adviceman49's advice column | Page 106

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140653

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I've had this problem for a little while now. I get these hard bumps in my scrotum skin. Not on top of skin but under a layer or two of skin. Sometimes they get really sore. some are on the upper layer of skin and I can poke with a sterile needle and stringy white stuff like pimple stuff strings out but then theres the ones that's a hard ball under skin that hurts bad sometimes and you squeeze them inside and nothing will come out it just hurts more and more but you can feel this hard little ball there. Some of them I have dug down through skin to the point you can see this little white ball and eventually I get it dug out but have to cut it away from the skin it seems to be attached to. I'm left with this little pearly white hard ball the size of a little pebble if you let it set once out it dries out if you set it on a hard surface and crunch it with your nail it literally crunches and pops and white material comes out and your left with a skin colored shell. The pain is gone from the area the ball was it. What are these things I'm digging out? Please help

I don't think it is anything serious but you need to see a doctor, probably a dermatologist. What probably is happening is the pores of the skin have become clogged. The white pussy stuff is most likely skin oil that has coagulated and now looks while and pus like. The fact that it is in the folds of the skin is what gives me this belief.

Men sweat a lot in that area and if we do not wash properly this can happen and even if we do wash daily some of us who have folds in the skin down there have to be more aggressive in washing there. Fact is men should be wearing the dresses and women the pants. I guess that is why Scottish men wear Kilts.

This is something if you wish you can tell mom about as it is not an STD or anything sexual. You don't have to for at 16 you are by law old enough to make your own doctors appointments and to visit a doctor without parental permission for anything to do with your reproductive system. Your scrotum is definitely part of that system so you qualify under this Federal Law call HIPPA.

I strongly suggest that you do tell mom or dad for if you are using a body wash to shower with it may not be strong enough to properly clean your scrotum and you may need another type of wash or use regular soap. Your doctor will advise you when you visit. Just remember this is not an STD but it should be attended to by a doctor especially if you wish to have children as an adult.

A year ago I was diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia & psychosis. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and they kept asking me was I ok and have I ever thought about killing someone or myself. I have thought about killing myself by overdose, or just jumping from somewhere and dying.Sometimes I wish I could die in an accident, whatever is quick. I have no family or friends to talk to. I have family problems, i'm homeless and I've been bullied all through school and have low self esteem. If I told a doctor I wanted to kill myself would they try to force me in a mental hospital?

If I were a doctor, which I am not, knowing you are homeless and having suicidal thoughts. I would want you in the hospital if possible. I would probably ask you to go in voluntarily as involuntary commitment requires a patient to meet criteria that you may not meet. Being homeless and having suicidal thoughts does not generally meet criteria.

Big difference between voluntary and involuntary commitment to a hospital. Going in to the hospital voluntarily means you can leave any time you want, You would probably not be in a locked unit either. Involuntary commitment generally means placement in a locked unit, escorted wherever you go, no privacy and in some states you may possibly be kept until doctors release you. In others involuntary commitments can only be for a specific period of time such as 72 hours.

Given that you suffer from chronic schizophrenia & psychosis and are now having these thoughts. Committing yourself voluntarily to a hospital is a good idea. As I said I'm no doctor but I feel your medications, if your being compliant with them, need to be changed. The best place for this to be done for you, given the fact that you are homeless, is in a hospital where the doctors can monitor your reaction to the drugs.

While you are there you will have clean clothes, a warm and clean place to sleep and good food. The doctors can also take the time to care for other medical needs you may have. For you voluntarily checking in to a hospital is a win/win situation. Remember in this manner you can leave if it gets too much for you at any time.

I am 25 years old and I wrote on here a couple of times about how my cousins husband is like my dad but to make a long story short my cousin and her husband are going through a divorce and I wrote on here if it would be okay to keep in contact with him but I decided to ask her first and so I asked her and she said she would prefer if I didn't keep in c ontact because g e would use me to find out info about her so I haven't talked to him but my problem now is that he keeps trying to call me and add me on fb and I have been ignoring him but he won't stop should I tell her or just keep ignoring him and stay out of it or should I text him and tell him to stop trying to contact me ? What should I do? I don't want her to think I am talking to him when I am not because I think he is the type of person wh o would try to make it look like I have when I have not. What should I do? Please help me. I don't want this to affect my relationship with my cousin because we are like sisters and I don't want him to ruin it.

Talk about a broken triangle this is certainly one of them. The three of you are all hurting because their marriage did not workout. While it is true she is family and blood is thicker than water. You and her ex-husband have formed a relationship that is important to you. A father figure I assume you need as your own father, for various reasons, may not be in the picture.

No one knows why the ex-husband is trying to contact you. It could be he knows you need the father figure he has been to you and does not want you to lose that just because he and your cousin have divorced. It also could be as your cousin feels it may be so he can keep tabs on her. You won't know this until you talk with him.

I believe you need to find out why he is contacting you before you decide what to do about it. You can call or write him and ask why. IF it is because he wants to continue to be that father figure he has been to you. Then if you want to continue that relationship with him I would say it is permissible with certain ground rules in place.

Those ground rules would be specific to your cousin and any questions he might have or you being a messenger between them. OF course family events are off limits to him as your cousin would most like be there.

If he is in agreement to those rules then I believe if you are comfortable with them as well you can give it a try. If at any time it becomes uncomfortable for you then you stop seeing him.

You do tell your cousin so she knows and why you are seeing him. Assure her you are not a conduit in any way between them and if he attempts to make you one you will stop seeing him. You tell her that you need him in your life and why and this does not change in anyway your feelings or support for her.

20/f

It happened recently that guys just come to me and expect comfort or try to get me and sleep with them (in which they don't succeed.) It's like no one even considers me a girlfriend option. It's either the guys that are crazy about girls who don't even deserve them or the ones who think I'm young and naive and will just surrender to them. I am not that pretty,but I have a strong character,I'm caring,I'm intelligent,and I also have many other qualities. It's just that I'm pretty much invisible. Is it me,or is just the world overcrowded with idiots?

The problem as I see it is that you are far more mature than guys your age are. This is something you should not do anything about as it is a problem that is as old as time. A 20 year old male from a maturity standpoint is the same as a teenage female between the ages of 16 and 18. They have not grown up yet, they are still boys. Whereas the females are ready, for the most part to nest, make a home, make a commitment and have a family by the time they are in there young or early twenties.

No not all twenty year old boys are this immature there are some who grow up faster than the others. You won't find these boys where the majority of young boys hangout, you will find them at places that take a commitment.

These are places volunteer fire departments, Auxiliary Police Officers, Civilians on Patrol Groups. These organizations require time and commitment to be members. They also separate the children from the men and women who join these groups quite quickly. Any group or organization that requires any type of commitment is where you will find boys of the maturity age equal to your own.

There is one thing you have to do for yourself. You have to stop believing you are "not that pretty." Beauty is only skin deep, it is wrapping on a package meant to attract. When you are looking for a life mate you have to look beyond the wrapping to the person underneath for this is the real person. Beauty and sex appeal will only take you so far, one day you wake up and find you need to talk to each other and you have nothing in common. This is when relationships fail.

By you feeling you're not pretty you will portray that to others that approach you. If you feel pretty then that is the image you will portray to others. If you feel you must do something to improve your appearance then do a makeover.

Go see a hair stylist and let him or her suggest a hair style to enhance the shape of your face. Let the salons cosmetologist suggest some makeup tips. Enhance your wardrobe from what is comfortable to what is more in style. You do not need designer labels to be in style. Remember nobody is going to see the label while you are wearing the cloths and when they come off if there is a him with you; the label is the last thing he is interested in.

IF the organizations I named are of no interest to you find others like them that require a commitment of time and energy. These are the places where you will find young men and women of your maturity age. Don't shy away from the women for they may have an older brother they would want to introduce you to.

The fact that you consider marital love all-inclusive while 'lust' isn't part of that equation, you are raising another question: Can marriages really be loving without sex? For some people, it's not. I'd like to amend my earlier statement in that case. I think that there comes a point when a person (or two people who are unfaithful to their spouses) must realize that they have fallen out of love and that the sex that is missing demonstrates it. Having said that, I don't think that extramarital affairs indicate sexual desire only. I believe that one must come to terms with the fact that monogamy is not for everyone, and it is possible to love two people. Why must one 'lose' and the other 'win'? The guilt that comes from affairs is self-imposed, and it's based on the illusion that we are evil for fulfilling our deepest desires at the so-called expense of another. I think that people should be honest about their love for one another, and if that means that a spouse retaliates by filing for divorce, then so be it.

I think you are trying to justify something to yourself in which case you are just deluding yourself. For you fail to take into consideration other factors of a marriage when sex is not possible.

What about a couple where one spouse is injured in an accident and unable say due to partial paralysis. What about a partner that is fighting an illness say breast cancer, should she be expected to do her wifely duties as it was once called? Do these type of things give the other partner license to have an affair?

In a loving marriage there is more to marriage than sex. In my advice to young couples I advise that before they start keeping house together they make sure they have more in common then a good sex life for one day they will wake up and need to communicate with each other.

If you wish to justify having an affair to yourself go right ahead but please do not ask us to approve of your justification for there are few among us who would. If your spouse is refusing to have sex with you there is a reason for it. Maybe your spouse has fallen out of love with you or in the case of a spouse being women she has entered menopause. If so sex may be painful for her or the estrogen she needs for a sex drive is low. If she has fallen out of love with you then you need to ask yourself why. If it is the other than you need to talk to her as doctors can help with both problems.

One thing is for sure when your spouses finds out and they will, you and your cheating partner will be headed for divorce. Not as retaliation but this is how people rectify the hurt done to them by cheating spouses.

Van I still get the money's in my deceased fathers bank accounts, benefits from the life insurance policies even though his Indiana estate has foreclose when I live
in California?

Not being familiar with the laws in Indiana or how your dad's bank account and Life Insurance policies was written. My advices be as always to consult the attorney who is assisting you in settling his estate.

That being said the word foreclosure generally is used pertaining to real property such as his home or any other real estate your dad may have owned that is now in default to the loan companies. Even this is subject to review if your dad was current with his payments until he took ill.

Here again you would need a lawyer to go to court with you to fight the bank or loan company for time to dispose of these assets and pay them off. Foreclosure is harder for them when the borrower is deceased. Unfortunately the banks take advantage of your sorrow and try to get the family to release the property to them in a foreclosure unknowing that the Estate is on the hook for any shortfall in the outstanding debt the bank doesn't recover. Again depending on the laws of Indiana who ever is the Executor of the Estate could be on the hook for the short fall.

Bank accounts and life insurance policies generally do not fall within the realm of what banks can attach as part of foreclosure. Please see an attorney before you lose what your dad tried to leave you.

Someone asked the question, why would a married man want to cheat with a married woman. I read the tale of a married woman having an affair with a married man. She's tried everything to get her husband to turn on but nothing has worked. She is in love with the married man who claim he won't leave his wife, but says he loves his lover. Long story short, these lovers are IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AND THEIR MARRIAGES ARE OVER. Until the truth is faced head on, you will suffer. Don't listen to people who say it's wrong. They know nothing. They are preaching but don't know what it's like to be in your shoes.

I’ve been writing this column for many years and I’ve seen all the stories about spouses cheating on their spouses. There is always more to the story of why a woman can’t arouse her husband. Most of the time it is what they tell themselves or what they tell their lovers to justify their cheating. More importantly though is the line; “I’m desperately in love with you but I won’t leave my spouse.”

That line is a crock, what they are saying is, hey the sex with you is great but I love my spouse and I am not willing to give up what I have at home just for the great sex with you. When you here that line what is being said is, “I lust for you.” Lust and love are two different things. Lust is simply sex, while love is all inclusive of what goes into a relationship like marriage.

You truly don’t know what we know when you say; “They know nothing.” “They are preaching but don't know what it's like to be in your shoes.” Many of us are younger and have not seen a lot of life. Then there are the older advisors like me who are of advanced ages who have seen much have life, which may have been through something like this or may have friends who have experienced this. I have has two friends go through just this sort of problem, one the husband cheated on the wife and in the other it was the reverse. IN both instances they were both eventually caught by their spouses with divorce being the end result. Funny thing is neither ended up marring their lovers. You don’t always have to walk a mile in someone’s shoes to know what it is like to live there lives’.

My advice to those who have or are cheating on their spouses with partners who are also cheating on their spouses is; you’re playing with fire. If either of you are unwilling to leave you marriage for the other you are not in love you are lustful. You are being used or using the other for sex, possibly the type of sex your spouse is unwilling to have with you. Just what type that might be could be anything from simple oral to some type of fetish or role play sex. Whatever it may be if you are supplying it then you’re a sex toy nothing more.

If you’re the one cheating on his spouse your admonishment that anyone who gives advice on this matter knows nothing because we have not been there. This is just a lame attempt on your part to put down whatever advice you have been given. Just as no man can serve two gods; no man can serve two women and be at peace with himself.

to make the girl pregenent where or which of the two holes in the girl we want to give sperm ? is itis ass?

Are you for real?

Well ill put it in simple terms. My step dad is a jerk who me and my brother hate because he is abusive and just a total Duche. My parents don't buy me anything although there filthy rich and spend money on themselves. This school year im wearing all hand me downs from last year with 6 shirts. And I feel like my parents hate me and don't buy me anything for a reason. I need help

What type of abuse are you talking about. If it is physical abuse then you go to a trusted teacher, school principal or the police resource officer if your school has one and show him or her the marks and explain how you came by them. They will take up the matter of protecting you and your brother from this type of abuse. Mental abuse is harder to prove as it is your word against your parents still you should go to the same people and ask for help.

One thing that needs to be mentioned since I do not know your age. Spankings are not physical abuse as long as only a hand is used. You can be spanked on the bare behind as long as only a hand is used. If you parent or parents us a belt, hairbrush, paddle , cane or anything other than their hand it is child abuse. Spankings may only be applied to a child bottom; legs arms or torso is child abuse.

You say your parents are rich. This may or may not be true. While they may spend money on themselves or your step-father may spend lavishly on your mother he may also be in debt up to his eyebrows. Who's money is it, your step-dads or your moms'. If it is your step-dads' he is under no obligation to buy you anything he is not you father.

I do not know where your dad is but if he is living he should be sending child support money and that money is meant to pay for your food and clothing as well as other expenses children have such as school supplies. If mom is spending this money on herself then again go to a trusted teacher and ask for help if you are not getting fed properly and do not have proper clothing. Proper clothing means clean proper fitting clothes for each season. It does not mean the latest fad or trendy designer clothes.

The amount of money mom may be receiving from your biological father may not be as much as you think. It all depends on what the court awarded your mother when they divorced if they divorced.

It is unfortunate but legally your step dad owes you nothing, not even the roof over your head or the bed you sleep in. Maybe if you and your brother were nicer to him and tried to get along with him he might be more giving to you.

If you mom and dad are divorced it is understandable why you may not like your step-dad. When Parents divorce it is unfortunate that the children get caught in the middle of something they were in no fault of. Parents divorce for many reason and those reasons have enough faults to divide between both parents. While it is easy to take your anger out on your step-dad for your parents divorce. As a general rule it is not the step-parent who caused the divorce. They are the result of the divorce so at the very least try and be civil with your step-dad.

On Monday I have the only chance to be with my family and hang out with them. I had been planning this for like a month and a half now. However, my mom started talking about it with my grandmother and now she wants to come along and drag my little cousin along with her. Let me explain:

Im in college right now and have to be two hours away from home until the weekends, where I only work with my parents or study. This is the only free Monday I have and for many reasons its the perfect family day. My grandmother is not coming with us because she wants to be with me, its because my cousin (he is about 10-11 years old) loves being with us (which I also believe is because of my brother and the fact that mom buys him stuff, people think were rich when were really not at all). She even told mom to ask for my permission, as if I would not want them to go. I love them, the problema is that my cousin is very... reckless. He doesnt listen to anyone, always gets into trouble, and is not satisfied unless everything HE wants to do is done. Im just afraid that whats supposed to be a stress free day will only cause more mayhem and that is not what I need right now. What do I do?

I believe we are entitled to a family day from time to time, just mom, dad you and siblings. Grandma too if you wish. Cousins while they are family they are not immediate family and are not usually invited along on an outing where it is intended for family to just chill and have a good time together. Even if that good time is a backyard BBQ. So no I do not think you are being selfish

Tell you mother that no you want to be alone with just her, your dad, your brother and grandma if she wishes to join you. You miss being home with them and you want to squeeze as much alone time with them as possible them. If the cousins parents think you're being selfish that's their problem for not seeing that you are entitled to some immediate family only alone time with your parents and brother. That's really all there is to it.

I'll give you an example of observing someone's time with family. As much as I love my niece and as often as my sister visits her in Texas where she lives with her husband an infant son. When they visit here we go to my sisters for dinner or when they go out someplace my niece will usually invite us along. The rest of the time is for her and her family to be with her mom, my sister, and her step-dad.

Your cousin can visit anytime he parents wish to visit with your parents. You only have this one day to be alone with them. Don't fret over this do what is right for you today.

Boyfriend of two years broke up with me started dating someone a week later and then came crawling back 4 months later. I took him back but we've been fighting so much lately that I question if I even should be with him. I know I'm still angry with him and that is the reason why I keep trying to find reasons to get mad and leave but he doesn't make it easy. Last night we were talking about trying to have sex again and I asked if he slept with the girl he dated and he got quiet and I told him to answer but he wouldn't. He said it shouldn't matter but it matters a lot to me cause I couldn't even think of another guy let alone have sex with someone. I said it mattered to me and he just got up and went home. He didn't even try to talk about it or reassure me. In fact the last couple days he just makes everything a joke and doesn't take any of my feelings seriously. I think it's time to move on but I just spent almost 6 months being sad over someone that I wanted to come back so bad but now I'm not sure if that's what I want anymore. Any advice?

Knowing your ages would make answering this question easier, especially the sex part. I am going to guess you two are in your late teens to early twenties.

If I'm correct then there is a big difference to sex for a guy then there is for a gal. Women even very young women most do not have it in them to jump for bed to bed. To have sex with a guy there must be some emotional attachment. There is good reason for this as she is the one who is allowing him to penetrate her body with his. No matter what type of sex takes place between the two it is her body that allows his body into hers and this is a very emotional thing for her. She is also the one that runs the risk of getting pregnant and therefore there has to be a degree of trust that if that were to happen he would be there for her.

Men, boys do not have the emotional attachment to sex that women have. They can get an erection, young men and boys, if a girl bats her eyelashes at him. Then is she orifice an orifice for his erection it simply becomes a mechanical action. Simply put men are more lustful than women are.

I can't tell you whether to stay with him or not, that is something for your to decide. What I will say is it is wrong to feel as if he cheated on you when you were not together. While absence may make the heart grow fonder there was no reason to believe, possible, that he and you would get back together so he had no reason not to have sex with someone if it was offered to him.

Just because you were still broken up over him and didn't date or have sex with anyone I don't think is a reason to be upset with him. As far as not taking other issues you may have and turning them into jokes. Well that is a bit immature of him. If it is an issue you have then it needs to be resolved especially if you are going to give him the trust you require before having sex with him. This is what you should base your decision on, the other issues not the fact he slept with another women.

I just wish everyone would leave me alone ..

Okay something is definitely bothering you. we might be able to give you some advice if you would share what is bothering you.

Not knowing what is bothering you the best advice I can offer you is this. When I wish to be left alone to chill out or just to be alone in my misery I go into the room we jokingly call my office. It was my office before I retired now it is just the computer room. I close the door and no one will disturb me.

If you just want to be alone with your thoughts maybe there's a place at home you can hide out for a couple of hours.

Hi again, so yesterday I asked about how I could possibly make my boobs grow, and this great user answered with a stupendous response that sprouted hope in me. One thing he said was that I was a late bloomer. (and if you're the user, please answer this (:) I'm not sure about that because, when I was 12, my hips grew, and I got pimples, and I got my period when I was 11. I passed through all those things... but my boobs didn't. Am I still a late bloomer?

Anything and everything is possible while you going through puberty. My voice started cracking and deepening when I was 12 although I didn't reach my final growth spurt until I was 18. For those 6 years I was the runt of my friend then almost overnight I was 6'2" and the tallest of my friends.

Everything depends on when your body releases the hormone that triggers that particular growth. Until you are finished with puberty anything is possible. Until then; eat healthy, get plenty of rest and stop worrying about what you cannot control. Stress will affect how and when your body will be ready to accept certain changes.

Note: Do not reregister each time you have a question. Just log back in as you would any other site you have set up an account in. In this manner when you log in those of us who are moderators, as I am, can look at our answers to previous questions we answered for you. This allows for continuity when answering a continuing question such as this one.

I'm a 16 year old male attending highschool. I'm not popular or athletic, but I have/had a certain group I usually hang out with, other guys my age that like to drink and talk like men. Long story short, one day one of them brought sparring equipment and pestered me to try sparring with them. I agreed, got into the gloves and head gear, got hit once and fell over nose bleeding and black eyed. Now when I see them they laugh at me and say "one hit wonder" or general teases. I dont know what I do here, because im actually kind of afraid of hanging out with them again. What do i do?

My first thought is that they are not very good friends to tease you in this manner then I remember they are all teenagers and this is about par for their age. The second thing is they are also not much of a boxer in that in this type of sparring they should or he should have pulled his punches as the aim is to work on technique not maul you partner.

You could turn the tease around as in if no one else spared by saying, At least I was man enough to try, or hey how did I know I had a glass face. When people tease in this manner it is only fun if they upset you. If you turn the tease back on them or add to it by joking it is not longer fun and they will stop.

Now whether you want to be friends with them any longer is entirely up to you after you put them in their place with the teasing. As I suggested above, find a way to show them the teasing does not bother or upset you. Then is you want stop hanging with them.

I've been dating a guy for 3 years and I recently lost about 20 pounds. I am still in the normal weight range for my height and I feel overall healthier and happier and I have more energy and I wouldn't take it back for anything. However my boyfriend feels that I am too thin and has been "crushing" on this other girl that apparently looks like me but is a little heavier. He's trying to get me to gain weight but I really don't want to but I don't want to lose him. He's talking to this girl that he says is "harmless" but he's into her and it bothers me. What should I do? We're also 23 if that makes a difference..

Some men just prefer Big Beautiful Women (BBW). Tall skinny or short skinny women just don't hold any sex appeal for these men. This is a fetish these men have which I feel is wrong for it places these women in a position of jeopardizing their health. For being overweight brings with it serious health problems. The heavier the women the more serious the health problems.

Being the proper weight for your height and frame is more important than satisfying your boyfriends fetish. So the only answer is must satisfy his fetish, which is not a necessity to do so, then he is probably the wrong man for you. While there are many fetish a women can satisfy for her man or a man can satisfy for his women. This is one fetish that has to be a deal breaker for your health is more important than a fetish.

If he needs you to be 20 or more pounds overweight to find you desirable and insists you gain wait for him. Then you must consider breaking off with him as it is in your best interest.

I know this is not the answer you are looking for. It is the only answer I can give you as your best interest is what I am looking out for here. Yes there is treatment for fetishes such as this one with a psychologist. To get him into treatment he must want to go or it will be a waste of money.

When you adopt a puppy do you have to fill out any legal papers or go to court over it? I want to adopt a puppy but my parents wouldn't go to court for it. :(

I'm afraid you parent are telling you a tall tail to keep from getting a puppy. There are two ways of getting a puppy;

1. you go to an animal shelter and adopt one. There is generally a small fee. When we did this it was the cost up front that any vet could apply for when the did the Spading of our adopted puppy.

2. You go to a Pet Store or a Breeder and buy a purebred dog. This is expensive and there is paperwork and usually a contract of sale, from breeders, than is completed.

Puppies are seen as property therefore the adoption is a formality and not something covered by law. There is no need to go to court for a formal court hearing.

20/f

I don't know how come,but literally every girl is beautiful and I am not. I always ruin photos,they look gorgeous and then there's me. I'm 160 cm tall and I'm plus size but not fat. I just don't feel good being me. I feel ugly and am ugly. Why is everyone blessed with beauty and I am not? I am dressed up most of the time,I have nice clothes on,jewelry,make up,everything. I try to eat healthy,I exercise an hour and a half three times a week. Yet despite all of that I'm still ugly. I can't even get a boyfriend,and my best friend will be married in 2 days. In short I'm simply desperate.

First of all beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it truly does go only skin deep. If you think you're ugly you're going to be ugly. I don't know you but from your writing I can tell you are a beautiful person. Being a beautiful person is what a man looks for in a women. Yes the outer beauty is what attracts us but that is only skin deep. IF there is nothing behind that wrapping, nothing will come of their meeting.

You say you are heavy but not fat. This to me says you are a big framed girl. This is something you cannot change. What you need to do is dress in a manner that enhances your frame. Style your hair to highlight your face and then use proper makeup techniques to finish the make over. None of this though will help unless you change your mind set about yourself. You have to stop thinking you're ugly for you are not.

As I said to begin with I don't know you but I do see a beautiful person who may just need a little repackaging. Once you finish your makeover then try a new way of meeting people. The best way I know to meet new people is not in a bar for booty calls. It is to find venues or activities of interest to me.

Lets say for the purpose of and example you are an avid photographer. I know that there are a number of clubs and activities geared to amateur photographers. I would look at these actives and clubs and attend some of the club meetings. I would go on some of the outings. Your common interest is going to spur conversations. Once you start talking to someone a friendship develops. Once a friendship develops they see the inner person and the wrapping falls away they see the real person and relationship can happen.

What I suggest is you sit down with pen and paper and make a list of the things you have an interest in. It could be automotive repair cooking, hiking, softball or religious activities. write them down. Then number them from 1 to how ever many there are. Take the top 4 or 5 and look to see what activities there are for these interest in your area and attend meetings of the clubs or activities.

I have made this recommendation many, many times and the feedback I get is extremely positive. Just remember you are not ugly you are a beautiful person. IF you believe this in yourself it will shine through. There are no ugly ducklings in this world; just ducklings who think they are ugly.

Hello,

Hello my friend and his girlfriend want to learn english at the academy where I teach Should I charge them?

thanks

Kind regards

I agree with what Dragonflymagic has written. If you are an employee of the school then you are most likely obligated to charge for your services in the school. What they can do is ask to be assigned to your class if your class is not full.

The only other way is for you to teach them at home and only if your employment agreement does not bar you from such an activity. Many employment agreements have such a clause in them. Read your employee agreement before you take this route. Of course if you go this route you would not be allowed to offer them any type of certificate of completion other than a letter from you that they did complete a course of study by you and that you are certified to teach this course.

So, I've pretty much tried everything; breast massage, papaya juice, but they're still the same size. How could I possibly make them grow? I'm only 14, but I'm afraid that they won't grow because my dad's side has literally nothing whereas my mom has big boobs. But If I were to have boobs, wouldn't they have started growing already? I've already gotten my period and everything.. somebody help!!!!!!!!

For most people they are not finished with puberty until they are 18 and some stay in puberty until they are in their early twenties. You are 14 in the early years of puberty the years ahead will define what your body will be for the rest of you life. You probably have not yet reached you full height or full chest size. While you baby fat has turned into womanly curves your waist and hip size is not final yet either.

Truth of the matter is you have to slow down and wait for your body to catch up to what you mind wants. You could be a late bloomer. I remember my sister complaining to my mother about just what you are talking about when I left for the Air Force. She was 12 almost 13 and some of her friends had started to develop.

Four years later when I returned home my sister could only be describe as HOT. Her chest was 34D and her waist was 28. Sorry she never told me her hip size. What she did tell me was she was 16 before any significant changes happened, which is why I missed it for I left for an overseas assignment just after her 14th birthday and returned just before after her 17th birthday.

My advice is to relax and give your body a chance to mature. If when you turn 18 you do not have the Breast you want you will then be old enough to have Breast enhancement surgery. IF this is what you think you may want start saving now for this surgery is considered strictly cosmetic and not covered by insurance. Cost for this surgery start at about $5,000. At this price you will have a bigger chest but I don't think you will like how you will look. The better surgery which takes longer but puts the implant under the muscle looks more natural and costs almost four times as much.

Okay, so I'm a young teen and male. I have what's known as rumination disorder. It's not a choice eating disorder like anorexia/bulimia; it's where food involuntarily comes up. It's been listed on my health form.

And yet the nurse sent my mom an email saying I haven't been eating but "one bite" of my lunch which is a load of crap because I eat all of my crackers and sometimes cookies if my mom packs them. She also said that I go into the bathroom with food in my mouth. Uhhhh...no? I don't even use the bathrooms at school, the only hall pass I've used all year was to go to my locker.

I know they're just concerned about me but I'm ticked that they went to my mom first and are apparently having some sort of secret meetings about me where they come to nonsensical conclusions. They haven't said a word about this to me and they've got my mom worried even though I am trying to get better.

From your writing I see a very mature young man who is knowledgeable about the disease that he is afflicted with. This is good as I believe if you stay calm you can have an adult conversation with your mom to alleviate what may be concerning here from what she is hearing from the school nurse.

Most likely the school nurse is basing her assumptions on second or third hand information. Information such as some student was overheard by a teacher who told the nurse. The teacher may not have heard the entire conversation. The teacher heard enough to be concerned forgive him or her for being concerned as well as the nurse for they are looking out for your best interest.

Sit down with mom and tell her of your concerns. Explain to her that you don't think the nurse has a full or correct story and out of an abundance of caution has gone to her with the wrong information. Ask her to tell you what the nurse told her. Then correct any fallacies in what the nurse told her.

I think you would know if the nurse was in the lunch room during your lunch period and if she was watching you. If the nurse is not in the lunch room when you are then the information she has is not first hand information. Any information that is not first hand tends to change somewhat as it changes hands. The more times the information changes hands the more times people tend to expand or elaborate on the story.

You were there, you are the first person. If you have your mothers trust; and it is my belief that you should. Then talking with mom and setting her straight will be good for both of you. You could also ask that in any future conferences with a teacher or the nurse concerning your medical problem that you be there to hear and discuss what was said to the nurse.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>