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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I'm 18 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 4months, and Before that ,we were good friends. I've been getting frustrated a lot lately because I feel like my boyfriend is still trying to find himself . He's a good person , but he has influences that cause him to feel angry/depressed . His mom is what I would describe a person who means well but shows it in wrong ways , causing my boyfriend to feel like he is a mistake . This can cause him to be a negative person . Then my boyfriend has these days were he is very positive he feels thankful to have me and is very happy . My problem is , I just started college and I feel like there is so much going on in his life that it's starting to stress me out . I love him to death don't get me wrong but I feel like the choices he's making is showing his true colors and I don't want to be stuck with the person for the rest of my life that I don't agree with any of his choices . Am I being to picky? I feel bad because he's been through so much and I want to be here for him but if he's going to be drinking and smoking while I'm working hard to get a degree , is this really worth it?
First and foremost you are the one that has to make the decision to go or to stay. We as advisors can take what information you give us, digest it and feed it back to you in another form so you can see it in a different light; one that hopefully will allow you to see more clearly what you are looking at.
To start with you are 18, starting College and you see a side of your boyfriend you do like or is causing you to question yourself. There is nothing wrong with this. Loving someone and being in love are two different things.
You are working hard to get a degree to better yourself and to make a better life for yourself. This is the American dream. You question if you being picky to work so hard and then all he wants from life is booze and whatever it is he is smoking. You may have been a good match in high school where things are more controlled. Now that you are both more and less out on your own you are growing and he is staying shall we say stagnant.
In my view this does not make for a happy or good relationship. If you have gone away to school I also do not see him hanging around waiting for you to return for visits. Phone calls and texts are a nice way of communicating but they are not even close to having a warm body by his side.
You on the other hand are not going to be stagnant. You by virtue of college life and learning are going to continue to grow and mature. The questions you have now will co9ntinue to grow larger. We see this all too often when in a couple one works so the other can go to school. The theory is one supports the other then the other upon graduation supports the supporter while they get the degree. This works in theory though in many cases they grow too far apart in the process and separate.
This is what I believe you will face if you attempt to stay with him out what appears to be some sort of obligation you feel for or towards him. To me this is a relationship that in the end will fail and you will be more hurt later rather than now. This though is a decision you have to make.
I'm 16 my mom sells prescription painkillers, ill leave it simple as that. I need to know that if I turn it in since me and my dad know about it and have for sometime what will happen to us? If my dad is arrested with my mom will I get to choose to live with family, and will I be charged for withholding information for this long or will I be let off Scott free. Also I put my hands on one of the bottles to take a picture of it in better lighting so could my mom blame the drugs on me? Basically what all could come out of this whole ordeal
Last question first. Mom is selling prescription pain killers so I assume the prescriptions are in her name. By your turning her in you become the key witness. Generally speaking the prosecutor will not prosecute a key witness even when it is proven they are involved. Generally the prosecutor will trade witness testimony for a lesser charge or no prosecution at all for an involved witness.
My feeling is you and your dad would not be in any trouble. Even though you may have known about it for some time circumstances play a big part in why you may not have come forward before. Now if by chance and this is a very little chance, your dad is somehow found to be involved. Children's services will always try and place children with a loving relative before making them a ward of the court and placing them in a foster home. That being said initially a child could go to a foster home while Children's services arranges for a family member to take the child.
As for the withholding of information: I'm not a lawyer or prosecutor so I can't say for certain. If you were older maybe they would look at you for withholding information but given your age I can't see them doing so. As long as you are not actively involved in what you mom is doing and you’re doing the right thing by turning her in. I do not see where justice would be served by prosecuting you.
I have been sleeping with this guy for almost 2 years but hes never fingered me or ate me out. How Doi get him to? I give him hj and bj and just want him to return the favor. We werr about to have sex one time and I told him "wait I'm not wet enough" and he says "cant you make yourself"? Who says that. .I understand this is unhealthy and I deserve better and blah blah but u just want him to want me like I want him. He hardly even kisses me Anymore. 20 F
It sounds like no one has taken the time to teach this guy how to make love. Sure he may have taken a sex education course or his parents told him what the birds and the bees are all about, Neither of these things teach us how to make love. Sex and love making are a learned experience between two loving individuals.
Having been with him for two years it sounds like the relationship is there though you have not communicated or shown him what your needs are. Without you showing him he will not learn on his own you need to guide him.
You start by talking to him. Communication is the first step in any good relationship and this includes sex. If you love him you start by saying so but be careful with the next part as we guys have very fragile egos when it comes to sex.
You need to tell him what you need from him in the way of foreplay and intercourse. If all you do is the missionary position and you want to use other positions; tell him. One way to tell him is to buy or rent a porno movie that has the different sex scenes you want to experience and watch it together. Honestly this is how most young men learn how to have sex with a woman. They mimic what they see in porno movies and then adjust to what their lovers ask of them.
The other way is to introduce him to your body. Take his hand and show him where your clit is, show him how you like it massages. Then take his fingers and put them in your vagina and show him where your "G" spot is and how to massage it.
Show him how to run his hands over your body, how to massage your breasts and nipples. As to oral sex that would be a little hard but you can demonstrate on him using his scrotum as a vagina. It’s not perfect but he should get the idea.
Him sticking his penis in you and humping until he ejaculates is not sex it is procreation. He needs to learn to satisfy you. This starts with a nice conversation. If he is unwilling to listen then there are only three other alternatives.
1. Try and get him to see a sex therapist and see if the therapist can't find out what his problem is.
2. Live with things as they are.
3. Find a guy who will fulfill your sexual needs and begin a relationship with him, leaving this guy at the side of the road so to speak.
I'd like to move out of my parents house and move in a 1 bedroom apartment. This would be my first apartment. I saw some nice apartments that were 375-$435 for 1 bedroom
How much should I have saved up for bills & furniture cost?
It is very hard to say just what you need in funds for furniture as everyone’s taste is different. Then are you going to look at new furniture or will you purchase at a second hand store for most of your furniture. You can find some really good used furniture at second hand stores at really low process if you take the time to shop. Once you are in your apartment then you can start saving for the items you want and when you purchase them you sell your used furniture back to the second hand store. You will recoup a fraction of what you paid which will offset some of the cost of the new furniture.
I recommend doing so for most of your initial furnishings as you do not want to go into debt just starting out on your own. The best thing is to try and pay for everything you need in full in cash. If you shop right you can find some really good furniture by named manufacturers at a fraction of the original cost.
Now as to what you need to save for and have in reserve:
Rent: Most landlords want the first and last month’s rent up front.
Utilities: If the electric and water is not part of the rent you will need to budget for these as well. Not ever having paid utilities before the utility company will want deposits. You can call the electric company and the water company and they will give you an estimated monthly bills to use to budget with for the apartment you are thinking of renting.
Cable and internet Service: If you want these services the cost will depend on what you select and the service provider you select. Once again you will need to provide a deposit for this service before they provide it. All this information will be given to you by calling and asking for it.
When renting an apartment the two primary services being the Utilities and the cable service are your major costs plus your rent payment that make up the basic cost of your rent. For furnishings you need a bed and a nightstand in the bedroom. In the living room you want something to sit on, here again there is money to be saves depending on what you want and where you shop. IKEA has good furniture that is inexpensive and you could probable furnish your living room for under $500 with new furniture. You need a table to eat at and that too can be purchased at IKEA along with chairs for under $500. If you allow $1,000 for furnishings you could purchase nice furniture new at a store like IKEA or very nice used furniture at a second hand store for about half that amount.
So your initial cost of your apartment could be: 2 months’ rent +Utilities + Cable service + Furnishings.
In order to safely stay in your apartment you need to write a budget and have six times you’re monthly budget in the back so that in the event of an earnings short fall you do not fall behind on anything. Your budget would include monthly:
Rent, Utilities, Cable service, Food, entertainment, transportation, insurance (health, car and renters), clothing, savings, doctors, medicine and any other monthly expense you may have. The total of this budget is what you should have in the bank as a cushion against an earnings shortfall. IF you can do this you will live very comfortably on your own without being apartment poor and be able to enjoy living on your own.
What is considered the normal way to grieve for a beloved friend who has recently committed suicide? Is it abnormal or even crazy to dump your current significant other of several months and develop romantic feelings for the guy who died? (Let's call that guy Levi just so we have something to call him BTW.) Would that be sick or unhealthy in any way?
I just miss Levi so, so much. I miss the time I had with him, I miss his smile, his laugh, his wonderful ability to make me and anyone else laugh until we hurt. Most of all, I miss his kind, generous, and loving heart.
I'd do anything to be able to go back in time and save him, or even just spend some more time with him. I'd give a kidney, an ovary, an eye, a limb, and 40 years off of my life to have been able to prevent his death, but of course it's too late.
I've also seemed to develop a bit of an anger issue since his death. Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde because I can be calm one minute, explode the next, and then go back to being calm. I don't know if this anger is really for Levi, the situation, or myself for taking him for granted.
One thing that can easily spark my anger is people judging him. As a devout Christian, I believe in Heaven and Hell, but unlike some, I don't believe that suicides go to Hell. Not if they've accepted Jesus that is. I believe that anyone who does that to themselves cannot be in their right minds and that God has mercy on them for that reason. Levi was mentally ill with bipolar disorder and clinical depression. Something was not working right in his brain at the moment he decided to end his own life and I believe God understood that and took him to Heaven where is happier and doesn't suffer the problems he did here on earth.
Needless to say, some people don't feel the same way and I get so mad when I hear some judgemental person who thinks they know more than God claim that Levi's in Hell. These people did not even know him. He was a devoted Christian, he loved God, he accepted Jesus, but these people claim that he died because he worshipped the "God of the unbelievers" as if that even makes sense. Also, they put him down and spit on him for killing himself when they have no idea what a great, kind hearted person he was. He really, honestly was an inspiration to me to be a better person, but his suicide was caused by him being sick, not cruel or selfish and certainly not evil.
The break up with the guy I was seeing was partially caused by romantic feelings for Levi and partially because I felt that I needed some space from my now ex that guy. He was a great guy, but I felt like things were kind of dying between us anyway. I don't want to become the kind of person who distances herself from everyone and keeps all of her feelings bottled up though, nor do I want these new feelings for Levi to make his death more painful.
Are these feelings normal? Is having grown an obsession with suicide and mental illness normal for someone in my situation? What is the normal, textbook way to mourn the loss of such a precious life that did not have to end, but that did end at the hands of the person whose life it was? Any tips on how to get through this?
I would say your grief is normal. People grieve in their own way. Then there are many different stages of grief. From what you have written you have gone through several of them and will probably go through others.
I lost a great friend someone I called my brother from another mother a few years ago. At first I was very mad at him for leaving me, not that he had a choice he was very sick. I hurt for a long time and writing this to you brings back some of that hurt. Football season is coming and my missing him will return to the forefront of my mind as we would spend hours in friendly arguments as to whose team was better. I miss those times and others.
Different from you is I don't have others talking bad of him and that is wrong, especially if they know how you feel about him. You have your beliefs and they have theirs some have very strong beliefs when it comes to suicide. I suggest you let them speak their mind a just let it roll of your back as you will not convince them otherwise. Get mad at them or arguing with them will not change things.
As for having romantic feelings for your friend now that he has passed; I feel this is one of the stages of grief that you have to go through in order to grief for your friend. This is part of your grieving process so that makes it normal. If I were a female I could see myself grieving in a similar manner for my friend as we were that close.
Our friendship was the type where we were never all that close geographically but in spirit we were always together. One of us always knew when the other needed the other. It was strange how we would call one another when one of us was having a bad day or just feeling down. That phone call changed our whole prospective on the day. I miss these calls and there is no one who can take their place.
If this is the type of friendship you had with Levi then you have the right to grieve in your own manner. You need time to grieve as well and the grief doesn't stop at the end of the calendars grieving period.
Grieve for your friend as long as you need to and always remember him. The hurt though should stop soon if it doesn't then you might want to consult with a grief consular to help with the grieving process.
My friend and i were just at the pool hanging out and these boys came up to us and started talking to us. We thought they were nice...but we thought wrong. They took us to the shallow end and started jumping on us and then they started touching us... IN THOSE PLACES!! We tried all we could to get away from them but we couldn't get away. Then they started doing that with us. we felt their you-know-whats on our frontal privates and our back privates. so basically what I'm trying to say is that they ra*** us. when they finally stopped, we got out of the pool and started crying. I need something to keep my mind off of wanting to beat the living hell out of all of them but nothing is working. Usually music and dancing is what gets my mind off of things, but not this time. Can you give me any songs or anything to do to not want to beat the living hell out of them and am able to go to the pool without remembering what happened?
You were not raped, what you were was sexually harassed WHICH IS A FELONY CRIME. What you need to do is call the police and report the boys who did this to you. I just as certain that the boys thought they were just having some fun, what they did may have been fun to them but under the law it was a crime and they need to learn that they cannot have this type of fun at other peoples expense.
By reporting what happened to you and your friends several things happen.
1. These boys learn what they did was wrong and they get punished by the courts for doing so.
2. Other boys learn that what these boys did was wrong and what can happen to them if the do as they did. By making a police report of this and allowing the police to handle this you send a message to every other boy in school and around town that this type of fun is unacceptable.
3. It starts the healing process for you as it brings some closure to what has happened to you. This event was very traumatic for you and it needs to be dealt with a closure for you has to happen. Closure must include punishment for those who hurt you.
You also need to tell your parents, not that you need them to make the police report. The police will take a report from you but they will also want to talk with your parents if you are under a certain age. So it is best that you tell your parents what happened. Yes the will be upset but not at you. YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT.
There are other things that only your parents can do to make sure this never happens again. Such as finding out why the life guards did not see this and stop it. If the life guards did see it why was it not reported to the police and in their daily report to the pool operator.
Last there is a phone number I would like you to call and to give to your friends. it is 1-500-656-HOPE. This number will connect you to an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Incest, Abuse, National Network. The calls are anonymous and confidential. They are answered by trained volunteers who can help you find the right help in the form of counselors in your home town who can help you deal properly with this. The phone is answered 247 365 days a year.
Please tell your parents, make a police report and call RAINN.
I'm skinny and I don't have anorexia, pr any other eating disorder preventing me for eating, it's just my genetics. I take after my mom's side of the family, wich are small people. So I'm small. I eat a good amount, i eat hamburgers and pizza. I'm a fine weight, I'm 11, I don't really weigh myself but when I went to the eye nose and throat doctor he had to weigh me and I was 62 pounds. It doesn't mean I'm fake. It's gonna be really hard for me at my age to have a fake body. And everyone says that big girls are real, and skinny girls are twigs and pipsqueaks. It's not fair that fat girls who are unhealthy get praised for it and skinny girls who are healthy are shamed for it. Not everybody who isn't overweight is anorexic. And some may be, but you shouldn't make fun of people with eating disorders because it's their own problems they need to fix and they can't help it and they are really sensitive about it so stfu. And it really depends on what your veiws are on a perfect body, in my opinion. Some like big asses, some like abs, others prefer skinny girls.
Do you know how to tell if you are the right weight for your height and frame size? You ask your family doctor or pediatrician. If your doctor is not concerned with your weight then there is no reason for you to be concerned. It is really that simple.
As for other people and what they say or think? I know this is hard to do but ignore them. They do not know what they are talking about in the first place. They may even be jealous of the fact that you have a slim and fit body. More important than anything else your 11 bout to start into puberty and your body will undergo drastic changes; you will become a woman. With breasts and curves in all the right places.
No one applauds those that are overweight and those that are get teased as much or more than you are being teased and taunted. Being overweight is bad but what is worse is being underweight. Being 10 pounds under weight is far worse than being 10 pounds overweight because of what the body does to itself when it is underweight.
Using 4'5" for your height at 62 pounds according to a weight chart I use, for female children, you are at an ideal weight for someone your age. If you’re shorter or taller this could change a bit though not greatly. If you are concerned I would suggest you speak with your doctor next time you have a chance to visit with the doctor. Until then as I said above just try to ignore the other kids as they do not know what they are talking about.
Hi im only 12 and i have only just started my period i sleep fOr about tewlve hours is it ok if i leave my tampon in for that long im only new to this and have no clue
Thanks
emily x
There are a couple of factors you need to consider besides how long to leave a tampon in. For instance how heavy is your flow. During the heavier part of your period you are going to need to change your tampon more often to prevent leakage the same with a pad. Read the recommendation of the manufacturer as to how often they recommend changing, which will be based on the absorbency strength of the tampon.
We became aware of Toxic Shock being a problem long before you were born. It was when the tampon makers came out with Super Absorbent Tampons. These tampons worked so well many women left them in longer and longer, too long and Toxic Shock set in. Some Women were not changing there tampon more than once a day and some went two day or more. The tampon worked so well they just didn't want to bother. Many of the women that became I'll were young active women who just didn't want to take the time to deal with their periods.
Leaving a tampon in for 8 to 12 hours a night, unless there are other factors should not cause a problem. More important this is something that you should be talking to mom about and getting the proper information from her. Not a bunch of strangers with good intentions.
Your period has nothing to do with sex. It is a bodily function that she too deals with each month. Who better to advise you then your mom who knows you so well. As your period regulates you will find that you and mom get your periods around the same time each month. Why this happens doctors and scientist are not sure but it does happen. It happens to groups of women that work together as well.
I suggest that when it comes to questions regarding your reproductive system, how it works, not pregnancy related, that you talk to mom. At some point in your life you will get UTI, Urinary Tract Infection, all women get them. You should talk to mom know so you will know what it is and what to do when you get one. Caught early over the counter products will generally clear the problem. Wait too long and you need prescription medication. If you really wait too long you can become sterile.
Some moms won't tell their daughters about these things waiting till it happens to tell them. I think they should know before hand about UTI and other inflammations that are normal for a women but will scare you if you're not aware of them.
So talk with mom. Tell mom you need some you and her time. Go someplace where you won't be disturbed by siblings, maybe the mall or for a walk in the park and ask mom to explain some of the non sexual things a young women can experience now that she is getting her period and ask about how long to leave you tampon in and which one is best for you.
What happens if a girl swallow sperm of a girl during blowjob?
Nothing at all. Sperm is pure protein and will be absorbed into the body as any other protein. The digestive system and your reproductive system are two separate systems.
I'm a 13 year old girl and there's something wrong with my jaw. It's been going on for about a year now. At the beginning, it was just when I chew food or him or whatever it would kinda get stuck if that makes sense. It gets really hard to keep chewing. But last month it started not opening all the way. When I yawn it'll sometimes only let me open halfway so I have to close my mouth and test every few minutes to see if I can open it because I'm afraid that I'll get hurt if I force it. Is there some easy way to fix this or should I ask my parents to take me to a doctor?
I'm not a doctor none of us are so we cannot make any diagnoses.
When was the last time you saw your dentist? This is something your dentist would have noticed during one of your exams during the year. IF you have not seen your dentist or if the dentist did not notice this or did not say anything; then I believe you should see another doctor.
In fact given how long this has gone on I would suggest you ask mom or dad to take you to a Maxillofacial Surgeon. These are doctors who are dentists as well and specialize in the injuries to the face and jaws. For something that has gone on this long in my opinion it is best to go right to top of the chart then put you through the trouble of seeing maybe you family doctor then your dentist and then probably the Maxillofacial surgeon.
What may have happened to you , which is quite common, is that at some point you somehow caused your jaw to partially unhinge. It happened to most of us and what we feel is a small pop at the back of are jaw when it pops back into place. If, and this is a big if as x-rays are needed, I'm right a small office surgery is needed to put the jaw back in alignment. It is not a very painful procedure and you can be a sleep for it if you wish.
When you wake up your jaw will be in alignment and you will be very giddy. You may want mom or dad to take video of you after the procedure as you won't believe what they tell you as to how you acted.
Most important is to tell mom and dad about the problem so they can start to find the proper doctor to fix it. Oh if you are concerned about missing school you won't miss any school as this can be done after school on Friday and you will be ready to return to school on Monday.
I sent a few nudes to a guy I met online and he's sent me money in return for them and now he's blackmailing me saying if I don't send him something else then he'll post all my pics on the internet.. Is there anything I can do to stop him? Can the police do anything?
Yes you can report him to the police and you should. It is quite possible your pictures are not the only ones he has. It may be also possible that the some of pictures he has are of girls or children under 18. IF so he will be arrested for having or being in the possession of child pornography as well as blackmail.
To prove blackmail you will need to have, hopefully, emails he sent you. If he did send emails hopefully he saved them. If you haven't maybe the police will find a way to help you get the proof they need.
Whatever you do don't send him any money or any more pictures. By sending him money he has you hooked to send him more and greater amounts of money and nothing says he won't distribute your pictures anyway,
File a police complaint today is the best way to handle this.
So... I have been having this issue going on for some time now. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and my mom has not liked him for a while. I first thought that it was a phase. Then, I thought she would grow to like him eventually. But, now it is worse than ever. He was away for a few months for something that he needed to do for school. Those months were pure bliss with my mom. I finally remembered what it was like to love my mom again because we weren't butting heads. We were just friends. I'm 23, by the way. I live with my mom and grandparents at the time because I cannot afford to move out. I live in an expensive city and I'm a teacher, so I don't make very much money. I had a plan to move out, etc. when I had some more money just so that I could have peace of mind. But, it's not happening right now... at least for another couple of months. This summer, like I said, my mom and I re-kindled our relationship.
Upon his return, it was like everything I ever saw in him was different. Things that I took as a joke now seemed serious and rude. For instance, today, I was running late or wanted to slightly change our plans and he told me that my mother was a psycho liar and that I should never believe anything she says. PS, he doesn't know how she feels about him. He was just saying so because she was part of the reason I had to change the plans. Then, I told him that we have all had to sacrifice our plans at one point and I gave him the example about how we both left town on my birthday (to the same place) and didn't see each other because he was with his family and I was with mine. He could have chosen to come with me and I could have chosen to go with his family. But, it was my birthday and I wanted to spend it with my family. I was just using it as an example. I wasn't implying anything about it. This was months ago! And he said that it was my fault that he didn't see me because I decided to go with my family. We were in the same city! He could have certainly made an effort to take a cab or even send some flowers to my hotel... i don't know. I'm not saying something huge. Just an effort to know he was thinking of me. I've excused his behavior since I've met him. Now, I look back and see that it wasn't so nice of a thing to do. And before summer, I would have excused this too and say "he's just frustrated." Now I see how quickly his anger escalates and I don't like it.
There have been other situations that have happened in the past. Like, how he got angry at me because I didn't have cash to pay for parking when he had a wallet full of cash. If we've had a difference in political views, he turns bright red in anger and has pushed me away. One time, he was fighting with someone over politics and I thought they were just talking until I walked through the middle to throw something away. They were at a reasonable distance away from each other so it wasn't like I was cutting through them. He got angry both at me and the other person, but grabbed me and bent my thumb to my wrist. It was throbbing till the next day. I have excused it all. It was like I was under some weird spell. And now, I see how wrong it is.
So, this question is going to be broken down into a few pieces. First of all... I wouldn't even know HOW to end it. I feel like I still care. It's not like I'm a ball of fury. It's just that I think that I deserve to be happy. I want to feel loved. And I have felt loved before, so I know the difference. I don't always want to feel scared that I've offended him. And I can only see this getting worse. Imagine... bending thumbs now... how about when we are married? How about by the time we hit a 20 year anniversary? Do you really think it's going to get better? But, it's just hard. It's like I'm not ready... even though I know this is necessary. How can I get over this? What do I do?
Secondly, I have some issues with my mom that need to be addressed too. She turns into a PSYCHO when he's around. When he's not, she's my best friend. When she's around, she wants to throw me out of the house and tells me that she hopes I know that if I'm with him, she will never be a part of my life and she won't want to meet her grandkids. As much as I love my mom, this is unacceptable behavior from a parent. She is in no way providing a safe environment for me to come to her with real issues that a mother is to help her daughter with. Instead, I feel fear. Then, I burst into anger because I get angry at the fact that at 23, I need to live in fear. And then I feel even angrier because if it weren't for financial issues, I would be able to move out. So, it turns into a whole circle.
I don't want to be deciding this for my mom. I just wish someone can extend a hand and just say: "I think this is what you should do." An objective person. Someone who is not in this situation at all. I am crying out for help. Please answer!
For me or any of us to tell you what to do or make this decision for you is wrong. We can offer advice based on what you have written though in the end the decision has to be yours alone.
Lets tackle living with mom and your grandparents first as this is the easiest to help with.
It is understandable that finding a place of your own in todays economy based on entry level salaries is almost impossible. You are not alone in with this problem. The suggestion I have for you is one I have made to countless others who have written us.
Have you ever thought of sharing an apartment with one or two roommates. There are agencies that specialize in finding roommates who are compatible to share apartment. There is also the possibility of renting a room someplace. Your local daily and weekly newspaper should have a column dedicated to rooms available in the classified section. For the agencies to help find a roommate(s)look on the web.
Now for mom and the BF. There are times that others see things that you and I may be blinded to for one reason or another. It is quite possible that what you are now seeing in your boyfriend is something your mom saw or felt when she met him. We all have our intuitions and a mothers intuitions can be very strong.
From what you have written about your boyfriend since he returned from his trip and other things in the past. I would not recommend continuing this relationship. He appears to be an abuser and controller. This is not the type of person that makes for a happy marriage.
Those that are controllers are people who either have a character fault or who suffer from some type of depression. People with depression that attempt to control usually do so because everything in their life needs to be in its proper place in order for them to perform daily activities. This does not sound like your boyfriend, at least not by what you have written. This leaves only a character fault for the reason for his controlling behavior.
Character faults can be treated but never cured. It would take a great deal of work with a psychologist to first understand the problem. Then he would have to work daily to control the problem. Before any of this can happen he would have to admit he has a problem.
Depression on the other hand is both curable and controllable. Once again because of the type illness a person first has to understand he or she is ill and then has to ask for help before the cure can happen.
I don't think this is the right man for you. There are better men out their. A man who will honor you for what you have already obtained in life through hard work and support you in your efforts to obtain your goals. When you find this man the present problems with your mother will also disappear for she will also approve of him.
I do believe your present priority should be to find a place to live on your own. You're an adult now a teacher and you need your privacy in order to continue to grow and obtain your goals. If this means renting a room someplace or having a roommate then you should give this a great deal of consideration.
As to how to tell him you don't want to see him any more. Use his trip as an excuse. Tell him the time apart has caused you to grow apart from him and you would prefer he no longer call you. Simple and direct.
I'm a 14 year old girl and I moved a few months ago. I've always been such a good girl. A quiet, rule following, sweet, helpful teacher's pet. Exactly what every mother wants out of her little girl. And that's how my reputation is at school is too, the nice girl, the smart girl, the goody two shoes. I'm described as "cute" or "adorable" never "pretty" or "hot". I once accidently dropped a weight on my foot in gym and I let the f word slip by accident and everyone turned and gasped. If it had been anyone else no one would've cared, but I was a good girl so it was a big thing. I hurt someone's feelings on accident once and I cried and apologized to her whole family because I felt so bad. But ever since I've moved, I've cared less. I feel like I don't want my squeaky clean image anymore. I want to be cool. And that's exactly what's happening: I'm getting snafu and sarcastic and distancing myself from my friends because I don't care anymore. But I don't really want this, I don't know what I want. I feel so conflicted. What do I do?????
You have been in your own words the; "goody two shoes, teacher’s Pet, good girl" all your life. To suddenly change and be the rebellious teenager can come off as false. Meaning you are forcing yourself to be what you are not.
Yes I'm sure you’re upset with your family suddenly picking up and moving however far from wherever you have called home. It is hardest on the older children of the family, the teen agers, to suddenly have their world turned upside down on them. Why, mainly because at your age it is harder to make friends at school as most of the kids have the groups of friends. Younger children make friends easier so moving is easier on them.
What happens are older children like you do just what you’re doing? They rebel hoping that their rebellion will cause their parents to either move back home or send them back home were they are comfortable. It doesn't work for your rebellion only really hurts you. You either get disciplined for the trouble you cause or are causing or you get ignored. Either way it is a no win situation for the older child.
Parents don't move just to mess with the teenager’s social life. Sometimes the move is forced on them if they want to keep their jobs. Most of the time parents move because one of the parents has been offered a much better position which will afford the entire family a better life. Parents weigh this opportunity against things like how will the children accept moving.
I know myself that we parents do turn down job offers because of how unsettling it will be to our children. With the exception of those moves that are mandatory there are some occasions when an offer is so great that it can't be turned sown for any reason.
You don't say why or how far you parents moved. It might help if you understood why you parents moved and what their plans are. Did you live in a house and now living in an apartment? It would be understandable for you to ask if they intend to by another house. Most houses are larger than an apartment and you would have the private space you were used to. If you were not told why you had to move it is okay for you to ask. Understanding the why of something sometimes makes it easier to accept.
Lastly you could ask your parents if they could arrange for you to go back to where you lived for visits with your friends. Maybe one of your close friend’s parents would invite you to stay with them over a school holiday.
Asking these questions and being able to maintain your friendships back home will make the moving easier. This is far better than trying to be something you’re not. Which also appears to be something you are uncomfortable being. Go back to being the "goody two shoes" you have always been. Remember you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Meaning being all sweet is better if you want to get things done for you.
I sent two packages via media mail (books) from LA to NYC on the same day, and the expected delivery date for both packages was Wednesday, Aug. 27. One package has been received, however the other one has not. Tracking information indicates that it left the Jersey City, NJ post office on Aug. 24, so it certainly should have arrived by now.
Is it common for media mail packages to arrive separately, or for there to be a delay in delivery (even though both were mailed out the same day)? Or does it seem one package was lost? I would hate for that to happen...
It is not as uncommon as you think. The same thing can happen even if you used FEDEX or UPS. It all depends on what happens in the first sort facility. The two packages can become separated going into two different shipping containers and on to two different trucks. One truck may have a more direct route to LA while the other truck may be broken down and resorted several times in route.
Check the tracking information again and see where USPS says the package is. If it is not delivered by Tuesday call USPS, the number should be on the tracking document, and have them search for your package. It does happen that a package falls off a conveyor and gets lost for a few days. Until it is missed and a search is requested it can remain lost.
I had a package lost on the receiving dock at the local FEDEX facility when it was taken off the truck as the truck was full. No one bothered to bring it back in and reschedule it for delivery. In other words you have to allow for the human factor as well. Your package might get misplaced but I'm sure it is not lost.
We just broke up barely 6 months ago. We were together for 9 months and recently started seeing each other again for a few months.after brake up. He never mentioned seeing anyone else at all. We were together last Wed. and he proposed to her on Saturday? He told me in the beginning of the relationship he was over her as she had left town to be with someone else.I confronted him about being engaged and he was really cruel and cold and nonchalant about it! I feel I'm going crazy because I feel it's wrong to sleep with someone you know has feelings for you, and then a few days later ask another person to marry you? He feels he did nothing wrong because he didn't promise me a relationship but he also didn't make it clearly that he wasn't interested in working things out either.
Fact is you got used by him. Yes it was cold of him to do so and I really can't explain why he would sleep with you one night and then 2 nights later propose to another woman. The only thing that makes sense is he slept with you to help him make up his mind and that is cold and you have every right to be mad.
Women are not the only ones to be used in this manner. I had a similar situation with a woman I was dating. We were out on a date, had a nice diner and as I was paying the check she said to me. "I have something to tell you." "I'm engaged, it happened last night and I didn't want to break our date and tell you over the phone." Well that was nice but I'm out $80 plus for a nice diner. To add insult to injury she then reaches into her purse and takes out the engagement ring to show me and slip it on her finger.
It is hard to say if either of us learned anything from this. I met and married a very nice woman and we have one son. We just celebrated our 43 wedding anniversary last month. For my part I had just returned from 18 months in South East Asia and was somewhat shy around round eyed women. The woman I married help bring me out of that shell. The woman who took me for a last dinner never really got close to me.
What did we learn from these experiences? I could have been scarred for life had I not met my wife. During my 18 months in South East Asia it was during the Vietnam conflict and you soon learned not to trust the women. Then I came home and I'm hurt by a round eyed woman who I thought were trust worthy.
You put your trust in an ex-boyfriend who you thought wanted to work things out. You thought she was out of the picture. Ex's come back for two reasons. They have struck out with the new love of their life or they want to compare you to the other, most of the time.
Before you give your heart away and take a man to your bed make him earn it. Make sure he is not looking at you as just another notch on his belt or roll in the hay; your worth more than that. The two most important things in life are respect and trust. Both of these have to be earned. A certain amount of trust comes with agreeing to date him. That trust does not earn him the privilege of sleeping with you. That has to be earned by earning your respect and further trust.
So, I recently graduated in December with my bachelors in education. I never really wanted to pursue teaching. I wanted to go into either counseling or administration. But, I needed to make ends meet with the degree I had and I had to take on this assistant teaching job. Mind you, I did not sign a contract for the year. I signed a payment contract (that said how much I would get paid for the year) and then I signed a paper about upholding the school's standards. I have worked in schools before. But, this by far is one of the most exhausting jobs I have ever had. I get there at 8am (not too early), but, those of you who are teachers know that unlike other jobs, you don't really ease into your mornings. You have to go right away. Lunch is from 11-11:20, but we eat with the kids. I don't have a break all day. Since I'm an "assistant," I have to travel with the kids to each and every class. At lunch, I find myself scarfing down my food because I need to take people to the bathroom, get water, etc. The special area teachers expect me to do the majority of the work. Most of them don't do anything. They think the whole day is a vacation. I have them all day. I don't mind staying in the class while they are in art/spanish/science.... but, do I really have to manage their behavior? It is truly exhausting. Every time that children misbehave, it is your fault. If you happen to just have a rowdy one in your class, be prepared for all of the blame to go on you. I come home SO exhausted. I haven't washed my hair in days because of how tired I am when I get home. I can't even enjoy my life after 4:00 because of how tired I am. I don't mean to sound like a whiner.I know that no job is easy. I've been working since I was 16. My first job was at a nursery. Since then, I've worked in an office setting (throughout college) and then an after-care program. This is the worse and most tiring job that I have ever had in my life. I'm not saying that teaching is like this in any other school. I really don't know. It might be. But, this experience in particular is just the worse. This job is just pure torture. It is also a very small school and with such a small faculty, they have people doing extra things. It's just too much. This is not for me. Out of all the jobs I have had, I have enjoyed the office setting the most. Yes, there were days when I was tired. Yes, there were days when we had a ton of work and I was stressed. But, it was nothing like this. I was able to sit and eat lunch (even on those heavy duty days) and believe it or not, 20 minutes of quiet time at lunch (watching netflix, reading a book) made a HUGE difference. I went back to my work a different person. I come back more tired from lunch than the way I came in now! At the same time, the work is also boring and not challenging... just exhausting. All I do is grading and classroom management. Managing a group of kindergarteners for 7 hours a day is extremely difficult. It's strenuous on the body but not challenging to the mind. I use to have hobbies. I use to come home from work and write, read, exercise, cook! Now, I don't even have dinner because I'd rather just go to sleep. Even though I would leave work an hour later, I still had the physical energy to do all the things I loved.
Now... it is wonderful that I didn't sign a contract obligating me to stay. But, I would feel horrible just quitting out of the blue. It's not like anyone has been mean to me or that the people are difficult. The people are beyond nice, the children are great, etc. Plus, we JUST started school. But, this is already affecting my health. I'm willing to send out some applications to institutions that may take a while to respond (like hospitals, universities, etc.) Bigger places. Because that gives me some more time. It's not like I'm thinking of starting at a new job tomorrow (although I wish I could). But, you know what I mean! :). In the event that I would get offered a job elsewhere and I would be making more money and have a more positive health change (right now my salary is $21,000 a year), what can I say? I can't just quit by absence because the people have been very nice to me or quit unexpectedly. When I was in college, I tried retail and 1 week into working, one of the shift managers asked me if I was stupid because she wanted me to walk into a dressing room with a customer and I said I wasn't comfortable). I quit unexpectedly at that moment. They begged for my forgiveness and asked me to come back... but the university had offered me a job as part of a scholarship. But... those people were rude. It wasn't like I didn't like the job or whatever... but, I was disrespected and that was reason enough to quit. But, here, I don't really have a reason to quit other than I don't like the job. I"m not bound to the job because they could find someone else to replace me. I'm just an assistant. But, how can I break the news nicely in the event that I do find another job?
Thank you for reading this far!!
Cristy
Be honest with yourself and be honest with the school. Tell them the job just isn't you. Your overburdened, which is causing you to be overstressed. This is not a good work environment for you or for the children you must supervise.
Should they ask you what you mean tell them. You were hired to assist the teachers, not be the teachers which is what you find yourself doing. You're on your feet for the entire 7 hour day without a break. If anything goes wrong you get the blame. This is a lot to ask of you for the measly compensation you are given.
All that is required of you at this point is to offer them two weeks notice of your intentions to leave. Two weeks notice is not a legal requirement it is a courtesy requirement that should be offered and complied with as at the very least you want a good reference from them in the future. Leaving without notice generally does not get you a good reference.
Hi. Ok so this question will have a lot of TMI so just be prepared. Ok so about 2 months ago my periods starting going whacko. It came a week early and then it has been every 2 weeks since. This is by no means normal for me. I started my period way early. I had just turned 10 which I heard can cause problems later on. Well I have a continuous pain in my lower abdomen and have unexplained weight gain. I have been pregnant 3 times and two made it. So I know when something is off. I have taken multiple pregnancy tests they all say negative. I don't feel pregnant I feel sick. Very sick. Like I'm falling apart. All my energy is gone. Every few days I seem to either begin to feel worse or I develop a new symptom. Well a week ago the pain began to get worse. Me and my husband had sex and it was uncomfortable it felt as though there was something inside me he kept bumping. Only on the right side though. And I'd get a small twinge of pain every time. My stomach looks swollen on the right side. 4 days ago I developed diarrhea. And for the people who are gonna scream go to the Dr I have an appointment but it's three days from now. I want an idea of what's going on so I can know what to bring up and ask to be tested for. My family has a history of cancer. Uhm yeah. I guess that's about it in a nutshell. Does anybody have any suggestions on what could be wrong with me?? Thanks in advance.
First the Disclaimer: We are not doctors and we cannot make medical diagnoses or give medical advice.
Ask your doctor about the possibility that you are suffering from Endometriosis? My friend’s wife suffered from this and her symptoms where much like yours. Note: Just because your symptoms are similar does not mean you have the same illness but is good reason to question your doctor about this problem. This is a gynecological problem and you should be seeing a GYN for diagnoses and treatment.
What is Endometriosis? (From the Web)
Endometriosis is the abnormal growth of cells endometrial cells) similar to those that form the inside or lining the tissue of the uterus, but in a location outside of the uterus. Endometrial cells are cells that are shed each month during menstruation. The cells of endometriosis attach themselves to tissue outside the uterus and are called endometriosis implants. These implants are most commonly found on the ovaries, the Fallopian tubes, outer surfaces of the uterus or intestines, and on the surface lining of the pelvic cavity. They can also be found in the vagina, cervix, and bladder, although less commonly than other locations in the pelvis. Rarely, endometriosis implants can occur outside the pelvis, on the liver, in old surgery scars, and even in or around the lung or brain. Endometrial implants, while they can cause problems, are benign (not cancerous).
I also agree with one of the other advisors that part of the problem could be your gallbladder though this does not explain the change in your periods.
If you are in such pain that on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst pain you have ever felt. If the pain is above 7 I would suggest not waiting 3 days but going to a hospital ER today now if possible. If you cannot get there on your own then call 911. This is the purpose of the 911 service to care for and transport people who are too sick to take themselves to a doctor or hospital. If you are in that much pain you deserve and qualify for the services of the 911 system
My brother in law had a heart attack, we have been doing his share of the work in our business for nearly a year. He isnt well enough to probably ever work, but he wants his income to continue so he wants us to keep doing his work. He has been careless in every aspect of his life, has substantial debt, and lives a lifestyle that will eventually kill him. How do we shake him loose? My husband is exhausted from all the extra work, I am frustrated and want to leave, my son feels like a slave. All we do is fight over this, we need him to stop being a burden to us.
You said OUR business. By this do you mean a family business that he is part owner of; or is it you and your husbands business that he is employed by you and your husband. This is important for legal reasons.
If your brother in-law is part owner of the business then you need to consult a lawyer to have the Corporation papers or partnership papers reviews to see if they cover such a situation. If so then you just need follow the bylaws of the Corporation or Partnership agreement.
If there is no clause covering such a contingency then I would thing the lawyer would suggest you have the business evaluated by an independent CPA firm, probably one the lawyers office works with. To evaluate the worth of the business. Once you have a certified evaluation of the business you and the lawyer can make an offer to buy out your brother in-laws share of the business. He can accept, reject or make a counteroffer.
Your brother in-law might just flat refuse to sell his share. That's fine, you the ask the lawyer if there is anything that requires you to continue his salary. You see as a shareholder all he probably is entitled to is a return on his investment based on the shares of the business he holds. This would be based on the profits at the end of the business year. Which you would send him a check for after the accountants have closed the books for the year. Of course having the books certified each year is a business expense that comes before profit so this would lower the profits reported at year end.
Having only to pay your brother in-law his due profit, if any at year end would allow you to stop paying his salary and hire someone to do his work.
Everything depends on how the paperwork for the business is written. If there is no formal agreement then the most you may owe him is a return of any money he invested plus interest. This is why you need to see a lawyer and find out exactly where you stand legally.
Since this is family what I suggest is you have your brother in-law apply for social security disability. Once he is approved you then can stop his salary.
OK, my life sucks. My mother hates me and is doing drugs, my dad keeps molesting me and I can't feel emotions or make friends. Now how the fuck do I commit suicide.
The answer is not suicide, the answer is to get help. There is help and it is as close as you phone or a trusted teacher at school or the school principal.
The biggest and worst problem is your father molesting you. That stops now, today. You either talk with a trusted teacher or the school principal and tell them what your father is doing to you. I understand it will be embarrassing. Understand you need to do this if you want the molestation to stop.
Sure killing yourself will stop the molestation who suffers buy you doing so? Not the person molesting you; not the person who is breaking the law. Why should you make the ultimate sacrifice when you have already suffered enough? The law is on your side, let your dad suffer for once in his life. Whatever threats he may have made are just that threats which the police will protect you from.
Please either pick up a phone and dial 9111, go to the closest police or fire station and ask for protection as these are safe havens for women and children or talk to a teacher or your school principal.
You deserve a better life than what you have and you will get one if you do as I say. Once you have reported the most serious problem Children' Services will have to evaluate your mother as a proper provider for your well being. As a drug addict she can not be one. Children's services will then look to other relatives to take you in. Your grandparents if living would be the first people they would turn to
I would also like you to call a group called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. Their number is -800-656-Hope.
Please do as I ask; there is no reason for you to suffer any longer or make the ultimate sacrifice. You are the victim here and you have resources with which to fight back. Lets use these resources to make them feel the pain you have been feeling.
Hello ladies and gents, my question is really lame and still i am so very nervous about not being able to solve it on my own. So any opinion is much much appreciated.
I studied fine arts, fashion design in college and i want to have a master's degree, for that i've applied for an arabian airlines called 'emirates' as a stewardess. The plan wasto work there for say, three years and save up for my masters.
But then, a nice job offer came to me from a well known fashion designer, it doesn't pay well and the hours are terrible, the job itself is very demanding and it is more like being an assistand instead of actually getting to design anything. Basically being around taking notes and making phone calls and tending to clients. Yeah.
So now i cannot decide. The first job has nothing to do with my career whatsoever , i'll have to move to dubai, it will just be an interesting thing i've done when i was young, and help me save money because it pays better. It will allow me to actually have a masters degree in europe. But as i was saying, it's irrelevant and i will be doing it for years.
The second job is a well known fashion brand so it's related, it will look nice in my cv, it is very low pay and very demanding. If i do this, i won't be getting my masters because i'll be working in my own field now, and i'll be needed in my own country.
I have no idea what to do, i cannot decide whether take the fashion job and develop a career out of it step by step, or go save money as a stewardess and have my masters in europe. I made pros and cons lists, i've asked friends and family, i just can't decide.
Please, please please share your opinion with me.
I only have till thursday...
Thanks in advance :)
In many careers the first jobs start out as gofers and slugs as we were called. You start out this way for even with a Masters Degree you have the book learning but no practical experience.
Now if you look at this job as just being a gopher then all it will ever be is being a gofer and it will read that way on your resume. On the other hand if you take the gofer job and make yourself indispensable, meaning going above and beyond the call of being a gofer. Asking people to teach you; by keeping your eyes and ears open and mouth closed. You may find that someone will take you under their wing and start to teach you how to take what you have learned so far and turn it into real experience. This happens quite often to interns and gofers when they make themselves indispensable. It happens in each and every career field. If you truly want or need a Masters degree for this career field you can always go after it later once you have moved above the gopher stage and are more established.
I also have to admit the job of a flight attendant looks very appealing. I will tell you this flight attendant get paid from the time the plane pulls away from the gate till the wheel touch the ground again. Their expenses such as hotel and food are paid on layovers and yes you will see the world. As a new flight attendant you will start out as a reserve flight attendant meaning sitting by the phone waiting to be called. You will get some pay for this but generally speaking it is not the same as you would be paid for flying.
Emirates is the fastest growing Airline in the Middle East with plans for fleets of plane consisting of the Airbus A380 which seats almost 500 passengers on two decks. They have 50 of these planes now and 140 more on order. They also have Boeing 85 of 777-300's, with 50 of these still to be delivered and 150 Boeing 777X on order. These are all large passenger aircraft capable of carrying between 300 and 400 passengers.
These are all long haul aircraft capable of upwards of 15 hours or more. While the travel is glamorous the work is hard and passengers are demanding. Emirates demands a lot of the cabin staff to care for the passengers on these flights. There will be two meals served in each cabin plus drink and snack serves. You will be on your feet for most of those 15 hours. Yes there is a crew rest area built into the tail of the aircraft but a 3 or 4 hour break is about all you can expect. Then there is the constant jet lag.
I realize the glamor of the Emirate job is very appealing as is the travel to many foreign lands is hard to pass up. You also must be very beautiful as Emirates hires as much for beauty as they do for intelligence.
My advice is to allow you intellect rule and take the job in your chosen career field. If you want your Masters degree bad enough you will find a way to get it.