a very good thing but only if you live somewhere where that can be done.
I know someone whom the neighbor cats and even some strays were attracted to. She started feeding and letting those cats come in and stay for periods of the day in her home even though her landlord said no animals in the house. She has alot more to lose if caught. She's married and has two teen kids. But she can't work due to medical issues and is kinda bored and so loves the company of the cats. Well, after years of never getting caught having a neighbors cat or stray in the house, she decided this past fall to purchase a kitten. So far she hasn't been caught but the price to pay will be hard indeed if they get kicked out cus the rent is much lower than most places and they survive on just his income and have had several unexpected debts to deal with recently and are actually doing very poorly financially and could not afford the cost of moving into a new place let alone the monthly rent on another place but she's gone against her husband and got the cat anyhow.
Some folks like to live by the rules, its okay as long as you don't get caught. But that is nothing more than your conscience trying to talk yourself into believing that your reasoning is solid and foolproof. Perhaps you'll never get caught and move on then to the Oh so tempting other areas of life where to withhold information, hide things and not be truthful or stick to promises you've made. Just think, in a relationship, long term or married, there are promises to be faithful to each other. Would you like it if the man applied your reasoning to the relationship and said, I can cheat on the side and its okay as long as I dont get caught even though I promised I would never do that. And the further reasoning that made it okay in his mind, "Well, the lady just got dumped by her husband and was lonely and feeling low self confidence and needed her confidence boosted so I was actually doing a good thing by paying attention to her and having sex with her. Would that reasoning fly with you?

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What is the meaning of love you loads , want to know the whole meaning in a perfect description

Keep in mind that everyone interprets words in their own mind differently so what they mean exactly by stating it that way may differ from what you think it does or hope it does.
My recommendation is that next time someone makes a statement like that or anything else you dont want to just assume you know what they meant, just ask like this, "When you said, I love you loads, what exactly does that mean to you, explain it to me please."

As to comparitive phrases that mean the basic same thing if loads is translated to a lot or lots, then there are many other ways to say the same thing and its a matter of what word a person's character feels more comfortable using, it feels more like them.
Other words might be:
Love you tons, love you bunches, love you to infinity and beyond, love you heaps,love you gobs and gobs, love you oodles. No matter what the word used to describe, it basically means the love is supposedly more serious and intense and unchangling than just a passing fancy or liking.

Some people use the word love to describe things they like better than others, such as in describing their favorite food, singer, movie, clothing brand name. For me to say I love cheesecake lots or loads, means that more often than not, that will be my dessert choice when eating out or when asked what I'd like for my birthday cake because though I like a great many desserts, this one tops it all for me. The same principle can be applied to anything, even people, so if someone loves you loads, to me it means that person loves you more than most others in their life. As to whether this is the kind of love where one becomes partners, or marries, it is only wishful thinking until you get clarification from the person who spoke the words to you.

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So I have to give a little bit if background. I went on a birth control, shortly after I was feeling really sad and didn't want to be around anyone. Eventually I just found myself crying randomly everyday and just inhappy with everything and I was insecure. Of course this led to problems in my relationship, I was insecure and no longer trusted my boyfriend of 3 years( he did absolutely nothing different from before). Now I am off the birth control and am getting much better but I still have really big problems with trusting him and I would just like to hear some suggestions on how to rebuild that trust and maybe get back to the way we were before. I am a female and i am 20

It very well may be that certain hormones in your birth control are what effected you. I don't know how long you've been off it but it won't instantly be out of your system the next day. So I would ask these questions of your Dr. This is an example of the type of questions you can ask your Dr. office over the phone and get some answers to, as to how much longer to wait before coming in, or whether there is any known side effects of lingering insecurity feelings and such.
Since he has not broken trust by doing anything wrong, then its not a matter of anything that time will heal with seeing a consistantcy of being trustworthy on his part. Sounds like it is all just something going on in your mind. Perhaps you were close to being there with the insecurties anyhow and the hormones just made you get there sooner. My suggestion is to go for counseling. Since these feelings are being generated solely by your mind and not your circumstances, it becomes a matter of learning how to not have distorted thoughts. thoughts or another word for it 'cognitions' if distorted can cause a myriad of problems for people and to be honest, all people battle with distorted or negative thinking at times in their life but for some it is very briefly, we discount it and move on with life. Others however have the thoughts more frequently and tend to focus too heavily on it so it begins to affect the quality of their life in negative ways. It takes a professional trained in CBT Cognitive behavioral therapy to show you how its happening and how its affecting you and help you discover, what actually started it as it may be something you wouldn't think of as related to the issue but often the human mind works in strange ways. So check your area for psychologists who work with CBT in their practice.
If you have trouble locating someone, you may want to check this website and ask for referalls for your area.
http://feelinggood.com/

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So I've been a cashier at a certain major chain of gas stations for about 3-4 months now, and at our particular location, there has been non-stop drama, resulting in 3 people quitting and 2 people getting fired. Needless to say, it's been a stressful few months. I had been doing a great job not being involved in all the drama for a while, until I got dragged into this particular scenario.

A couple months after I was hired in, my coworker Sam (or so we'll call him) joined us at our station. He was a hard worker, and we got along great. We joked around with our similarly sarcastic humor. But it started to all go downhill. You see, I started to take notice of his shifting moods. One moment we'd be laughing, and 20 minutes later he'd be short with me. He seemed to have a hard time leaving his personal life out of his work life. For instance, he informed us one night that his brother was missing "again", and from there he was, to put it bluntly, a dick all night.
We had a heart-to-heart one night, and discovered we had a lot of the same issues in life, and we bonded. But of course the next day, he came in scowling. When he's in a bad mood, he pulls stuff like punching out for breaks and not telling us, going off to work on the cooler for an hour and a half straight, snapping at us, just being generally rude. He got into a lot of drama with our coworkers, he kept calling managers and tattling when it wasn't necessary. It got hard for me to keep up with his mood swings, so I began distancing myself a little. Just because we're friends, doesn't mean you get to disrespect me.
One day his mood was particularly foul, and I'd had enough. So I remained professional, but short in our encounters. Then I was with a customer, when I heard him punching-out. He headed for the door, and I asked "... Are you taking your lunch?" "Yup," he responded. "You know Sam, it'd be nice to know that." He then snapped "ASHLEY. I'M TAKING MY LUNCH."
Obviously I was peeved, but I calmed down by the time he came back. He then was back to relying on me with questions about how to do our job (which he did A LOT).
There then was a bit of a sketchy situation going on. A DRUGGED UP lady was ditched by her drug dealer boyfriend and was using our phone. Sam informed me (this time!) that he was taking his break. I asked if he could stay here, and not leave (go to his car, etc.), that I didn't feel comfortable being by myself in this situation. He shot me this overly-perplexed look and said "I'm just taking my break Ashley, I'm not going anywhere," in a harsh tone. I couldn't take it anymore. "Sam, I'm not yelling at you, I'm just asking. No need to raise your voice."
"Raise my voice? RAISE MY VOICE? YOU WANT RAISE MY VOICE?!!?" He then gets a foot away from my face and screams, so loud that my ears were vibrating and hurting, about how he's sick of my shit, how he's sick of everyone and sick of this whole station. I said please stop, and that I'd call a manager if he didn't. "GO AHEAD AND DO THAT ASHLEY. GOD I NEED A NEW JOB." He called his girlfriend, starting yelling at her about it and he punched out. Luckily it was 8:30p and another coworker was punching in, because I needed to go in the back room and sob. I felt like I was going to get decked in the face. Mind you I've never gotten in any fights or screaming matches. I'm a nice person, not to mention I'm a woman, and he's a man. I couldn't stop crying. My coworker got worried and called for a manager to come and talk to me. The guy wrote down my story, Sam's story, and left. I had to leave early because Sam refused.
I was going to quit for fear they wouldn't do anything about it (it's happened with previous drama mentioned), but I heard he'd been fired, so I came back. Last week he sent his girlfriend in to buy stuff for him (I recognized her and his car), but last night he came in. As soon as I saw him I went to the back room and asked my coworker washing dishes to handle him for me. As I left he yelled "Good bye Ashley!" and he told my coworker "Tell Ashley Sam says hi," and left.
He was obviously doing it maliciously. I'm afraid of what he'll do next. He doesn't have a job yet, so he can just come in anytime he wants a power trip. And I really don't give a shit how he gets his entertainment, I just can't put up with feeling like I'm going to get screamed at, hit, or like I can't go out to my car every time he comes in.
My question is, do I have the right to say "The other cashier will service you, otherwise please leave," or something along those lines? I feel small and unsafe when he comes in. I'm afraid he'd going to catch me when my coworker is on break so I have to confront him. I want to talk to my manager about it, but I'm afraid she'll say "Tough." I guess I just want to know what my rights are? I can't service him, I just can't. I'm prepared to quit over it.
Pleeeaase help, this whole thing is so unfair and unwarranted, it just hurts.
Thanks, and sorry for my lengthy question.

Your manager needs to know whats going on...its her responsibility for the store, the owner probably too.
When the actions of a person make employees or other customers feel unsafe, it becomes more than just a clash of personalities and becomes a serious matter....serious enough for a manager to tell the person that they are not welcome there any longer. I work in a fast food place in an area known for lots of lower income elderly, homeless people and drug addicts. We have rules in the fast food place that customers must comply with and if they don't, the manager can refuse service, but no, that doesn't fall to the employee to be able to do. If you feel threatened enough by his behavior, you might just go the route already suggested by contacting police and asking them what you can do if you haven't been assaulted or battered but fear it happening and mention where you work and how theres only one other person on staff and you are very vulnerable in that position. Getting a court order to keep him far away from you where ever you may be, might be possible but I would ask a lawyer, or the police.

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I am beginning to think that my husband is a sex addict. We could be making love for a good while and 5 minutes after he ejaculates he is handing me a bottle of baby oil to give him a hand job. Honestly, we are having sex of one kind of another atleast 5 times a day and maybe 10 times a day if we are not working. In between having sex he will make me orgasm a few more times rubbing me with his hand down below. Even if we are out somewhere he will find some hiding spot for us to do it. Am I wrong thinking he is addicted to sex? Is it abnormal for a guy to ejaculate sometimes 10 times in a day?

Hi hon,

I can understand your concern as the great majority of people have sex once or twice a week if that and consider it normal. However I've lived long enough to learn some things about people having differing libido's, which is the desire and want to have sex, and how often is enough to satisfy one person can differ greatly from the other.

Before I go back to that, about your question if he is a sex addict...
A person is a addict whether sex, gambling, drugs, etc. if the thing in question is interfering with their ability to do their job, get house work done, take care of themselves as far as grooming and what they eat, etc,have time to visit family and spend time with friends,... you know, peoples usual daily schedules.

If your husband is unable to keep to doing the things important to survive, earn money, pay bills, keep up house and car, etc. as all that time is taken up having sex, then yes, he's probably a sex addict.

If it doesnt interfere with those things, then most likely he just has a very high libido. My first husband had a very low libido and mine was higher. He didnt want sex as much as I did and so I gave up until we divorced. My 2nd husband tells me that when he was young and up until his early 40s, he had the high libido that sounds alot like what your husband is doing. Yes, it may be a bit more than most with a high libido, but just because there are few of us like that doesnt mean theres something wrong with the person.
When it becomes a problem is if the two people in a relationship differ so greatly that one feels they aren't getting enough and the other feels they are giving too much and would rather have less, that there is a problem because resentment builds toward each other.
What I would suggest is having a talk between yourselves and seeing if some compromise can be made as to how often and which days if it becomes an issue for you. If that alone doesnt help and you still are tired of participating in sex so often, then you might consider marriage counseling just for that issue, maybe someone who is qualified to speak on behalf of sex related issues.
My husband still has the high libido, as far as the want and the desire but now his body has slowed down so its hard to get hard and stay hard so its viagra time. But due to the cost, we dont use it daily, yet his desire is still there and we do whatever we can on a daily basis, which is already way more than what most people can claim for a sex life. I hope this helps you dear.

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I have an issue which I have never revealed to my friends at work, mostly because I have gotten rather self conscious about it. Basically I have an abnormally fast metabolism which causes me to eat an abnormal amount. I was born with this. People talked about it all the time I was growing up. In high school and college I was a serious athlete which definitely added to my appetite. It could be embarrassing and even my understanding friends who didn't mind me cleaning out their fridge would constantly remark on my appetite, tell me I was SO lucky, and generally make me feel like a freak when I felt like a snack at odd times. I have seen several doctors about this and had many tests with no results. I am not fat. I am 5'10" and about 150 pounds. I am 25 years old and I do a lot less athletics now but I still eat 6000-7000 calories a day.

In college I got tired of all the comments and questions so when I got a job I decided to keep my diet to myself. I work in marketing running booths at trade shows which does give me time escape and have a snack. I carry a couple of sandwiches in my purse to satisfy afternoon hunger pangs and I usually go out for a late night second dinner after everyone else is asleep. No one really has any idea about it.

Now there is going to be a 3 day retreat for training at a camp near Santa Cruz. They asked us if we have any special dietary needs, by which they mean allergies or religious needs. They don't want us to take food because it is not allowed in the cabins, but if we have to, they will store it in the kitchen for us.

This whole thing really has me worried. I really don't want to tell them I need to eat 2 or 3 times what anyone else does. That will bring questions, comments, expressions of amazement, and all the attention I don't like. I don't know what the food situation will be but my body is used to a snack around 3:30 to 4:00 in the afternoon. If I don't get it, I get extremely hungry. I also need my late night meal or I will wake up hungry in the middle of the night.

I really don't know what I should do - well I should probably just tell people about it, but I don't want to. I have half a mind to skip the thing be claiming sickness or something.

I'm sorry this is so long but if anyone has a suggestion I would be glad to hear it.

If you read up on East Indian Medicine, something that is becoming popular and well understood now in the U.S., they teach a lot about different body types, 3 basic types if I remember correctly but I will post a link for you to look at and perhaps you can find more info on your own.
http://www.doctoroz.com/quiz/ayurvedic-body-type-find-your-dosha

I read an article in a magazine that focused on how the different body types have different needs as far as exercise, food type and intake, and what illnesses it is more prone to and what to avoid because of it. Its very in depth.

I am more like you, I've had a high metabolism all my life. A person with a high metabolism if they cut down on the amount of exercise they get daily, can find the need for amount of calories go down some. Here's my example. I began going with a girlfriend to twice a week aerobic dance classes, mostly for the fun and something to do with her, not that I needed to lose weight. My natural weight back in HS and my 20s on til 50 was 110 lbs. When I began the exercise class, I could not take in enough calories to keep on the weight and got down to 90 lbs and was still losing weight and it scared me, so I stopped the dance class and moderated my exercise to simply walking, doing housework, gardening, regular daily stuff that isn't enough for others but was enough for me. I wouldn't recommend you make a big change without talking to a Dr. with good knowledge of the ayurvedic body types. Mostly found in Natural medicines, homeopaths, and naturopathic meds. but some progressive clinics will have medical doctors who do understand this and can give good advice to you.

So, all this to tell you that you are not a freak, theres nothing wrong with you and trust me, your high metabolism will slow down when you get much older. I started to finally put on more weight into my 50s and now am holding steady at about 20 lbs or so more than when I was in HS and family all say they like how I look better at this weight.

So, since you feel uncomfortable and food will be regulated, find out who you need to talk to like HR is a good idea from the other advice giver. I would also ask if you can bring extra food for yourself to have stored in the kitchen. Usually, most people with high metabolism seem to manage fine doing as you've been doing but in special situations like this, I would have to say, it does qualify as a dietary concern. However since it isnt the usual like a low fat or salt free diet, or low cal diet, I would say, its better not to write it down on the form but actually speak to several people about it, HR and the kitchen staff of the place you will be going, talk on phone before even the event comes up so you can be reassured how they will work with you to help you get the caloric intake you will require during the retreat. Good luck dear and don't worry, its normal...just something lots of people don't talk about. You'd be surprised how many others there are like you. YOung folks your age generally are surprised and act like you are strange simply because they don't know much yet about health and diet and body types and such.

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So this guy in my grade, who I told myself I would not get a crush on because he's gorgeous and popular, is always staring at me and last term we talked all the time but now we don't talk because he's only in one of my classes and we don't sit by each other. We both catch each other staring and quickly turn our heads the opposite way but I'm not sure if he likes me.

Should i leave a note in his locker asking anonymously who he likes???

When people tend to always catch each other staring at each other, its a sure sign that both are at least attracted to each other and curious to know more about the person but too shy to do anything about it if this is all they do.

Keep in mind that the looks/looking is just the first stage which is attraction. It is this attraction that most people act upon by trying to meet and talk to the other and if they like how the conversation goes they then ask each other to hang out and do stuff together or call it going on a date. Dating at least early on is nothing more than finding out more about each other. Actually each step a person takes is just that, another discovery about the person to see if you are still attracted to who they are beyond their hot/cute looks. The goals are to:
1. find someone with whom you can have the romance part of a relationship where both mutually feel the same, not just one
2. both treat each other like best friends which means liking each others characteristics and personality and lots more of who you are inside.

Based on that, I hope you see that it is really tough to know if you or he will like each other after getting to know each other better. Liking someone by looks alone isn't enough for any person of any age to go on. No matter your age, you will learn as the years go by to be choosier about a persons character and always go for someone a step better in the next one you date.

As to how to get started, yes I remember the putting notes in lockers stuff and I am sorry to say, it doesnt work well at all. The best thing is still the direct approach and not using friends or pretending to be someone else just to discover if the person "likes you" because you already know they are attracted to your looks by the stares. No boy is going to tell a girl he likes her is he doesnt have a clue yet by talking to and spending time with her. Even that is not a guarantee that anything will come from it but girls tend to view things differently and seem to believe at a young age that if a guy stares at you a lot, he likes you, and that if he talks to you or spends more time hanging around you, that it means he is ready to commit to a relationship with a girl. That is jumping the gun dear. Its a combo of fear that a girl will read more into his approaching you, and fear of inexperience and rejection that hold a guy back from getting to know you.

So my suggestion is that you walk up to him sometime soon after the next time you catch him staring at you and say something to break the ice. Be honest and to the point like, "Hey, I notice that we both seem to keep staring at each other a lot but never talking and that is feeling so awkward that I thought I'd just start some conversation with you, introduce myself and see if you might be interested in being friends and if that works out, who knows, maybe more than friends. With a line like that, he shouldn't feel scared of rejection because you haven't mentioned a definite expectation, just lets get to know each other which is what most people want to do but are afraid to ask for.

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I want to know what will happen of I admit to hearing Hods voice communicate with me in my head and that I have psychic dreams about people's death before they happen. I want to know what will happen when I explain that this is a huge part of why I don't feel comfortable around people and why I have such bad anxiety I never want to leave my room. I'm not crazy. Should I keep it to myself? Will the response be worse than what I am suffering with now?

I dont know what Hods is, but I do understand psychic dreams and hearing thoughts, voices that are not my own and it tends to run in families, this ability. So likely some relative in your background has kept it quiet. In the past, people with abilities like this ended up in mental institutions. Today, not so. Although the majority still don't have abilities like these and what people do understand or can't explain away scientifically, they tend to fear or label bad or at the worst, if you run into Christians, they may label you as under the Devils influence or demon possessed. It is quite ridiculous, these views and I'll explain why as I personally understand it. I was a church going Christian and was taught that we could pray to God and hear back from Him. Well in case you haven't given it any thought, God is in Spirit form, and we have souls which are spirit forms contained in mortal bodies. Its the mortal bodies that often interfere with our ability to easily hear from God but it is possible with practice. You wont often find people with such abilities who are involved in church as the response isn't very understanding there but You should find a much better response by hanging out with people who tend to gravitate to anything New agey, the pagan community and psychics are often found in the pagan community more easily than trying to find them on their own out in the world.
What I know from reading books of people with abilities such as your own is all were scared and confused when it occured and felt no one would understand. But their books shared of how they came under the training of other psychics who worked with them side by side, allowing them to be part of what they did explaining all the way along. Its probably the best way to learn.

As far as attempting to find friends and understanding people among pagan groups, no need to worry. I've been part of those groups too and pagan in history simply meant 'the unchurched' or non church going. It did not mean that the people did not have a very healthy spiritual life and belief system. I have found many similarities between pagan and Christianity mainly as early Church borrowed much symbolism from pagan to make christianity more palatable and get more converts.

Pagans have nothing to do with Satanism, that is something entirely different as they dont tend to beleive in the Devil, so you have nothing to fear there. In truth, I have come across more Christians who shared about being haunted by something evil where the pagans know about proper protection from such, and use prayer for protection and healing. The use of spells, is nothing more than a visual bond of items used, and rhyming words used to keep ones intent focused, a problem we all have with wandering thoughts.
You can find pagan communities for your area by simply looking for meet ups on the internet by your city. I traveled a bit after divorcing ex and lived in two other states than where I grew up and I easily found and hung out with pagan groups there. As far as belief in God, you'll hear most refer to the Goddess which I believe is nothing more than the Holy Spirit. Many refer to God and Goddess or the Lord and Lady which means they are talking about Jesus and the Holy Spirit as a pair. The HOly Spirit used to be refered to as a She before the meeting that determined what should be in the Bible, what left out and what changed, long ago in history. So do not worry about the suggestion to start your search among those who feel most comfortable being pagan, as it doesnt mean a of belief in God.
If you want to talk with me further on your experiences or hear more of the few experiences among my family members, I would be glad to share so that you can know, this is actually normal and common enough in certain families.

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I would like to share a hurtful story of mine to you all, and anyone who takes the time to read this will be greatly appreciated. I started dating this guy, I'm 22 and hes 29. We were good friends before we started dating, but ever since he met me hes tried to get me to be with him and I always used to mess around and was never really interested. To keep it short, we got together and I fell incredibly in-love with him. He is a judge and I am still a student in college. His job means everything to him and its his number 1 priority. That, I can understand, but let me further explain our situation. He has a perfect life, hes gotten everything hes ever wanted since the day he was born. I on the other hand have a very difficult life. Family problems, financial issues. We come from 2 completely different worlds and I always knew this but I figured it was worth a shot. What I didnt really like about him was the fact that he lacked a lot of depth and characteristic traits that I looked for in a person- He was a bit robotic and he lived his life by the book of whats right and whats wrong. I am a very charismatic person, very friendly and I have a lot of personality traits that I am constantly complimented for and he was heads over heels for me because he felt that hes never met a girl like me in his life. (Which is not a lie because where i live, girls here are pretty empty minded and only care about superficial things like money, cars, and practically anything they can get their hands on when it comes to guys) so he used to feel like I was a real person and that I was one of a kind because I looked a lot further than that. (Ps, I dont like in America so social standards are considered extremely important here where I am ) Anyway. My father is a supporter of a specific group (ONLY) a supporter and usually posts his opinions on Facebook and likes to share his thoughts on his profile) However, my ex, assuming he is a judge, is against everything my father is for. We were talking once and supposedly he came across my fathers profile and asked me about the things he posted and I told him that he wasn't LEGIT from the group but that he supports them and that this is his opinion and he cant change that. He told me that he doesn't want to change it, but that it is harmful for his job assuming that he is a judge and that if ever got involved with someone who has a family member of this certain group, he would get fire and he broke up with me through a text message telling me this. That he doesnt want a relationship and that he doesnt want to deal with anything ( he practically ran away ) and made me feel like complete shit about myself even though he has no idea what hes talking about. I know my father and what he does on the daily so I know that it is nothing more than just an opinion and I still believe he has every right to believe what he wants. After he broke up with me, he contacted me 2 days later asking to meet up. So i gave him a chance and went to see him. We talked things out, I told him how hurt I was that he didnt even bother talking to me about this in person and how he had to reach out to me VIA text and how thats not the way to go. Assuming he is almost 30 and I just turned 22, He would be a little more mature than me. But i guess not. He apologized and told me he wouldnt do it again and that hes incredibly sorry and that he loves me. I told him he had nothing to worry about and that when I got back from the states (because I was traveling a few days after) that i would talk to my dad to stop posting these stuff because I know what his intentions are and I know that if i told him not to post them because i have someone in my life that is against , would for me in a heartbeat. Anyways, we were okay after that and fixed things and then When i came home, i called him and he didnt answer- sends me another text message saying that hes sorry but he feels like we should take a pause in our relationship because he doesnt want one right now and feels uncomfortable. I called him crying and told him that we were just together and talked everything out and we were fine. He told me hes sorry and just kept saying Im just not comfortable, please understand. So i was like "If you want to take a pause, then take it for good, its over" and shut the phone. This was 2 days before I left the country. No "I hope you get there safely" or anything. We didnt speak for a week but he was constantly liking my posts and pictures on instagram. He contacted me a week after that trying to see how I was doing and what i was doing on vacation and I would response to every text message because I loved him so much. I started letting him in slowly. He would text me everyday and try to make the effort and I felt like he wanted to fix things, and so, being stupid and inlove, i eventually gave in. We talked about things and he told me he was sorry and that hes an idiot-- and that He was just afraid it would harm his job. I told him that I already told him he had nothing to worry about and that he made a big deal out of things and that EVEN if he wants to leave me, that is not the way-- to just blow me off and act like I never meant anything to him. We said we would talk about things when I got back and we were set on being together again. He asked me to get a few things for him while I was over there and I did. I got him everything he wanted. When i got back from vacation he was always blowing up my phone, asking to see me, and so I went to see him. So i went to surprise him and told his friends that I was coming and it was actually a nice day, he was shocked and we hugged and hung out a lot. There was still chemistry but we couldnt talk about anything because all his friends were there. And I had told him that we needed to talk things out before anything because I dont feel like i can trust him and that he really hurt me so it wasnt going to be that easy for him to get in my life again. I always reminded him of this when I was on vacation so he doesnt think that just because were talking it means were on good terms. So the second and (last ) time I went to see him we started talking about everything. I told him more about my life and how he had to accept me for who i was. I told him that I never had perfect things like him and that I actually struggled in my life and that it wasnt my fault. I told him that Ive learned alot through the years and that Im happy that I faced a few problems because it makes me who I am. I really wanted to open my heart up to him since he was the person that I was going to be engaged and married to. And he kept telling me that I needed to trust him and be honest (although there really isnt anything so terrible about my life at all) its just that Im a very private person so i dont like to talk about even the slightest thing. He told me he doesnt mind anything else but the only thing he was worried about was my dad situation. I told him that even if my dad turned out to be something he didnt accept- that there would be a way to deal with the situation and not run away from it. Seeing how my dad is a very kind and nice man and would do anything to see me happy. He agreed and told me I was right about everything and how wrong and ridiculous he was and how much he loves me. I told him that I still feel worried and that I cant trust him anymore because I feel like he will always leave me if we face any issues at all and he kept convincing me that he never would and that it was just a mistake and he wont do it again. And i remember he put his arm around me and went "Your scared youll wake up to another text message, right" and i was like yeah, I hate that. Like if your going to break up with me atleast call me or ask to see me. He was like I promise it wont happen again and you can trust me. We were in the car that day when he was taking me home and we started cuddling and kissing on the cheek. I didnt wanna kiss his lips because I still felt like i didnt trust him enough. (Hes never been a pervert, and Ive met a lot of guys so I know what kind of person he is ) he was like I havent seen you in a month, I miss you and i miss your kisses and I refused because I felt like it was too early to give him my all. It felt as if it was enough that I was already so close to him but I couldnt help it. But i didnt wanna push it. I felt like it was a bad idea. He took me home that day and it was lovely. He kept telling me to text him in the morning because he missed my morning texts, started calling me baby again and it was as if nothing changed and I thought to myself. Wow, this man finally wants to prove his love to me. The next day everything was okay and we were fine, I called him to say goodnight because I had work in the morning and he was like Goodnight and we were sweet and fine. Then I wake up randomly at 4 in the morning, there was something in my heart that told me to look at my phone. And when I did what do i see? Another text message saying "I really dont want to bother you again, but i really dont want to be in a relationship right now, Im sorry but I dont want to be in any kind of relationship at this time, please lets stay friends and dont block me out of your life. " I wrote him a paragraph saying that i expected him to do this again-- and that I realized that he wasnt the person for me anyways and that I was eventually going to tell him that sooner or later, and that I dont want to be his friend but for him to have a good life and take care of himself, goodbye" He saw the text and never replied. Its been 3 days and Im not waiting for him to talk to me either. I am in horrendous pain. I literally am suffering so much and it pains me to even write about this. I feel insulted, rejected, back stabbed and most of all pathetic because I gave him another chance. I have no intentions of letting him back into my life and that is why I blocked him off of social media. I cant believe that someone could sit down with you and convince you that they would never do all the things that hurt you again-- and do it 2 days after. It drives me insane that there are people in this world that dont have the heart. I was so good to this man and I never upset him, never made him feel bad, never hurt him and this is how I got treated at the end. He did break my heart but more than that he broke my ego and it is so hard to let go of him because I am so attached but I know that Ill never trust him again. I know that at this point, i shouldn't even care about whether or not he will ever talk to me again, but seeing how it is still fresh, that question is constantly going through my mind. Wondering if hell ever contact me again or care. We were in each others lives for a long time. A year in total and I truly gave him my all. I feel that he might contact me again because He did the same thing twice and managed to come around again. So i feel like this is a circle and that you can tell a lot about what a person will do next based on their past actions. ALL my friends keep telling me that he will come back and talk to me but that I should never take him back and I KNOW i never will. But i feel like if i was the one to reject him and make him feel like he lost something, this would be a little easier on me. My self esteem is 0 and I feel like complete shit about myself. And im not looking for any kind of answer, Im just looking for some advice on what you all think will happen or how you view this and what your thoughts are. Anything is appreciated and sorry is this is long. Thank you.

Hon, his issue with what your Dad posts is a red flag that this person, nice as he may be, is not going to work out for you.
My own husband talked to some friends working in government jobs when he was looking for work years ago and was told that they don't just look at you and your own history and background but they are just as critical of any family members who have been in trouble with the law or have supportive views of groups, issues, etc. that go against what the government deems safe or a home land security issue possibility in the future if not at the moment. So if he's wanting to be a judge, thats government. He has chosen that profession which means, its already too late. Even if your Dad were to no longer post such things, he did in the past and thats enough. We found out the hard way that his friends were right when he applied for some of these jobs and never got an answer back. Rather than reject him cus of this reasoning which sounds shakey and sounds like the kind of case where a discrimination case could go thru court and the rejected job applicant easily win, the government chooses often to not ever say yes or no. Its the way it is. He may have asked around and found out how big a deal it really is.

Men can juggle many priorities but it is important you find a guy who makes you one of his top 3 priorities in his life. Due to the nature of his job, he can't do that even if he wanted to.
He must really be impressed with you to keep coming back to talk to you and then again reasoning comes back to him and he calls it off and becomes cold and distant again.

You already have mentioned several different things where you both differ too much that even if he didn't have a government job and could be with you, I still personally don't have high hopes that he is a good match for you.

Try writing a list of what you are looking for in a guy by first doing some of what you did in this letter, describing yourself, but more in depth and from that list coming up with a list of needs that you personally would have in a man.
What I mean for example is that since I am a chatty person, I needed to find someone who likes to talk and does well in consistantly communicating well with me so a guy who was more introverted and not into sharing his thoughts or feelings would be wrong for me and we'd both drive each other up the wall just for simply being ourselves.

While it is true that a person can change some things about themselves if you are really that important to them, I believe that excludes ones personality and character and has more to do with social mistakes and such, manners, etc. like for example, a spouse doesnt like something you shared in a group setting and confronts you angrily in front of others instead of waiting to have a calm discussion once alone and private. That is immature, unthoughtful behavior that can be changed if someone loves you. But some things can't be changed about a person and the one who tries just to get the one they love, ends up feeling resentment for their situation later and it all falls apart eventually. Better to not go down that road in the first place.

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i´m a girl, 3rd year in high school, I really like him but the problem is that he is not nice to me..I mean when i say something he always have something to say to me and he laughs at me, but when some other girl is saying something he is quiet..or we have som really fat girl and he doesnt make any comments in front of her, he laughs behind her back with boys, but when im around he doesnt have problem telling it to my face, something about my weight (im not really that fat), it hurts me because i really like him, last year he was sending me cute snaps of him and his dog and now doesnt send me any snaps :/ i dont know what happened...once i told my twin brother (we go to same class) that he is always sending me pics of his dog.but i didnt mean it as a complain..and my brother told him about it (they are best friends) ans i hate him for it...i dont know why my classmate started to behave different to me..even my friends noticed he´s been acting different to me than last year... and i cant tell him ot text him anything..because like i said he and my brother are best friends...and they say everythig to each other...i just wish my classmate wouldnt be mean to me but my brother says he doesbt think it seriously..what should i do ?? i do really like my classmate.

Well, since you are miserable with things as they are right now, I see it as a fifty fifty chance that he might be interested in you and become nicer and attentive as a friend if he knows you like him too, or he isn't interested in you as a person for a friend or anything else and he is just an immature rude boy who will laugh at you and or reject you. Since there is half a chance he will respond favorably, the thing to do is to forget he's your brothers friend. Don't involve your brother to speak for you and don't tell your brother what you plan to do. He is a male too and most likely will not understand again what you are doing. Next time you see him, tell him your brother misunderstood about the pics. You did appreciate receiving them and considering that a friendly gesture but you've been hoping to expand on friendship and be able to chat about all sorts of things and do stuff together. Ask him if he'd like to hang with you sometime when he's not hanging out with your brother.

It may go well and he may just not be interested or just make a game of telling your brother stuff, true or not just to mess with you, or he may actually say things that are not nice and treat you worse. If so, this is not the kind of boy to be interested in and you need to tell yourself that you deserve better in male friends or boyfriends and just wait for your heart to stop feeling this attraction.

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I need some gay friends will anyone be my gay friend?

Gay friends can be found anywhere in society. School, neighbors, in associations. The problem is that most people don't come across as being gay so if you only want friends who are gay, and you're not looking for dating partners, the thing is to befriend people first and get to know more about them. My daughters all knew gay kids in school growing up and remained friends. My daughters themselves are not gay.

Going to a gay bar works if you're 21 and can drink. If not, try online meet up groups, gay or LGBT support sites on line to meet people on line. And if looking for a partner, then try the gay or LGBT dating sites.

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