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why would a married man want to cheat with a married woman
Someone asked the question, why would a married man want to cheat with a married woman. I read the tale of a married woman having an affair with a married man. She's tried everything to get her husband to turn on but nothing has worked. She is in love with the married man who claim he won't leave his wife, but says he loves his lover. Long story short, these lovers are IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AND THEIR MARRIAGES ARE OVER. Until the truth is faced head on, you will suffer. Don't listen to people who say it's wrong. They know nothing. They are preaching but don't know what it's like to be in your shoes.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Marriage is, in my mind, when two people decide to work together to enjoy their lives together. How they go about it is their own choice: there's no such thing as a single definition of a healthy relationship. Everyone's needs are different, and everyone's life experiences will contribute to a different perspective.
When someone has an affair, it is, by nature, dishonest. It involves one partner carrying on a relationship of some sort with another person without their significant other's knowledge or consent. It puts their partner at risk physically, and damages trust.
Am I saying that it's wrong to have sex outside of a marriage? Not necessarily. If a person talks to his or her spouse about wanting more, and that spouse consents to an alternative arrangement, I think that's fine. This isn't cheating, because cheating involves dishonesty and betrayal.
It isn't fair to your partner to carry on extramarital relationships without their permission. If you want something out of your relationship that you can't get honestly, then you should consider whether you want to be in that relationship still. If you want to have children and your spouse doesn't, is it okay to sabotage birth control to get what you want? If your spouse wants to move across the world but you don't, is it okay for them to sell the house and arrange for you to move without your consent? The decision to involve outside people in your sexual life should be treated similiarly. Both partners should be equally involved and considered in decisions.
I'm fairly progressive when it comes to tolerance for alternative lifestyles. I can understand that plain and simple monogamy isn't for everyone. However, I do think it's wrong for one partner to make decisions without consulting the other, simply because they're afraid of getting caught. Having an affair is an inexcusable breach of trust.
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I love adviceman49's column and he's spot on. Truth is the big issue here, as you say, and facing it is certainly advisable. The hard truth is that so long as these people are still legally married and not taking active steps to dissolve their marriages, their marriages are not, in fact, over. There's no "claim" he won't leave his wife, it's simply a fact if he hasn't left his wife and isn't making any move to do so. Most married men who want to sleep with married women are looking to have sex. The fact that the partner is also married gives him some security that she won't change the status quo; she also has something to lose from being indiscreet. If you really believe he's only bluffing he won't leave his wife and that he loves you, though, you are probably now more risky than he was originally intending vis-a-vis discretion/not interfering with his family.
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I’ve been writing this column for many years and I’ve seen all the stories about spouses cheating on their spouses. There is always more to the story of why a woman can’t arouse her husband. Most of the time it is what they tell themselves or what they tell their lovers to justify their cheating. More importantly though is the line; “I’m desperately in love with you but I won’t leave my spouse.”
That line is a crock, what they are saying is, hey the sex with you is great but I love my spouse and I am not willing to give up what I have at home just for the great sex with you. When you here that line what is being said is, “I lust for you.” Lust and love are two different things. Lust is simply sex, while love is all inclusive of what goes into a relationship like marriage.
You truly don’t know what we know when you say; “They know nothing.” “They are preaching but don't know what it's like to be in your shoes.” Many of us are younger and have not seen a lot of life. Then there are the older advisors like me who are of advanced ages who have seen much have life, which may have been through something like this or may have friends who have experienced this. I have has two friends go through just this sort of problem, one the husband cheated on the wife and in the other it was the reverse. IN both instances they were both eventually caught by their spouses with divorce being the end result. Funny thing is neither ended up marring their lovers. You don’t always have to walk a mile in someone’s shoes to know what it is like to live there lives’.
My advice to those who have or are cheating on their spouses with partners who are also cheating on their spouses is; you’re playing with fire. If either of you are unwilling to leave you marriage for the other you are not in love you are lustful. You are being used or using the other for sex, possibly the type of sex your spouse is unwilling to have with you. Just what type that might be could be anything from simple oral to some type of fetish or role play sex. Whatever it may be if you are supplying it then you’re a sex toy nothing more.
If you’re the one cheating on his spouse your admonishment that anyone who gives advice on this matter knows nothing because we have not been there. This is just a lame attempt on your part to put down whatever advice you have been given. Just as no man can serve two gods; no man can serve two women and be at peace with himself.
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