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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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My name is Rachel and I am 27 years old and I am at my wit's end . My mom has physically and verbally abused me all my life and I am sick and tired of it.
I was also molested by my dad when I was 3 and he died when I was 12 years old . My mom is disabled she has bipolar and has trouble walking now and has this problem for several years now but any way let's get to the point. This morning I went outside to smoke and my got mad because I woke her up going outside and she calls me an idiot and a funking bitch so I called her one back and then she picks up her cane and hits me in the head with it so igrab the cane so she can't hit me again so she knocks me down ont he floor and pulls my hair because I grabbed the cane . Then she punches me in the face so I Granger hands so she can't hit me or pull my hair and she calls me a funking bitch again. I can't go to the police because she is raising my niece and nephew and they would put them in foster care and I would never see them again and she doesn't abuse them just me. I can't move out because I don't have the finances to help what should I do?
Your stuck in a bad situation and you are right, if she's having these problems, CPS would be interested because you aren't there 100% of the time and theres a chance she's abusing the kids the same way, even if they insist she doesn't out of fear. All I can think of is for you to check out if there is any free counseling in your area if you can't afford it due to finances. As an adult, no one can force her to seek mental health and unless she gets it, things are not going to improve. FOr a lady having trouble walking, its amazing that a tug of war with her cane didn't knock her off balance, falling to the floor. She's not as weak as she seems dear. I once had a caregiving client the company sent me out to and she was like this, pretending to be weak, disabled to get the attention but once I WAS there she became verbally abusive and pushing me, and tried hitting me. I told the agency what she was doing. The lady was supposed to have me doing all her chores for her but no matter how i did them, same as my ex husband, it was never good enough even if I followed her instructions to a Tee. SHe'd grab the mop or what ever it was, out of my hands and begin to do all the work herself, making me watch her...all she wanted was an audience. It may be that your mom is a drama queen in her mental illness and without another adult to act out her drama's she is going to continue to goad you into falling into them so she can be satisfied.
So all I can think of is to zip your lip, stop defending yourself verbally with her...I learned that soon with my ex, cus its a waste of breath and any response, if you do yell back or hit or even if you don't, is going to anger her. The thing I learned is, I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. But if I don't respond back, I am not adding fuel to the fire and making her anger worse. Without a sparring partner, she's more likely to give up sooner, cus its so fun, not rewarding for her. I know you have years of emotional abuse and the anger built up from that but if you do not have mental illness and are a rational adult, and feel you have no choice but to live there, then next time she calls you names, just smile and say nothing other than Good morning Mom. This is the same way to response to bullying. For kids in school, if they do not give the response of crying or running away that bullies want, then after a while they'll stop cus its not rewarding for them when they dont get their wanted responses. However with mental illness, your non response may not make her stop, just that there'd be less drama and trauma to yourself.
When does church start on sundays?
Depends on the church. Some start a Sunday AM service at 10, and some at 11 and some have evening services also or instead, especially if they are renting the same building from an already established church who has services mornings only. To find out, look up the church you want to visit and ask them what times their services are. Long ago, I was part of a mega church, with a couple thousand members, too many to fit in one service so they held two morning services back to back. Just call and find out.
Please why is my virgina too tiny that no finger can penetrate into it?
If you are a teen and have a period already, as you know, the flow is able to escape from there. But what can happen is that instead of the hymen being extra skin around the inside circumferance of vagina, which can make the whole smaller, it could be a septate hymen...look that up and pics online. Inside, this kind of hymen will have a strip of flesh running down one whole side or down the center creating smaller holes, too small to fit fingers or tampons. It won't go away on its own. If this is your problem, you'll need to let Mom know you need to see the gynecologist cus you can't fit a normal tampon in and its a quick snip away of the st rip of flesh after local anaesthesia and from stories I've read, the teen girls say they had no discomfort or pain after. Sorry but it can't just be stretched out, and could easily still get ripped at one end and bleed. And that is painful. SO better to find out if this is what your problem is and if so, have the Dr. do the snipping rather than an accidental painful rip.
I'm a 17 year old girl and I've only had 2 jobs from real companies. The first job was at a dog groomers. I was the receptionist, did the laundry cleaned and walked the dogs. I loved it except for the fact that I inly worked when they needed me so I was on call. I asked for a set schedule and they said they couldn't give me one and I was unhappy with that so I left. Now, I work at a laundromat. Today was my first day. My cousins ex husband and his friend are co owners so they are my bosses. I love them and all and we get a long great but it's a very fast pace and demanding job . And there's so much to remember and you have to do it right and you can't mess up because they have major accounts and important customers. I cried when I came home from work wishing I still had my oops job. I know my old boss would take me backl but I don't know how to tell my parents or my current bosses that I want to quit. What should I do? It's inly been my first day. I am working again today from 3:00 pm to 8:00 pm after school.
Push through for a while hon. Let me share my own experience. I am approaching 60, and needing the extra cash, had to get a part time job. I got one in fast food where its obviously a fast paced environment. Like you, I cried my first day, even on the job in private during a bathroom break. It just seemed too hard and I was also aching from head to feet. It seemed I was too old to handle something like that. But no one else had bitten when I applied elsewhere, so this was it. I cried the 2nd day after work in hubbys arms, and the same the 3rd day. THe crying stopped then but I lived with a dread of it being time to go to work for another 2 weeks. All along, I was learning more things, they also didn't have the best training and the top bosses expect perfection so I was constantly being told in a sickening sweet fake voice of my errors and how to do it right. However, by sticking it through, I have come to actually like it. I am way better at cleaning because I come from a different upbringing of taking pride in a job well done. I also am outgoing and friendly and enjoy chatting and befriending the customers. Since my strength is my interaction with customers, they are perfectly happy with my working as cashier and support help at the front counter.
I'll also admit that I kind of hated the job in a way where I couldn't care less if they let me go because they felt I couldn't hack it. I still did my best but realized, instead of my making the decision that I wasn't cut out for it, I'd leave it up to them and it all has turned out well and I now love my job. I got a chance to see a 16 yr old boy in hs start training as a cashier, first reading up for days on company rules and policies with on line training. When the day came for him to start, he was so nervous he was cracking his knuckles and shaking and I was laughing cus I saw in him where I was at months before. I told him that yes it was scary and yes he'd make mistakes but everyone in company was trained to always help each other, no matter how long you worked there, always be willing to help or fix problems. My encouragement him and he is now one of our best cashiers as far as interacting with customers and doing so quickly and correctly.
In life, you'll find even as an adult that there'll be times and situations where you just don't want to do the task or what is needed to do but there is no one else who's gonna do it for you so you have to face the unpleasant situation and slowly work your way through it. I still hate calling customer service centers to correct their errors in billing and will put it off for days but like I said, its for me to do so eventually I do it.
Even if you don't stay, it is a good opportunity to learn how to stick to a commitment no matter how hard it gets and to learn when its best to give up on something. I've had to learn when to give up on things in life too but not too early.
Have a talk with the bosses and let them know how overwhelmed you feel and that you're having a hard time taking it all in, in addition to the fear of messing up something for them with an important client. Let them know you're willing to learn but you'll have lots of questions and most likely go slower to begin with in attempt to get things right. But if its possible, could they start you out with the jobs that are easier, simplier, and perhaps not from their highest paying clients? See what they have to say. Communication is everything in life and especially is helpful in a job. Don't be afraid to ask for help even if you've ask what you feel is too many times today or for the same thing they already showed you but you've forgotton. I forgot many times and just admitted, Hey, I forgot how to do the transaction when its a gift card they're using. Believe me, it wasnt 2 or 3 times cus that doesnt occur daily but over time I had to ask probably 6,7 times until I finally remembered. Always ask again, don't guess just cus you've forgotten. And if thats not good enough and they're not patient enough, then they aren't good bosses and you can do better elsewhere if they tell you that you're not cutting it in that job.
I had asked him out and he said lets just be friends and that is what I accepted and now im getting this odd behavior from him, the hurt facial expressions, sometimes he ignores me etc....
Well, that may be an important piece of info you just shared.
I can use my imagination along with my life experience in relationships and come up with two possible scenerios as to what may be going on. In either case, you haven't said or done anything to cause his frustration and the way he is acting, its all because of hows he's mulling over the subject of romantic chemistry. Let me explain.
One scenerio could be that he answered correctly, saying he'd go out but just as friends because he doesnt feel any romantic chemistry towards you. On the other hand, you both have great friendship chemistry, but unfortunately both are needed for a healthy couple relationship. Not that he knows this, but this could be what is bugging him. It could be that he knows you both have the friendship chemistry and has thoughts of being with you long term/forever as a couple but at the same time realizes that something big would be missing and doesn't want to coax you into a relationship, making you settle for less, even if you feel romantic towards him cus it needs to be a two way street and so he is frustrated, wishing it were otherwise and thus I can see him saying you deserve better. At the same time he feels unhappy cus he feels fate has served him a bum deal that there is no way of getting around.
Second scenerio is that he answered truthfully again that he wanted to be just friends going out, not as a romantic couple because he didn't feel that way at the time. There are 2 important parts of a foundation of a healthy relationship, being the best of friends, and also the romantic attraction, there is a need for chemistry in both areas but too many relationships have only one or the other, where someone or both settled for less and now are unhappy. He may not know about this or that two friends can start out not having romantic chemistry. We tend to assume its only about an instant desire and attraction at first meet. That is so for some. For others, they can eventually get to full blown romantic hot desire in relationship over time with their care for each other growing slowly over time, like an ember growing into a blazing fire over time and becoming just as real as the ones who felt it in the beginning. That would be a good thing, right? Yeah, but as a male, it could be what he is now thinking that holds him back from saying anything. He may think this is not for real and will fade in time or he knows it the real thing now and is afraid of sharing with you because he's so afraid of coming across as wishy-washy , not knowing his own mind, so he says nothing and suffers in silence, feeling the die has been cast and there is no way to change anything. Also since you accepted his statement so easily, he may have thoughts that you do not have any feelings for him in that way and so he must say nothing.
Most all humans problems, self inflicted or by others all start with distorted thinking and not speaking up to clarify things. And his is one of those situations. Either put it in your own words and ask him to be honest and open and trust you to reveal what is really eating at him. You could say that you suspect it may involve the status of your relationship as far as being friends or more than friends. Whereas he was sure at one point that it was to be just as friends, life has twists and turns and if his feelings have changed, you want to know. Then tell him you'll start first by sharing that you were willing to accept him as just a friend as thats better than nothing, but what you'd prefer is the romantic relationship cus you do have those kinds of feelings towards him. (well, only if this is true for you)
Or you have my permission to share my answer with him as that for sure should get conversation started, the kind that will reveal whether I was close or not. Unless he's unhappy for another reason like a grandparent in the process of dying soon, or some other thing that makes him unhappy, it should be obvious that he is just unhappy in all parts of his daily life, not just when hanging around with you.
My mom realm gets on my nerves. I am a 15 year old girl and recently I was going out with a guy. We went out for about a month but I had to break I off because he acted too weird. He was obsessed with me, would get really upset if I did not text back in five minutes, and he was jealous of my friends. At first, my mom did not approve of me being in a relationship but then when I broke things off she said things like "its your fault and you were mean to him". I am so confused I think she wants me to be unhappy, but my friends understood that I was upset and that he was creepy and not good for me. Why would my mom want me to be I an unhappy relationship and how could it be my fault? She also says my friends are weird and she acts like she wants me to have no friends and be lonely. I just want her to mind her business and leave me alone.
THeres a saying about how we don't get to pick our parents. Parents aren't God so they come with all sorts of issues and some that can affect any children in bad ways. I know its hard to have a parent like this, more like a child in behavior.
You did the right thing breaking up with the boy. He had issues that are not good or healthy in a relationship, but then neither does your mother. Just because her body grew into adult form doesnt mean her mind did too. She could have mental issues. Is there a father you can talk to or another relative who knows her well like any siblings she may have? Talk to a dad, aunts or uncles or even grandma and let them know what you are seeing and ask if they have any clue whats going on with Mom. If its just this one time shes been negative and blaming you instead of supportive, then perhaps some recent stress has come into her life and it has distracted her mind from being rational. If its a pattern, relatives should know. Its not so much about someone wanting you unhappy. SHe may be unhappy and in a place of not being able to reach out to right people to ask for help, for counseling.
my guy friend whom im close to, we can talk about anything and everything together......I had a crush on him but we both agree it'd be best If we just stayed friends.... not too long ago out of the sky blue he had told me "I deserve better"..that threw me off, cuz i was eating food and wasn't really thinking about what he had said....I don't know why anyone would think they don't deserve that special someone......well, the other day he seemed so down, out and broken....and there were lots of people in the hallway, so I didn't ask him what was wrong, but I did notice he was just staring at me, and he wasn't happy...... so I just said hi, and he just kept staring at me with this hurt look and said nothing and just walked away...should I ask him what's up or just not say anything at all.....thanks
If he made that comment out of the blue and you had no clue what he meant by his comment, the best thing would be to say something like, "Okay, maybe I missed something here but I can't think of how what you said pertains to this moment. I am here eating and you say I deserve better. Without your explaining what you mean, am I to think that you feel I should be making bettter choices in my meals?" But thats me, wry humor at the end.
My best guess is that he likes you as more than a friend and is feeling friend zoned without ever having had the chance to date you to see if it would work. His comment could be a dedeatist attitude showing through, thinking that whomeever you end up dating, you could do better than him. Maybe he has a low self image, I don't know but if he's a freind and you're able to talk about anything, this should also be one of those things you talk about. Giving him space might help if it were all about something else and having nothing to do with you but otherwise, the problem isnt going to be solved unless you both talk. So talk enough to find out if it involves you or not. He may just say its not about you to avoid discussing it so you'll have to sense this out, use your intuition and ask questions if you feel they need to be asked.
Im a high school student (M) and the two best friends of mine have started going out. Due to our school being quite far away, all 3 of us have always travelled together back home. This takes around 1 hour. Since they have started talking now, I have started drifting off from my girl bestfriend who is now dating my other best friend. On the train, I cannot do anything besides going with them. When I try avoiding them to go alone and not witness them doing all these flirty stuff, they try finding me and force me to come with then. I act awkward around my girl best friend nowadays, since the thought of betraying my best friend is always lingering in my mind. Although this is not true and I am certain my best friend is fine with me being alone with the girlfriend of his, it doesnt feel right anymore. What do I do?
What Adviceman talked about, I saw too once I married at 20. All my single friends and his felt awkward as if they no longer knew how to act around us. I can't say whether any had had feelings for either of us and you didn't mention that either. But I can say from your friends perspective, same like mine, I might have made a committment to someone but that did not mean he was all of a sudden my everything socially so I'd never need to socialize with friends again. What we did was to refrain from any kissing, hand holding and cuddling when around the friends bold enough to spend time with us and in time, they got used to it. What you may feel is flirty stuff between them may be, or it may be very little but seem like a lot to you or your sensing more than is actually there happening. Either way, this is an opportunity for you to learn another set of copying skills socially.
They might begin to notice or pick up on you acting different and wonder if they've done anything to hurt your feelings. So if they are your friends, they deserve to know that it isn't anything they've done.
You could offer this info to them, that you're happy they got together but now you feel like the fifth wheel and feel like you are intruding when they needd couple time together. Thank them for including you but let them know it may be a while before you get used to the idea of seeing them as a couple.
can I doing fingering and kiss on the pussy in period time
There will be two answers for you because of the fact this is about blood and that blood can carry disease, HIV, for example.
If this is a married couple or a committed for long tern/life adult couple who both know each others medical history and both have had STD checkups and been clear of anything, then it is perfectly fine to have sex in any way shape or form during the females period. Fingering won't hurt or interfere with the period. If having intercourse, penis in vagina sex, the extra lubrication of the blood has been a good sensation although you may want to avoid your heaviest flow day and do so on the lighter days at beginning or end of period. I've known two lovers who have enjoyed sex while on my period. Another interesting fact is that with the activity, the flow grew to less or stopped during the time we were having sex if it was a longer amount of time and not 15, 20 mins. because the body regulated to what was occuring at the time but the moment we were done, my period started right up again immediately within minutes.
If you are teens and just starting to experiment with sex, and want to finger the female, I'd recommend wearing a glove to protect yourself and would refrain from kissing or intercourse. A condom doesnt cover much area and the blood can go to covering a large region depending on the flow from belly button on down to the knees if going the whole way.
My mom just completely freaked out, yelled at me, and cancelled a trip because I drew on myself. To me, it seemed like she had overreacted, because she talked about how stupid it was and compared me to a baby. I'm 16 and female. I just don't know is this behavior is normal. I feel like it isn't, but she is always insisting that this is how it's supposed to be. I just don't know what to think.
I remember kids in school using markers to draw on themselves, usually nothing controversial or in bad taste, like best friends drawing a heart and writing their names and 'best friends'.
Now depending on what you drew, if lets say you drew a person being hung by a noose or wrote the word SLUT on yourself somewhere, I can see Mom being upset. As a parent tho, I'd have to side with adviceman, the punishment seems extreme if you indeed did draw something very bad or distasteful.
However, I have a different background and perspective based on whats happened in my life. My first husband was verbally abusive so when you mentioned the examples of things she said, a lot depends on tone of voice, not just the words said.
I'll explain.
Take the comment, "Gee, don't you look nice today." It could be a true compliment cus your friend is dressed up in a cute outfit. But on the other hand, use a different facial expression and a teasing tone, and the compliment now becomes a friendly jab at how weird or wild they look, like perhaps a strange Halloween costume.
There are better ways to get ones point across without demeaning someone or belittling. My ex would chew me out in front of family and friends saying things like are you a stupid child or are you an adult. I have many many people who will attest to the fact that when I was verbally abused, there was never even a slim reason for an immature person to react in such ways and treat me so. This went on 30 yrs til I divorced him.
I am wondering if this is a one time incident for you. My guess is that it isn't because of how I interpret, I just don't know is this behavior is normal. I feel like it isn't, but she is always insisting that this is how it's supposed to be.
Its the word always, which you used. If left out, it would mean in her self defense she was speaking of this one incident as how a parent is supposed to treat their child. With the word 'always', it means that this is an established pattern of how she overreacts or treats you including belittling, shaming, basically verbal abuse.
I wonder if there is a father in the picture you can talk to? If so, and he has not been a witness to the times she's treated you this way, then ask him if he's seen this behavior because in truth, either your mom is extremely stressed about something going on in her life and could use some counseling support or it may be a sign of mental illness as it was for my ex. IN that case, she'd need a mental health professional working with her but she'd have to be willing to admit she has a problem and wants help and most people in this situation are in denial and will subconsciously do things to point the finger at others to get attention off themselves and get others to thinking someone else is the reason why they lose their temper and over-react.
If there is any more info you can share, things she's said, exactly what you drew and where and the actual words you said to her in response that may help a little. And if there are other past instances of this kind of behaviour and whether you're the only one she's doing it to or other siblings or husband also, that may have some impact on this problem.
F/19. I'm a sophomore going to my junior year in college next year and am considering a transfer to UMaine. Thankfully I've gotten a letter offering enough money to allow me to study there. I'm currently an English major but was thinking about pursuing a major in science instead, possibly Earth, Marine, or Animal Science. However, out of the money offered more than half of it would be in loans, therefore lets say that I stayed two years (since I am a transfer), I would end up with $60,000+ on loans. On the worst case me being an Arts major could mean I'd need an additional year to finish, which would mean near a six figure number. Yikes. I'm just not sure if its worth it. I'm not afraid of having to pay afterwards but I also would like to do Master's or even a PhD. I'm just not sure if I should go with it.
Having kids a bit older than you and knowing their friends, my experience is that all except maybe one has found a job after college/univ. in the degree that they got and they're just working ordinary low paying jobs just to pay their college debt off. My oldest never got a job in the medical field as she hoped and all she could get was a job at Walmart because there is a flood of many more graduates than there are jobs to fill. Only some very specific's in a field may have an opening.
My husbands daughter got a degree in CG, computer graphics from a prestigious school that is one of the top in the country and has a gigantic loan to pay off as this seems to be along the lines of med school expense. She has not yet worked a job in her field.
As the population of the planet increases in a time when our own country hasn't made any great improvements to the economy, living costs and that includes school loans are going to have to be paid for by minimum wage jobs at worst and costs are more than what most people earn. I know more and more people losing jobs cus their company can't afford to pay employee wages and still stay afloat, so the lucky few still working are doing the work of two or three people now.
If you want to switch later once you are working and can pay off the first degree before pursueing a science major, then maybe it'll work out well but any kind of college these days is risky
So, other than cost of loan payback, only you can know why deep down you are not sure. If it isnt about money, then it must be that someone has said you;d be good at or is encouraging you to follow this other path. YOu should only go for a degree in a job that you have a passion about and a love and desire to do, otherwise, forget what the job pays and go for what you like.
Some of the more successful medium paying jobs actually grow to have more potential when the person in that job has a passion for what they do, they can go a long way as far as being successful in their role.
mothers day is right around the corner may 8th to be exact, and i need gift ideas for someone who is like a second mom to me, ive already gotten her candy, gift mug set, slipper/pedi set, personalized mug…any other ideas? Id like to have the items mailed to her, makes it more of a surprise. thanks for any ideas.
I think to be unique, the easieset way is to buy something to add to a collection she has, like for example, I had a 2nd mom who collected anything having to do with owls so it can be really anything in that case. The person doesnt need to really have a collection, just from observing them and getting their reactions or comments on certain things like maybe its anything with butterflies or dragonflies. Themed items like dragonflies can be found in nickknacks, a dragonfly lamp shade, dishes, shower curtain, bed spread, pot holders.
IF you search online for a specific item, you'll find a company that has all sorts of themed items.
I once used to collect teapots and the day my sis gave me a teapot for a gift, it was my favorite gift from her ever.
I'm relatively ignorant of this topic, and since I'm only fourteen, I have nowhere else to ask these questions without being judged. I've been masturbating using my clit for a while now, and it works for me. However, the only reason I was masturbating using my clit was because I've heard that breaking your hymen will make it hurt and bleed. I don't think I can hide it from my super conservative parents if there's something wrong. I know that if I'm turned on and careful, it won't break, but I don't know anything beyond that. If anyone knows something about this, please help me.
I've got the perfect site for you, Laci Green on you tube, a young person in her 20s who started as a teen researching for herself to gather the real facts and truth about everything pertaining to sex, sexuality and dating. She does have some of her own personal views such as stating shes a feminist but of all the rest I've watched, she has bothered to get the real facts on everything. She's funny that videos short and heres the one she calls Hymen 101
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA
The hymen stretches like a rubber band. Maybe not so easily but over time it can stretch to fit toys, a penis. My hymen never broke, it just stretched. Not all hymens break. Usually the skin of the hymen might tear a little if a guy pushed in too fast and/or there was a lack of lubrication. ONes fingernails can nick the skin too. This may result in a couple of drops of blood on the panty but thats pretty much it. Of all the women I've talked to who had no problem sharing their stories, no one ever bleed a lot of blood. The pain refered to is when a toy or the penis has gone as far as it can go before meeting the skin of the hymen and the trick to conditioning ones hymen so it never hurts much is to only push at it a little each time, never attempting to insert anything all the way, just to the point you feel the discomfort of stretching if you even feel that. Like I said, many girls never need to do anything like that.
The only other thing, rare but enough instances to mention it is a septate hymen. You can look up photos on line, is when instead of the hole Laci cuts to show what a regular hymen looks like, instead there are two smaller holes side by side with a strip of hymen down the middle. If this is the case, even putting in a tampon will be difficult at the least to extremely painful and one end of it could be ripped off where it was attached. If you beleive you may have this situation, the natural procedure is to see Dr and have them snip that strip of hymen away, using local anaesthetic and from what I've read, the teen girls had no pain or discomfort after wards and it heals quick and fine on its own as do any other tears that may occur during sex.
So if using your fingers or later a toy, you'll be just fine cus you'd be able to tell if it felt too tight or started to hurt. The moment you stop, it stops hurting. We're not talking a pain like period cramps that might have you doubled over. So don't worry and enjoy exploring.
Female, 19. I usually don't care about what others think and in a way I still don't. However, as of lately I've been asking myself the same question. Is it really strange that I've never even been close to losing my virginity? I don't really care for it and I absolutely do NOT want to end up pregnant in college, therefore I kind of am glad of the way I am. But I've never had a boyfriend, never had a first kiss, first date, and I only had a few boys interested in me in ELEMENTARY school. After I got into middle school I never heard of any boy being interested in me and sometimes it kind of hurts to think that maybe I'm just not considered attractive or girlfriend material. I know there are tons of people out there with similar problems but sometimes I just wish that I could have at least one relationship, if anything to go through the experience. I don't wear much makeup and often dress up like I dont care or a bit boyish, I thought maybe guys dont see me attractive because of that. Or because sometimes I'm not as outspoken as other girls. I don't know. I'm just starting to think nobody'll ever notice me.
Another opinion stating its not strange to be 19 and not have kissed, dated or had sex and lost virginity. I was the same, so were my daughters who didn't start dating until early twenties.
When you stated 'I don't really care for it" I am not sure what you mean. I could guess what the IT is and what it is you don't care about. Since you later lament the fact no guys have seemed to care about you, I am pretty sure you're not saying you don't really care about dating. But with relationships, eventually comes the part of being sexual. So I wonder if you meant you are not really interested in experiencing sex ever, no libido whatever (ink which case thats another issue in the mix) or whether you just don't feel like caring about virginity and all, that it is not that significant or important to you.
Let me tell you right now that even waiting into ones mid twenties before having sex isn't so bad, in fact, you get to avoid lots of immature young guys from middle school through college years who think more of themselves, or may be players, users, heart breakers and definitely no where near ready to make a commitment of any kind to a girl. They still want their freedom and havent a clue what they are looking for in a female.
But the same goes for young gals, often they haven't given thought to what they really want in a guy so they end up settling for less.
I was shy and withdrawn and I had few female friends, only those who had approached me first. I had social anxiety and can tell you from first hand knowledge that such people do not make a big impact or statement. Its harder for people to notice you. However, if you are noticed, people will always gravitate to others who seem most interesting, not boring and you can't really blame them for not being able to tell anything about you or have a clue, if you are always quiet and do not venture to join any clubs or get involved in anything. I know now that I am outgoing and no longer shy, that I am not drawn to want to spend time getting to know the shy quiet person, its not an automatic, subconscious action and I have to plan to reach out.
Contrary to what you may think, males when older, later twenties, are less interested in seeking out what media portrays as the woman to go after in looks. They by then have gained some self confidence and ideas of what they do and dont like and many are attracted to the more natural looking, girl next door type. Some are attracted more to breasts while others are to legs but in the end, whatever first attracted them only becomes part of the whole ball of wax as they fall for the rest of you, personality etc...
One of the most attractive things about women from a test run with adult men and women who didnt know what the test was about, was to discover if mature men were attracted to looks over self confidence. Self confidence won every time. When I read that, I realized in a flash why when after a divorce and having put up a dating profile, I was attracting so many guys...I dont look like media's idea of beauty but I am pleasant looking and I also put in there some criteria a guy had to meet before contacting me as I had specific things I was looking for and since allergic to cigarette smoke, one was that he not be a smoker and I wasn't going to put anyone thru the trying to stop smoking and failing or getting rehooked on it after we fall in love...that was one requirement I had that was important to me. The assholes will yell at you for sticking to your criteria for a boyfriend but I do suggest you have one. One thing is does is cancel out lots of lower quality males, the ones with a temper, the ones who would lie to you, etc...and the ones who understand and are not offended, are actually attracted subconsciously by what seems like self confidence in a female, thats like nectar to a bee, a flame for a moth, they will just be attracted to you.
Thats one thing good to do, come up with a list of what you are looking for and believe me, you will refine it, take things off and add others as you finally date enough to have some experiences that help you shape your list. Don't settle for less and remember that a lot of guys are shy about going after the girl or in work places with a no sexual harassment policy, are even afraid to ask for a date. So it may be best that instead of waiting for a guy to notice you, that you go after a guy first. But that brings us to the issue of your self image , shyness or lack of self confidence. I dont know you, but you know yourself well. When you figure out which needs to be worked on, let me know and I may be able to steer you in right direction on how to work through each of those issues. Dont for one minute think that looking plain, no makeup, and a no fuss attitude about how you dress or appear is going to keep all guys away from you. Some yes, cus they are into something different. But a good majority have never begged their ladies to wear makeup or high heels or dresses or do their hair a certain way or get fancy nails. I have never heard of that except one girl whose guy didn't make a suggestion but said derogatory things about how fat and ugly she was getting and how she needs to lose weight and do this and that to still look nice for him. That guys was a problem person, a controller with mental illness and she was young, twenties, skinnier than me, not an ounce of fat on her and beautiful, always having hair done nice, makeup and nails and sexy clothes too. So the lesson is, don't change your self to be right for the guy cus in the end, he'll still not be happy. I had the same experience in marriage with first husband and all the change i did made no difference. Be yourself, make your appearance and choice of hair, clothes etc.. all be what you feel comfortable with and best goes along with your personality. An outdoorsy type guy who wants a girl friend to go camping, hiking with is not going to look for the fancy chic gal who doesnt own a pair of tennis shoes or hiking shoes and would see camping as stupid or torture he puts her through. He will be looking more along the lines of someone like you. So be yourself. Work on yourself as far as being more outgoing and don't wait for guys to ask just start a convo with them and let them know you've enjoyed chatting with them so much that you'd like to do so again and thats when you trade phone numbers and set a date to meet again. You can do it. And some lucky guy out there will be glad you made the first move.
I have B cup boobs, wide hips, small waist, long legs, and a medium size butt. Is this good or bad?
Sounds okay to me too, as a hetero female. If you had said A cup, small hips short legs it would also be okay. If a C cup and no waist and large butt, you'd also be okay. How can so many different body shapes in a female be okay? Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Males have different tastes in what appeals to them in a body type.
There are men who do no find the medias choice of beauty in a female to be realistic and they dont even like it, they want the more natural real look.
And men have their own taste as in what catches their eye first, thus the sayings of there being boob men and leg men or butt men. You don't have to be put togehter like a model, just have one attribute that catches their eye and makes them willing to take the time to get to know who you are on the inside.
Generally males brainwashed into looking for and wanting a female who looks like the medias v ersion of beauty will be more shallow guys, beauty is skin deep for them and they won't appreciate who you are on the inside, they're more into using a girl for their own jollies rather than being a supportive loving protective male for her. So if guys are going after the girls who know who look like girls in the magazines, then he's not worth your trouble. Yes, there are many men who want a Real female and what you have in body type is a real female.
I dated a guy for two months. He's 27 and I'm 24. He was really sweet but seemed to think I was a 'goddess' and said he could imagine dating with the intent of marriage. I broke up with him because of the pressure- this is my first relationship and he seems ready for things I'm not ready for. Also I'm in a late bloomer so I'm in college and I have no idea where I'll be in 1 year. It was my birthday and he sent told me he wishes me the best and sent me a long love poem. He also said he knows I made the right decision for myself by breaking up. Is it normal to feel like I want him back even though breaking up seemed healthier? Should I ever contact him again?
Since you haven't shared enough for us to know how long its been or whether you now feel ready for an intense relationship, I can only agree with 'youareloved' that you are very touched by the gift of his poem and remembering his birthday.
Being touched isn't the same thing as desiring to be in a relationship with the person who did something touching.
One more thing about this poem gift is, that its a likely sign telling you that he is still interested in you and willing to wait for the time until you are ready.
Now you may be confused with the fact he is still crazy about you and that he also is supporting you in your decision for yourself to break up. If he's the mature understanding man I believe him to be from the little you wrote, then this man is one of very few and far between as far as males go. I have a 2nd husband like this.
In agreeing and supporting your decision to split up, he wasn't necessarily agreeing that breaking up forever was the right thing to do. But he is a supportive person and able to place himself in anouther persons shoes and thus he realized all was going too fast for you. And he already knows that he wants you to come to him out of a want and desire for him, not out of thanks or gratitude for being a thoughtful guy. And that is what you have to figure out.
You mentioned something I must suppose as a reason for not being ready now, having a year of college left. While there are couples who marry after college is done for both, there are those who meet and marry while still in college. I guess college isn't the excuse in itself, its how well you know yourself. How well are you able to focus on school work while being married. Is he the kind of person to pick up all the housework and cooking to free up more of your time while you finish school? And this is only if you were sure of him and that he is the one you want to marry. Dating is for the purpose of discovering if a person is what you need for a mate, that there are no destructive behaviors about the person that would hurt the quality of relationship or hurt you. So, dating 2 months isn't enough to decide such a thing for yourself. Perhaps he's done lots more dating and meeting of girls who just didn't fit the profile of what he was looking for in a forever partner. He may well have a clear idea and know you'd be the right one for him and yes its possible. After a divorce, I had a wish list in my mind of what i needed in a relationship, where the presense or lack of a certain quality in the guy would be a deal breaker for me. I had about 5 criteria items that were a must the guy must be able to meet. If one was missing, I would not consider him at all. After a long marriage to the wrong person and mistreated in the bargain, I did not want to waste the rest of the life I have left being with a guy where I was settling for less. So school has nothing to do with this. But your understanding of yourself and what you need in a guy is more important, how else will you reccognize it when you meet it. My 2nd husband and I recognized it by the end of the first month together but we were older and had a lot of life experience and both of us had our criteria of what we were looking for that we wouldn't budge from no matter how nice the person seemed. He had only 2 and I had 5. But even with those particular 2 he had, he really wasn't finding any females with both qualities until he found me.
There is no reason to not go back to him now, especially if you want to spend more time getting to know him better so you can be sure about a future with him.
So heres something to help so you're not so afraid about the process. Most people put their best foot forward and even tend to go overboard on their 'best behavior' deal and many will totally change who they are, donning a false identity when they can't find enough attractive qualities in their self, or they want to hide their real self til they have the partner reeled in, but the kind of personal energy it takes to put on a fake self 24/7 is very hard on a person. So the more time you spend with them, the sooner this energy will be depleted and cracks in the false veneer show and eventually all the bad things about them will show thru. This doesnt take long if you see someone several times a week and talk often by phone, etc. a handful of months at most, so like 4, 5 months. But for those more experienced having had more past relationship and know the warning signs, we can spot the red flags much quicker and they will be there, its just some dont recognize it yet, like myself at 20 when I married. Looking back, the red flags were there and the person I am now, would never have gotten together with him if I was this person back then. You broke up at a time when you hadn't enough time with him to get past the stage where people drop their false persona in a relationship. While it can happen earlier, younger folks seem to my observations need the 5,6 months to really discover if the other is the one. Don't even try considering changing a few bad faults if a guy isn't right for you at the current time. Chances are, that most people do not change much from who they are at core, once in their 20s. THe other person needs to be willing to change and realize they need to, but just being a good loving example for a mate won't change em for the better. I gave 30 yrs of a loving supportive partnership and he only got worse over time.
I personally find the fact that he mentioned you as a Goddess to be a very eye opening statement. When guys are trying to talk pretty to convince a gal tostay with them, its not Goddess that they use. The men I know who have used the description of Goddess with their females and the few who have called me one, one of those is my currant husband. It seemed that males who recognize the "goddess' qualities in a particular female are likely to see that for the most part in all women, seeing them not as inferior, but equal partners. Plus in many areas, these males will see the creative force in females as superior to males. We do bring forth life but we have the qualities that make a house a home, something only a few men have but generally not all. They see a Goddess as one to give their support and allegiance to. They may give support to other females as a need comes up, ie, hubby fixing the elderly ladys clothesline that came down and letting her know to call him whenever she needs help. But these men, when they choose which female is their "Goddess' dont tend to be tempted or want any other females. This is not to replace any beliefs in God, but in how one treats the female in a partnership like marriage which should be a blending of strenghths.
You may want to spend more time with him to see if he is indeed the wonderful catch he seems. But you need to call the shots.
If it were me, I'd say first I want to thank you for remembering my birthday and the wonderful poem. It really touched me. I've been thinking though, since I have no prior experience dating, I want to take as much time as I need to be sure, even if you're sure enough to see I'm the one for you. I would need to feel the same to end up in marriage and so I am willing to begin dating again. However my willingness to date does not equal feeling committed to you at the level which you may hope for. I would prefer if you leave any further bringing up of marriage to me when I am ready. Either that or in the end I will let you know that I have decided against any further dating and let you go. Sorry but I panicked the first time around. If you are willing to pick up where we left off, I am willing too.
But let him know up ahead what your boundaries are. A male who seeks to have a Goddess in his life, will be willing to go by her rules. You also will hold his heart in your hands and can hurt him greatly if you are not honest and just playing with him. You could even mention you'd rather date until you finish school and then decide if you break up for good or move on to the next step. There are people who have been engaged for months to a few years before the time is right for marriage. So if at any point, you've decided that he's the one, even tho school isn't over yet, you could do as some have done, get engaged while you're finishing school. Once school is over and you've landed the job you want, then start planning the actuall wedding and a date.
I am 21 yo guy and got out of an abusive relationship. She was a total brat and no matter what she always picked up a fight with me and i was always the one apologizing. After 3 years i finally got fed up to such an extent that i left her.the only thing is i lied that it was because my parents will never accept us. She did realize my worth after i left and begged and cried for me to stay but i had enough by then. The drama and emotional abuse got worse. Now we do not talk anymore and i feel really happy but the only thing which bugs me is if she harms herself am i responsible ? I did not want any drama so i lied,was that correct ? In my defense i suffered a lot over 3-4 years.i was fed up and wanted to get out . Help needed.
first, I agree completely with all Razhie said.
I would like to address what happens to the mind of the person who has been abused as I was verbally abused for many years by a husband before I left. Since you made this following comment: but the only thing which bugs me is if she harms herself am i responsible ?
Of course you aren't, but the stress of the fighting, the being abused, listening to the twisted thinking and reasoning of a partner can have its affect on your mind as far as double guessing yourself. One of my natural traits is loyalty and I wanted to continue to do so but the stress was taking its toll on me. I caught myself many times starting to believe his distorted line of thinking when he blamed me. Then I would go and pray and ask God, the ultimate judge, if I was guilty of something or not and I never heard back that I was. God eventually told me I had to leave if I wanted to continue to live because if I stayed the stress to my body physically would take its toll in 4 years and I risked dying of cancer or heart attack. Unless you go see a counselor for what the abuse did to you, you are just going to have to trust us when we tell you that you are not responsible no matter what she does. We really have only ability to change and better ourselves. We can support another person wanting to change and better themselve but they have the same free will God gave you and can decide to do good or bad to self or others.
I recently came out as a transman to my friends - but how do I tell my parents? Mom's seriously transphobic and Dad's oblivious. Please help me!
The best thing you can do is to ask others who are like you and have gone through this before with same or similar circumstances. The best way to do that is go online and search for LGBT support groups, become and member and start asking by posting your questions.
I am a 16 year old guy and I met this girl on the internet through my friends one day. She is 15 years old and she has a lot of similar interest to me. My first time merting her was from using Skype, where it was my 2 friends her and myself. Due to certain circumstances, my 2 friends had took go and I was left alone with this girl. I don't know how it happened but we ended up skyping for 7 hours straight. She started talking about her life and past, and how she is always alone at school. So as any normal person would, I tried comforting her. I seemed to cheer her up quite a bit and I was quite satisfied with myself that I was able to help a 'stranger' out. After this event, she added me on facebook and we started talking. This was when I started realising some.. Flaws of hers. She started doing many things that was quite annoying. Since I am still a school student, I had a lot of homework but she would force me to skype her everyday from that point on. When I apologised to her and claimed that I had homework to do and therefore had to leave, she put me on a massive guilt trip. This happened countless times. She would say things like 'Oh are you leaving me again? Im going to be all alone.' Things like that. And that was only one of the 'flaws'. She would also hint that something in her life was wrong but when I asked her if she was alright and that I was there for her, she would just reply with 'No it's fine. I'm just sad that's all. Don't worry about me.' Things like that. I'm not trying to be narcissistic or anything but usually, I do care about others and I try my best to help others in any way possible. But after she keept hinting that there was something wrong and would refuse to tell me, I kind of got fed up. So now when she mentions something is wrong, J put close to no effort to find out what is wrong. Lately, everytime she asks to skype, I always tell her an excuse. Whether it be I'm busy or I have to go soon. Sometimes i just ignore her facebook mesages altogether when she tells me to skype. I feel like a horrible person but I cant handle it anymore. I tried helping and being a good person but I dont know what to do anymore. Im sorry you had to read all that. Please advise me on what I should do!
I've had to do the same with adults I got close to who became to exhibit some bad habits or even ways of treating me. With some, they'll never get it and the best thing to do is totally ignore them and not respond in any way. WHen you ssid she would force you to Skype with her, I had to chuckle because when i was younger, I made the same mistakes. I gave control over to another person. The truth is no one can force you to do anything. Now if someone held a gun pointed at you and told you to do something or die, that might be incentive to go against your own wishes and your own will and morals. But short of that, no one can force another to do anything you don't want. Its like that say, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" See, the horse has a will of its own and will keep resisting the human cus its just not thirsty or interested.
Yes, she sounds clingy and very needy and I wouldn't be surprised if she has some emotional or mental issues, maybe anxieties like being shy/social anxieties and other fears. Or perhaps she is depressed. But when she says things like, Oh, are you leaving me again..but I'll be all alone!" That sounds manipulative to me. Perhaps she has learned that growing up from having a parent like that and thinks its normal behavior for a person...no wonder a person like that wouldn't have friends. Or maybe she is truly lonely and her parents are seldom there or don't ever give the normal amount of attention and love a child needs growing up so she is starved for attention. A person like her will require counseling to learn to cope but you are not a professional counselor and are not equipped to truly help her past whatever her problems are. To more you are 'there for her' the less opportunity she will have to learn to stand on her own two feet, learn to do some problem solving of her own which may including reaching out to adults who can help her, if not her parents, then school counselors, her church pastor, etc.
If you wish, you might write one last message to her, no Skyping, and make it private, not for all to see on facebook. Let her know that it isnt healthy for her to have only one friend in the world for company who isnt even local but on the internet. SHe needs to learn to interact with others. If there are any problems such as depression or extreme anxieties that prevent her from living a normal life, she needs to reach out and ask for help of adults who can help, like her parents for one, but also her school counselors and pastor if she has one. The longer she resists seeking help, the longer she'll be lonely and having the issues that you are not qualified to help and giving her huge amounts of time on the internet that you don't have to give and can't afford to give, is not going to make her life better. It will only temporarily occupy her and take her focus off her troubles but it won't cure them. You may use that if you wish to write her but also let her know to stop contacting you and thats the last time she'll hear from you. Then don't respond if she does contact you. You have no reason to feel guilty for not b eing able to solve all her troubles. A true friendship should be equal in parts of how the two work together. She may think she's getting something out of it, but are you truly getting anything out of it in return? You just fell into this relationship by accident and wouldn't have sought out someone like this in your school anyways, right.
Does anyone know the exact meaning of "Jesus, Take The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood coming into every dream of mine? I' truly love God and Jesus, by the way. I can't do life without Them; they're my best friends.
Just by the title, I'd have to guess that subconsciously you may be wondering about or struggling with the notion of Jesus being in control of your life..taking the wheel of a car, boat,etc..means you are the one in control of where that vehicle goes. So it may be that you are not sure exactly to what degree you need to have Jesus calling the shots. I've heard of CHristians who get up in the morning and ask Jesus what clothing they should wear that day, or what to eat for breakfast.
I tend to believe God doesn't feel the need to be involved in such trivial matters. God is more concerned about our spiritual growth. So if you struggle with being able to hear from God clearly and you are asking questions about trivial things, He may answer simply to help you grow in the spiritual area of communication with Him. God is also concerned about us truly helping and loving our fellow man, that means everyone.
God has also given each one of us a will and we can choose with our will to do things that may not help us move forward in our spiritual experience yet are not truly bad either. Here's something I have done that helped without having rto wonder about Jesus having control in my life, it was more about whether God was pleased with me. I would often ask if God was pleased with me and He would say yes and sometimes tell me what exactly it was that pleased Him. He won't interfere with our free will He gave us so He doesnt tend to butt in and take control of our life in the way humans often interpret control, like being the hand in the puppet or the person pulling the strings on a Marioneette puppet. That is not how God has been in my life.
I would advise that you work on your ability to hear clearly from God for yourself. Then sometime in the future, you'd be able to ask him exactly what last nights dream was about or what a day vision you saw meant. God gives me pictures and scenes that play on the screen of my inner mind and its not for entertainment value like watching a show, its to communicate but I need the explanantion as to what the things I saw, actually mean.
Don't worry if you dont hear back...cus he's hearing you just fine and is answering but that part of us inside that has the ability like a radio to pick up the 'waves' isn't fully developed yet and will develop stronger and become more in tune when you've done a whole lot of talking to God consistantly even when you cant hear the replys yet. That is the only thing that will help you to be able to hear from Him yourself someday. You could try practicing at times, asking for God to give you picture in your mind to give you a clue what to say to someone, perhaps your compliment or encouragement is the only one they'd get all day.
I''ll give a quick example before I let you go...
Lets say you get an image of yourself feeling frazzled and tearing your heir out. You are in line at checkout and when you get to the clerk, you can see she doesnt look all that happy. Smile and ask how her days been. If its been bad or she doent feel well, she might tell you. Find a small way to take her mind off her troubles for the moment by paying an unexpected compliment, whether its on her earrings, she's wearing a color that really looks good on her or you think she has a lovely name. When God gives you an image, its about what it means to you, thats the clue as to whats going on for someone else. If the clerk looks tired by is still very friendly...I try to also put myself in the other persons shoes...you know they have to be nice to customers even when they've been harassed by them or or sick or tired. Thank her for always being so friendly and smily no matter what her day is like and that her enthusiasm even for a brief moment does brighten up your day. Then watch the sun come out as they break into an even bigger smile. This is what Jesus wants, us caring about others, even in the little things and its starts with hearing from him. Hope this all helps dear.