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Best friends are dating
Im a high school student (M) and the two best friends of mine have started going out. Due to our school being quite far away, all 3 of us have always travelled together back home. This takes around 1 hour. Since they have started talking now, I have started drifting off from my girl bestfriend who is now dating my other best friend. On the train, I cannot do anything besides going with them. When I try avoiding them to go alone and not witness them doing all these flirty stuff, they try finding me and force me to come with then. I act awkward around my girl best friend nowadays, since the thought of betraying my best friend is always lingering in my mind. Although this is not true and I am certain my best friend is fine with me being alone with the girlfriend of his, it doesnt feel right anymore. What do I do?
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What Adviceman talked about, I saw too once I married at 20. All my single friends and his felt awkward as if they no longer knew how to act around us. I can't say whether any had had feelings for either of us and you didn't mention that either. But I can say from your friends perspective, same like mine, I might have made a committment to someone but that did not mean he was all of a sudden my everything socially so I'd never need to socialize with friends again. What we did was to refrain from any kissing, hand holding and cuddling when around the friends bold enough to spend time with us and in time, they got used to it. What you may feel is flirty stuff between them may be, or it may be very little but seem like a lot to you or your sensing more than is actually there happening. Either way, this is an opportunity for you to learn another set of copying skills socially.
They might begin to notice or pick up on you acting different and wonder if they've done anything to hurt your feelings. So if they are your friends, they deserve to know that it isn't anything they've done.
You could offer this info to them, that you're happy they got together but now you feel like the fifth wheel and feel like you are intruding when they needd couple time together. Thank them for including you but let them know it may be a while before you get used to the idea of seeing them as a couple.
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I understand where you are coming from, you feel like a fifth wheel at times or as the old saying goes; "Two's company, three's a crowd." While it is understandable that you would feel this way you need to understand that if they did not want you around they would find ways to avoid you. In a moment I will tell you a short story to prove a point.
There is one thing about going to public school that has it all over being home schooled is that public school inadvertently teaches social skills along with the educational values it supplies. It has to because of the mixing of all the different students and their backgrounds and nationalities.
Your friends may be dating but they don't want you left out. This is an opportunity for all three of you to learn a very important social skill; “How do you handle and exist in awkward situations. I'm sure in some way they are aware you fell that you are intruding though they search you out because they want you as a friend. You need to learn how to accept their friendship in this new relationship. They need to learn how to make things less awkward for you when the three of you are together.
When I finished high school I joined the Air Force. Two of my Friends went off to College and later married and had babies that kept them out of the draft. The Vietnam conflict was in full bloom at the time and this was how they stayed out of the draft. I joined the Air Force rather than wait to be drafted.
You want to talk about awkward; one friend married the girl that lived next door to me and the other a girl I had dated in high school. I was invited to both weddings. Fortunately it was a bit hard for me to come home from South East Asia and I was able to dodge both of those awkward invitations.
I couldn't stay in Asia forever and eventually I was discharged and came home. I had to learn to deal with the four of them for a very different plane than you are on. You three are on the same plane with the same interests. There is a commonality between you three on which join together and have a friendship on aside from their romance.
For me it was entirely different. I came from a whole different world then they were living in. They were safe and comfortable as was I stationed outside the war zone. Well I was safe anyway. Though I saw and experienced things they would never see and experience. I had to learn to deal with my friends on their plane as I could not bring them into my plane it was not fair to them to do so.
You may not think my story appropriate to your situation though it is. You are me; you’re the one not involved in a romantic situation at this time. They are my friends. You cannot expect them to come into your plane so you need to learn how to exist in there plane; with their help.
Now should you enter into a romantic relationship things will be easier for all as you will be on level plane. Being on a level plane the four of you can interact in a more comfortable much less awkward way.
I hope I have helped you some.
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