BIOGRAPHY:
My name is Carrie, and I just recently turned 25. I've been told that I give excellent advice, so I created this column last year with the intention of helping as many people as possible. Although I do believe I succeeded, I ultimately turned my back on this column when I discovered just how cruel and thankless some people can be. Almost one year later a lot has changed. I've gained a whole new perspective on life and the world around me. I'm much more positive, sympathetic, and willing to listen when people truly need help. So now I've decided to come back and focus my attention on the individuals who are truly in need of advice.
ADVICE:
I'm very genuine when it comes to giving advice. I try to be sympathetic to the person asking the question, but I don't ever sugar coat things. I've learned quickly that many people who ask for help don't really want advice - they want someone who will say what they want to hear. Sorry, but you're not going to get that with me. I'm not here to make friends (if a friendship happens though, yay for me!). You'll always get the truth from me whether you like it or not. While the truth may sting just a bit to begin with, it will absolutely set you free in the long run. If you want to be lied to, please seek advice from somebody else.
CONTACT INFO:
If you like my advice and have additional questions for me, click on the link right underneath this profile that says "Ask Me A Question." If you leave your follow-up question for me in my feedback, I have no way of replying to it. Please use the link. Also, I have an e-mail address where people can get in touch with me if they need to. Feel free to use it.
IMPORTANT:
This may be a hobby in some people's eyes, but I don't like it when people waste my time regardless of whatever it is I'm doing, which in this case, is providing a free service out of the kindness of my heart. So please don't ask me stupid questions, and please make an effort to type sensibly so that I can read and understand your question. I know there are a lot of young people on this site, but that's no excuse to type like you're brain dead. Proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation is highly appreciated with me. The more intelligent your question is, the more intelligent of a response you'll get from me.
ABOUT ME:
Here are some facts about me. I like pop music (especially Madonna). I like horror movies (especially Scream). I like to chat (on MSN). I love to write (poetry, screenplays, short stories). I love shopping (Best Buy). I'm a gamer (I'm better than a guy - Xbox 360 all the way). I have a MySpace (Click "Ask Carrie" for the link). I love my doggies (I have 2). I'm not a bitch (...well, sometimes). I love to laugh (and sometimes I pee a little when I do). It happens.
Website: Ask Carrie
E-mail: soundslikepink@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: What's that?
Age: 25
Member Since: June 10, 2007
Answers: 195
Last Update: September 13, 2008
Visitors: 17112
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my best guyf riend two years ago and i stopped being friends like 6 months ago cause we became friends with beenfits and it just stopped working out. we got into way to many fights. now he wants to be my friend again and said we can forget teh past but im scared i dont want to get hurt again i cried over him forever. i decided im going to be his friend but if somehting happens again how can i handel it matturely without making a huge deal about it and dreading not being his friend? (link)
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When it comes to relationships, there are boundaries. Some boundaries are worth crossing, and some boundaries should never be crossed. Once you cross a boundary, more often than not, you can never go back. If you want to handle any future situation maturely, you must first look at the present situation realistically. You said you've decided to be his friend, but how much consideration did you give this decision?
I'm sure you've given it a lot of thought, but did you give your heart and mind equal consideration? Often times we overlook what's smart in favor for what's simple and familiar. Love is what comes naturally to us, especially girls. It's difficult to walk away from, but sometimes walking away is the most mature thing you can do for yourself. Sometimes the greatest and most selfless act of love is letting go.
If you still feel it's wise for you to be his friend, realistically you have to expect unwanted emotions to surface from time to time - jealousy, anger, bitterness, etc. Can you be happy for him if he's happy with another girl? If your answer is no, you might want to rethink what being a friend truly means. If your answer is yes, maybe the two of you can be friends again. Just don't rush into things and don't dwell on your fears.
Just remember, the mature thing to do isn't always handling yourself well in every situation. Sometimes the most mature thing you can do is realize that it's smart to avoid the situation at all costs. The scary thing about trusting someone with your heart is that sometimes they break it. Just make sure he's worth all the time and effort it took to mend the first break, and realize that even as a friend he could easily break it again.
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Basically my friends keep going to movies that I would really like to see, on Saturdays. A day that I can't really hang out on because of my job. All of my friends have completely free Fridays, but we never really do anything on Fridays, we end up sitting around the whole day. But then on Saturday, they go see the new cool movie. I have tried confronting them about it and they say that it's just in my head, even though I've been able to provide specific incidents. I stay calm about it when I talk to them because I'm not mad, but for some reason they think that I am pissed. Then they usually say that I'm mean for even bringing this up. And in the end, I usually end up saying something kind of offensive, but not too bad, like "Fine then, be a jerk about it." And they freak out. I feel stuck. (link)
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This is one of these questions where I have to be blunt, so don't read anymore if you can't handle it:
I'm getting a VERY strong feeling that these people don't like you. Not only do they not like you, but it seems like they're having fun at your expense and are getting a kick out of excluding and hurting you. In fact, it sounds like they're setting you up to confront them so they can spin it around, make you out to be the bad guy, and leave you feeling guilty.
Unless you're overly sensitive and exaggerating, I side with you 100%. I don't see why they can't, at least on occasion, go to the movies with you on your day off. I can understand saving the movie for Saturday, because if you don't work and you have nothing to do, Saturdays can be horrifically boring, but I don't understand why they can't compromise.
One week they could go to the movies without you on a Saturday and one week they could go with you on a Friday. At least then you wouldn't feel as excluded as you do now. It's hard for people, especially teens (I assume you're a teen!), to come together when some work and some don't, but if you're truly friends and you care about each other, you make it work.
It sounds like they're not willing to make it work, which for me, would raise up a red flag and make me question my friendship with these people. I certainly wouldn't want to feel excluded, so I can only imagine how you must feel. Have you tried simply asking them about it instead of confronting them, which might make them a little defensive, naturally?
I would suggest a lighthearted chat with one or two of them and bring it up in a nice, controlled manner. If you attack them, especially as a group, they will attack back and make you feel like it's you vs. them. That's not a good position to be in, but I'm not sure if they're setting it up to be that way or if the way you're handling it is making it seem that way.
If it's you who's causing the problem, which might be the case because maybe you're jealous, feel excluded, and resent that you have to work and they don't (which is all perfectly OK to feel), just explain how you feel to them and don't let it turn into an argument where you're all playing the blame game. They should understand if they're truly your friends.
If they don't understand, I would get suspicious that they're enjoying the fact that you're getting so upset. It sounds to me like they love getting a rise out of you, and you continue to give them what they want every time you get mad. I'd give them one more chance to prove that they're truly your friends before I found another group of people to hang out with.
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ok so my exboyfriend (we're still friends) and my bff wont stop fighting. they just dont like each other. my bff always hits him and makes rude remarks on how dark he is...so of course being a normal guy he has to defend his ego...so he says something rude back...and it never stops ! i've already talked to both of them and my bff wont agree to stop and my ex said that he has to say something back. i cant go anywhere with both of them at the same time. i want to be able to go out somewhere with both of them acting like civilized people. (link)
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Don't take this the wrong way, but your friend sounds like an idiot. Why does she care how dark he is? I'm not sure if she's referring to his skin tone or his personality, but either way, what concern is it of hers? Plus, I hate girls who think it's OK to hit guys whenever they want to. Its bossy girls like her who end up getting hit back and completely deserve it. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I don't even know her and I already don't like her at all.
I feel sorry for you and your situation. Obviously I don't have all the facts or the history of what happened between you and your ex (for example, if he cheated on you, she has every right to dislike him (but NO right to hit him)), but it's your choice to remain friends with him and she either needs to accept your choice or stop being friends with you. The least she could do is spare you the frustration and complain when you and she are one on one.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is any resolving this problem, which sucks for you, I know. I can relate though. I have a lot of guy friends who are all jealous of each other and I can't hang out with them together at all. I have to do everything with them one on one, even birthdays and holidays. You'd think for our sake they'd stop being immature and petty, but it's never going to happen. Sadly, I've been dealing with this my whole life.
The best advice I can give you is to sit them down one on one, starting with your best friend, and ask them why they don't like each other. Do it in a very serious and stern tone and let them know that you feel caught in the middle. Warn both of them that you don't want to have to choose, but if you're forced to you will. Maybe then they'll back off and chill out. If they don't, either pick one or hang out with them separately.
If they complain about not spending enough time with you in the future, remind them that they caused it by not getting along and tell them it's not your problem anymore. But no matter what happens, get your friend to stop hitting your ex. Seriously, that's not cool at all. It's absolutely no different for a girl to hit a boy as it is for a boy to hit a girl. Bickering is one thing, but your friend is provoking a physical fight. Make her stop now.
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if you have nothing to say from the question i sent called Chat room of me and Jane just send me a reply letting me know you got it okay.
thank you for your advice your a great person. ;)
user: lost_3v 3rytim3 (link)
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I got it. And you're a great person too - very kind and passionate and warm. She's lucky to have you as a friend.
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16/f i really hurt my 2 best friends very badly (emotionally). i was just recently diagnosed with schitzonfrenia, anxiety, depression and my 2 friends got involved with it. i never had a good realtionship with my family and the 2 most importnant ppl to me are my friends. they absoutly hate menow and will not speak to me. weve been best friends for like 5 years and we are together every single day all day long. its so hard to exept theyll never be my friends again. i never ment to hurt them, but they dont undertsnad im sick, but im still the same old person i always was (i havent changed, i just hurt them *not gunna say what happened*)it was bad tho. how do i deal with out them when my whole entire life revolved around them =[ please help (link)
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I've dealt with an anxiety disorder my whole life, so I know what it's like to feel out of control to the point of lashing out and hurting others. I would love to help, but unfortunately, you really haven't provided enough information for me to assist you with. I would have to know what you did to advise you on how to remedy the situation. Please feel free to email me or ask me a question personally/privately, and I'll do my best to help. If you need information on how to contact me, just read my bio. :)
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this is from: a lil lost
Well I just want to say that when I told her I was moving away is because I don’t have money to stay where I live and I am going to move away with my parents to live with them, but get my place there when I have the money. And I thought it’ll be good to move away so I don’t have to deal with my feelings. I didn’t tell her that I told her that I want to move away from my past issues and find out who I am. She said “it’s not right to get away from your problems but I can’t stop you.” And she’s right, but I want to find out who I am but I will still call her and write to her too. I don’t mean to let that happen but I just can’t take it no more. I love our friendship and I cherish it too. I don’t now how the future will look like but I hope we will still be friends forever.
Thanx for your advice ;)
(link)
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You're welcome. Feel free to ask for more and please keep me updated. :)
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my friends grandfather died this morning. hes really hurt. but i dont know what to say to him. im scared ill say something wrong. what should i tell him? (link)
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There's two things your friend needs from you right now - someone who'll make him feel better and someone who'll help him forget the pain he's in.
You can achieve the first thing by telling him that you're very sorry for his loss and assuring him that he'll be OK. Tell him that if he needs anything that you'll be there for him and that if he needs anyone to talk to that you'll be there to listen. If he takes you up on that offer, listen only. Don't ask questions and don't tell him stories about how you can relate. Listen and talk only if he asks you questions. That'll be a great help to him.
You can achieve the second thing by treating him as if nothing happened. For example, when my dad died, my brother and sister helped me out tremendously by playing video games with me, watching TV with me, etc. Everyone else was treating me like a fragile piece of glass that was about to break. It became annoying and made the problem worse. Losing myself in normal activities helped me to get over losing my father much more quickly.
So just remember that if he doesn't open up to you to vent, you can still be an outstanding amount of help just by being the friend you always were before.
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My friend's boyfriend is terrible. He smokes, drinks, does drugs. Basically, all the things she'd never do. And now we barely talk anymore and I don't know what to do. They've been together for a while now, but we've been friends 5 times longer. I try talking to her, but she pushes me away. How can I tell her that she can do so much better? What should I say? (link)
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Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about this right now. Your friend has made up her mind and has prioritized the people in her life, and as much as it hurts to know, she's placed her boyfriend ahead of you. I think it's sad when people get boyfriends or girlfriends and completely ignore the other people in their lives. It's a selfish and hurtful thing to do, and I sympathize with you completely.
If you really want to play a more important role in your friend's life, try to support her and keep your opinion of her boyfriend to yourself. If her boyfriend is as bad as you say he is, there's very little doubt in my mind that the relationship won't last. When it does end, she'll remember that you were the one who supported her unconditionally through it all. So just hang in there.
If I were you, I would ask myself this: do I really want to remain friends with someone who pushes me away and chooses a boyfriend with many flaws over me when I've been there for her for so many years? My answer would be no, but your answer might be different from mine. Either way, hopefully you give this question some consideration and give it a lot of thought. You place a lot of value into your friendship, but you deserve to be valued too. Good luck. :)
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well i have this friend katie who i've known all my life. we used to be really good friends, but a couple years ago things changed. she became all obsessed with being popular, and only hung out with me when there was no one "better" available. eventually i gave up on our friendship. well, now things have changed again. we're in cheerleading together, and i guess now i'm cool enough for her. she's always calling me and wanting to hang out. now, i'm not a mean person and i'm really not resentful about how she acted before. i actually wouldn't mind hanging out with her sometimes, just to be nice. but the problem is, she has gotten a really bad reputation. she offers to give guys blow jobs at school, sends half naked pictures of herself to guys, and a lot of people think she's a total skank. so i'm kind of worried about hanging out with her cuz i don't want to get that kind of reputation. i usually just make excuses why i can't do stuff with her. but i'm afraid if i keep doing this, it will seem like i think i'm better than her or something. or that i'm mad about the way she treated me before (which i'm not). it's really important to me to be a nice person and i usually try to hang out with everyone, no matter what "group" they're in or what other people think of them. but i'm just not sure how to handle this one. if i start hanging out with her, will i get a bad reputation? (link)
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I understand that you're in high school, but you don't have to play into the drama that goes along with high school. "Reputations" and "groups" are something you're going to look back on and feel silly about ever participating in or being concerned with. You seem like a mature person to me, and it'd be my advice to stop associating yourself with some of the people and situations that are surrounding you.
The reality of the situation is that you're dealing with someone whose character conflicts with yours. That doesn't mean that it's because she's a bad person or that it's because she's in a more popular circle than you are. All that means is that people change and you're not always going to get along with everyone. That's not exclusive to high school. That's something you're going to deal with for your entire life.
You questioning or disagreeing with her character doesn't make you any less of a nice person. In fact, I'm questioning it too. This girl has turned her back on your friendship, has become driven by superficial things such as popularity, and is disrespecting herself by being sexually promiscuous. Just because you're a cheerleader now doesn't mean you have to be friends with her. I know you say you don't resent her, but you should.
This girl won't offer you the kind of qualities that you deserve in a friend. She's a leech and is only interested in you because you're fresh blood. Your position on the squad has given you the potential to be (more) popular and she wants to use you for that. My advice is to cut her loose. If you still want to hang out with her, there is a chance that people are going to think that you're just like her. There's nothing you can do about that.
You can either play it smart and give up on her or take the risk and put your own reputation on the line for her - someone who turned her back on you for the approval of strangers.
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16/f
Okay, so I have this friend that I work with. I hung out with him once and it was fun and all, but then he started asking me to hang out with him more. Last night, I THINK he implied that he's going to ask me out soon [as long as I understood what he said right] and I really don't want him to.
My dad is super overprotective and I don't want a boyfriend at all until I go to college so I don't have to deal with my dad. I don't want my friend to feel bad if I say no, and I don't want him to ask me out at all. I don't know how to avoid it. Any ideas?
Thanks in advance. (link)
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I don't think you should avoid it. I think he'll understand it better if you explain it to him and tell him the truth. Tell him all about your overprotective father and how strict he is. Tell him that because of how strict he is, you're not interested in going out with anyone romantically until you're away from your father's supervision.
I think he's much likely to understand if you're honest than if you just try to dodge him or make up some excuse. Good luck!
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Ok so there's this kidd in my summer school class and i dont know anyone in that class but he started talking to me and every class he talks to me and one time he sat next to me and said i'm gonna sit next to you cause your my friend he sat next to me when he could have sat anywhere else in the classs near the people he know's but then the teacher made him move to his actual seat and he was like ahhhh man does anyone think he likes me (link)
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You're way too excited. You need to tone down the excitement or you're going to scare him (and me) away.
It's possible that he might like you, but unless you're in elementary school and determine who likes who by where they sit, I wouldn't go buying my wedding dress just yet. Don't make a big deal out of this because he might not like you at all, but if he does like you and you don't make a big deal out of it, he'll be even more intrigued by you.
You'll go from being a girl he's into to being a girl he has to chase. Most boys love the chase. So be elusive and don't get all hyper. Be mature and don't act like this is the first boy who's ever sat by you. If you react by saying "OMG!!! this is lyke totally awesome!!" he's gonna think this is the first time a guy has shown you any attention.
And regardless of if it is the first time or not that a boy has shown you attention, don't act like it is. Just play it cool and he'll be into you even more. If he doesn't continue to show interest, chances are that he wasn't into you in the first place and was just goofing around with a girl who he probably thought could take a joke.
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Hey, I kinda need alot of help here.
My friend Christie has recently been in a car accident.. on Saturday night. She isnt hurt, but her head is pounding and she has bruises where the seatbelt was and where the air bag burnt her.
Her father is in critical condition, He broke both of his legs and his nose and he is very burnt.
While the collision happened, she was going 40 mph and the guy trying to pass a car in front of him was going 65 mph. It was a head on collision while the person trying to pass was over the double yellow line.
Christie's head is pounding, and I don't know what to say when she says "my head hurts.. it's pounding!" And I told her to go back to the hospital [she went saturday night after the accident, and they said it was just a head ach.] I told her to try to ice it, and just not go in heavy activity and she does anyways. Should she go back to the hospital? And after the told them her head hurts, they told her she probaly is in shock and its just a headach.
Thankyou (link)
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Sorry to sound like a broken record since everyone is giving you the same advice, but your best friend needs to go to the hospital as soon as possible. She needs to get her head X-rayed (possibly a cat scan or an MRI) to see if something serious is going on internally.
I would even hesitate to advise her to take any medicine for the pain. Some medicines containing Aspirin can thin your blood, which is not good if you have an internal bleed. Advise her to go get checked out so she can get the appropriate treatment. She'll feel better physically and mentally when she does.
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theres this girl at my youth group in my church. I've talked to her online before, but ever since the first time i talked to her (which was barely a min, and it wasnt a direct conversation) its always been hard for me to talk to her.
So i've been talking to her online for about a week now, and we said we'd see eachother at the all nighter, but I just couldnt talk to her, and i tried a few conversation starters (like talking about soccer, since we were playing soccer), and trying to like talk about something random and nothing worked...
I guess I'm just really shy but I want to talk to her. I don't really have a "crush" on her. She is very attractive however, and I'm constantly intimidated by pretty girls who I don't know.
What should I do? What should I say to her? How should I approach her? (link)
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Aww. Don't be intimidated by her. You seem like a sweet guy, and I'm sure there are lots of girls who are just as intimidated by you as you are of her. Right now you're probably thinking to yourself "yeah right!" but just know that she'd probably think the same thing if she thought someone was intimidated by her. Hopefully, if she's a true Christian, she isn't going to act as if she's better than you are when you approach her. That should ease some of your fears.
The fact that you two share the same religion should also make it easier for you to talk to her since you know you both already have one important thing in common. Use your faith as a conversation starter. Talk to her about what happened in your group. Ask her if she'd like to have a group (or solo) bible study together some time at your place. Ask about some of her views on more controversial Christian topics. Us girls are very opinionated, and we love having a good, friendly analytical discussion about something we're passionate about.
Obviously you don't wanna spend all of your time with her talking about religion (or maybe you do), but eventually as you feel more comfortable talking and listening to her, the other stuff will come out naturally. Just keep the conversation nice and relaxed. Talk about things that interest you and her. If you bring up a subject, you'll be able to see it in her face if it's something she's interested in. The more you do it, the more you'll get comfortable with it. Just put on a brave face and have faith that at the very least you'll make a new friend.
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like i'm totally serious..... not even one!! you see, i go to this school that's all girls, and I guess I've never really gotten along with girls that well. But, someone the other day told me the reason why is because I'm very pretty and they're jealous of me. But, there's other pretty girls at my school, and they all have friends. But, I just feel a little bit lonely at school. Outside of school, I talk to people and stuff, and it's funny because I have a boyfriend but whenever I go online, all these guys IM me, and nobody from school talks to me, but I still feel bad. Why won't anyone hang out with me?? thank you (link)
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I've always had a hard time making friends, especially with girls. I think it's hard nowadays because we've all been brainwashed into believing stereotypes about each other. We all try to fit into these roles we're given, and when we're unable to play the part, we're seen as an outcast.
I don't know you, but I'd be willing to guess that you don't fit into any one group. You're probably a mixture of every group, which is an amazing thing to be and you should be proud of that. Unfortunately, in high school (I assume you're in HS), you get punished for it and it sucks.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but the truth is, it might not get better. People suck and high school is very difficult to get through. If you have any friends at all (even outside of school), you should consider yourself lucky. Try befriending those who truly have none.
The good news is that college is a very different experience. Something odd happens between high school and college. People become much more nicer and a lot more mature. The cliques have all broken up and everyone pretty much does their own thing. In short, you're going to love college.
Everyone is more open minded, and there's a greater feeling of acceptance. There is no "cool" or "popular" anymore. That pretty much stays back in high school where it belongs. Subsequently, the "popular" kids have a more time adjusting to college because there is no more prestige.
So please keep trying to look up and look forward. There's going to be brighter days ahead. It may not be today or tomorrow, but they're coming. And in the meantime, instead of waiting for friends to come to you, try getting out there and being the one who initiates friendships with others.
There's a bunch of people out there who're probably wishing that you would talk to them and be their friend. I hope this helps. Good luck. :)
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13/f
im a pretty friendly person i guess... i like talking to people and i always try to be really nice to everyone. so i talk to a lot of different people on myspace, AIM and texting. but when i start talking to guys and get to know them, sometimes they end up thinking that i like them. and then they start liking me. its not like im being flirty or anything, i just talk about normal stuff. so im not leading them on or anything. but i feel really guilty, cuz i just like them as friends (and btw i do have a bf). sometimes i think, maybe i shouldnt talk to guys at all, cuz it will only make them think i like them. is it possible to talk with guys and just be friends? or do they always end up wanting it to be more? (link)
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It's much easier for girls to have platonic friendships with guys than it is for guys to have platonic friendships with girls. It's a sad reality for us girls, because many of us LOVE having guy friends. Personally, I don't really get along with girls, so all my friends are guys. And I know all too well what it feels like to find out the guy that you like/love as a friend likes/loves you in a completely different way.
There really is no way around this. Girls and guys have different agendas. We think with the head on our shoulders and they think with an entirely different head. Whereas most of us girls are satisfied with the relationships we have with our guy friends, they're usually not satisfied until they've sealed the deal. To put it bluntly, they want to get in our pants. That's why many (most) guys refuse to have girls as friends - most can't fathom the idea of being friends with their prey.
Don't get me wrong, we're not perfect - we have our agendas too. While guys are on the lookout for sex, we're generally on the lookout for love. The difference is, we tend to be collectors - we want it all. If we meet a nice guy, but he isn't a compatible mate for us, we still want to hold onto him and keep him as a friend. When guys meet a girl and realize it's not going to go anywhere sexually, they tend to discard the girl and move on to continue their hunt.
If they don't discard the girl, just know that way back into the creepy dark corners of their minds, it's because they still think there's a possibility for sex. That's why girls and guys make the best friends when there's flirting involved. It keeps both us and them intrigued enough with the possibility that there could be more, while we get our friendship fix. So if you're strictly looking for a platonic friendship, you have to be honest about what it is you're looking for.
It may be a while before you find that great guy friend, but he'll be there. I have a few guy friends that I can't imagine my life without. The friendships we share are fun, flirty, and sincere. I wouldn't trade them for the world. So just keep being honest about what you want and you may be lucky enough to find some guy friends who fit your requirements. Just know that one day when you're sad and low, crying on their shoulders, they're still going to be looking down at your cleavage when they think you aren't looking. :)
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ok i have this friend and she's really fun to hangout with but when theres guys involved she ignores me and she did stuff with this guy she doesnt even like i mean is she desperate or something or what cause i dont like her when she's like that and she's been talking to this guy i like and i dont want her to start likeing him because i know she has a better chance then i do cause he's kinda popular and i'm so not she's really pretty and skinny and i'm fat and ugly and me and this guy have talked at school and now it's summer so i was gonna add him but i'm kinda afraid to becuase his freinds are really rude and i dont like any of his friend except one guy whom i had a crush on (link)
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Your life needs a makeover. There's 3 parts to your problem: your friend, the guy, and you. So I'm gonna break this into 3 parts to make it easier for you.
Your friend:
You need a new friend. Don't keep a friend who you think is a slut. If you really think that, then you're not her friend anyway. Friends respect each other and you don't respect her (she probably doesn't respect you either). You seem to be envious of her and think she's better than you. That's not good. You need a good friend who lifts you up and makes you feel good about life. That's what friends are for.
The guy:
Nice guys don't have rude guys for friends. If his friends are rude, then he's rude and you just don't know about it yet. This guy doesn't seem like the right guy for you either. Maybe he's popular, good looking, cool, etc. but there's more to life than that. Wouldn't you rather have a nice guy who kept good people for friends - people that treat others with respect, regardless of how they look? Don't sell yourself so short. Just because you're in high school doesn't mean you have to act like it.
You:
You need an attitude adjustment. You call yourself ugly and fat, which are horrible names. I'm sure you really think you are those things too (which makes it even sadder), but you need to change the way you view yourself. If you think so little of yourself, how can you expect anyone else to treat you differently? You need to learn to love yourself and develop some healthy self esteem. Start focusing on the positive things and learn to associate yourself with those qualities.
If there are some things you dislike about yourself, work on a constructive plan to change those things. Take action. Don't just sit back and feel sorry for yourself. Life does not guarantee you a group of friends and/or a prince charming, so you have to learn to love yourself enough to not have to depend on others. It's a lot of work, but it's worth it and YOU'RE worth it. If I were you, I'd work on ridding my life of the people who bring me down and replace them with people who lift me up.
The only way you can do that is to know how to lift yourself up first. So stop worrying about your friend and this guy and focus on yourself. It's time you made some changes - make some positive changes.
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OK, so this is gonna be long but i`m so sorry but bare with me PLEASE i need help...
so there is this girl, "g" and we became best friends ever since the begining of the year. we were both new and she was still attatched to her other two BESTBEST friends, "E" and "A", so we hung out allll the time! and we went to the mall, EVERYTHING together. however, toawrds the end of the school year, she began ditching US, me and my other best friend "M" for her OTHER friends. we fought and then made up and THEN, yesterday, there was this banquet thing and she went to her friend "A"'s house and didn`t come to the banquet. But that day, when we were like, so youre ditching us for HER and she was like yeah. and i was like ok then youre saying we shuldn`t be friends AT ALL anymore? and she was like yeah.
and we were all WTF.
but today was the last day of school, and we were ok-ish, not bffs.
in two days, i`m having this little get together and i invited her.
but yeah, i still want to be friends with her but shes not coming back to my school next year and shes going to surf camp with two of her friends this year E & A.
PLEASE HELP;
i still wanna hang with her over summer.
thanks (link)
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If I'm being completely honest, I have to say that I think your friendship with her is over. I could be wrong, but me being wrong is extremely rare. If I am wrong, your friendship is definitely in critical condition. The trouble the two of you are having is your jealousy and insecurity. You need to stop checking up on the status of your friendship. You should be having fun with your friends - NOT discussing who they like better, if your friendship is OK, or why they want to hang out with someone that isn't you.
It's understandable to get jealous when someone you care for is spending more time with someone else, but that's a part of life. You have to get used to it and get over it. Blowing it up out of proportion is the number one way to lose your friend (which you're finding out the hard way). My advice to you is to make some new friends and relax. Keep your friendships (and your life) as drama free as possible - have fun, laugh, be happy. If "G" sees that you've become more carefree, she may want to be your friend again. If not, you gotta move on.
There are people who will love you, who'll prefer hanging out with you over other people. You just gotta find them. Have patience because it isn't easy, but when you do find them the wait will have been worth it. In the meantime, if you want to save your friendship, the only thing you can do is stop letting things between you guys get so heavy. Lighten up! If she comes to your party and sees that you have lightened up, she'll be more inclined to talk to you. If she doesn't come, don't worry about it. Enjoy your party and enjoy the people who ARE there.
Either way, chill out. It's much easier to warm up to someone who isn't so hot-headed all the time.
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i always have these couple of friends that are just basically.. fun suckers. like when i act like myself.. im not a pushover but im nice, and i hate when people try to take advantage of that.. like they'd just act in a way that wouldn't make me feel good. like they'd act like i wasnt worthy or something. like at lunch occasionally i'd ask for fries and like nobody gives me not even one except for one of my friends.. when 2 of the girls at that table always takes my fries at the end of the period without me even letting her do that! the girl who sits next to me she always gives that girl from before and another girl fries.. even when they have their own lunches.. and when i forgot my lunch she didnt give me any. i dont get it.. i mean im thinking that they just arent my friends.. cause the girl who'd give me fries also sometimes wasnt the ideal friend i'd want.. cause she'd just be in these mood swings and stuff sometimes and that really pisses me off because its not as much fun.. when i have problems i dont act all grumpy for a day.. and i hate when people do that! and like those 'friends' i see them alot.. and the year is over next thursday so its not that easy to make new friends. any advice? because then i forgot one of my friend's instrument that she played. i just really thought it was flute and forgot that it was the trumpet. and she was mad at me for like the rest of the day.. except for math when we were all in a group.. and im like "hello? you were just mad at me before and you didnt even apologize or anything" that happens sometimes.. like first we get in a small fight and then later they totally forget about it when i dont. then it starts again.. like that girl cause i've known her for 2 years now like considers me her friend but she doesnt act like it all the time. i hate when friends keep secrets from each other.. its stupid. sometimes i ask what happens if i dont know.. like something happened to this guy and he got suspended at school and she knew what happened but wouldnt tell me.. she told some other girl she said she doesnt like but she hangs around her alot. should i just act like i dont like them when i do like being around them occasionally? or am i just too nice that i wont do that.. also what if they dont want to be my friends back? i mean i have other friends but i dont see them during school often. ive even talked to that girl how i feel that she isnt very supportive at times.. she has alot of bad days.. and shes not the only one with problems but you dont see me all grumpy and stuff on some days.
UGH. and in home ec im only in one group because one of the girls there is my friend, and another is okay, and another girl just acts sooo fake like shes trying to be all preppy and popular when she isnt, and the other is bossy at times and you arent sure if she likes you or not. i hate friends like that but.. are these really my friends? they're just my cooking group.. and i hate being bossed around and stuff but sometimes i dont have comebacks and stuff.. so yeah. i dont hold grudges but i also dont forget things people have done in the past and it just always stays in my mind.
HELP PLEASE for like everything!
are these really my friends & what else can i do to help myself? (link)
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Here's the bad news:
I think you're probably too nice and overly sensitive. If a friend not letting you have french fries is bothering you that much, you need to A) get some friends who better suit your personality (aka ones who aren't so selfish), B) take your own lunch to school, and C) get a life that has bigger problems in it, because this isn't worth being so stressed out about.
Here's the good news:
I bet a nice girl like you can make a ton of nice friends, especially when you get to college, where everyone is a lot more mature. Still, you can make friends in high school without compromising who you are. Just because you like these girls (even if they like you too) doesn't mean you have to be friends with them. Focus on hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself - people who are thoughtful, lift you up, and make you smile.
Lastly, I think somewhere hidden deep within your kitten exterior is a lioness dying to get out. Let her out more often - stand up for yourself. It may not come out perfect, but once you practice being more assertive, you'll catch on quickly. Remember, life doesn't guarantee that anyone else is going to look out after you. You have to be able to look after yourself. So be strong, force yourself to be confident (fake it until you make it), and stick up for yourself. You'll be glad that you did.
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situation:
i was at this party last friday and i ended up making out with this guy who's infamous for hooking up with a lot of girls. my 'friends', L, A, and S, were the ones who made me do it. they said "come on its your first make out and you should do it". without a defense, i did. the next week at school, they told everyone who would hear. they told my prude friends (who i didn't want knowing because they'd be ashamed of me), my best gay guy friends (who i didn't want knowing because they'd make fun of me), and basically everyone else (because they'd judge me).
problem:
what the heck do i do?!?!
do i stick up for myself?
do i make a joke of it?
do i apologize to my friends who are ashamed of me?
i regret it and i'm mad at L, A, and S.
(link)
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The damage is done, but luckily for you there's a lot of positive that will come out of this situation if you look at it the right way and handle it maturely.
First of all, L, A, and S need to get L.O.S.T. These girls are not your friends. They're telling you what to do (kissing the guy), setting you up (telling everyone what you did), and are trying to mess with your life. That's not cool. You're much better off without these girls. That's a MUCH better lesson to learn NOW rather than in 10 years when you've established a life for yourself and they try to mess with that. Be happy that they're gone.
Second of all, if your prude and gay friends are so judgmental that they've stopped being your friend because you kissed some boy, then they're not your friends either AND they're extremely immature and need to grow up. It sounds like you need a whole new batch of friends; however, you need to learn to be your own friend first. Stop letting people tell you what to do (like the girls telling you to kiss the boy). Stop being a doormat (Do NOT apologize to anyone because of this - YOU did nothing wrong)!
Finally, the people in your life are the ones who need to grow up, so instead of feeling bad for yourself, you should feel bad for them because you're probably a lot more mature than they are and they have a lot to learn. So let it go and act like it doesn't phase you. It might for a while, but that will pass. You'll find new friends who won't judge you, won't manipulate you, and won't try to sabotage you. People only judge you when you're the center of attention. Enjoy the spotlight and let them all be jealous.
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19 F - Okay, so my best mate lives really far away (like 2 day drive) and I rarely see him. We usually write e-mail's every day and hardly ever break contact. Well the past couple of weeks we've been a bit slack. He has exams at university and I'm doing a course while also working. so i didn't hear from him and he didn't hear from me in a couple of weeks. 3 days ago he said that his mum is in hospital with heart problems and that he has big exams coming up and that he cant study cause he's looking after his little brother and sister while trying to find a new place to rent as their lease is up soon. he seemed really stressed and i've written him several e-mails since then but he hasn't replied. i dont know what to do! how do i reach him? am i right for worrying or do you think i'm being silly? (link)
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Let me start off by saying that you seem like a fantastic friend and that you and your friend have my condolences. I think anyone who's ever had a friend they cared about would absolutely agree that you have every right to worry. So don't think you're being silly at all.
It's very difficult to be friends with someone who lives far away. You can love them just as much as if they were nearby, but you can't comfort them in the same way. At times the distance can be quite painful and the longing to be close to your friend can be overwhelming.
I would suggest that you continue to support him - call, email, text, visit whenever you can. At the moment, he may not be able to reciprocate, but when things calm down and get a little less hectic for him, he'll definitely remember and be thankful for all the support you gave him.
Hopefully his mother's health improves as well as his current situation. When the time comes, I would also suggest that you and he have a conversation and discuss making your friendship more of a priority - more conversations, more frequent get togethers, etc.
Sometimes to make a long distance relationship work - even if it's just a friendship - you have to schedule spending more time together. In the end though, it truly doesn't matter how far away your friend lives. As long as he continues to live in your heart, then he will be with you forever.
I sincerely hope this helps - please keep me updated. :)
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