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Ex sent me a love poem
I dated a guy for two months. He's 27 and I'm 24. He was really sweet but seemed to think I was a 'goddess' and said he could imagine dating with the intent of marriage. I broke up with him because of the pressure- this is my first relationship and he seems ready for things I'm not ready for. Also I'm in a late bloomer so I'm in college and I have no idea where I'll be in 1 year. It was my birthday and he sent told me he wishes me the best and sent me a long love poem. He also said he knows I made the right decision for myself by breaking up. Is it normal to feel like I want him back even though breaking up seemed healthier? Should I ever contact him again?
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You should keep in touch until you decide whether or not you still like him.
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With help from my friend,
Dearest,
NO because honestly since you said the relationship you had with him is unhealthy then why go back?
He did send you his best wishes,right,meaning that you and him are okay already.
XOXO
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He wants to be married, you dont. That's the reason you two broke up. If nothing has changed, the outcome wont change. Leave it alone. Eventually he will find a girl who wants the same things.
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Since you haven't shared enough for us to know how long its been or whether you now feel ready for an intense relationship, I can only agree with 'youareloved' that you are very touched by the gift of his poem and remembering his birthday.
Being touched isn't the same thing as desiring to be in a relationship with the person who did something touching.
One more thing about this poem gift is, that its a likely sign telling you that he is still interested in you and willing to wait for the time until you are ready.
Now you may be confused with the fact he is still crazy about you and that he also is supporting you in your decision for yourself to break up. If he's the mature understanding man I believe him to be from the little you wrote, then this man is one of very few and far between as far as males go. I have a 2nd husband like this.
In agreeing and supporting your decision to split up, he wasn't necessarily agreeing that breaking up forever was the right thing to do. But he is a supportive person and able to place himself in anouther persons shoes and thus he realized all was going too fast for you. And he already knows that he wants you to come to him out of a want and desire for him, not out of thanks or gratitude for being a thoughtful guy. And that is what you have to figure out.
You mentioned something I must suppose as a reason for not being ready now, having a year of college left. While there are couples who marry after college is done for both, there are those who meet and marry while still in college. I guess college isn't the excuse in itself, its how well you know yourself. How well are you able to focus on school work while being married. Is he the kind of person to pick up all the housework and cooking to free up more of your time while you finish school? And this is only if you were sure of him and that he is the one you want to marry. Dating is for the purpose of discovering if a person is what you need for a mate, that there are no destructive behaviors about the person that would hurt the quality of relationship or hurt you. So, dating 2 months isn't enough to decide such a thing for yourself. Perhaps he's done lots more dating and meeting of girls who just didn't fit the profile of what he was looking for in a forever partner. He may well have a clear idea and know you'd be the right one for him and yes its possible. After a divorce, I had a wish list in my mind of what i needed in a relationship, where the presense or lack of a certain quality in the guy would be a deal breaker for me. I had about 5 criteria items that were a must the guy must be able to meet. If one was missing, I would not consider him at all. After a long marriage to the wrong person and mistreated in the bargain, I did not want to waste the rest of the life I have left being with a guy where I was settling for less. So school has nothing to do with this. But your understanding of yourself and what you need in a guy is more important, how else will you reccognize it when you meet it. My 2nd husband and I recognized it by the end of the first month together but we were older and had a lot of life experience and both of us had our criteria of what we were looking for that we wouldn't budge from no matter how nice the person seemed. He had only 2 and I had 5. But even with those particular 2 he had, he really wasn't finding any females with both qualities until he found me.
There is no reason to not go back to him now, especially if you want to spend more time getting to know him better so you can be sure about a future with him.
So heres something to help so you're not so afraid about the process. Most people put their best foot forward and even tend to go overboard on their 'best behavior' deal and many will totally change who they are, donning a false identity when they can't find enough attractive qualities in their self, or they want to hide their real self til they have the partner reeled in, but the kind of personal energy it takes to put on a fake self 24/7 is very hard on a person. So the more time you spend with them, the sooner this energy will be depleted and cracks in the false veneer show and eventually all the bad things about them will show thru. This doesnt take long if you see someone several times a week and talk often by phone, etc. a handful of months at most, so like 4, 5 months. But for those more experienced having had more past relationship and know the warning signs, we can spot the red flags much quicker and they will be there, its just some dont recognize it yet, like myself at 20 when I married. Looking back, the red flags were there and the person I am now, would never have gotten together with him if I was this person back then. You broke up at a time when you hadn't enough time with him to get past the stage where people drop their false persona in a relationship. While it can happen earlier, younger folks seem to my observations need the 5,6 months to really discover if the other is the one. Don't even try considering changing a few bad faults if a guy isn't right for you at the current time. Chances are, that most people do not change much from who they are at core, once in their 20s. THe other person needs to be willing to change and realize they need to, but just being a good loving example for a mate won't change em for the better. I gave 30 yrs of a loving supportive partnership and he only got worse over time.
I personally find the fact that he mentioned you as a Goddess to be a very eye opening statement. When guys are trying to talk pretty to convince a gal tostay with them, its not Goddess that they use. The men I know who have used the description of Goddess with their females and the few who have called me one, one of those is my currant husband. It seemed that males who recognize the "goddess' qualities in a particular female are likely to see that for the most part in all women, seeing them not as inferior, but equal partners. Plus in many areas, these males will see the creative force in females as superior to males. We do bring forth life but we have the qualities that make a house a home, something only a few men have but generally not all. They see a Goddess as one to give their support and allegiance to. They may give support to other females as a need comes up, ie, hubby fixing the elderly ladys clothesline that came down and letting her know to call him whenever she needs help. But these men, when they choose which female is their "Goddess' dont tend to be tempted or want any other females. This is not to replace any beliefs in God, but in how one treats the female in a partnership like marriage which should be a blending of strenghths.
You may want to spend more time with him to see if he is indeed the wonderful catch he seems. But you need to call the shots.
If it were me, I'd say first I want to thank you for remembering my birthday and the wonderful poem. It really touched me. I've been thinking though, since I have no prior experience dating, I want to take as much time as I need to be sure, even if you're sure enough to see I'm the one for you. I would need to feel the same to end up in marriage and so I am willing to begin dating again. However my willingness to date does not equal feeling committed to you at the level which you may hope for. I would prefer if you leave any further bringing up of marriage to me when I am ready. Either that or in the end I will let you know that I have decided against any further dating and let you go. Sorry but I panicked the first time around. If you are willing to pick up where we left off, I am willing too.
But let him know up ahead what your boundaries are. A male who seeks to have a Goddess in his life, will be willing to go by her rules. You also will hold his heart in your hands and can hurt him greatly if you are not honest and just playing with him. You could even mention you'd rather date until you finish school and then decide if you break up for good or move on to the next step. There are people who have been engaged for months to a few years before the time is right for marriage. So if at any point, you've decided that he's the one, even tho school isn't over yet, you could do as some have done, get engaged while you're finishing school. Once school is over and you've landed the job you want, then start planning the actuall wedding and a date.
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You did not mention how long it has been since you broke up with him. You had to part from him due to the presssure that he wanted to date with the intent of marriage. It seems like you were fine until he sent you wishes and a long poem on your birthday, is it? I understand your dilemma )) Are you saying that you are now ok to date him with the intent of marriage?
No doubts he must be a very sweet guy. But my rule of thumb is whenever in doubt stop and introspect without judging. If you really had the intense feelings for this guy, you wouldn't have been asking this question. He is a nice guy and deserves a thank you from heart with lot of best wishes. I am not trying to discourage you, however based on what you described, you seem to be touched with his gesture of remembering your birthday and the poem.
Yes, it is absolutely normal to feel what you are feeling. We all go through these feelings at some point in our life. However experience says that this is not the last time you would have these feelings. You are still young and may find someone who is more of your match in terms of the timings of your college and other things. I would not have given you this suggestion if it was a long terms relationship where you both have seen the good and not so good in each other and yet want to be together ))
Do me a favor and ask yourself a question. Would you be more happy and at peace if you come across someone who is willing to spend time knowing each other and at the same time loving and caring? Would you rather be with someone who would be close to you after your college? Do you really think you would have had this feeling and doubt had he not sent you the poem? If your heart crys out loadly with 'yes', then you can think about contacting. In that case you can open up to him and tell him that you respect his maturity and visuon to date with the intention of marriage. However you are not ready for it yet and would like to give ourselves some time. And I am sure based you your description about the guy, he would understand your point of view. But you need to be open about how you feel and how you want to proceed. If there is even slightest of hesitation, let it go for now!
Again this is not to say that he is not a nice man to marry. All I am saying is that you already know that you did not want to rush into marriage. And when in doubt, I would always wait or let it go. If he has to be in your life, he will be no matter where you are.
I know it's not easy to take an answer like this with the matters of heart, but I am saying all this from experience. And I don't know why, but just got a intuitive feeling that he is not exactly compatible to your personality. I may be wrong so forgive me for that ))
Good luck and happy loving
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