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weird sex fantasies
So im 19/f and I started masterbating 2 years ago. Before then I had never been into anything sexual at all but one day I just started doing it and i havent stopped. Despite my many attempts to stop. Now its become a habit that I have to do almost everyday. I just get the slightest feeling and then I have to do it. Not only that but I imagine weird ass shit when I do it that I would never condone in real life. Like I just have this feeling come over me that it doesnt matter what I think of cause it turns me on, but after im done masterbating its like ew no what is wrong with me and I have to stop. But i never do. I picture my bf with different girls, and with family members. And idk why it turns me on so much. Is there a reason for this? Is this normal? How do I stop fantasizing about these kinds of things so much? How do I control my sensations and thoughts? I heard that keeping yourself busy works and ive done that before but its hard to because Im by myself with a lot of time on my hands the majority of the time. So how do I control it and have more purer nicee fantasies? Thanks!
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Hey, so I was reading that book that every parent gives you when you hit puberty, and in the back it said that masturbating is completely normal and I saw a puberty video that said when you hit this stage you start fantasizing things you would never do or think about in real life. It also said that you may feel guilty about it because no one has ever told you it's okay. So this is completely normal and nothing to freak out about. Though if you feel like you are doing it too much you can try focusing on activities that will force you to stop thinking about it when you feel the urge, but like I said it's completely normal.
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YOu've got some good advice from Youareloved. However I don't want you to freak out over his commenting on your fantasies being disturbing. They very well may be for him and that is okay and whats outside the limits of what feels normal to him. All people are different when it comes to fantasies sexually. And no matter how bizzare they can get, there are only a few that would be illegal or unethical if acted out in real life. But as a fantasy helps the person to have their orgasms or heightened sexual experience. When it comes to the imagination, Psychologists will agree that the mind is our greatest sex organ and is a very important part of how much we enjoy our sexual experiences as the greatest portion of it is the involvement of the mind.
What I have not heard Dr.s able to explain is why one person has one fantasy that works for them and for someone else, that one doesnt work but a more bizarre real fantasies one does.
To me, some of the more bizarre fantasies being acted out for real are suffocated or strangled to achieve orgasm until just before the point of death. Unfortunately if one goes overboard, someone is dead. Others I find crazy is pooping or vomiting involved in the sex act, or cutting another person. For one person, they may get a thrill from just imagining something, the more dark or strange or illegal or naughty, thats what sparks the orgasm for them.
So in comparison, what you are imagining is quite tame compared to others so don't worry.
As for masturbating or ones need for sexual release, if comparing yourself to others you will get nothing but conflicting answers. Its all about whether a person has a high libido or a medium or low one. Someone with a high libido may want and need once a day if not more times a day. Just keep in mind, if satisfying yourself or sex with partner doesnt interfere with other areas of your life, then you are fine. If it begin to disrupt ability to get your job done, schooling done, housework, shopping etc accomplished, at that point its an addiction. Just becuase it feels like a lot doesnt mean its an addiction but YouAreLoved did mention it and it is a good thing to look at your situation and be honest with yourself and if its interfering with your ability to do all other things in your life that must be done, then there is counseling and support groups for that. Some people only want sex a couple times a week. And then there are those who are perfectly happy with orgasms only once a week, once every other week or less. I am not talking about people with a lack of sex partner as they can still masturbate and have orgasms. But matching libido is a very important thing to keep in mind when thinking of committing to a relationship long term. Differing libidos can cause havoc and ultimately may be a cause for the breakup of a relationship.
As for polyamory or just the open relationship/marriage deal of sharing ones partner with others, most people can't handle the emotional aspects of it and get jealous or do comparing as to who's better or worse rather than seeing it as a matter of just being different.
It is not an area I would advise a 19 yr old to check out in real life, no matter what your fantasies. It takes a couple have been successful and mostly trouble free in their relationship before they can handle polyamory and its also best to wait until you are done with child bearing if trying to still have kids with your partner, to avoid getting pregnant by others by accident. However as a fantasy, this is a perfectly fine way to use your imagination and there doesnt need to be a reason why it works for you, as long as something does, I say, all is okay.
I don't know if its due to religious beliefs told to you that you feel you must try to stop. In my church days at your age and even in marriage, I felt guilty for masturbating until at some point I woke up to the reality from other sources, both christian psychologists and female gynecologists who taught that orgasms are a healthy practice for women keeping everything in the privates region internally in good shape, strengthened by use so that as you get older you wont have sagging bladder or vagina, requiring the wearing of an insert to support everything inside, plus it is a great stress reliever. So as long as you are happy with your boyfriend, or any future sex partners, then there's nothing wrong with having extra on the side by masturbating.
Just an aside, but I've heard that often couples who feel comfortable with and trust each other enough to share all their thoughts, feelings and even fantasies, have shared what makes them horny and the two will both imagine the scenerio together, using dialogue along the lines of the fantasy to enhance sex for both of them. This way each can take turns helping ones partner work out their fantasy. If you have any other questions, just ask. Hopefully what i've shared has allayed your fears.
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I am not at all surprised with what you described. Yes what you are fantasizing is disturbing, but that is what sexual energy can do to you. It can take over your body and consciousness and ability to think sane. No wonder people can go to any extent to seek and experience sexual pleasures.
It's not masterbating or sex that is bad or wrong, it's the motivation behind those things that can have adverse effects on your psyche and body. And trust me, you are not the only one who has these issues. It's just that you decided to address it and came out open asking this question ))
It's going to be hard to help resolving this issue with a one time answer. You need someone who understands your situation, or someone who can relate to it and be able to work with you over multiple sessions, asking questions, understanding your state of mind and then be able to guide you. I know all this perhaps does not make sense to you ))
Anyway, I can think of 2 reasons (there could be more) this could be happening.
1. You have made masturbation as an addiction and if not all, most addictions are the result of wanting to escape from an psychological/emotional problem, which could be known or unknown. In most of the cases it's the later. So, what is yours? I know it's not an easy question. Had you known, you would have tried to deal with it. So, let me give you some hints giving you some questions you need to ask yourself. Don't think before you answer these questions. They have to come from deep within your heart and soul ))
Do you really love your bf ?
Does he make you feel complete and full emotionally (not just physically) ?
Are you with him just because he is a nice person?
Do you really feel passionate about him? Being passionate about someone is not always physical. We are all different and have different needs and attraction traits. And all this is very normal.
Do you love someone else but still wanting to stay in the current relationship just because he is a nice person and you don't want to hurt him?
Do you have any other emotional stress from family etc.? At least it did not seem like that is the case
If any of the above is true, you need to face it, deal with it and be open about it with your bf, regardless of how he feels. Love is not your dressing accessory that you need to be wearing to look good. The day you will be completely satisfied (emotionally and physically) with your love, your addiction will automatically disappear. When two people love each other unconditionally (without fear and judgment) they complete each other at all levels. I bet you have not shared this with your bf. When you are truly in love with someone, there should not be anything you cannot share with them. Anyway, I leave that up to you to think and introspect.
2. There is a likelihood that you fall in one of the categories - polyamory, polygamy. You may want to read about it and explore.
I know my answer sounds inadequate and perhaps not convincing. I hope my other fellow advisors may give their perspective about the issue and advice.
I would also suggest you reading on sexual energy and how to guide it through the right channels across your body. As I said before, no answer is going to be a complete answer for you. You need someone who can work along with you for weeks/months
Good luck!
Good luck!
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