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Always the one not called
A question to call my own.
So, I have problems with being the one left behind. In my social life, since I started high school and continuing to today, I have always been the friend not called. When I show up somewhere, I get hugs and backslaps and people all come and hang out with me. But in order to show up, I have to find out about it by hearsay.
Example, a friend of mine has a party with his parents every year. Huge party at his little place. Most of my old friends know about this place and get invited, but I didnt find out about it until tonight, while everyone else has been planning the trip to go for about a week. I talked to him today (he came in town for ACL, for those of you who know what that is) and he told me about the party and asked if I was going to be there. But he didnt call me to tell me he was having a party to begin with.
This has been the story of my social life for forever. Like I said, I hang out with people and I have a bunch of guys and girls I get along with very well, but if I dissapeared into my own room for a month, some wouldnt come looking for me until Id been gone a few weeks, others might not notice at all.
I just dont understand how all these people I hang out with and call my friends, who treat me like a sibling when Im around, completely forget I exist once Im out of the room. I mean, Ive made a habit now of just finding out things on my own because if I find out myself, everyone welcomes me to attend. But they just dont tell me themselves.
Opinions? Advice? Anyone faced a situation like this before? I mean, Ive gotten used to it enough, I didnt think it bothered me anymore. Guess it still does a bit. I just wish I was at least sometimes one of the people who was called and told to tell others, instead of one of the people who found out second hand.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You've got to get out there and ask people, don't just wait to get called. The world happens every weekend, not just in scattered parties either, and you've got to get involved in the regular stuff for your friends to start thinking of you as one of the crowd.
Make it a point to ask someone on a Friday what's going on. The next week, ask someone else. Eventually they'll remember you.
When I've had parties I usually try to invite everyone I can think of but that's hard. I'm afraid of rejection, that makes it hard to invite people. I forget people too. But if someone comes up and asks me what's going on, I'll tell them, and it's all good. Just act casual and interested and jump in there yourself, it's okay.
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i also have this problem with my friends. it seems like unless i happen to be there while they're making plans, i'm not informed or invited. But sometimes they make plans as if i wasn't there, and it really pisses me off. I dont think it's an uncommon problem with some people..
I'd try talking to your friends; i did once and though it wasn't that effective, at least they remembered to invite me to some things more often. One of my guy friends told me to speak up more and try to engage more into the conversations so that they'd 'remember' i'm there (its like wth how can you not tell im there but whatever).. You should make your own plans too and invite people. Then they can be like "oh, he/she invited me to her party, i should invite him/her too!" i dont know how effective that it, but it doesnt hurt to try right? Even though it doesnt seem like a big deal to not be invited to things, it still hurts sometime. If things keep happening, then i'd try to find better friends or a smaller group of friends who will remember you whenever they're making plans =/ i hope your friends realize the mistake they're making and invite you to things more often :)
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I feel that way. Don't let it get to you, really. It seems like a big deal, but it really isn't. One of the reasons I'm in that situation is because I can get along with everyone pretty well (I go to an all guys school). So I could hang out with guys on the football team and chess team and track team and band.
But anyways, don't be afraid to ask somebody. For months I would expect calls and not know about parties or people doing things until I heard about it Monday morning eating breakfast in the cafeteria. It upset me.
So ask somebody middle/end of the school week if they are doing anything over the weekend. Just ask: hey do you wanna do something?; we should make plans for this weekend; etc. It is not easy to do, at least for me, but it does work. Oh yeah, also, invite people to do things. Like to go to your house, a party, movie, whatever you can think of - that way they remember you next time they plan something.
So don't let those kind of things get to you, really. Things will get better. Find a few close friends that you see a lot and can talk to a lot and just go from there. It doesn't have to be a big party. Just going to the movies with one other person works too. Hope that helped and good luck.
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