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Why do people do PDA?
It's gross, especially when it's overt and/or persistant. I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people? Why do some couples try to get other people's attention? I noticed yesterday at the mall. There was this interracial couple all over each other, as we stood in line at this food place, and i'd focus on other things but they'd sometimes look back with this look on their face line they want their relationship to interest people, incite anger or jealousy, etc. it was awkward for me, directly behind them, and others in line. I have no problem with any couple, interracial, gay, lesbian, transgender, one young and one old, etc. I'm happy others can find love and be in relationships. I'm not jealous either, it's just uncomfortable to essentially be viewing foreplay without consent. There were children in line, too. Some people seem to get a sexual thrill out of people seeing their pda and that just seems sick and self centered. It makes me understand why there are countries that ban it.
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Interesting question. I think the people who do pda are comfortable with it. Maybe it's the environment they are brought up in which encourages them. People also gets influenced watching TV.
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Some people want to brag about how they have a relationship to others knowing that 35% of the people in the mall are single and they wanna rub it in their faces. Another reason which is less likely to be true is they might be trying to show how good it is to be in a relationship to make you want to be in one. I understand if your in a relationship or want to be in one don't brag like they do.
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I think some couples just love the thrill - some form of exhibitionism. Yes, many people would rather not see such things so it makes sense that some countries disallow it or look down on such behaviour.
Just to address why some couples do that (other than the thrill): they may be insecure in their relationship. Just like how (as many videos tend to show) people on Facebook have such great and successful lives but in reality they're pretty bored and unhappy. Similarly, some couples may feel like they need validation from other people or people's reactions, and need to 'show off' their relationship in order for it to feel 'real' or like they're really going well.
This is not fact, it's just a theory I have. I think there is some substantial research that would support the idea of showing off (in whatever sense) in order to compensate for insecurities.
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Most likely they were not doing it for yours or anyone else's attention. When two people are in love they want to show affection to each other. Its reall a matter of if you dont like it dont look. Kissing, hand holding, cuddling ect. is not a form of "foreplay". That is a couples way of saying they love each other. Its not really a cry for attention or them saying "hey look at us"
No matter where you go you are going to find people who chose to show off their love in puplic. Someday when you are in a relationship you will show affection for your signifigant other as well and you will undestand. Good luck and best wishes to the future.
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Hey there!
I am extremely uncomfortable showing any signs of affection towards a human being in public other than hugging. I don't know why people do it, but the world is full of interesting, and also downright weird people. Some people like to show off their affection for their partner to the world; a quick peck on the lips is one thing. That could be sweet.
Having a whole butt grabbing, smushed faces, and tongue situation going on, is something else entirely. That's rude. If I saw someone doing something like that in front of children, I would tell them it's rude and inappropriate. I guess it's just the type of person I am. Most of us have felt the awkwardness when couples go crazy with the PDA. I still remember watching a couple making out when I was little when I went on a trip to Niagara Falls, and feeling grossed out.
I don't think any country has the right to ban all PDA. If it gets super inappropriate I WILL speak up, but I really don't think countries have the right to ban it.
Most of us have been in the shoes of you and all the people in that line. I find it repulsive. I'm not going to attempt to fully understand why there are people that act like that. A big reason I can think of, is maybe they don't realize they are making everyone uncomfortable.
If they do know they make others uncomfortable, and they're just trying to get other people's attention, it might be because they feel insecure with their relationship, and feel they need to prove their love. I have seen that sometimes; but that's not why people show PDA in general. I dont think they realize how awkward it is for the rest of us. They might be a new couple, and can't get enough of their partner. Is it fair? No. Get a room!
What a loving world we live in!
(Sometimes I use sarcasm for awkward situations.)
Unfortunately, this loving world is not a very private one.
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
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Hi there!! This is a very good question!!
Well,let's start with,America is very very free,and the respect here isnt as high as it is in some other countries.
Why do people PDA?
Many reasons,most likely,its to show off and get attention.Its a very odd way of doing so,but people will do things to get attention,because they know people will stop,and look.
Yes,it is very rude and disrespectful! Not to mention very very wrong,and it shows lack of respect by those who do it
However,they are not breaking any guidlines,or any laws.
Yes,I would agree,its very selfish and those couples should really it outside and be mindful of others,no matter the age,thats it wrong
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Hi. Sorry my reply is a little late. Been away. I think many people are uncomfortable with excessive PDA. Mostly people don't do it I find, at least not in very public places and spaces during the daytime. Like public displays of anger and aggression, most people realise it's not what one might call 'good form', not really what other people 'want to see' and behave accordingly. We might expect somewhat more unbridled displays of emotion (angry and affectionate) in a nightclub for instance. But there is clubbing behaviour, just like there is clubbing dress, and neither arequite 'the thing' in a queue at the supermarket! Sounds a lot like YOU couple were making some kind of statement by the behaviour. Enjoying the attention, reactions, maybe issuing a silent 'challenge' for someone to make a point? It's not exactly illegal, as they'd most certainly make an issue of pointing out if someone took the bait? It may possibly be that it was a challenge re. interracial relationships? Possibly they felt they had some point to make and were looking for a chance to make it? I reckon the best way to handle it is like this. Don't dignify provocative gestures/acts with any response at all. Deny the protagonist the attention they might be looking for, if such is the case. It's up to folks what they do (within reason) but how we react to it is our choice. Always has been, always will be. They cannot control/manipulate that. I agree with you that it is 'bad form' and not a case of envy, shock, anger etc. I would not engage in similar myself, however fond I was of my partner. It sounds like you wouldn't either? I guess it may excite some observers too. Once more, that is their personal reaction. Banning it would perhaps end up lending it more dignity than it deserves? And could certainly be seen as an opressive, heavy handed piece of legislation? It's maybe fair to say it becomes rarer in increasingly 'polite comapny' as we might call it. Where manners/protocol/good form etc still have a great value. I agree with all your sentiments in essence. But in general I wouldn't like to live in a society where a legal and judicial system could make it an actual offence. That strikes me a bit too much state power mate!
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I understand what you mean! Me going to a high school everyday definitely exposes me to excessive PDA. However, a quick kiss or hug in public is harmless! But when people start major lip locking or... worse things, it can be rude and awkward towards other people. I can't really speak for everyone but I'm sure some people do it for attention and others do it because they lack self control. I hope that you don't have to experience excessive PDA much more! Hoped that I could help! Thanks
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I can't say for sure whether or not they were just trying to get people's attention or just making sure no one was staring as they were making out. Some people just aren't afraid to be open with their relationships and want it to be public. Or some just don't care about the people around and isn't shy to show their love no matter who is there. It's possible they kept looking back because they didn't want people staring and we're keeping check on their surroundings. I can understand how it can be awkward simce this kind of thing can happen a lot in America. It can be rude, but when your in love you don't think about whether or not it's rude or even care what other people think about the situation. It's possible they could be those couples that basically place "he's mine!" Or "she's mine!" And wants to make it clear that person is taken. They could be one of those jealous couples, but they may also be those people who don't care what other people think of their relationship. It all depends on the people who is doing it.
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if there were children in line they should not makeout in line , wait till they are home noone wants to see them on all each other. so yea it is gross, and uncomfortable , dont pay attention to it . just walk away so it dont bother you too much . if it bothers you and they notice they probably will stop what they are doing and its inappropiate to do that in public.
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One important thing to consider when you see PDA is age. I think you'll notice that it's usually young people. People in their teens and early twenties. People that are experiencing relationships and sexual relationships for the first time. Older couples (with exception of some drunks at a the night club), generally wont have this problem. They've become more accustomed to social rules and have realized that sort of thing is not kosher! They also don't have raging hormones that make them think being all over each other in public is a great idea!... later they'll look back on their behavior and be embarrassed trust me.
If you want to comment that the couple is making you uncomfortable but you don't want them to think you're commenting on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ect. There are some fun friendly ways to do it. You could say, with a smile and a wink, "wao, get a room you two." Then the couple know you support their relationship but it's getting a bit graphic for public. Many of the time a couple just wants their relationship recognized (especially if it's controversial in terms of race, orientation, ect.) Dropping a friendly line like, "It looks like you two love birds could could get a room," acknowledges their relationship and also lets them know it's getting a bit graphic.
Once when I was young and making out (ashamed to say much too graphically) with my boyfriend at his sisters large wedding reception, his uncle said something that really changed my mind about PDA. He was a large overweight man in his 40's, bald, very unattractive. He said "Aaaahh, young love, you two should save that for the bedroom, you're getting me way to excited!" The thought of him thinking about us GROSSED ME OUT! I was 17 years old and realized I didn't want strangers thinking about my sex life, especially my bf's gross uncle!! So think of it like this, all those PDA couples are poor unfortunate souls that just haven't encountered their gross uncle yet!
I hope you can see it more as a type of social immaturity then a type of nonconsensual objectification. By all means please say something to the couple if you they're making you uncomfortable and obviously being inappropriate. People will always hold hands and perhaps do a smooch on the cheek or a peck on the lips. But if they're really going at it, and it seems like they want attention for it.... they just haven't realized they're getting attention they don't want. They just have't found their gross uncle yet!
Try to laugh at it, and not be bothered too much.
Good Luck Honey!
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Well their point was obviously to try to gain attention here. I personally would have "noticed" that they had slobber all over one of them, just to see what would happen if they stopped or made THEM uncomfortable back. lol.
Theres nothing really you can do with people like this except maybe make loud jokes to embarass them and get the others around you in on it so that they laugh too and the couple will hopefully pick up on this and stop.
public humiliation can really work WELL. ; )
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There will always be people out there like that, youll have to learn to ignore it, no one knows why people do it, i dont even know why i do it but usually people who do are in their own little world not thinking about anyone around them, put yourself in that place, i mean your being a bit extreme some people dont give a fuck and will do anything, most of the time not to show off but to prove to their partner that you dont care what other people think, im not so sure about countries banning PDA thats like banning kissing anywhere but your house..
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You're correct - PDA can often be uncomfortable to see out in public, especially when its more than just holding hands or a peck on the lips.
If you feel like this was too much for children to see I think you can go about it two ways: you can kindly tell them yourself by explaining the situation and you don't want to be rude or disrespectful but there are children around and if they can be a little more considerate of those around them that would be better. Or you can notify mall security (or whoever is in charge in the future of wherever you'e at in public) which might be more inconvenient but might be the better route. That way you're not risking making a scene or causing embarrassment.
Good luck!
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Haha. I had to lol on this one at first because I've had that experience as a black woman where a couple with a black man and a white woman seem to think I'm going to get upset they're together.
I'm the type of person that has dated other races before and I date who I love, so I really don't care, but I always find it hilarious because they really just don't know me and it happens so often. Anyway, that's not really part of the advice part, I just had to share it because your question instantly made me laugh and think of that; and it's totally awkward sometimes when they do it.
However, in answer to your question, first, I think sometimes people do feel overcome with love or lust and do it sometimes. However, when people do it all the time, I do think that some people get a sexual thrill out of it. I also think most of the time these couples are miserable and don't really realize it. They're not self aware enough, so they have to, "bring other people into their relationship," in a way by getting their attention.
Like if they're home alone together, (if they admit it to themselves), they're usually unhappy; or something deep down is making them unhappy about the relationship, like some sort of suspicion of infidelity, money issue, lack of physical attraction or unfulfilled expectations etc -- something they're masking. It's like bringing excessive partying or other things into a relationship and being unable to be happy together without it. It's like beer goggles that come off the morning after. They just never take them off.
They don't realize it, but they don't love each other without someone else there making them feel naughty or, (most often), superior, whatever it is. It's a rush that some people get.
It's the same principle behind why some people are addicted to the rougher reality and talk shows like Maury and Jerry Springer. Yes, they're funny sometimes, if you're flipping channels or watch it with friends every once in a while. However, if someone's so into it all the time because they think the guest's misery is funny, then the guest's misery is somehow making that person feel better about their life, which -- if they need that -- means they're miserable in a way, they might not even realize.
Like I said, we've all been so enamored with someone before we've felt like we couldn't keep our hands off them from time to time, but no one feels like that all the time in every situation. Especially, not in family friendly stores and restaurants etc. So it's not that.
It's also the same principle behind a person that thrives on gossiping about others or a woman that only dates attached men and often refuses to date single men.
Their relationships are actually thriving on the other person not the person they're in a relationship with. Their relationship is actually thriving on superiority, judgment, theft, victimization, and on being able to be above the other person or taking from that person. So in that way, you're right. It feels like a violation because it is.
They get off on violating others. If they didn't, they'd keep it in their bedroom if they wanted to do it on a regular basis like hourly, if it was just something that made them privately happy.
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Maybe you should speak up in protest next time, maybe even go as far as to wear blinders of some sort so you aren't offended or disturbed. Maybe you should carry blind folds and ear plugs everywhere you venture and pass them out to people the way people passed out fancy cigars in old time parties, or how some people passout religious pamphlets?
Haha, no I'm not being serious. Doesn't that sound a little ridiculous? Of course it does!
But in all honesty I can understand that it can be awkward, but if you are really bothered by something you have two choices, stay quiet and idle stand by or speak up.
We can't control anyone except ourselves, and even then humans lack power over self control in times of distress. So maybe you should see what exactly makes you uncomfortable and what you can do for yourself when a time such as that presents itself.
As for worrying about "the children." With today's media, the internet and gossip at school; I think two people sucking face in public is the most tame sexual exposure they'll have honestly.
You can worry about other children such as many people do, you can most certainly worry about your own, but even then you can't 100% control their development and or their surroundings.
So That's all I can really say, I hope I haven't upset you or offended you in anyway; not my intentions, but no use getting upset about the weather when we can't control it right?
Be well.
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First of all, it would not be PUBLIC display of affection if it weren't public. Second, if they are only kissing or hugging then it is an appropriate behavior. If they were groping or trying to have sex that would be different. Are they going up to you and asking you to watch them? If not then you have a choice to look away. What others do with their loved ones is their business. How would you like it if you kissed your man at the mall and someone told you to stop because they don't want to see it?
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Hm.. I can see why you feel that way. When people get like WAY into each other like making out in public, that's kinda gross. I think people should be allowed to give affection to their significant other in public, like holding hands, kisses, hugging, etc. but not like that. That's especially lame if they are doing it JUST to annoy people, or for them to watch or something like that. I mean, that is just stupid. So I definitely see what you're saying.
Hope this helps in some way~
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I think people do it to show that they are both taken and they are madly in love. some people chose only to make some people jealous, either to get someone else they are eying (cheating), or to prove to others that what other people say or do to split them up aren't working and that they are still together going strong. I think if it makes you uncomfortable than I think you should tell them that it does. Also they shouldn't be going that kind of stuff while children are around, because they don't need to be exposed to that kind of stuff while they are young like that. Another idea is to go to the manager of the food place and mention it to them and they will probably talk to the couple, most likely saying something along the lines of "You guys can't be doing that kind of stuff in this place. It make other costumers uncomfortable and I don't want to lose business because you two don't want to keep it PG, especially in front of the young children." I remember when I was little my mom almost sued the place because someone was showing PDA in a kid friendly place. I honestly don't think that food place wants to be sued of something silly. Good Luck! :)
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That question was a little funny to me. I have no idea of why they did it but they seem to be attention freaks. Don't worry about their stupidity.
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If it bothers you that much I would confront them and cordially state that you don't like it, but that they're free to do what they want. Maybe explain to them why it bothers you and the example they're setting for young impressionable children. Direct approach is always the most effective. Good luck.
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Good question.
My guess is that they are insecure or they are just proud of the love they share and just do not have enough class to keep it out of the public eye.
I agree that it is very uncomfortable to have people put it in your face like they were doing at the mall. Most likely a young couple.
What do ya do ? If ya say something then they are most likely to do it more than before.
Just shows that you have class to be annoyed by this behavior.
Get a room people!
P.S if you fee my response is deserving of a rating would you please give me one?
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As long as nothing of an illegal sexual nature is taking place then they are with their rights to show affection for each other in public. Everyone has their own ideas about what is "too far" so that is why we have laws to dictate the limits. If a couple showing PDA surpasses your comfort level then the best advice I can give is turn to the side and look in another direction. If indeed the couple is trying to incite anger(which I seriously doubt)losing their audience is the best way to encourage them to stop. I am a firm believer in not trying to shield children from the ways of the world they are going to have to live in, so if I were in that position, once again as long as they do not surpass legal boundaries, I would allow my children to watch and answer any questions they might have. I do have to question your statement that you have no problem with the age, race or gender make up of the couple, otherwise you would just addressed your discomfort with couples showing PDA...period.
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Hey there.
I think we've all felt the awkwardness of witnessing a "private" moment of a couple. I think most people have seen couples who are very into PDA, some people are bothered and some aren't. I, personally, grew up with parents who didn't even hold hands. To see people kissing or hugging or anything in public would make me squirm with awkwardness.
I respect that these people have such love for their partners that they wish to express it publicly. What I don't respect is when they take it too far (groping, heavily making out, etc.) when other people are around. It's disrespectful to everyone around.
When this happens, it's just best to ignore it. Honestly, if they don't have enough self-respect to keep their private moments private, you won't be able to phase them.
Best of luck.
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Hey, I'm all for banning excessive PDA. Some people have no shame, especially when little eyes and ears are around. They do get a thrill from trying to gain attention from those that do surround them and why, I don't know. PDA makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that other people are watching. I guess these are just some things about society that we have to accept. If two people ( a couple) choose to see life the same way, there's nothing we can really do to stop them.
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It may be because that they just are in that, (everything's happy) mood. They just want to do it so much that they don't really notice other people's reaction to it. Some people might not care, or just grew up around it, so they think it's ok. Other people just want to make other people jealous, ( yes there are people like that.) They might also be...drunk? Personally I'm ok with that hand hug thing and quick kisses to the cheek, but the people that decide they want to make out in the middle of McDonalds, yeah no thank you! Hope my advice helped. :)
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I think it might have to do with the fact that people want to brag about it. For the most part I agree with you, PDA can be annoying, especially in front of children. The best thing is to ignore it. I wish I could really help you further, but I can't control the actions of others. :) I didn't know that they banned it in some countries though, interesting......
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You actually answered it yourself.
"I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people?"
It is, and apparently, these 2 people only care about the two of them. It might look gross, but if you're in that position, and you're madly in love, you wont think it's weird.
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Its when all people, you and me included only know how to look at any one situation only from one view-point (our own) that things get messed up in this world. We stress over, make laws, try to ban things, give hateful glares or give unwanted opinions over something that we are only going to see one way. And yes we have a right to our own views but never to impose them on others, no matter how RIGHT we feel we are, and no matter if a larger group of people feel the same way.
Hubby had his arm around my shoulders in church and no comment. But shit hit the fan when once, I innocently rested my arm around his shoulder and absent-mindedly my fingers played with the ends of his hair. I hadn't even known i did that, which i feel is nothing overt in PDA, but some people behind us complained and the Pastor talked to us and told us it was inappropriate behavior and never to do that again. I was offended. From my viewpoint, it was nothing sexual embarassing to others in pda but from the church members view, it was to them and their complaint was enough for the Pastor to make a rule on the spot and warn us not to ever do it again.
If we could learn to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person whether the offender or the offendee to you, you just may be able to understand where they are coming coming from.
If I witnessed what you did and found it extreme, In my mind, I'd try to imagine what possible things could have occurred in each their pasts to come to this point of doing such a thing in public. One thing I might come up with, one grew up as a kid in a home where never told I love u, or hugged or kissed, and now they go to the other extreme to make up for lost time, or one may have been married before to a sexually repressed person, and now like a kid in a candy store, wants it all to the extreme, or both may have been raped or sexually abused as children and people from those backgrounds often have an earlier sex drive and a more pronounced one than others, mixed with immaturity or plain old not caring what others think or they're into thrill seeking so they use this as a way to get their thrills instead of bungee jumping or sky diving.
It helps me understand where they may be coming from and although it doesn't solve the issue, it helps me to not react offended or take things personally when it comes to what others do.
This is an important life lesson for each of us to learn and since you can't change them, only change your self for the better, this is one little thing you can do that helps you deal with the majority of people in life who just don't have a clue.
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Because they like it.
You are certainly right that some people do it show off, or to get a response, but that doesn't matter. When you are free to do something, then people are free to do that thing for stupid reasons, or to be rude.
You are being very judgemental. You'd probably be less offended, and generally have a more peaceful life, if you took a deep breath and gave people a bit more respect. You don't have to like it, but there really isn't a good reason to go around assuming the worst of others. The best explanation, isn't that they are getting off on it like sickos, it's just that they do like it.
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