HectorJr's advice column | HectorJr's Advice About Friendship

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Q: Well, there's this guy that I really would like to be friends with. Don't ask me why. But just friends, you know? I'm not in his class (but I see him in hallways sometimes, he doesn't really know me...) and I don't have any activities that he's in that I'm in. How can I become friends with him (without a mutual friend... I want to try it myself) and without being too flirty? I don't want to give him the wrong idea either.

Be the first to say hi! Honestly, most guys don't get turned off or a bad feeling when a girl approaches them. It's a huge confidence booster. Just ask him what music he likes. Hopefully you'll find an artist or song you both like. If there is a school event coming up you can ask him if he's going, or if he went to the last one. You go to the same school, so you might be able to find out what teachers he has and if you know them talk about them too. There are plenty of things you can talk to him about randomly. The important thing is that you approach him and be friendly. You don't even have to talk a lot. Then after that, just make sure to say hi if you see him again. Introduce him to one of your friends too if you'd like. Ask him if you could sit to have lunch with him some time too. Don't worry about it too much, and if you are friendly towards him, then in time he will probably return the favor and things will fall into place. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: So, this might be a little long and confusing. Basically my best friend, who've I've known since 2nd grade is getting really annoying. She's turning really fake [getting into the whole hollister thing, uggs, shirts that are too small for her, etc (though I dont' really have anything against that, its just not like the kind of person she is)]. She always pretends that she worries soo much about different things, when she really doesn't. No offense to her, but she always talks about how she wants to go to a top name college, but she doesn't really have any chance in getting into it. She's just become really annoying, and fake. She says OMG and what the frick in this really annoying, complaining voice. I've NEVER talked behind her back before, but she keeps on coming up to me and talks how she hates her one friend. She always takls about how she doesn't want to be friends with her, and basically talks behind her back and just complains all of the time. We sit together at lunch, and I can't stand to even talk to her anymore. I usually just sit there really quiet and do my homework. Basically, I don't know what to do. I really just need a break from her, but I dont' really know what to do. I mean I don't want to be really mean about it, or tell her these things because I know it would crush her, I just have nooo idea what to do. I literally can't stand another day sitting at the lunch table listening to her complain (and I can't really switch lunch tables because then she would ask me what's wrong) help pleassse.

Why is she becoming fake? Most likely its because she is trying to fit in with other people. Those other people might even the ones she holds as a higher influence. In a situation like this, you have to give it a shot and if nothing happens just let it go. What I mean is, you need to tell her straight out. If she is your best friend, then you should be able to tell her anything, and that shouldn't destroy things between the two of you...thats why you are best friends.

At this point, you need to let her know that you don't like the way shes become or the way she acts. You might come off strong and offensive, but if she felt that way about you, then I'm sure you would want to know about it. If after telling her how you feel about all of this she doesn't make an effort to mend things, then you should consider just drifting away. It might be a bit harsh to just cut lines and move to a different table or agree to never speak again. Instead, slowly, just move away from the friendship.

When most people change that way and even their best friend doesn't like it and wants them back, its difficult to get that person back. It's not impossible, but it has already reached the point where you can't even bare to continue this. So tell her how you feel about all of this and see if she would be willing to fix things and make things right between the two of you. If she tries then why not give her a chance and help her out. Maybe spend more time together or go hang out with a different crowd. If she's your best friend and doesn't want to hear about what you have to say about her, then it would probably be best to drift away to avoid a confrontation with her later. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: my best friend kylie and i recently got into an argument, and i decided to end the friendship.

what happened was that i found out somebody was passing around naked pictures of her. like giving them to her friends and shit. she wasn't supposed to know because only a small group of kids knew about it. the person that i found out from made me promise not to tell kylie. i promised. i wasn't going to tell kylie until i thought about it. i felt like withholding that kind of information from her was being a bad best friend. better to hear it from me than some stranger, right? so i told her. i pleaded with her not to tell anyone, that it would make me look bad, like a big mouth. she promised not to tell anybody.

to make a long story short, she went straight to the source and started bitching out the kid who passed them around. the more she tried to cover up, the more i found out she was lying to me. she even directly told the kid that i told her. she GAVE him the text messages to read, but lied about it and said he took her phone.

she wouldn't even admit that she did anything wrong. she acted like i was the one being selfish.

i told everyone that i was done with her, that i didn't want to speak to her ever again. two nights later, she apologized. i didn't expect her to do that.

now, i miss her. she's apologized and i feel like she should have a second chance. but now i make myself look stupid because i kept saying how i never wanted to speak to her again. the other thing is that i don't trust her anymore. she lied to me and kept secrets. i don't know what to do.

i'm sorry this was so long. but thank you to anyone that read it and can offer advice.

It was nice of her to apologize. I think at this point, before you make any more big decisions, you should ask her to talk to you. Sit her down and tell her how you feel about her apologizing and not knowing whether you should give her a second chance. Tell her about how you feel that you don't trust her anymore. On things that you feel that she lied to you, ask her about it and tell her to be honest. In other words, just try to sit and reevaluate your friendship and see where it stands. If after all of that, she still wants to be your friend and you feel that she has gone through enough and are willing to give her the chance to earn back your trust, then its up to you to be her friends again.

Don't worry about telling people that you will never talk to her again. Honestly, if you are going to be friends with her then who cares that you said you weren't going to talk to her. Understandably you were upset and hurt, so for you to feel that way and say something like that was expected. You need to find it in yourself, either by talking to her about it, or your other good friends about it, if you can actually trust her. If for some reason or another you can't trust her then you should let her know that. Its a difficult situation, but I don't think you necessarily did the wrong thing in telling her about what was going on. Of course, the whole "promise you won't tell" thing didn't work out for anyone, did it? Sort your feelings out with her and try to think back and see if throughout your friendship if there have been more good moments than bad which might make it easier to forgive and give a second chance. Ultimately its up to you and about how comfortable you feel. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I'm 16 and a girl and need a little help...This 1 boy asked me out by a note and i didnt know what to say especially since i only liked him as a friend and nothing more. i would feel really bad if i told him no so i just didnt respond. now this year when he sees me he'll look at me and smile at me and i just dont know if he still likes me like that and if he does, what should i do?hes nice and sweet and stuff but i only want to be friends.

If you are just friends, then make sure that its clear to him. I know you might not want to hurt his feelings by telling him that you don't want to be more than friends. If you let him entertain the idea that there is hope for him for too long, then it will just be harder for him to get over it when you break it to him. So honestly, the sooner you let him know the better off. It doesn't have to be harsh and make sure you let him know that you either appreciate it or thought it was nice that he liked you, but that you feel it would be better for the both of you if you just stayed as friends. Remember, honesty is the best policy. If he really does like you, I'm sure he will understand and still want to be your friend anyway. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 15/F
sorry for the length.
please, just read and respond.

Here's the deal. This isn't one of those stories where I ask advice for my friend. It really is him. Alright, well a little while ago I went to my cousins house and I met his neighbor whom I clicked with immedietly. We had this instant atraction that was werid because Iusualy wouldn't go for guys like him. I'm a good girl, because of the choices I make, and he's more of the bad boy who's been through alot. So we liked eachother a little bit, but he lives about an hour away and I have a boyfriend, and he had a girlfriend.The feelings faded how I wanted them too. When we got to know eachother, he told me that he cuts. I got him to stop and he promied me that he'd never do it again, but only because he loves me and that he wants to make sure that I trust him. I got him through alot of stuff and I became his "hero" as he says. A little while after that he told me that he missed his ex and that his life meant nothing to him anymore and I had to convince him to not take his life. I don't say anything inconsiderate and I talk to him about his feelings. I know how to play. He thanked me for the help and everything was fine for awhile. Then, yesturday, he told me that he broke up with the girlfriend that he currently had because they lived far away. I asked him if I could help and he said no, because, "It scares me how much I care about you, and I can't take loving you anymore." I didn't understand what he meant by this and I tried over and over again to ask him but he never gave me the explaination that I wanted. I thought we were over what we had, but maybe he doens't like me anymore. I asked if he still had feelings for me and he said yes, but I just really don't know. I asked him if he broke up with his girlfriend because of me and he said that he didn't know. I'm gonig up to my aunts house on monday and I'm gonig to see him because he is my aunts neighbor. I'm just afraid that things will be different and that I'll make him feel weird. We had somthing, I'll admit. I love the boyfriend that I have right now and I don't want anything to rekindle with my aunts neighbor. I want to be there for him, but I don't wnat to fall for him. I had a big problem with this last time and it almost caused me and my boyfriend to brake up. This kid means alot to me, and he changed me as a person and I see life alot differently. I just recently lost one of my best friends and he helped me get through. Now I want to be there for him. I can't have him take his life or hurt himself. Please...please help me. I sound desperate, but what would you do if you were me.

you could help me, help him save his LIFE.

thankyou and God bless all who resppond.

I've seen this situation before and I know where this is going. Before going any further, no matter how much he feels for you, make sure that you don't fall for him. I mean to say that he might threaten to take his life or hurt himself if you don't love him back the way he loves you.

It is a very delicate situation. You should keep being there for him, but also make sure that some other people are too, that you aren't the only one. If you can, try to get in touch with either his close friends or his parents/family and let them know about this situation. Let them know that he harms himself and that he needs help. If you try to take this on your own, it could consume you and things could end up horribly. Be there for him but don't let him get too attached to you either. You are too young to have these kinds of pressures on you with school and the rest of your life going on right now. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 15/f

this boy, who used to be my best friend, like i told him everything, he was like the bestest friend i ever had. we were best friends for like 3 years, i loved him soo much. we were such good friends. and then this thing happened, and we just stopped talking. well, i switched over to his school, and he'd ALWAYS stare at me. like look me in the eyes, and like look at me forever. then, i saw him today, and every chance he got, he'd like sneak looks at me, or directly look me in the eyes. i'm not sure what i should do, i don't know when i'll even ever see him again. but im just.. confused. i mean, why is he always looking at me? all of his friends were like looking at me too. they werent laughing at me or anything. but like, they just were staring at me. why?? i just, really need some answers. i wanna know whats up with him. i really wanna talk to him, but i'm scared about what he may say. i dont know how he feels about me, and i just dont wanna get hurt.

why do you think hes always looking at me?
and what should i do?

Talk to him and find out. Any attention at all is better than none, which would be a flat out rejection. So don't look at it as a bad thing, or over-analyze the situation. Ask him casually or if you feel easier, while you two are alone or online. There is nothing wrong with asking and don't be afraid of what he may say. You might be surprised and only hoped you would have talked about it earlier. Also, don't forget that you know he is always staring at you only because you are looking back at him. So don't worry about it too much and just let him know that you've noticed him looking at you a lot and were wondering why that happens. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: i am 19 male, i have this friend who is girl.. let me first make it clear that i am just interested in friendship with her...

i ll start from the beginning, about in the starting of this year at college, she joined our friend cirle..we were having no problems, and helped her in whatever way possible regarding her relation with her boyfriend. however she had a small fight with one of the friends.. she didnt feel comfortable being with us any more...she joined an another friend circle... now she continues to talk to me... she share her thoughts with me that she shares with no one else{atleast as far as i believe}... recently she broke up with her boy friend also at the same time her mother fell ill, she asked for my help and i helped her in whatever way possible...

but for past sometime i am feeling that she is only using me whenever she requires me... i wonder many a times that what is my importance in her life but dont know should i ask directly her or not?? what should i do?? should ask her and how should i ask her??? i really want to know about her feelings for me...

Some girls need something to hold onto. They search for reassurance, support, and - 9 out of 10 times - just somebody who will listen.

I understand where you are coming from. I've encountered several girls who (unfortunately) would always tell me about their problems. But that was it! They didn't tell me about their lives or anything positive going on. Heck, they didn't even bother asking how I was or where I was with things.

It did bother me. I gradually moved away from them, because yes, while I love to help people and I'm all for that, it isn't a friendship when the situation is a one way street like that. I'm not saying that what you have isn't a friendship, but just be careful not to let things get sucked into that vacuum. If you want to maintain the friendship and you value and respect her, then let her know exactly how you feel - everything you wrote. If she really does want to be your friend and wants to maintain that status with you, she will make the effort to reach out you or not come to you with only problems.

Give it some time. There's nothing wrong with asking her how she feels about you - a friend, more than just a friend, somebody there to talk to, etc. She should be, as any friend would be, open to hear what you have to say and your thoughts on any situation, including this one. Don't let small things get to you, even if you happen to be the one she goes to with problems. You never know though: she might be going to a lot of people with the same problems for reassurance and security, maybe just to feel better. Give it some more time, and don't be afraid to talk to her or ask her anything at all. If she really does want to be friends with you, she will listen. I think its great that you're helping her out. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: k so your prob like, why is this little 14 year old inboxing me.

well i would just like to say that i agree with your bio on the whole, love, sex thing. and it's really nice to here a guy say things like that. cuz lord knows in my town, barley any guys think that way.

so i would just like to say good job hahaha and best of luck to you and your girlfriend =)

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it =)

Q: this guy that i like, he's really nice and all, but i dont understand him. ive tried starting convos with him but they never work out or turn out to be a few sentences. im friends with his friends and vice versa, but we always end up talking indirectly. here's an example. we would be in a small group at school. i would say something about 1 of the guys were talking to & he would reply back talking to that guy. that probably doesnt make much sense. it would go like this- me:heyy remember when this happened him:yeah dude [to the other guy] that was really funny. never directly talking to me if that makes sense?? anyway, even if i am talking he wont join in the convo and just watches me talk. does he really not like me or something? also if im sitting near him in groups, he'll automatically just move. i never did anything to him & everyone thinks im a pretty nice person and really funny. he doesnt act like this towards anyone else that i noticed. yes he might be shy but it seems different. if something is funny he'll laugh about it in groups and if i laugh he'll just stop. what did i do?! the only somewhat communication we'd have is if hes watching me talk to someone else. any ideas??

I think you should try to talk to him when he's by himself. If you are both within a group, then it makes it easier for him to talk to other people instead of you - if he's alone then you can't.

As for whether or not he likes you...tough to tell. Try asking your friends or his friends to see if they have heard him say anything about you. I don't think there would be anything wrong with trying to confront him and being straightforward about it by saying that you like him. Weird? Not as much as you think, because he might feel the same way. If he doesn't like you back, then trying to chase after him might get messy. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: how do u no when to pick between him or them? my best guy friend ,who is my former BF, and me are very close but our so called friends talk about us behind our backs about how its weird were still so close and awakward for them if the see us hug..this has made me more mad than him..but it hurts both of us..i feel that i now have to chose between "him" or "them"...

Talk to "them".

Who said you had to choose between them? With your best friend, confront a group of them (or even one by one), and ask them how they feel about the situation and why they say the things they do. Tell them what is really going on, that you two are still friends and are OK with that, because rumors might have gotten started or something.

From what I remember, real friends don't make you pick and choose who you are friends with. If that group continues to make you feel uncomfortable and they don't stop after you ask them to, then I would just let them go and ignore what they say. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 15/f. i really want to make more guy friends because there is just so much drama with girls and i think that it is always good to have a couple good guy friends. what are some ways to make more guy friends without them thinking i like them or i'm flirting with them. because i don't want to come off as flirting when i'm only trying to be friendly.

You're right about the drama...

Just be regular friends. Tell them stories, jokes, thoughts, feelings, etc. You don't have to treat them that differently than you would your normal girl friends. Might not want to share monthly news, run off gossip, or get the latest celebrity scoop with them.

Don't feel like there are certain things you have to say or do to let a guy know you want to be friends instead of liking them. Plus, don't be too surprised if a guy friend of yours actually ends up liking you. It happens.

Talk about whatever, doesn't have to be just guy stuff. Ask them for help sometimes - good way to get a friendship started, and most would be willing to help anyways. Actually, I think you should even find a guy to ask on how to make more guy friends...sounds weird but something good will happen. Give it a shot. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 15/F
I want to become a penpal with a child in St. Jude's Hospital, or you know, with someone in a charity like that. How can I become one? Anyone know?

Heart of gold! Call them up and ask to be directed to the right people that can arange that for you. If you can't actually go there yourself, then calling would be the way to go. Good luck.

Q: See...well, I like my best friend as more than just a friend. I want her to know without making it so obvious. She does a lot of things that makes me think she likes me too. Whenever she does things like hug me or smile at me or say something really nice, I am always backing off and I don't know why! I want to be with her so badly, but I always change the subject or act like a complete fool whenever she says or does something really nice to me...I need help.

Dude relax. Do yourself a favor and read through questions on this website. How many GIRLS are having the same problem? A bunch! Not saying everyone does, but a lot more peopele than you think have that going on. It seems like while the guy is thinking one thing, the girl is thinking the same thing and then they both don't say anything. What would make things easier for them? If the other person just admitted to liking them or something, right? I think you should go for it and be honest and open; just flat out tell her that you like her as more than just a friend. If shes your best friend I'm sure you can come up with the courage to say that to her. Really, I don't see why you couldn't do that, it's not like you won't be friends anymore if you do tell her - she won't hate you for it. Plus you owe it to her, right? Don't be shy or afraid of rejection. You aren't hurting yourself or anyone else by telling her or trying to work things out. Put aside and fears or squash them with the idea of how awesome things could turn out. Trust me with that. Just be patient and relax. Go for it and good luck.

Q: If you had a choice. If you had to choose between studying for a really important test or helping out a friend in need. What would you do?

Depends on the situation.

Depends on your friend actually. There's a big difference between helping a friend who is having a really bad week and one who is considering suicide.

Yes both are important and should be helped, but certain situations change things a bit. If it is serious, then help your friend. If not and it could wait a bit, study for the test. If this is a test that will basically make or break the passing grade, then please follow up on studying.

This is one of those decision/responsibility things people face in their lives. It is a challenge, a great one. We are confronted with them constantly. I would say study, but I'll leave it to you to decide what situation you are in and your friend is in. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: A question to call my own.

So, I have problems with being the one left behind. In my social life, since I started high school and continuing to today, I have always been the friend not called. When I show up somewhere, I get hugs and backslaps and people all come and hang out with me. But in order to show up, I have to find out about it by hearsay.

Example, a friend of mine has a party with his parents every year. Huge party at his little place. Most of my old friends know about this place and get invited, but I didnt find out about it until tonight, while everyone else has been planning the trip to go for about a week. I talked to him today (he came in town for ACL, for those of you who know what that is) and he told me about the party and asked if I was going to be there. But he didnt call me to tell me he was having a party to begin with.

This has been the story of my social life for forever. Like I said, I hang out with people and I have a bunch of guys and girls I get along with very well, but if I dissapeared into my own room for a month, some wouldnt come looking for me until Id been gone a few weeks, others might not notice at all.

I just dont understand how all these people I hang out with and call my friends, who treat me like a sibling when Im around, completely forget I exist once Im out of the room. I mean, Ive made a habit now of just finding out things on my own because if I find out myself, everyone welcomes me to attend. But they just dont tell me themselves.

Opinions? Advice? Anyone faced a situation like this before? I mean, Ive gotten used to it enough, I didnt think it bothered me anymore. Guess it still does a bit. I just wish I was at least sometimes one of the people who was called and told to tell others, instead of one of the people who found out second hand.

I feel that way. Don't let it get to you, really. It seems like a big deal, but it really isn't. One of the reasons I'm in that situation is because I can get along with everyone pretty well (I go to an all guys school). So I could hang out with guys on the football team and chess team and track team and band.

But anyways, don't be afraid to ask somebody. For months I would expect calls and not know about parties or people doing things until I heard about it Monday morning eating breakfast in the cafeteria. It upset me.

So ask somebody middle/end of the school week if they are doing anything over the weekend. Just ask: hey do you wanna do something?; we should make plans for this weekend; etc. It is not easy to do, at least for me, but it does work. Oh yeah, also, invite people to do things. Like to go to your house, a party, movie, whatever you can think of - that way they remember you next time they plan something.

So don't let those kind of things get to you, really. Things will get better. Find a few close friends that you see a lot and can talk to a lot and just go from there. It doesn't have to be a big party. Just going to the movies with one other person works too. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I have start school again on Wednesday, and all the girls in my grade are starting to wear makeup and jewelry, but I am more or the sporty kind, What should I do

Don't follow the trend, be yourself, and screw everyone else. Overdoing make-up is definately worse than none at all. I'm sure most guys would rather see a girl in sweats or sports clothes than all dolled up and plasic looking. Don't pay attention to it or let it get to you. Hope that helped.

Q: This boy likes me but I only think of him as a brother. He confessed to me but what should I say to him?

Tell him exactly what you just said - brothers should be honest with each other, so you should be honest with him. Tell him how you really feel and don't worry about his reaction. Leading him on could lead to trouble. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: okay i really need help..sorry this is long..

16/f

me and my best friend *natalie*..well we have been best friends since 1st grade. we were like inseperable..i love her to death. but ever since spring break, she has changed so much. she started skipping school nonstop. she failed the 10th grade. she started drinking alot but then she stopped. she had sex with a 21 year old that we all knew. she yells at me for the stupidest reasons. she freaks out on her parents and calls her mom a bitch and a whore. she doesnt respect my parents. she didnt even come to school to do her finals on the last day. and now its summer. and we usually have SO much fun. but she met some new guys that she hangs out with everyday and she gets drunk with them and gets high with them everyday. i guess she thinks its cool but i really do miss her. and ive tryed telling her that she is too wild and everything but she doesnt listen. all of our friends dislike her now. and i mean ALL of them. she likes this guy named ray but i dont think he likes her cause she is too loud. he doesnt really act like he likes her. i dont know what to do. no ones parents will let their kids hang out with her. i feel bad and i want to.. its just i dont want to get caught up with her and end up getting in DEEP trouble because of her. i really want her as a friend though. i want things how they used to be. what can i do?!?!?

ILL RATE HIGH!..

Well it would seem that the best thing to do would be to get your friend to change back to the way she was. Is that happening anytime soon? Sorry, probably not. So what do you do? Realize that by being her you increase your chances of getting in trouble...plus it doesn't seem like she's a good influence on you. Try talking to her again and explain to her how you and everyone feels. If she doesn't want to listen, then thats her fault. You might want to be her friend, but she might not want to be your friend, and if thats the case then theres not much a friendship there at the moment. I wouldn't suggest hanging around her with a bunch of other people either; it might be a bit better if it was people you knew who weren't like the way she is or just the two of you. If things don't shape up anytime soon, then let go of her. She is her own self and will continue to be. What do you do? Be there if she wants to talk or needs help. But unless she asks you, don't try to interfere and change her, because she could end up hating you or try to harm you, or you could just get hurt by doing so. I'm sorry but from what you've said it doesn't seem like she's willing to change for the better anytime soon. She could be going through tough times, but if she has you to fall back on when she realizes what she is doing, then that could spark the re-beginning of your friendship. But for now, talk to her, see if you can do something with her that doesn't involve too many people, but don't expect too much; just know that people change, and losing that friendship might be temporary but not be as hard as having something bad happen to the two of you or something. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: My friend broke up with her bf just a few hours ago. She wanted him to be in tears, but he was happy. So she got revenge on him, and asked out this guy she knew would say yes! I felt horrible for the ex bf. I really want to call her new bf and tell him to break up with her, but I know that the new bf will tell her what I said and she'll get in a fight with me. I really don't want to fight with her because i'm the type of person who goes crazy when somebody is mad at me! Please tell me what I should do!

Thanks

Yeah at most, talk to your friend about it. Tell her that what she did (if you think so that is) is wrong. Why? Well going to the guy would involve you in the whole mess. Ever heard of the game 'kill the messanger'? Either way, by you telling the guy somebody will get hurt. So you shouldn't try to break things up between them - if it is going to go downhill then let it do so on its own. Yes, I know - you want to help and you feel bad... but taking a matter like that into your own hands makes it seem like you are intruding, and not too many people like that. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I don't want this to be long or panic-y, but I need some advice. My friend and I are 13. There is a 17-year old across the street who is 17 and a juvi. My parents think he is 18, but really isn't. We played basketball with let's call him C, and we got his number. We hung out with him and we lied about out ages and we said we were 15 and 16. We lied about where we go to school and everything, and now we're hanging out with him. I've been lying to my parents about where we going and everything, but here is the main problem. I'm going into 8th grade this fall, and getting on the bus (right in front of my house!) in the morning is no big, but when the bus drops us off, it's 3:50pm. Big problem, because C smokes, and has to go outside and smokes. What if he sees us? I really hate to lie to everyone around me, and the lies keep getting bigger. Should I be honest with C? My friend and I have been flirting big time with him, and that will ruin out friendship. And, the other problem, even though C is moving is September, I'll have started school, and his brothers go to my new school! What should I do as an overall result? Thanks so much!

Hmmmm. What you should do is tell the truth to everyone. Probably the last thing you wanted to hear from anybody, but sorry if it had to be from me.

Look at it this way: if a friend of yours had the same thing going on, some other guy that you started to like pulled the same thing off on you...wouldn't you feel worse if you found out it was a lie the hard way than if he just confronted you and was honest? What I'm trying to say is that either way, he's going to find out. It might as well be in a way that puts you in a positive light, by telling the truth and being courageous.

Could it ruin your friendship? Maybe. But think about it - is it really worth keeping a friendship if it is built on lies? or is it even a friendship at that point? Tell him about everything, and the truth, and see if he still wants to be your friend. If he does, then he really was your friend. If not, then oh well, sorry to sound a bit harsh though. If he is moving in a few months, what are the chances you will see him again? If it is very unlikely, then it's not worth going through the trouble of making up lies to him or even to your parents anymore. So think about it, try to find it in yourself to be honest and truthful with yourself, C, and your parents - things might not even turn out as bad as you expect, they usually don't. Hope that helped and good luck.

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I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.