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Break up stress
I am 21 yo guy and got out of an abusive relationship. She was a total brat and no matter what she always picked up a fight with me and i was always the one apologizing. After 3 years i finally got fed up to such an extent that i left her.the only thing is i lied that it was because my parents will never accept us. She did realize my worth after i left and begged and cried for me to stay but i had enough by then. The drama and emotional abuse got worse. Now we do not talk anymore and i feel really happy but the only thing which bugs me is if she harms herself am i responsible ? I did not want any drama so i lied,was that correct ? In my defense i suffered a lot over 3-4 years.i was fed up and wanted to get out . Help needed.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you overall feel happy now, then just live in that moment. You deserve it! In my experience, just give things time. When people are rash and hard to deal with and abusive, they have a lot of their own demons to deal with that predate you. So, there will be a time (believe it or not) that you guys will talk again. Not necessarily romantically but for closure. And when that convo comes. She will understand. Dont worry about the lies. Just find happiness. Let the universe work its magic! Good Luck!
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first, I agree completely with all Razhie said.
I would like to address what happens to the mind of the person who has been abused as I was verbally abused for many years by a husband before I left. Since you made this following comment: but the only thing which bugs me is if she harms herself am i responsible ?
Of course you aren't, but the stress of the fighting, the being abused, listening to the twisted thinking and reasoning of a partner can have its affect on your mind as far as double guessing yourself. One of my natural traits is loyalty and I wanted to continue to do so but the stress was taking its toll on me. I caught myself many times starting to believe his distorted line of thinking when he blamed me. Then I would go and pray and ask God, the ultimate judge, if I was guilty of something or not and I never heard back that I was. God eventually told me I had to leave if I wanted to continue to live because if I stayed the stress to my body physically would take its toll in 4 years and I risked dying of cancer or heart attack. Unless you go see a counselor for what the abuse did to you, you are just going to have to trust us when we tell you that you are not responsible no matter what she does. We really have only ability to change and better ourselves. We can support another person wanting to change and better themselve but they have the same free will God gave you and can decide to do good or bad to self or others.
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Lying is never kind—it's also not always helpful either, because by shifting the blame to your parents, she might have held on to hope that you still cared for her or wanted to be with her. That's why lying isn't usually going to be the right path. There is no perfect lie. In most cases, telling someone the truth and standing up for your choice to end the relationship is going to be the better and more efftective way to handle the break up.
You aren't responsible if she harms herself, however, if you know there is an immediate risk of that, you should speak to people around her and warn them. That much would be responsible and kind.
If you aren't speaking anymore and have no contact, that's a good thing. Try to let it go.
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