NinjaNeer's advice column

askNinjaNeer

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Were Adam and Eve the first people on Earth? If so what about the cavemen? I thought they appeared first? I am confused. I mean, are the cavemen really the "people" in Darwin's theory of evolution? And so not supported by the bible...umm..

In my personal opinion, as an evolutionist, I would say that the Bible holds some truth, but maybe oversimplifies. You can believe both!

The way I see it, the creation story is highly unlikely. BUT if you look at Darwin's theory, to obtain the modern human, you would need two individuals exhibiting human characteristics. So, those individuals could be considered "Adam and Eve". That's just my theory, you can agree or disagree if you'd like :)

The 'cavemen' or neanderthals that have been discovered are not the 'people' of Darwin's theory. His 'people' are homo sapiens in their modern form.

Hope I helped!

*Note* I would also like to add that neanderthals and other primitive forms of human are NOT just a theory! Fossil evidence of them has been unearthed, along with evidence of their advancement in toolmaking and other important survival skills!

Q: It's bad to take naps but sometimes I just can't focus anymore and just lay down and sleep for 2 hours about and when I wake up I feel so crappy! Thirsty, with a headache, and bad. I don't know if it has to do with not eating breakfast and eating a medium sized salad for lunch and a junk food snack at 3 when I get home from school. Could it be Diabetes? Probably not but I am not sure of anything right now. This happens a lot.

Here's the thing; long naps aren't good for you.

In our experience as sleepless university students, my roomie and I have come up with the best way of doing things. Set your alarm for 20 minutes. A 20 minute nap gives you rest, but it doesn't give you that groggy feeling that a 2 hour nap does :D

Q: I want to subscribe to a good, smart magazine. Do you know which ones are reliable and not too hard to read? For example, The Economist is too complex for me. Is Times good? I don't really like it when articles cite a situation or something I haven't learned about because I will get hung up on that.

It all depends on what you're interested in.

If you're into scientific discoveries, then you should check out Scientific American. It's not too complicated, but it's at a higher level than most magazines.

Q: I’ve been having issues with my parents lately. I have a different problem for each of them. I guess this is a two-part question.
In order to fully understand my situation, I think a little background information is required . . .

My parents met one another while they were in highschool. They started dating soon after and eventually my mother ended up pregnant with me at the age of seventeen. It was completely unexpected and unplanned - I was a ‘surprise’, if you will. At the time, my grandmother was a very traditional woman. The idea of premarital children just didn’t sit well with her. She managed to convince my parents that marriage was their only option. They married three months after I was born.
Because my father came from a wealthier family, he graduated from highschool and was able to attend university. My mother, on the other hand, dropped out of highschool four months before her graduation so she could get a full-time job in order to support me and father while he was in school.
It’s not really a surprise that my parents are divorced now, they have been since I was five. But that’s not the issue. I live with my mother and stepfather now and she often talks about how she wishes she hadn’t been so careless when she was younger. She’s always warning me not to ‘throw away’ my youth like she did.
I know she doesn’t mean it, but sometimes I feel as though she resents me. I can’t help but think about how much better her life could have been had she not had me at such a young age. I know this is all in the past, and what’s happened cannot be changed but I would just like to know how I can get past this feeling of “I ruined my mother’s life”. I'd like to be able to stop feeling like a mistake.
Any and all advice is welcome =]

And that’s just my mother. . .
Now for part two - my father.

Like I mentioned before, my parents got married and then divorced at a fairly young age. I live with my mother so I only see my father once a month, if that. I wouldn’t exactly say we’re close . . .
Anyways, a few days ago, my mother told me a story about my father that really disturbed me. She told me that three days before their wedding, at his bachelor party, my dad had cheated on her. And even though she knew about it, she still married him. I was completely shocked when I heard this. I can’t help but be angry at my father. He doesn’t know that I know about this yet, but I would really like to confront him about it. I’ve talked to my mom about it and she doesn’t want me to say anything to him. She suggested that I just let it go. However I know that I won’t be able to do that. To me, this isn’t something I can just forget about. I would like some sort explanation from my father, even though I know he wont have one for me.
I’m supposed to have dinner at his house Monday night and I plan on confronting him then. My only problem is that I don’t know how I should go about this.

Any suggestions or any advice whatsoever would be greatly appreciated =]

Sorry this is so long =/

I know exactly what you meant by feeling resented; I was an 'accident' in my parents' second year of university. I've always felt like I was a mistake, and like I ruined their lives, so I can sympathize!

YOU did not ruin your mother's life. Sex is a big responsibility, and it your mother is the one who is responsible for "throwing away her youth".

Try talking to your mother about your birth and infancy; I know I was surprised to find out that my parents were ecstatic to be having a child, even though I was unplanned and decidedly inconvenient. That really helped me put to rest any feelings of guilt.

About your father; I can understand how you would be upset by this. It's never an appropriate thing to cheat on your fiancee. Before you get too upset, however, think of it from his perspective. He was 17 or 18 years old, forced into marriage and family. I know a lot of guys who at 20 or 21 are still not able to make that sort of commitment. He likely felt a need to "sow his wild oats", as so many young men do, and only had a very small window of opportunity. I'm not saying that it's right, but you should try not to be too angry with him, as he was going through a very rough patch at the time.

Hope I helped a little...

Q: This is for people in high school. Sorry if it's long but I'll rate all 5s && give feedback! When you go into high school from middle school, does everything change alot? && Also, do you loose a lot of friends/do a lot of people change/is there a lot more work?? I'm just really nervous for high school && that everythign's gonna change I know high schools "the best years of our lives" but Im scared so if you guys could tell me your expierences with it && if you loose your old friends/best friends && everything changes && how it changes. Thanks. I will rate you all fives promise! &♥; dayna.

Congratulations! I'm not in high school anymore, but it's only been a year since I was.

I loved going to high school! I had a great time, made lots of new friends but I lost contact with a few old friends. I found it was so much easier to meet people similar to me, and I loved that part of it. Also, there are lots of ways to get involved.

There's more work, but it doesn't get really heavy until grade 11 or 12.

I wouldn't, however, call it the best years of my life... It was a long hard road! You do a lot of self-discovery, and you're having to plan your future, so it can be a little bit scary. I PERSONALLY would say that university is shaping up to be my best years, but I guess it all depends.

Have a ton of fun at your new school, and don't be too nervous! Remember to be yourself, and be friendly!

Q: i am a sophmore in highschool and im starting to get really nervous about my grades and my future. i havent been doing so good this year but ive been passing. i heard the junior year counts the most? well im not in the smart math class but im in academic, well the second academic class so its not a "dumb class" or a "smart class" im passing so would i be able to get in college with that class? i failed my math class last year and never made it over and i was never asked to, if i dont make it up i wont get credits to college, correct? i have no idea what to do im really nervous! im starting to just do really well and starting to do good this term and i want to follow through for next year too.. help please

Contrary to what you may have heard, your LAST year of high school is the one that counts the most, so any good work habits that you have built up will not go to waste!

Keep up the good work :)

As for not being able to get into college because of the math course, it all depends on what the prerequisites for your program and for your high school are.

Q: i dont look fat, but im overwieght. im 13 and im 5'6 and about 150 lbs. im on a swim team, lacrosse team, soccer team, im not a couch potatoe. my parents think i am. my dad bought a box of cookies, and i had 2. they were gone by the end of the night and my mom told my dadthat i probably had 4 or 5. i didnt and i told them and my mom was like whatever and my sister said she had 4. i have a check up tomorrow at the doctors, and my parents are gonna be reminded how fat i am. it hurts me cause i know im freaking fat and i would do anything to change it but they dont need to talk about me even though im just upstairs. i never cry yet i am right now. just tell me im not over reacting.

You're not fat! If you're doing swim, lacrosse and soccer, the weight is all likely muscle. I'm 5'7" and I weigh 185 lbs, but I'm very active and do strength training on a regular basis.

I know it hurts, my parents used to do the same thing to me... unfortunately, there's nothing you can really do about that, just tough it out.

Q: 14.f okay this is gonna be kinda long but help would be greatly appreciated

my mom works at a farm, like she plants flowers and such and this summer she wants me to go plant flowers with her so i can earn money. the thing is im lazy and i dont want to go. basically i would have no life over the summer, i mean summer is suppose to be a time to have fun hang out with friends and just have a good time but shes ruining my summer cause i have to effing go to work with her. i cant stand it at all, shes always saying that oh even michelle thats 10 years old goes and helps her mom to plant. ugh i always tell her that i dont care i dont want money then and i try to be nice about it but then she wont accept what i tell her! its gonna be so hot and ill be standing in the sun! and i would have to work from like 12-8pm. i really dont want to go and she gets me so mad for this ..what can i tell her so she understands that i dont want to go? i tel her that im only 14 but she would always bring up michelle being only 10

and please help.. i no this is kinda bad but i really dont want to work.. id rather work in a grocery store but i cant cause im too young

It would be a nice gesture to help out your mother. Things are different for you now, you're 14, and if you want to be treated like an adult (as I'm sure you do) then you should be acting like one! At 13, yes, summer was a time to hang out with friends and have fun... but you're older now, and you should be learning work ethic.

Laziness is not an excuse for ANYTHING. If you want to go anywhere in life, you have to develop good work ethic, so your mother is only trying to help. It's really not that bad, you'll be earning lots of money to put towards your future, and you'll be able to do more fun things with your friends in your free time because you'll have the money.

You should give working a shot, you really should. Having experience will give you an edge when it comes to trying to find a job in the future.

Q: I have no idea how to apply makeup, like foundation and powder or whatever...I'm 16 and I feel like its time to learn. I can do my eyes, but my face there just seems like so many steps and it confuses me! Can anyone explain for me how you do it and what you need and such on so forth?

The less makeup you wear, the better! It's not good for your skin to wear a ton of makeup, so if you can get away without putting on foundation, it's much better for you.

As long as you know how to do your eyes, you should be fine!

Q: Hey guys does anyone no where i can get a job? I'm tired of using my parents money.(well not really lol) but i tired of them say well i buy you everything as an excuse for things Anyone no a good place that will get me cash ? And that isnt too much work.....i'm kinda spoiled not used to working............thx

I hate to break it to you, but if you want to work, you have to WORK. Laziness is a primary reason why people get fired, especially from minimum wage jobs!

If you're just starting out, try getting a temporary job at a fast food place; it'll teach you how to work under pressure, how to work hard, and give you good experience. If you do really well there and impress your manager, then that builds you up for getting your next job.

After 6 months or so of that (the longer you stay with a place, the better you look!) try applying to retail jobs. Volunteer work also really helps you get an edge when applying.

Remember when you're handing out resumes to be friendly and outgoing, but professional, because often the person accepting your resume will pre-evaluate you based on first impressions :)

Good luck!

Q: i'm pregnate and thats because i got raped and i was wondering in the futer will it make my chances of getting pregnate harder and do you think people will judge cause my kid will be 12 when i am 25 and will it ruin my chances of getting a boyfriend

It won't make your chances of getting pregnant any smaller in the future. As long as the pregnancy carries out allright, you will still function normally.

As for judging you, people likely would. Much as it may hurt, I would suggest that, if your parents are supporting you through this and you don't want to give up the child for adoption, you should let them raise the child as your sibling. It would be better for the child, as no 13-year old, no matter how mature, has the capabilities and time to raise and support a child while getting an education and continuing with a semi-normal life.

If you do keep the child as yours, it will likely scare away men until you are considerably older, since no teenage boy wants to get involved in a relationship where he has to be a father figure; they're just not ready for the job.

I know the truth is harsh, but I'm trying to answer as honestly as I can so that you and your child have the best lives possible.

Q: Okay well I'm 13 and I'm in the 7th grade and I'm worried about my friend. Okay shes pretty much drop-dead gorgeous and could get any guy she wants. Well I mean she's not like a slut or anything (Okay she kissed her ex boyfriend(corey) 4 times he was her first kiss ... and then shes made out with her current boyfriend once. ).

Anyways she has had family problems. She has two little sisters and they get favored and her mom pretty much yells at her 24/7 and ignores her all the time.

Then recently, about 2 weeks ago, she went to her neighbors house(AJ) and Corey was there. Well Corey grabbed her and she was sitting on him ..., hes like really muscular so she couldn't get away, anyways Corey started rubbing her body and then AJ's like on top of her and hes unhooking her bra. She finally got away and ran into the bathroom and Corey comes in and he was all like awwl hilary i'm sorry for being a jerk i'll help you. So Hilary believed him and he ended up unhooking it again. This kept on happening she was there for about 2 hours.

So shes pretty tramatized from that and her mom. Well to make things worse her mom was yelling at her Tuesday night and she wasn't really paying attention because she hates being yelled at. Her dad then asked her if she was paying attention and she was like it's kinda hard not to dad when shes screaming at me. Then her dad comes over and punches her jaw(and her neck cracked).

Now Hilary is one of my bffae and I don't know what to say to her to help her or anything. Please help me on what I can do for this situation to help her out.

Ohh and we were going to call child abuse people if her dad hit her again.

Okay; as for the first problem, with the boyfriend, make sure that your friend breaks up with this boy. I know it sounds obvious enough, but you wouldn't believe what some girls put up with.

As for the thing with her father; it's not as easy as everyone makes it seem! It's not as simple as calling the police. Does she want him put in jail? Does she feel that he'll try to hurt her again? Does she want to split up her family? I had to make all of these choices against my will when my friend called the police after my dad hit me. It was the hardest day of my life, and all that ended up happening was that my family didn't get along for months; they all blamed me. Please don't call the police without the consent of your friend, because it really is a lot harder to deal with than you may think.

Try to get her in to see a guidance counsellor at school, though, and they can help her deal with any trauma.

Q: So I was readin this site and I was relly worried when I read that how if you work out too often you can have amenorrhea...it's this thing wen ur period stops. I know what it is and stuff but I just wanted to know if anyone on this site ever had it and how much exercise they did? And if possible..does the period come back at all?

It stops when your body fat percentage gets below a certain point, so you shouldn't have to worry unless you're a bodybuilder :) It does come back, once you return to a more regular body fat percent.

Q: 14 5'4 110 pounds

I want to lose about 10 pounds without becoming anorexic or bullemic... any suggestions for healthy ways to lose the 10 pounds?

*what to eat
*excercises
*anything else

I would focus less on losing weight, if I were you, because weight is all subjective, and maybe instead try to build up some muscle and tone; a stick-thin girl isn't even close to as pretty as a girl with good definition.

Try joining a sport you enjoy; soccer, basketball, volleyball, dance, karate (my personal choice). It's a lot more fun to exercise when you're doing something you enjoy.

Don't, as a person below suggested, look at "pretty, skinny chicks on tv", because they're usually unrealistic and digitally edited. Just aim to be healthy and happy with your self-image!

Q: i've been doing curl ups everyday for a year and (i do the side ones, the ones that work out your upper and lower abs) and like im seeing NO improvement...is there a harder curl up to do? becuase im going all the way up slowly and all the way down slowly and i cant see anything!! im doing 200 on the left and 200 on the right...help!!

Well, if you have a layer of fat over top, you're not going to see the results as clearly, even if you have killer abs! So what you want to make sure you're doing is mix in some cardio.

Q: okay well i get really sad when i relize my weight, and i know everybody sais im "tiny" but thats just not good enough for me, and i really need help. I was wondering if i mixed juice (10 cals) with water and fasted on that for a day or two would help me loose weight fast, if not can somebody help me with better ideas fast, I know i have to exercise and I do so please just dont tell me to exercise and eat right. If you help, I'll rate 5's

You shouldn't be trying to lose weight quickly, as it is unhealthy. What will happen if you fast is the following:
-you will likely binge eat after that, since you will be very hungry
-your body will adjust to starvation, and will thus actually start creating fat reserves from all of the calories that you consume, so you will likely gain weight after

There is no quick fix that is permanent! I know you don't want to hear that you should eat right and exercise, but that's all that you can do in order to lose weight and keep it off.

Q: I would really like a boyfriend,
just to love and be loved in return.
I'm just lonely, and everyone says,
you'll fall in love eventually.

Eventually .. huh? aghh, I'm just sick of being alone.

I mean does anyone actually get my point.. of how i wanta boyfriend, i want to be in love?
ahghh what can i do? is patience the best answer?

dont give me some mean/smartass answer please.

thanks.

I know what it's like to feel lonely, and to want to be loved.

What you should try to do is realize that there are a lot of people there for you, who do love you! I wanted a boyfriend for the longest time (I have one now) and it took me forever to realize that all I really need is my friends, who are there for me through everything, the good and the bad.

I understand that you'll still want a boyfriend, but let that thought tide you over until you meet the right man :)

Q: im 13/f and i am confused. every guy likes me n i like them... * i mean the ones below not every one*

*not rl names*

colten- nice skater a couple inches shorter then me kinda bossy gets into fighs easily goes to a school nearby cute
ashton- lives states away from me, best friend nice sweet romaantic cute kind of into himself prep & model
connor- best friends with colten, a foot taller then me skater goes to nearby school.. not cute in looks but in personality
rylan- has a gf for the past 1 1/2 yrs nice cute my height & school preppy
kevin- my grade my school nice athletic preppy sometimes weird

i just dont know which one to focus on... i know.. wow a lot of guys.. but they all mean a lot to me in different ways.. no i m not a whore.. i promise.. .well i know you girls can all relate to me sometimes..

thanks in advance

Go for the nicest one out of the bunch. Looks aren't that important! I look at your descriptions of these guys, and you describe what clothes they wear, their height, and their appearances, but you make very little mention of what they're like as people.

Trust me, if the guy's a jerk, you don't want to be dating him, so I think that discounts Ashton ('into himself' counteracts 'sweet') and Colten (guys who get into fights = BAD). Other than that, pick the one you'll have fun with, and whose personality you like the most. I'd probably steer clear of Rylan, since a guy with a girlfriend is OFF LIMITS.

:)

Q: Hey everyone!
For some reason I feel like reading I would really apreciate if you people would recommend some of your favorite books and a little bit on what it is about =)
Thanks,

Sci Fi--
Nightfall by Isaac Asimov : It's about a world that lives in perpetual light, and what happens when the inhabitants experience darkness for the first time.
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card : About a boy who is sent to a battle academy in space, has an AMAZING ending.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy : Absolutely hilarious, a hundred times better than the movie.
Other--
A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry : A great book about the caste system in India... very long, but absolutely amazing
White Oleander : About a girl who goes through the foster system after her mother is imprisoned.
Watership Down : A really good book about a rabbit warren, it relates really well to human society.

These are some of my favourites, a lot of really good books in here.

Q: i am deciding to do diploma in compuer engineering as i have finished my 10th exam. i wish to pursue a career in game designing & development. after diploma i'll do graduate course . what should i do to pursue a career in game designing & development. please help me.

If you want to do game designing and development, you should DEFINITELY get into software engineering, not computer engineering. They are totally different things.

I take it you're coming right out of high school? Just a warning, engineering is NOT a college course, it's a university course, so you'd be getting a degree, not a diploma.

Pretty much, there isn't much you can do at this point regarding pursuing a career, since you're not close to done your schooling. Just try to get summer jobs while you're in school that are in the field of software design.

Good luck!

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.