Female, 19. I usually don't care about what others think and in a way I still don't. However, as of lately I've been asking myself the same question. Is it really strange that I've never even been close to losing my virginity? I don't really care for it and I absolutely do NOT want to end up pregnant in college, therefore I kind of am glad of the way I am. But I've never had a boyfriend, never had a first kiss, first date, and I only had a few boys interested in me in ELEMENTARY school. After I got into middle school I never heard of any boy being interested in me and sometimes it kind of hurts to think that maybe I'm just not considered attractive or girlfriend material. I know there are tons of people out there with similar problems but sometimes I just wish that I could have at least one relationship, if anything to go through the experience. I don't wear much makeup and often dress up like I dont care or a bit boyish, I thought maybe guys dont see me attractive because of that. Or because sometimes I'm not as outspoken as other girls. I don't know. I'm just starting to think nobody'll ever notice me.
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category? Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity? FAIRYGODMTHR answered Wednesday April 13 2016, 1:15 am: Take it from me. Save it til you find who you want to be with forever. It's a lot easier on the relationship when you have little to no previous sexual experience. It's a great thing that you dont feel noticed. Being the girl that everybody wants, the girl that knows how to kiss and flirt, the fun girl who everyone wants to party and drink with, the girl that sneaks out to go to the clubs and seems to be having soo much fun are all OVERRATED. Just chill. Be yourself. When the guy you really want to spend the rest of your life with comes along, life will be better than you ever expected. Be cool. [ FAIRYGODMTHR's advice column | Ask FAIRYGODMTHR A Question ]
YouAreLoved answered Tuesday April 12 2016, 11:16 pm: My fellow advisers Dragonflymagic and AlycetheLost have given some very good and practical advice. Here is what I would say:
You are who and what you are for a reason, so cherish and let the magic unfold
We should not and cannot completely change ourself, cus that would be like trying to be someone else
You feel and think in your head that you are strange or not a fit cus you are comparing yourself to others.
Don't be surprized if I tell you that perhaps you could be doing the right thing and the others may not be.
Stop judging yourself based on what everyone else is doing.
Stop thinking about others and start loving yourself for who you are. Once your focus is taken away from what is going on outside, you will feel at peace within yourself.
Once you are at peace and in harmony with who you are and accept and embrace yourself, your inner beauty will shine and radiate around you
And you will not have to take any efforts to please others. People and guys will automatically get attracted to you, wanting to know you, to know the mystical peace and soothing beauty ))
As fas a sex goes, trust me based on what you have described, you will experience the most magical and true love making in all the sense, so be little patient, wait and watch. Again the key is to accept and love yourself first!
I am not suggesting you to do this, however it's not a bad idea to try masturbating so that there is the release of energy to keep you in balance.
I can keep going but I am guessing you got the point
Dragonflymagic answered Tuesday April 12 2016, 8:03 pm: Another opinion stating its not strange to be 19 and not have kissed, dated or had sex and lost virginity. I was the same, so were my daughters who didn't start dating until early twenties.
When you stated 'I don't really care for it" I am not sure what you mean. I could guess what the IT is and what it is you don't care about. Since you later lament the fact no guys have seemed to care about you, I am pretty sure you're not saying you don't really care about dating. But with relationships, eventually comes the part of being sexual. So I wonder if you meant you are not really interested in experiencing sex ever, no libido whatever (ink which case thats another issue in the mix) or whether you just don't feel like caring about virginity and all, that it is not that significant or important to you.
Let me tell you right now that even waiting into ones mid twenties before having sex isn't so bad, in fact, you get to avoid lots of immature young guys from middle school through college years who think more of themselves, or may be players, users, heart breakers and definitely no where near ready to make a commitment of any kind to a girl. They still want their freedom and havent a clue what they are looking for in a female.
But the same goes for young gals, often they haven't given thought to what they really want in a guy so they end up settling for less.
I was shy and withdrawn and I had few female friends, only those who had approached me first. I had social anxiety and can tell you from first hand knowledge that such people do not make a big impact or statement. Its harder for people to notice you. However, if you are noticed, people will always gravitate to others who seem most interesting, not boring and you can't really blame them for not being able to tell anything about you or have a clue, if you are always quiet and do not venture to join any clubs or get involved in anything. I know now that I am outgoing and no longer shy, that I am not drawn to want to spend time getting to know the shy quiet person, its not an automatic, subconscious action and I have to plan to reach out.
Contrary to what you may think, males when older, later twenties, are less interested in seeking out what media portrays as the woman to go after in looks. They by then have gained some self confidence and ideas of what they do and dont like and many are attracted to the more natural looking, girl next door type. Some are attracted more to breasts while others are to legs but in the end, whatever first attracted them only becomes part of the whole ball of wax as they fall for the rest of you, personality etc...
One of the most attractive things about women from a test run with adult men and women who didnt know what the test was about, was to discover if mature men were attracted to looks over self confidence. Self confidence won every time. When I read that, I realized in a flash why when after a divorce and having put up a dating profile, I was attracting so many guys...I dont look like media's idea of beauty but I am pleasant looking and I also put in there some criteria a guy had to meet before contacting me as I had specific things I was looking for and since allergic to cigarette smoke, one was that he not be a smoker and I wasn't going to put anyone thru the trying to stop smoking and failing or getting rehooked on it after we fall in love...that was one requirement I had that was important to me. The assholes will yell at you for sticking to your criteria for a boyfriend but I do suggest you have one. One thing is does is cancel out lots of lower quality males, the ones with a temper, the ones who would lie to you, etc...and the ones who understand and are not offended, are actually attracted subconsciously by what seems like self confidence in a female, thats like nectar to a bee, a flame for a moth, they will just be attracted to you.
Thats one thing good to do, come up with a list of what you are looking for and believe me, you will refine it, take things off and add others as you finally date enough to have some experiences that help you shape your list. Don't settle for less and remember that a lot of guys are shy about going after the girl or in work places with a no sexual harassment policy, are even afraid to ask for a date. So it may be best that instead of waiting for a guy to notice you, that you go after a guy first. But that brings us to the issue of your self image , shyness or lack of self confidence. I dont know you, but you know yourself well. When you figure out which needs to be worked on, let me know and I may be able to steer you in right direction on how to work through each of those issues. Dont for one minute think that looking plain, no makeup, and a no fuss attitude about how you dress or appear is going to keep all guys away from you. Some yes, cus they are into something different. But a good majority have never begged their ladies to wear makeup or high heels or dresses or do their hair a certain way or get fancy nails. I have never heard of that except one girl whose guy didn't make a suggestion but said derogatory things about how fat and ugly she was getting and how she needs to lose weight and do this and that to still look nice for him. That guys was a problem person, a controller with mental illness and she was young, twenties, skinnier than me, not an ounce of fat on her and beautiful, always having hair done nice, makeup and nails and sexy clothes too. So the lesson is, don't change your self to be right for the guy cus in the end, he'll still not be happy. I had the same experience in marriage with first husband and all the change i did made no difference. Be yourself, make your appearance and choice of hair, clothes etc.. all be what you feel comfortable with and best goes along with your personality. An outdoorsy type guy who wants a girl friend to go camping, hiking with is not going to look for the fancy chic gal who doesnt own a pair of tennis shoes or hiking shoes and would see camping as stupid or torture he puts her through. He will be looking more along the lines of someone like you. So be yourself. Work on yourself as far as being more outgoing and don't wait for guys to ask just start a convo with them and let them know you've enjoyed chatting with them so much that you'd like to do so again and thats when you trade phone numbers and set a date to meet again. You can do it. And some lucky guy out there will be glad you made the first move. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
AlyceTheLost answered Tuesday April 12 2016, 3:54 pm: I know how you feel, we are the same age ,( I turn nineteen in a few months) and we are both in the same situation. Sweetie, its not strange at all to not have experienced dating or romance at 19 whatsoever. You are still young and the world will never run out of boys and I am 100% sure there is a guy for you somewhere but you are just going to have to wait for him. Try not to think too much on it , and please try not to rush into anything , take your time and be yourself. [ AlyceTheLost's advice column | Ask AlyceTheLost A Question ]
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