|
friendless and defenseless
situation:
i was at this party last friday and i ended up making out with this guy who's infamous for hooking up with a lot of girls. my 'friends', L, A, and S, were the ones who made me do it. they said "come on its your first make out and you should do it". without a defense, i did. the next week at school, they told everyone who would hear. they told my prude friends (who i didn't want knowing because they'd be ashamed of me), my best gay guy friends (who i didn't want knowing because they'd make fun of me), and basically everyone else (because they'd judge me).
problem:
what the heck do i do?!?!
do i stick up for myself?
do i make a joke of it?
do i apologize to my friends who are ashamed of me?
i regret it and i'm mad at L, A, and S.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Well first of all, no one made you do anything. We all have freewill, including the will and ability to say, "No, I don't want to." It may not sound cool, but at least you won't end up doing something you'll regret in the future. You need to apologize to yourself for not sticking up for yourself at the party, first. As to your other friends, it's not their life, it's not their business, and they are in no position to judge you.
In response to your feedback: No one said life was going to be easy. And sometimes, you may have to battle "the world." I've been there, I've done that, and I still do it. But if you don't stick up for yourself and your own opinions, no one else will.
]
you friends arent freinds theyre retarted,they only forced you into this so they can have something to gossip about and get popularity off that.Dont talk to them anymore unless you want to be forced into even worse stuff.Dont apologize to whos ashamed but explain that it was a mistake so they dont get a bad impression of you.
]
We've all done things that we regret or are ashamed of. It's part of life! Everyone makes mistakes... and when you do, the first step toward making it better is to forgive yourself. You can't change what happened, but you don't have to let what happened change YOU. You're still the same person with the same feelings and values; you just made a mistake.
Of course, once you've forgiven yourself, you still need to deal with the others who are talking about you or judging you.
I wouldn't necessarily "stick up" for yourself or make it sound like what you did was okay. (if you regret doing it, then obviously you don't think it was okay). If you don't want people to think it's something you're proud of, be honest about that. If the subject comes up, just say, "Yeah, I can't beleive I did that. It was stupid and I wish I hadn't done it."
For the same reason, you probably don't want to make a joke of it. Then it will appear that you think it was no big deal.
Don't tell people that L, A and S "made" you do it. I know you're mad at them for talking you into it, and for blabbing it all over school, but blaming them will just start a fight and turn this into an even bigger deal. And truthfully, they didn't MAKE you do it; you did have the power to say no. You just made a bad choice.
I don't think you need to apologize to your friends (after all, what you did wasn't hurting them)... but it will probably make you feel better if you talk to them about it. Let them know how much you regret doing it, and that you know they're ashamed of you, and that you're ashamed of yourself. If they're true friends, they will understand.
Try not to worry about it too much, though. It may seem like a huge deal right now, but it will blow over soon and everyone will forget about it.
]
It's bad enough that these girls pressured you into doing something you weren't comfortable with, and to top it off, they went and told "everyone who would listen" about what you did. A) You didn't do anything wrong per se. You were pressured into doing something- next time stick to your own judgement. B)They wanted a reason to rat you out and make you look bad, filthy, slutty, whatever you want to call it.
C)They obviously aren't your friends for doing this.
What they did was completely immature, but you can stand up for yourself and put them in their place. First off, ditch L (lame), A (asshole), and S (shit head). Forget them, they aren't worth your time. They seem like a little clique, sharing one brain. But before you kick them to the curb, let them know that what they did was thoughtless and immature, and most importantly, that by doing that, they were only trying to make themselves look good (by bringing you down). I'm guessing you're in High School, and yes, I know how crappy it can be.
As for your other friends, you don't have to apologize for what you did, since you didn't do anything to harm them directly. You can simply let them know that you were pressured and felt uncomfortable from the start...you learned from it. Next time, avoid doing something you don't want to do, just because people try to lure you into it. It just isn't worth it.
]
The damage is done, but luckily for you there's a lot of positive that will come out of this situation if you look at it the right way and handle it maturely.
First of all, L, A, and S need to get L.O.S.T. These girls are not your friends. They're telling you what to do (kissing the guy), setting you up (telling everyone what you did), and are trying to mess with your life. That's not cool. You're much better off without these girls. That's a MUCH better lesson to learn NOW rather than in 10 years when you've established a life for yourself and they try to mess with that. Be happy that they're gone.
Second of all, if your prude and gay friends are so judgmental that they've stopped being your friend because you kissed some boy, then they're not your friends either AND they're extremely immature and need to grow up. It sounds like you need a whole new batch of friends; however, you need to learn to be your own friend first. Stop letting people tell you what to do (like the girls telling you to kiss the boy). Stop being a doormat (Do NOT apologize to anyone because of this - YOU did nothing wrong)!
Finally, the people in your life are the ones who need to grow up, so instead of feeling bad for yourself, you should feel bad for them because you're probably a lot more mature than they are and they have a lot to learn. So let it go and act like it doesn't phase you. It might for a while, but that will pass. You'll find new friends who won't judge you, won't manipulate you, and won't try to sabotage you. People only judge you when you're the center of attention. Enjoy the spotlight and let them all be jealous.
]
More Questions: |