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Rebellious Teenager
I'm a 14 year old girl and I moved a few months ago. I've always been such a good girl. A quiet, rule following, sweet, helpful teacher's pet. Exactly what every mother wants out of her little girl. And that's how my reputation is at school is too, the nice girl, the smart girl, the goody two shoes. I'm described as "cute" or "adorable" never "pretty" or "hot". I once accidently dropped a weight on my foot in gym and I let the f word slip by accident and everyone turned and gasped. If it had been anyone else no one would've cared, but I was a good girl so it was a big thing. I hurt someone's feelings on accident once and I cried and apologized to her whole family because I felt so bad. But ever since I've moved, I've cared less. I feel like I don't want my squeaky clean image anymore. I want to be cool. And that's exactly what's happening: I'm getting snafu and sarcastic and distancing myself from my friends because I don't care anymore. But I don't really want this, I don't know what I want. I feel so conflicted. What do I do?????
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You are at a stage in your life in which children are moving toward adulthood and in the process are trying to really discover who they are as a person. Sure, some people have this experience later in life but it's pretty common for younger people in their teens and 20s.
I think that perhaps you consciously or unconsciously looked at moving as a chance to start over and possibly reinvent yourself. That's fine by the way, many people have those chapters in their lives, sometimes more than once.
It's also OK to have a bit of a rebellious side. But they key is, to use on of my favorite life philosophies, to keep everything in moderation.
Don't feel it is necessary to go from one extreme to the other. This can be a big problem emotionally, physically and mentally. Take for example Miley Cyrus who went from a clean cut girl to a wild woman with outrageous sexual conduct and substance abuse issues. Or Taylor Momsen, who went from the cute little girl in "The Grinch" to a wild and crazy lead singer of a Goth metal band.
Don't worry about what others thing, just be you. It may take you a little while to figure out just who that is but eventually you will come into your own and be the person you truly are.
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Often when a person chooses to do that which they know is not right, and takes a new but less desirable path, it is often subconsciously the mind crying out for attention and figuring this is the only way to get, the kind of attention where one's feelings and opinions are acknowledged and taken into consideration.
Basically, you are at an age when teens are trying their own wings in an adult world, making more decisions for their-selves and apparently this move of the family was something that hit hard with the realization that not all things yet in life are going to be things you can have a deciding vote in and that is frustrating.
I think the other advice person is right , that you are basically forcing yourself to act this new way, a way that is not you. It is very stressful on a person to keep up an image, false personality that is not truly theirs, no matter what the reason. Basically it drains you of energy and when a person is drained of their personal energy, it leaves the body open to become actually ill in several areas, usually phycial illness but in can open you to emotional illness such as in becoming depressed.
The more you keep your frustrations inside and don't talk about them, the more they will fester and cause you to rebel. The talking won't change the fact that you had no choice in the matter of the move. If you do wish for the parents to discuss such big things with you, and wish to be able to give your input and concerns, then tell them. You won't have final deciding vote.
However, at your age is a good time for kids to learn how to appeal to the parents in any decisions they make for you, by providing new information they may not have had the first time around to help them make a better decision and switch their original answer yes or no. So its good to want to have some deciding power and influential power in the family and start learning. But in some things you'll still not end up getting the way you wanted, but its much more rewarding knowing you have had a voice and done your best. This I've learned from a parenting class. You might show this to the parents. And also have that talk about how you are feeling and what you are doing, like you revealed to us. Its the first step toward you feeling better and getting back to your normal self. I believe your normal self is a very intelligent girl or you wouldnt have written this as well as you did. Be yourself, but take care not to blame or make accusations but talk with the parents in the thoughtful, wise manner as you have here.
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You have been in your own words the; "goody two shoes, teacher’s Pet, good girl" all your life. To suddenly change and be the rebellious teenager can come off as false. Meaning you are forcing yourself to be what you are not.
Yes I'm sure you’re upset with your family suddenly picking up and moving however far from wherever you have called home. It is hardest on the older children of the family, the teen agers, to suddenly have their world turned upside down on them. Why, mainly because at your age it is harder to make friends at school as most of the kids have the groups of friends. Younger children make friends easier so moving is easier on them.
What happens are older children like you do just what you’re doing? They rebel hoping that their rebellion will cause their parents to either move back home or send them back home were they are comfortable. It doesn't work for your rebellion only really hurts you. You either get disciplined for the trouble you cause or are causing or you get ignored. Either way it is a no win situation for the older child.
Parents don't move just to mess with the teenager’s social life. Sometimes the move is forced on them if they want to keep their jobs. Most of the time parents move because one of the parents has been offered a much better position which will afford the entire family a better life. Parents weigh this opportunity against things like how will the children accept moving.
I know myself that we parents do turn down job offers because of how unsettling it will be to our children. With the exception of those moves that are mandatory there are some occasions when an offer is so great that it can't be turned sown for any reason.
You don't say why or how far you parents moved. It might help if you understood why you parents moved and what their plans are. Did you live in a house and now living in an apartment? It would be understandable for you to ask if they intend to by another house. Most houses are larger than an apartment and you would have the private space you were used to. If you were not told why you had to move it is okay for you to ask. Understanding the why of something sometimes makes it easier to accept.
Lastly you could ask your parents if they could arrange for you to go back to where you lived for visits with your friends. Maybe one of your close friend’s parents would invite you to stay with them over a school holiday.
Asking these questions and being able to maintain your friendships back home will make the moving easier. This is far better than trying to be something you’re not. Which also appears to be something you are uncomfortable being. Go back to being the "goody two shoes" you have always been. Remember you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Meaning being all sweet is better if you want to get things done for you.
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You know what? The kind of people who think it's uncool to be a "goody two shoes" can tell if you're deliberately putting on a "rebellious" image trying to be cool. It doesn't work.
To be "pretty" rather than "cute", a change in style might help. For example, a subtle change in how you wear your hair can make a big difference.
Acknowledge your feelings, but also learn when and how you can express them. It may be natural for you to be sarcastic, and there are a lot of times when it is fine to express yourself that way. Your school years are the time to learn when it is or isn't acceptable.
If you are distancing yourself from your friends, it might just be that you are growing apart. Look for new things to do together to make things more interesting. It would also be a good time to look for new friends.
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you are a teenager reblion runs in your veins. just ell someone you are close to that you want to do somthing different. that you are tired of being the good person. rebelion is good it lets you find the real you. as long as you don't start doing drugs or fliping teachers off then no one should have control over you. just like i said don't do drugs.
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