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My mom physical lly and verbally abusive
My name is Rachel and I am 27 years old and I am at my wit's end . My mom has physically and verbally abused me all my life and I am sick and tired of it.
I was also molested by my dad when I was 3 and he died when I was 12 years old . My mom is disabled she has bipolar and has trouble walking now and has this problem for several years now but any way let's get to the point. This morning I went outside to smoke and my got mad because I woke her up going outside and she calls me an idiot and a funking bitch so I called her one back and then she picks up her cane and hits me in the head with it so igrab the cane so she can't hit me again so she knocks me down ont he floor and pulls my hair because I grabbed the cane . Then she punches me in the face so I Granger hands so she can't hit me or pull my hair and she calls me a funking bitch again. I can't go to the police because she is raising my niece and nephew and they would put them in foster care and I would never see them again and she doesn't abuse them just me. I can't move out because I don't have the finances to help what should I do?
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You are 27 years old; your mother is not abusing you she is assaulting and battering you. It is a legal technicality but a major one. Mom may be physically disabled and suffer from bipolar disorder it does not excuse her from breaking the law. He bipolar disorder should have nothing to do with her physical disability. Though her physical disability could be exasperating her bipolar disorder.
I doubt you want to have your mother arrested but I believe you do need to get her some help. I believe her bipolar disorder is not under control. IS she being treated by a psychiatrist who is Board Certified in Psychiatry. IF not she needs to be as they are they ones best qualified to do so. IF she is then as her caregiver you have the right and the need to speak with her doctor. Tell the doctor how she acts around you and how she may act with your niece and nephew when your not around.
You may also need to call Child Protective Services (CPS). Even if mom is not abusing them, the environment they are living in watching mom assault and batter you is not healthy for them. Since you are capable of caring for your mother I would think you are capable of caring for them.
If caring for them is strictly a financial problem for you CPS will pay you just like they would pay a foster family to care for them. IF at all possible CPS would rather keep the children in the home they know and remove the problem instead. Removing your mother to someplace where she can get the care she needs and see to it she is compliant with her medications may be in the best interest of your mother as well as you and your niece and nephew.
My advice is: Take your mother to her doctor who should be a board certified psychiatrist, if not schedule a visit to one. If mom refuses to see a doctor tell her you are calling CPS. She will probably tell you that you are to old for CPS help and she would be right. Your niece and nephew are at an age the CPS will step in and I fully believe they need to if things are a toxic as you have written.
I believe you mom needs professional care. Care that of the type you can't offer. Child and family services can be a big help in seeing to it you mom gets the help she needs and that the children are safe and secure in your custody.
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Your stuck in a bad situation and you are right, if she's having these problems, CPS would be interested because you aren't there 100% of the time and theres a chance she's abusing the kids the same way, even if they insist she doesn't out of fear. All I can think of is for you to check out if there is any free counseling in your area if you can't afford it due to finances. As an adult, no one can force her to seek mental health and unless she gets it, things are not going to improve. FOr a lady having trouble walking, its amazing that a tug of war with her cane didn't knock her off balance, falling to the floor. She's not as weak as she seems dear. I once had a caregiving client the company sent me out to and she was like this, pretending to be weak, disabled to get the attention but once I WAS there she became verbally abusive and pushing me, and tried hitting me. I told the agency what she was doing. The lady was supposed to have me doing all her chores for her but no matter how i did them, same as my ex husband, it was never good enough even if I followed her instructions to a Tee. SHe'd grab the mop or what ever it was, out of my hands and begin to do all the work herself, making me watch her...all she wanted was an audience. It may be that your mom is a drama queen in her mental illness and without another adult to act out her drama's she is going to continue to goad you into falling into them so she can be satisfied.
So all I can think of is to zip your lip, stop defending yourself verbally with her...I learned that soon with my ex, cus its a waste of breath and any response, if you do yell back or hit or even if you don't, is going to anger her. The thing I learned is, I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. But if I don't respond back, I am not adding fuel to the fire and making her anger worse. Without a sparring partner, she's more likely to give up sooner, cus its so fun, not rewarding for her. I know you have years of emotional abuse and the anger built up from that but if you do not have mental illness and are a rational adult, and feel you have no choice but to live there, then next time she calls you names, just smile and say nothing other than Good morning Mom. This is the same way to response to bullying. For kids in school, if they do not give the response of crying or running away that bullies want, then after a while they'll stop cus its not rewarding for them when they dont get their wanted responses. However with mental illness, your non response may not make her stop, just that there'd be less drama and trauma to yourself.
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