|
Boyfriend wants me gaining weight
I've been dating a guy for 3 years and I recently lost about 20 pounds. I am still in the normal weight range for my height and I feel overall healthier and happier and I have more energy and I wouldn't take it back for anything. However my boyfriend feels that I am too thin and has been "crushing" on this other girl that apparently looks like me but is a little heavier. He's trying to get me to gain weight but I really don't want to but I don't want to lose him. He's talking to this girl that he says is "harmless" but he's into her and it bothers me. What should I do? We're also 23 if that makes a difference..
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your boyfriends a jerk. There I said it.
Not only is he trying to make you do something you don't want to do, he's "friending" someone he clearly is attracted too, and is making you feel uncomfortable.
You're not losing him, he's the one pushing you.
I would have a serious conversation with him:
1. That befriending this girl is making you feel uncomfortable and you don't like it.
2. You feel great with the way you feel about your body and don't need him body shaming you
#1 doesn't make you a jealous person. He might use that ploy against you. If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. I would never think about befriending another man that my boyfriend didn't feel comfortable with. I have respect for him.
If he doesn't stop what he's doing, you might need to leave him. A relationship comes down to trust and respect. It doesn't sound like he's respecting you.
]
I love that you say you wouldn't take it back for anything, so definitely don't! Telling other people to gain weight is a form of body shaming and it's not acceptable. It's your body. I'm super angry on your behalf right now, sorry if I'm about to get riled up...
If he is putting pressure on you to change, especially in ways that make you feel sluggish and less happy, you really need to start asking how much he really values YOU. Truly valuing you would require him to put your health and well-being before his ideal way of objectifying women. Being 23 does make a difference. If you are looking for a life partner, you're now entering the age of, "is this really what I'm looking for?" You say you don't want to lose him, but really start to evaluate exactly why, what purpose are you keeping him for? You've been with him for 3 years. Is this your future spouse? Chances of marriage begin to go down when it hasn't been discussed by the 3-year mark. When I found that statistic, it drastically changed how I approached dating. You may enjoy being around someone, care deeply about someone, but also realize that you're not going to be happy married to that same person. So what are you really doing with that hypothetical someone?
Maybe you have thought about it, but it might suggest something of how he thinks about the commitment if he feels he can entertain harmless crushes and suggest changing you in ways that make you worse off... You're still young, so it's not like you have to decide who you're going to marry right now, but it is about time to start practicing thinking about what you want.
]
Some men just prefer Big Beautiful Women (BBW). Tall skinny or short skinny women just don't hold any sex appeal for these men. This is a fetish these men have which I feel is wrong for it places these women in a position of jeopardizing their health. For being overweight brings with it serious health problems. The heavier the women the more serious the health problems.
Being the proper weight for your height and frame is more important than satisfying your boyfriends fetish. So the only answer is must satisfy his fetish, which is not a necessity to do so, then he is probably the wrong man for you. While there are many fetish a women can satisfy for her man or a man can satisfy for his women. This is one fetish that has to be a deal breaker for your health is more important than a fetish.
If he needs you to be 20 or more pounds overweight to find you desirable and insists you gain wait for him. Then you must consider breaking off with him as it is in your best interest.
I know this is not the answer you are looking for. It is the only answer I can give you as your best interest is what I am looking out for here. Yes there is treatment for fetishes such as this one with a psychologist. To get him into treatment he must want to go or it will be a waste of money.
]
It's your body and you get to decide what it looks like. Your boyfriend is perfectly allowed to have preferences, but he has to respect your decisions, and it is completely unacceptable for him to be buddying up to another woman he admits he's attracted to.
It almost sounds like he is using the weight issue as an excuse for a wandering eye.
It isn't worth it to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't accept you as you are.
]
More Questions: |