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why is he so selfish
I have been sleeping with this guy for almost 2 years but hes never fingered me or ate me out. How Doi get him to? I give him hj and bj and just want him to return the favor. We werr about to have sex one time and I told him "wait I'm not wet enough" and he says "cant you make yourself"? Who says that. .I understand this is unhealthy and I deserve better and blah blah but u just want him to want me like I want him. He hardly even kisses me Anymore. 20 F
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I'm not sure it's him being selfish. It may be that he doesn't know what he's doing or hasn't confidence in his ability to meet your needs. It would appear that you have more knowledge and experience than him.
If so that's your problem based on the quote above he's not aware of how the female body responds and what you as an individual need.
You need to speak to him openly and honestly about how you are feeling, intimacy, what you desire from him and work together. Let him know what a kiss means to you. Tell him you need to know he's in to you the way you are in to him or there's no real point to a relationship.
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It sounds like no one has taken the time to teach this guy how to make love. Sure he may have taken a sex education course or his parents told him what the birds and the bees are all about, Neither of these things teach us how to make love. Sex and love making are a learned experience between two loving individuals.
Having been with him for two years it sounds like the relationship is there though you have not communicated or shown him what your needs are. Without you showing him he will not learn on his own you need to guide him.
You start by talking to him. Communication is the first step in any good relationship and this includes sex. If you love him you start by saying so but be careful with the next part as we guys have very fragile egos when it comes to sex.
You need to tell him what you need from him in the way of foreplay and intercourse. If all you do is the missionary position and you want to use other positions; tell him. One way to tell him is to buy or rent a porno movie that has the different sex scenes you want to experience and watch it together. Honestly this is how most young men learn how to have sex with a woman. They mimic what they see in porno movies and then adjust to what their lovers ask of them.
The other way is to introduce him to your body. Take his hand and show him where your clit is, show him how you like it massages. Then take his fingers and put them in your vagina and show him where your "G" spot is and how to massage it.
Show him how to run his hands over your body, how to massage your breasts and nipples. As to oral sex that would be a little hard but you can demonstrate on him using his scrotum as a vagina. It’s not perfect but he should get the idea.
Him sticking his penis in you and humping until he ejaculates is not sex it is procreation. He needs to learn to satisfy you. This starts with a nice conversation. If he is unwilling to listen then there are only three other alternatives.
1. Try and get him to see a sex therapist and see if the therapist can't find out what his problem is.
2. Live with things as they are.
3. Find a guy who will fulfill your sexual needs and begin a relationship with him, leaving this guy at the side of the road so to speak.
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You're 20? Ah, so he's likely in the same age range. Hmm, well that explains a lot. Though there are some intelligent guys who are knowledgeable in sex and want to please their gal, most guys in that age range only know to put their dick in a hole. Its that basic for them because they are driven by lust and prefer getting off by having a girls hands, mouth or pussy to do the job. Those are the only 3 things that qualifies you to be his sex partner and guess what, every female has hands, a mouth and a pussy. He is not concerned with anything more like your mind, your feelings, your personality, your hopes dreams desires, wishes etc... because a young man is often very selfish and as to why selfish. Start looking around you at society in general. From the day he first watched TV as a child, he saw sex being used to sell things, he grew up being shown what media is trying to convince us all is the 'desirable' female. And that has changed over the years to what was in vogue at the time. Beauty at one time was considered to be very thin like a model named Twiggy (for a reason) a model like that today would be considered anorexic and yet it was the in style in the past. Pin up model Marilyn Monroe has photos of her looking big hipped and big boned with a rounded, not flat belly, a full size figure. She used to be the rage, everyone wante to look like Marilyn cus that was all the media fed us. Now a days, a girl who looked like her would be overlooked as a model of what beauty today is. Has any women over the centuries ever not been beautiful? No, just different from each other and diversity is what makes the world wonderful. Men have different tastes in what they like in a woman, some want the full figure, some thin, some prefer overweight women and a few have no preferance. So as far as attraction goes, there is someone for everyone, even for you. Next important thing is having a chemistry with each other, which seems you dont have either. there is no way to get your particular guy to be considerate and all of a sudden care about you and want to please you.
However there is a way to begin training all young men how to treat women and that is the second problem society has. the first was the media giving men a warped idea of what they want from a woman. the second problem is females making them self too available to these undesireable men, so there are no consequences to their actions and treatment of women. If tomorrow you told him, I just woke up and decided I am tired of being your on call sex toy. You are treating me as an object, not a person. I am leaving you and you'll never have a relationship with me again. He would go looking for another girl then, wouldn't he? But what if all young gals wised up and did the same thing, they might fall for him the first night but if he proved himself to be only a taker, not a giver, then there would be no 2nd time let alone 2 years or more with such a man. Just imagine, if your guy could not find one single female tomorrow night willing to sleep with him, how long do you think before the guy gets desperate, and when nothing he promises makes a difference, he will eventually break down and start asking females what they want and he might just be willing to make some heart felt changes in his life, and grow up and have respect for women and want to treat them as his Queen.
women banding together like this is highly unlikely so inadvertantly, you and others have been training their guys to be lazy, slothful, selfish, insensitive, etc. I know you don't realize it. bUT Now that I've pointed it out, you must realize you cant go on doing the same you have been. Thats not going to get you a loving careing respectful man. What you need is to have a list of what you will tolerate and what you wont in a relationship. May I suggest you first find someone you find attractive who treats you like a best friend first, and then later the sexual part of the relationship starts. You both need to have developed deep feelings for each other. Without the love, there's some great missing in the sex. Both should have the same likes and dislikes in sex, have the same libido, how often its desired.
If friendship is missing, the deep feelings missing and mutual desire to please and satisfy the partner missing, then it's not a relationship, it's a prison that one has willing let them-self inside, locked and thrown away the key. Painted that way, it doesnt make any sense for a person to willingly lock themselves up in a prison cell, does it? Well, what you are doing makes just as little sense and is pretty much the same thing. I can not help you. You need to be doing things to help yourself...cus really...only you can do it and begin to get a positive change in your life.
That change may mean having to let him go. Stop seeing him. You really aren't losing anything...you know that but your heart has ties to him and those feelings make it hard to leave or to demand better. But it can be done. Your conscious mind knows you need to leave. your subconscious mind where all our feelings and emotions dwell, is running the show right now and thinking it's giving you all you want but sometimes, our subconscious mind left to itself, is like leaving a 4 year old all alone in a house...its a recipe for disaster. If your sub mind can not see reason and be willing to go with the lead of your conscious mind, then they basically will remain at odds and you will remain in a hopeless relationship. Basically, you are worse off than a prostitute right now. A prostitute isnt loved by her trick, not doesn;'t worry about pleasing her, it's all about him and what he wants, he doesnt have to be a good lover or reciprocate and certainly doesnt kiss unless its part of what gets him horny. So she sounds like about where you are at, except she comes out ahead cus she had money in her pocket for it.
Hon, I am not trying to be mean and say you ARE a whore. thats not it at all, and i don't believe it for a minute. It's just with this one guy, you have actually put yourself in a situation where you are no better off than a woman of that profession. it's only a comparison i make in hopes that if nothing else I said has woke you up yet, hopefully this will.
I was married at 20 and with the guy 30 years. Not only were we mismatched sexually in libido, he didn't do anything for me, never had an orgasm until I left him and met other guys in my 40's!! That is a terrible thing. I don't want to see you lock yourself into a relationship for life and never have any satisfaction. Even worse, he admitted in the end not ever having been in love with me...I was nothing more than a thing to him, or at least a living breathing person to be maid, cook, go-fer and also a dumping ground for him to let go of his stress and disatisfaction, etc... I learned the hard way but it took a long time. I hope that you're learning the hard way has a much shorter time line. i finally came to my senses after decades, I hope it's much sooner for you. the choice is yours. If you want my recommendation of how to go about looking for the right guy, let me know, i'LL share it with you. Just to much to add on here right now. Good luck.
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