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when do I step in?
15/F
sorry for the length.
please, just read and respond.
Here's the deal. This isn't one of those stories where I ask advice for my friend. It really is him. Alright, well a little while ago I went to my cousins house and I met his neighbor whom I clicked with immedietly. We had this instant atraction that was werid because Iusualy wouldn't go for guys like him. I'm a good girl, because of the choices I make, and he's more of the bad boy who's been through alot. So we liked eachother a little bit, but he lives about an hour away and I have a boyfriend, and he had a girlfriend.The feelings faded how I wanted them too. When we got to know eachother, he told me that he cuts. I got him to stop and he promied me that he'd never do it again, but only because he loves me and that he wants to make sure that I trust him. I got him through alot of stuff and I became his "hero" as he says. A little while after that he told me that he missed his ex and that his life meant nothing to him anymore and I had to convince him to not take his life. I don't say anything inconsiderate and I talk to him about his feelings. I know how to play. He thanked me for the help and everything was fine for awhile. Then, yesturday, he told me that he broke up with the girlfriend that he currently had because they lived far away. I asked him if I could help and he said no, because, "It scares me how much I care about you, and I can't take loving you anymore." I didn't understand what he meant by this and I tried over and over again to ask him but he never gave me the explaination that I wanted. I thought we were over what we had, but maybe he doens't like me anymore. I asked if he still had feelings for me and he said yes, but I just really don't know. I asked him if he broke up with his girlfriend because of me and he said that he didn't know. I'm gonig up to my aunts house on monday and I'm gonig to see him because he is my aunts neighbor. I'm just afraid that things will be different and that I'll make him feel weird. We had somthing, I'll admit. I love the boyfriend that I have right now and I don't want anything to rekindle with my aunts neighbor. I want to be there for him, but I don't wnat to fall for him. I had a big problem with this last time and it almost caused me and my boyfriend to brake up. This kid means alot to me, and he changed me as a person and I see life alot differently. I just recently lost one of my best friends and he helped me get through. Now I want to be there for him. I can't have him take his life or hurt himself. Please...please help me. I sound desperate, but what would you do if you were me.
you could help me, help him save his LIFE.
thankyou and God bless all who resppond.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First things first from what i've read i think you have some sort of feelings that you aren't admitting to for this guy. Whether we like it or not there s no way of stopping who were attracted to. I've been through having friends cut themselves and wanting to commit suicide and i know that it causes a lot of stress for yourself. You need to remember than you can't control the person from doing something, and that its not your fault. Maybe you should influence him to see a professional, you could even offer to go with him when you go and see him while your at your Aunts. Does your boyfriend know how close you are to this guy? It seems that your closer with this guy than your boyfriend. You need to be true to yourself and follow your heart, if something happens while your at your Aunts its obviously meant to of happened. It may help you decide between him and your boyfriend. If you too want to have a relationship and your in for the long hawl the distance will be nothing.
Good Luck, your being a really good friend wanting to be there for him, I admire you for that xx
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alright first of all, you can't help who you fall for if you controlled your feelings i think everyone in this world would be a lot different. just make sure not to do anything you might regret who means more to you him or your boyfriend? with everything he said to you it is pretty much obvious in my book the kid likes you but he obviously has some problems. you can't change someone unless they want to and if he tells you about all this he obviously wants some kind of help. you can't stop him from anything though. you can tell him how you feel about it and advise him to talk to someone professional about it but who knows if he'll do that. i know that you want to help and i do want you to but all that you can do is try and talk to him and tell him how you feel about it. don't blame yourself for what he does either you don't control other peoples decisions but you can impact them. don't let this take over your life either he's important and i understand that but he is not your responsibility just talk to him the best you can.
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I don't actually know where to start because most of what I am going to say will more than likely sound insulting and certainly not nice but regardless, it's from experience as well as being in my nature to see how full of shit some people can be.
The first thing that caught my attention is that line he said to you... "It scares me how much I care about you, and I can't take loving you anymore." It seems pretty straight forward what he's saying... he's saying he likes you and he can't take it because liking you means he can't have you (you have a bf and I assume he knows this). I also have a very strange feeling that when you do meet him he may say he loves you but can't have you so he doesn't want to live anymore etc, etc, etc. If he does - how predictable. I admire your need in wanting to help but you have to be clear headed and know when you're being played for a fool - just incase that is what this guy is doing. For all you know he may have been using the same crap to keep his ex around until she finally decided she had enough. The truth is you only have one side of the story which is his side.
As for this problem with you and your boyfriend and how you don't want there to be a problem popping up again with this other kid, if this is really what you want then I suggest you go there knowing full well what your getting yourself into. He obviously likes you (even admitted it to you) and he needs emotional support (apparently). So be prepared for that and also KNOW when and where you need to draw the line. If you love your bf you've no excuse to fall for him. If you really are that scared then ensure he knows straight out that you only think of him as a friend and nothing else. You will need to make sure he understands this very clearly. If you told him anything about how you felt he will see it as a weakness and know that he has a chance of being able to pull you away from your bf. More to the point though, what gets me is that this guy says he broke up with his gf becuase of distance but then you're also an hour away from him anyway. It's not like he would be able to see you on a regular basis is it?
Overall I really do admire that you want to help this kid but be smart and don't get caught up in any emotional blackmail in the process. If I'm wrong about this guy (which happens on rare occasions) then I really do hope you manage to help him out but at some point he will need to help himself out as well. As someone once said, you can open the door but he's the one who has to walk through it.
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ok no body wants him to hurt himself we have established that...so mainly your concerns are you falling for him again, and him hurtin himself.. well as for the falling for him...you cant control that your heart decides for you...if it is meant to be, then it will be...and as for him cutting himself and suicidal...make him realize everything he has to live for..all of the good in his life..and remind him of how much everyone would miss him...including you....dont lead him on unless you really do think that maybe this is what you want..he is what you want...hope i helped!!
xoxo
teardrops7
PS you are a great person for caring about this boy...dont ever stop being such a good friend!!
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Ok so I think that you should tell him how you feel about him and your boyfriend. Think about who you love more. Think about life would be like if you told your aunts neighbor that u just wanted to be friends. Think about what life would be like if you broke up your now boyfriend for your aunts neighbor.
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Thank you for inboxing!
This is a very tough issue. I'm not exactly sure what to say, but I'll try my absolute best.
If I was in this situation, I would for sure not lead this guy on. It would only hurt him more and cause more trouble than neccessary.
Second of all, have you told somebody about his problems? I.E, how he used to cut? I would tell somebody, probably your aunt or the boy's parent because cutting is a serious issue that rarely just disappears and gets pushed aside like this. Also, the fact you think he may take his life if you hurt him. You should NOT put this burden no yourself. You need to tell somebody.
Next, I would talk to this guy. I would let him know that he changed you and made such an impact on you, but you just don't love him in that way. Tell him do not want to jeopardize things with your current boyfriend. Let him know you don't want to start a real relationship, because if things end badly, you do not want to lose him, etc.
But over all, I would tell a trusted adult that your friend seems to be suicidal. I hope helping you does save his life. Best of luck.
-Laura. (15-f)
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I've seen this situation before and I know where this is going. Before going any further, no matter how much he feels for you, make sure that you don't fall for him. I mean to say that he might threaten to take his life or hurt himself if you don't love him back the way he loves you.
It is a very delicate situation. You should keep being there for him, but also make sure that some other people are too, that you aren't the only one. If you can, try to get in touch with either his close friends or his parents/family and let them know about this situation. Let them know that he harms himself and that he needs help. If you try to take this on your own, it could consume you and things could end up horribly. Be there for him but don't let him get too attached to you either. You are too young to have these kinds of pressures on you with school and the rest of your life going on right now. Hope that helped and good luck.
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