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death...
my friends grandfather died this morning. hes really hurt. but i dont know what to say to him. im scared ill say something wrong. what should i tell him?
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this is a hard onee...
i have had some of my friends loose a loved one and it is a very hard thing to cope with...but a friend can help alottt.. yuou might not want to mush them up too much but sit down and say
"i know you might want to be alone right now or you need time to think but if you need ANYTHING i mean ANYTHING..you can call me and ill talk to you on the phone or come over right away...also tell them that you are there for them and that you will be there for them till the end..if they dont want to be alone then stay with them if you can ask to sleep over or have them sleep oveer your house to get them away from a house that has memories in it that might hurt them or make them even more sad....talk to them about something either ont he topic or away from them..this depends on how they react to the topic when you do talk to them about it... be there for them when they need you...hope this helps..viito07
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ugh. that really sucks and it is super hard.
No matter how many times you tell your friend "he's in a better place" and stuff like that, its not going to erase that empty place in his heart. Just let him know that you're there for him for whenever he wants to talk.
Maybe take him out to a movie to help distract him.
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Losing someone really hurts and I know because I've lost both my granpas, my uncle, a friend, and a hamster...although I don't think he's qualified as a person...
Basically what I found most comforting was knowing that my friend[s] woudl always be there for me and listen to me not matter what I rant about. And just knowing that I had a shoulder to cry on was a great thing. And so my advice for you is this:
Tell your friend that you're ALWAYS there for him even if you have to stay up until 4AM listening to him. Make sure he knows that you will keep everything he says to yourself if he wants you to and that you're there for him if he ever needs to cry. Just show that you're there for him 24/7 no matter what.
Also, don't try to get him to talk about it or mention something close to it...if that makes sense. I hate it when people try and do that. I enjoyed it when people did stuff that I enjoyed or tried to cheer me up/include me in fun stuff...just do what I enjoy doing.
Erm, me being weird, I feel better by listening to songs I can listen to, although it might not help him...but you're the one to judge whether or not it will be helpful to your friend...
Some songs are:
Welcome To The Black Parade -- MCR
What Hurts The Most -- Rascal Flatts
Erm, yeah. If you need anymore adivce, e-mail me or send me an inbox =)
PS..don't ever say you know what he's going through even if you may have experienced lsoing someone. It kind of just made me angry that someone would say that and I kept thinking over and over again that they'll NEVER know what I'm going through
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I think you shouldn't say anything that will make him think you're trying to get involved, but I'd try something like,
"I'm sure your grandfather was a great person and was a good role model. Just remember I'm here to talk anytime."
Try to get around saying flat-out, "I'm sorry"
Personally, I think it's just kind of too harsh, in some terms, & it's too casual for people to say. Also, please don't say, "I know how you feel," Whether or not you've had a similar experience, it's just not a good thing to say. I'm sure your friend's looking for comfort, not sympathy.
Jess♥
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2 of my friends died a little over a month ago, so I can understand where you're coming from. My friends were pretty young, so it screwed me up even more.
Anyways, one of the kids who died was my friend's brother & he was the young one. I knew I couldn't exactly say what I wanted to my friend to his face, so I wrote him & his family a note & proceeded to give it to him that way.
I told them how sorry I was that they lost their son & that I would always be here for them if they needed someone to talk to. I said that although their son isn't with us anymore, he was obviously needed for something, and he was in a much better place.
Basically, don't say anything like "I'm so sorry, that sucks." Just say that you're sorry for his loss & you're there for him if he ever needs to talk no matter what time it is & leave it at that. He wouldn't wanna be constantly bugged about it, so don't constantly ask how he's feeling or whatever as that would be dumb seeing as how he's shattered.
I'm sorry for your friend's loss, I hope things get better.
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My brother died at the age of 24 and then 3 months later my grandpa died at 75. Here is what I would have wanted someone to say to me at the time:
"I'm sorry for your loss. It must be really hard and I want you to know that I will always be there for you so you can call me or come over anytime to talk or just to hang out. Also, I'm sure your grandpa wouldn't like to see you like this but it's okay to cry for someone you loved. Hang in there and things will get better it's just going to take a long time."
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if i were you i would just say im sorry for your loss i heard about it if you need anything im here to help you out. simple and everyone uses it!!!
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My bestfriend's dad died so I know how you feel. You can just ask him how he/she is holding up. Don't add on the Im sooo sorry too much because this usually makes them feel even worse. Letting them know that your there for them is usually all someone needs. You can ask when the funeral is and then say sorry. Don't linger on the subject too much. Be the friend that is willing to talk about something else and DO NOT ask them how.
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Everyone is very different when it comes to dealing with loss andit would really depend on your friend. I've found though generally when I'm faced with something like this is to firstly not tread on egg shells around the person because sometimes it can really annoy them. I generally just offer my condolences and just let them know I'm there for them if and when they want to talk about it. It usually breaks the ice pretty well in all cases. Just remember I say that because I mean it so best to only say that if you're prepared for this (be prepared for them to come to you to talk about things and how they feel and such).
Hope that was some help.
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I've experienced people I care about dying and everyone deals with it differently.
Some people try to be cheerful, some just want to be left alone and cry.
Most of the time nothing anyone says helps, they've already heard it. Sometimes it feels worse.
Let him know that you hate that he has to experience this pain. Offer him a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Tell him that if he ever wants to talk then you'll be there to listen.
The biggest thing of all - follow through! If he needs to to listen or just hold him while he cries, that's all you can do.
When my best friend died I needed physical contact with people, nothing dirty, just hugs and stuff like that. I was in a state of mind where I needed to be able to touch people, constantly make sure they were there. It was the first time anyone close to me had ever died. She was killed in a car wreck so it was a sudden death.
Anyway, whatever you do - don't say that you understand or know how he's feeling. Unless you lost a grandfather you were close to (through death). Because if you haven't experienced a grandfather who you loved die, then you don't know what he's feeling (even if you've experienced someone elses death).
Just be there for your friend and let him know that you're there for him. There really isn't anything else you can do.
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Make sure your friend knows you're there for him. Tell him how sorry you are and that if he needs anything, you'll be there to help.
Basically comfort him, there's not much you could say wrong.
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well there aint really much to say but all you can really do is just be there for that person and tell them that the person who they lost is in a better and more peacfull place where they can be happy at.And just be there for your friend you know.
good luck.
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tell him you are really sorry for the loss and you'll be there for him if he needs you.
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With death and dying there is never anything specific to say. I've been through loved ones dying, and nothing people say really help because after a while you've heard it all. Just comfort him as best you can, hug him, hold on to him, and be there for him. Tell him you will always be there for him if he needs anything, be with him even if he needs you or not. Just be honest with him, tell him how you feel, and how you dont know exactly what to say, but that you love him very much.
I lost a friend recently, and I didnt want to talk about it with anyone really, because it hurt too much, and it was jsut too soon, for a lot of us it was just too soon. But the memories started pouring out, and the love for him started pouring out, it was obvious. But remind him he had a good life, and it meant a whole lot to a ton of people, it wasnt just meaningless.
God bless.
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That is a good question.. I mean that is really sad when a loved one die's i mean it is not fair at all but what you have to remember is that who ever dies is not in pain anymore that the have moved on and can fu fill their dream's in anyway and at any cost. But what i would sudgest is to tell your friend what i have just told you. It will help i promise any you have to remember that when a loved one does die you will never really loose them you just loose the body but never the spirt. They will always be in your heart! Comment me back if this helps okay?
love always,
Bubble2Gum
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There's two things your friend needs from you right now - someone who'll make him feel better and someone who'll help him forget the pain he's in.
You can achieve the first thing by telling him that you're very sorry for his loss and assuring him that he'll be OK. Tell him that if he needs anything that you'll be there for him and that if he needs anyone to talk to that you'll be there to listen. If he takes you up on that offer, listen only. Don't ask questions and don't tell him stories about how you can relate. Listen and talk only if he asks you questions. That'll be a great help to him.
You can achieve the second thing by treating him as if nothing happened. For example, when my dad died, my brother and sister helped me out tremendously by playing video games with me, watching TV with me, etc. Everyone else was treating me like a fragile piece of glass that was about to break. It became annoying and made the problem worse. Losing myself in normal activities helped me to get over losing my father much more quickly.
So just remember that if he doesn't open up to you to vent, you can still be an outstanding amount of help just by being the friend you always were before.
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Everyone grieves differently. When my grandfather died in April, all I wanted to do for awhile was cry and wallow in my own misery. It sounds awful and depressing, but it was the best way for me to deal. The next few days are going to be really hard for your friend. Funeral arrangements, the wake[s], it's SO stressful you can't even imagine. Espeically if the wake is open-casket. That makes the whole experience even more real, like "oh my God he's really dead oh my God". If you knew his grandpa at all- go to the wake. It'll mean a lot to your friend, and obviously his family.
Just let him know that you're there for him when he's ready to talk. Do things like you always do, and not just because you feel bad. Spend a little extra time with him, though. Oh, and if he says something like "I wish I was dead" he doean't mean it. It's just how you feel when you hear something like that. Don't say "I know how you feel" say something like "This is sucha difficult time for you and I'm so sorry for your loss". What you say isn't as important as HOW you say it, and your actions mean a lot too. Oh, and if no one's sent over his favorite food yet, send a nice big platter of it if you can. Stuffing your face sometimes helps in the greiving process.
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There's really not much you can say at a time like this. No matter what, he's still going to be sad, which is understandable. He just needs time to greive. Let him know you're there for him if he ever needs to talk about anything.
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I'm pretty sure that there is nothing you can say or do to make things better or less painful. Just be there for them and listen to them when they're ready to talk about it. They might just want to be alone for a while, but let them know that you're there for them always. And don't act any different anround them, treat them like you always do. Don't walk on eggshells around them. Just give them time to grieve. That's about all you can do.
::Jasmine::
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one of the onl things really to say is that your so sry.
anything more jsuts digs a whole into a world of unknowns.
sometimes when this happens people need to be alone.my grandma died, and i liked ust talking about her.
spend time with him and let him vent. theres not much to say. its easier to do th listneing when things like this have happened.
take him out, or do something to get his mind off things. do what ever he feels like doing. giv him a day. these are always the best
dont say you know who he feels becasue really the pain he feels might bedifferent then yours.
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