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being annoying
Hi, so recently (yesterday) I found out that my best friends hated me. I just changed schools and my friend (who doesn't hate me) told me that they formed a group and started talking bad about me calling me a slut (even though I've never hooked up with anyone and I haven't had my first kiss but ok) and the main point that I'm annoying. And it really, really hurt because WE WERE BEST FRIENDS. Like I was prepared to cry, I'm pretty sure that my eyes welled up with tears. Anyways, does anybody have a suggestion for me to how to stop being annoying because everybody, I mean pretty much everybody, thinks that I can be annoying sometimes and I really try to not be because annoying people piss me off. And I'm not physically annoying, like I poke people and shit but like how can I saw things that aren't so annoying?
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I understand how you feel. When I was younger I dealt with many of the same issues that you are dealing with right now. I assume that you don't mean to be annoying to other people. It is just how you tend to come off when you are acting yourself around them. My first suggestion is to find those people who you really fit in with and who appreciate you for the way you are. If you truly care about other people, then you will find someone who needs your specific ways of conversing, guidance, and love. However, if you find it hard to find others who appreciate who you are then you can still find ways to avoid silly drama from others. **Identify the issue**. Find out exactly why others are annoyed with you. If the reason is something that you believe that you need to change then work on changing it. If their reason is petty, then do not worry about them at all and just move on. You will find others that appreciate you and want to be around you.
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Tough to answer, because annoying is a two-way thing. It is as much about them becoming annoyed as it is about you BEING annoying, if you see what I mean? If someone asks quite personal and private questions and the listener wants to open-up and discuss them, you will be a good friend. If they do NOT want to share them with you, you will be nosey, intrusive and thus...annoying to them. Being happy around happy happy people will be fun. Being happy when they're going through anxieties and worries...will annoy them. Being a negative person will annoy those around you when they want to stay positive, but mirroring their negative emotions when they are feeling low will strike a chord of empathy and you will be welcomed. Are you with me? Perhaps the best way to avoid unitentionally rubbing people up the wrong way is to work on developing a keen sense of observation, and be ready to notice their expressions, body-language and intonation/infelxions in their voice when you are interacting with them. Be ready to change the subject, reinforce their mood even if it means saying what you do not think yourself (or just as importantly NOT saying what you DO) when it is approporiate, ie when you spot signs of agitation and annoyance in manifesting in them. Develop your intuitive side too. Learn empathy (Putting yourself in THEIR position in your own mind and try to see it from their perspective. And tailor and modify your own behaviour and comments accordingly). Recognise when you ARE on the same page (as it were) and build on it. It's the art of diplomacy or 'tact' we are talking about. It can be seen as a little two-faced or even dishonest. But being absolutely honest and always 'speaking your mind' can equally be seen as a little bit selfish and thoughtless. A little tact make the world go round more smoothly. If there is no particular need to volunteer a certain piece of information, and doing so will almost certainly throw the proverbial spanner in the works...withold it! ps. Ignore the completely ill-fitting 'slut' comment. It's one of those 'ultimate insult' terms in a school environment that gets thrown about when someone deliberately wants to hurt another person. Of course, we will always have close friends who we share openly with, withold nothing and are free to be completely ourselves with. But it's better to view your current social 'group' (school now, later it will be work colleagues, maybe then friends and relatives of your partner and so on) as a mixed bag of views and opinions and try to navigate your way through it with tact and try not to rock the boat too much. It's far easier that way. Try arranging a heart-to-heart with your (ex?) 'best friend'. Say what you told me. You seem to have annoyed her in some way, but you value her friendship and want to patch things up. Do it sooner rather than later. Addressing the whole group 'en masse' will be virtually unworkable. Your best friend is your best 'get out of jail' card. Most of all, don't shoulder the whole responsibilty and accept that you are 'an annoying person'. It is not a case of an attitude problem in you, full stop. Which YOU have to iron out. It is as much about a perception problem in them. Which you make allowance for and compensate for. XX
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