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Hi my name is Angel, that's my real name. I'm a young adult now, I've had this advice column for years, but I made another one under the name anq3l_xo when I thought I couldn't access this one. A little bit about myself. I am a student, both in college and high school. I work as a nanny part time. I want to be a lawyer when I "grow up." I believe I've done a lot of growing up in my short life. I have conquered an obsession over drugs and alcohol in the last year and a half. I'm sober now and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I'm happy now. I'm in an absolutely blessed relationship with someone that I truly care about and love with all of my heart. I have been through things that you kids have nightmares about. I have seen, heard, and witnessed a lot of things that would make full grown men cry. I believe that I am innocent now, because I don't live that old lifestyle anymore. I have a lot of experience in a lot of things, and I've always been good at shedding light on dark situations. I come from a broken family, so I have step, half whatever siblings, and I just recently reunited with my real mother after she abandoned me 10 years ago. I have amazing friends today, but it wasn't always like that. I have a wonderful boyfriend and a great relationship with him, but let me tell you, it wasn't always like that. My sister is a drug addict/ alcoholic of the worst type. She's my best friend in the entire world, and I hope this 14 year old girl doesn't have to go through what I went through. I've come to understand that I can't help her, but I can help others through advice and by being of service to people around me. I'm always here to help, leave one in my inbox on this column or my other one, or my email which is listed, and I WILL get back to you. I know what it's like to feel like nobody cares, well I care about everybody. God bless. ~Love Angeladvice
Hey it's that girl who lost her brother.
That's pretty much my name now. Ok i came to you because u helped the most but I still need more. There's something about talking to someone you don't know that's always made me feel better. I can't stand to think of my brother inside one of those hollow graves. When did they ever get the idea to do that to people? The thing is almost my whole life I've been one of those people who wonders. But I've realized that I don't want to wonder, I want to know. Wondering's good, but if you sit on the stairs all day and wonder it's not going to do anything for you. You've gotta search out answers yourself sometimes, and I've tried. I just don't know where to turn, it's like now there's this big brick wall between me and my brother. I have this saying not seeing air doesn't keep me from breathing not seeing god doesnt keep from beliving. Now I know it's true, I know so many things that I wanted to know that I'm about up to my ears with knowlege, and I'm a smart kid. I know none of this was my fault. People talk to me like I don't know. How do they know I don't know. I know. The don't know. They say the do, but they don't not really. I'm the one who lost a big brother not anyone else. It's different for my sister, she was older than him and not really that close to him like I was. Oh, and I'd try the cookie thing but I'd probably burn the house down. It's not that I don't like my family, because I love them to death and that's more than a lot of people can say. Now I know the only thing promised in life is death. I'm afriad anybody I get close to or love is a second away from leaving the Earth, me included. Now I want to do something while I'm here. I want to make a difference, but I can't do that until I find a way to show people how much I do actually care. I don't feel sorry for myself. I've never felt sorry for myself, because I know there has to be a way I can get through this, I just need your help to get started.
This is a really tough situation, and it's hard not to worry about it. Like I said before, don't forget your brother. Death is one of those things that nobody can begin to understand. I know from experience, that going to someone's grave and talking to them actually lessens the situation. You sound like a smart girl and you know yourself better than anyone, so you do what you think is right, but I'm glad you came to me because I try really hard to help people, but my best advice is to go talk to him at his grave, because although he is dead, he is still your brother. Another thing that is hard about losing someone is the trust issue, you may never get over that, I never have, but if you love someone enough, like your family, you just need to accept that they will always be there for you. It's hard now, but later down the line you will realize that not everyone will leave you and that you just need to keep your head up. As for making a difference, do something nice for your family. Take small steps, maybe not making cookies, but plant some flowers in the yard, play board games on a certain night, (we do thursdays) your family knows how much you love your brother too. As for how much you care, go visit your brother's grave, it will make you feel better, write him a letter and give him some flowers, maybe a favorite book or movie of his, it sounds ridiculous, but I promise it will make you feel better. I really just hope you can get through this because you seem like a wonderful girl and you're very smart and I hope you follow your heart and do the right thing. Good luck sweetheart -Angel
H3Y even though this question is long please don't pass it over I need help.
Im almost fourteen and my nine seventeen year old brother died about a week ago. I don't want to talk about it and my parents are trying to force me into it. I don't want to talk sometimes, I just want to forget. But theres something inside me that wont let me and thats when I get either angry or sad, but I never find myself in tears. I havn't cried since I found out he was dead. Those were tears of shock. If you were in the middle of an algerbra test and got pulled out just to be told your big brother was hit by a car you would probably cry too. I can't take this anymore. Sometimes I just want to turn him into some distant memory, and other times I want to remember him. People tell me to remember all the good times we had, but that just makes me even more sad to know that we won't ever have those times again. My parents arn't helping either. They're wanting to have another baby. They want to replace him. Plus they have allready started turning his old room into a study for my dad. MY twenty year old sister does nothing but cry and therefore gets all the sympathy. I dont ever cry so people think I dont care, but I probably care more than anybody. I know even though he's dead but not gone it still doesn't help me. I find myself always asking "What if." I can't stand "What ifs" But the one question that I have always promised I'd never ask myself is "Why me" Then I realized I shouldn't be asking why me. I wasnt the one that died. So now I am despising my sister for her constant mourning, because she's not crying for Bryson, she's crying for herself. All I need to know is that if I force myself into crying if it will make the pain go away. And if it won't how can I stop hating the world around me. Because now I'm starting to hate myself. I'm afraid to love or trust anybody again and I can't do it alone.
Everyone that loses someone has love and or trust issues, they may or may not last forever. You really do need to remember the good times you had with your brother and stop asking yourself, what if, because that will make you feel worse about the situation. It's hard to lose someone, but you really need to be strong for them, ask yourself what your brother would think if he saw you the way you are now. You need to be strong for him, and especially at this time, you need to be close with your family, one day, maybe bake some cookies, not sympathy cookies, but just something sweet to let everyone know that you love them and are thinking about them. Little things like that, become closer with your family, you guys are all going through this together, so make the best of it, don't forget your brother. Remember the impact he had on your life, all the happy moments the two of you shared, maybe visit his grave and talk to him about how you're feeling. I hope this makes you feel better, stay strong sweetie. Hope I helped and keep me posted, IM me anytime sillyangel869 -Angel
I'm 13 and my brother is 15. He picks on me a lot and sometimes makes me mad but i love him very much. I just wish we were closer. I try to talk to him but he don't talk to me much. How do I get my brother and me to be closer?
Don't let his remarks affect you, maybe you should play the silent game, just ignore him for a while, when he comes to you just tell him how you're feeling, you also have to remember that 15 year old boys have their own agendas, so don't be heartbroken if he turns you down. Hope I helped -Angel
Sometimes I think that dancing rules my life. I take a very rigid, strict class where everything must be "just so" and I can't do anything when I want to. One day when my friend tied a friendship bracelet around my wrist, my dance teacher saw it and personally cut it off my wrist so I wouldn't wear it again. Also, when I want to try a sport like soccer or basketball, my dance teacher is the one who refuses to let me, saying that I will twist something or break something and I wouldn't be able to dance. My parents just stand around saying "Listen to what she says, dear. Listen." Now I really want to get some gentle highlights in my hair and my parents said yes at first, but they changed their minds when my dance teacher said no. What do I do?
Talk to your dance teacher, getting highlights will never affect your dance, no matter what they look like. If you and your teacher can't come to some reasonable agreement on what you want to do in life, then maybe dancing wasn't as destined for you as you may have thought before, you should be able to do what you want as long as you don't miss dance or have to miss dance at any point. You need to figure out what you want more. Hope I helped -Angel
I just finished crying, letting it all out. All because of my parents. I'm making 14 very soon now, but when I was 12, I broke my virginity with this guy, and my parents told him not to call at all and not to come over. I admit, he was a bad influence, and he didn't care about me. But I learned so much from that. After that happened, I have been through numerous realationships, lasting anywhere from a week to 10 months. I matured very, very fast too. I have learned about all kinds of guys during that time, and I don't trust ANYONE now.I am currently in a serious relationship with a guy in his late 20s. He treats me so good. Never says a bad word to me. He says he's still shocked at how I am so mature for my age and says he's never met anyone as "real" as me before. The thing is, we can't go anywhere together. And I'm tired of letting good guys who're interested have to pass me up because my parents don't know me and think I don't know anything. I'm not saying I know it all, but I have been a street girl, and I know what it's like. i don't want that. I'm ready to settle down with one person. No cheating. And my age is what everyone looks at. Tonight I couldn't even go to a fair because "I'm too young to be out at night with 3 other girls." My parents don't know me. They don't know ANY of the things I have been through. I want to know how I can tell my parents that I feel too sheltered? It's not just that. My parents don't seem to understand that if they get me a cell phone, then they can stay in touch with me no matter where I am. They always try to keep me home. They won't even let me go to a high school dance, and I'm going there now. How can i tell them that age is anything but a number, and it's my maturity that counts? I'm sorry you had to read all that, but my life is getting very miserable, and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking a counselor...but I don't know. Please help and thank you.
Oh, and sorry if you misunderstand the part where I say i can't go anywhere with the guy in his 20s. I know why I can't go anywhere with him, it's illegal, but I can't go ANYWHERE with any boy, no matter what age. Many, many, endless scores of boys have asked me out to skating rinks and bowling alleys and three asked me out to the fair tonight. But I can't go because I'm "13".
Thanks again.
I've been through all that before too, now if you want you're parents to understand them a little better, be the mature person you are and talk to them about your life. Now, since I've been through all of this before, I know that dating an older guy right now isn't good, especially a much older guy. Maybe your parents don't give you your freedom for a reason? Find out that reason, and work on it, maybe something bad has happened when you have gone out before? Even still, you have so much to learn, and from my experience, when I was your age doing the things you do, I thought I knew everything, but since then I know I have learned so much, you really need to act your age, as for now, parents are parents, you may be able to bend them, but you can't change them. Hope I helped, keep me posted -Angel
Can any one tell me how to shut little sisters up and also i keep a diary and it's impossible to have any privesy in my house does any one have any good ideas to stop little brats getting their hands on my diary! Thanks for any suggestions Joolz (plus i rate high)
Ask your parents to get you a little lock-box, or a trunk with a pad combination lock, so you can keep your stuff in it. They should be pretty understanding. As for your diary, maybe you should get a diary with a key and a lock or something. To get your sisters to shut up, ignore them, don't let it bother you, they will have nothing better to do than to shut up, or you could just get them back. Hope I helped. -Angel
My fourteen year old daughter has been going out with this nineteen year old boy since the beginning of January, first of all she lied to me saying that he was sixteen. I am quite worried about this. Can somebody help me and tell me what I should be doing. She is my only daughter, in fact my only child. I am worried. Help.
Don't stress too much on it, talk to her about it. Find out what it is she likes about him, get to know the guy for yourself, if your daughter likes him and you raised her, then he can't be all that bad. Try to let her make her own decisions, but pay close attention to the actions she takes, if you notice that she's acting different, (i.e. grades, habits, personality, physical etc.) find out why and give her some limits. If by chance something does go wrong, make them break it off, be hard on her about it, she'll thank you for it later. Don't feel bad or worried, you're just a mom that cares, one day your daughter will understand. Hope I helped, keep me posted. -Angel
hi its been 2 months since my dad left for monterrey to learn french an he will be gone six months. Anyway im stuck at home with my sisters and my mom who are driving me crazy and it seems like the only way i can get away is by smoking and ive got asthma and one kidney. i just need advice on soning out because if i keep up the way ive been smoking ill be dead before im thirty. Any good advice would be nice and i will rate high.
Ways to zone out. My specialty. Well, as nerdy as it sounds, a great way to zone out is by reading. If you get into a long, interesting book, or something, that's a great way. As long as you keep yourself occupied with something other than smoking or your family. Other things you could do, write, listen to music, paint, clean, puzzles, anything really that keeps your mind occupied. It's good that you want to quit smoking. Well, I hope I helped, good luck, keep me posted? -Angel
i am having such problems with my mom lately. we usually get along really well, but lately it feels like she doesn't listen to anything i say. i know this sounds really really cliche, but she doesn't understand me like she used to. i worry a lot, and i know she can't understand that feeling, but i wish she would try. instead she just talks to me like a 3 year old, which just gets me more worked up. she doesn't know how to make me feel better anymore- shes my mom, she knows everything about my personality- you'd think she know what gets me so upset. i really don't know what to do.
Well, let me just tell you one thing, a mother-daughter relationship is one of the most beautiful relationships in life, and you would never want to abuse that. So remember if you talk to her about it, be sensitive, don't yell or complain. Maybe find out in depth how her life is, how she's feeling. She may or may not realize that something is bothering you, but don't hold her to blame for that, maybe you haven't been opening up to her, and she just feels un-needed. Talk to her about how you feel and I'm sure she would understand. You're so lucky to have a mother that loves you. Good luck, hope I helped. -Angel
mmk sorry i didn't knoe wut ta put this under but me and my mom are planning to go on a vacation like spring break or like soon but money is a big issue when it comes to vacations with my family so has n e one been n e where that was really nice with a beach and alot of hot guys! that would have something fun for me to do then sumthing fun for my mom to do aswell thats not THAT expensive?!?
Santa Cruz, California. Any beach in California really, but it kinda depends on where you're from, because I only know west coast stuff, so if your on the east coast, all I could really say is New Jersey, but I think it's a little costly. Hope I helped and have fun on your vacation! -Angel
ok.. i have like.. the worlds worst father.. he has no pics of me or my 2 siblings in his house.. he gave my PS2 to my step brother.. he bought me a 50$ present for chrissy and thats it.. he didnt want me to get my car lisence, and he said the job that took me half a year to get is unsecure and crap (22$ and hour -making all things plastic in cars(holdens for you in aus)) what should i do about this? atm i see him about once every six months...
My step-mom is in that same situation with her father and I am with my mother. What I have found works best, is just to ignore him the best you can. Yeah, it's hard, he is your dad, but if all he is doing is bringing you down, then you need to stay away from him until he can wise up and be a nicer father. He should be proud of his kids, and he should certainly pay a little more attention to you guys, but it seems like you're doing fine without him, talk less on the phone and maybe see eachother less. Whatever you think works best. I hope I helped, and I really hope that your situation gets better. My best wishes. -Angel
My dad is making my life a living hell...hes drinking and smoking weed agian and hes a mean drunk...i used to be able to talk to him but now im scared of him...he has drovin me and my sister to cutting...i want to stop but cant becuz id rather die then live in this hell whole...plz help!
-HH
Call child protective services on him, you shouldn't let yourself be in that potentially dangerous situation. If you can't talk to him and you're pretty lost in this situation, there is help for you, but it's not on an advice website. You need to help yourself and your sister by calling for help. Your dad will eventually turn himself around and things will go back to how they were before. This is really hard, believe me I know, just be strong, keep your head up, and don't let these hard times get the best of you. I really hope that things work out for you. Keep me posted please. I'm always here. -Angel
I really really really hate my moms boyfriend and everyone thinks he's so nice and that im crazy but im not. It's hard to explain but what should I do! Im thinking of moving with my dad is that the right choice? I've talked to my mom but its like she wont listen she always tells me to be open minded but shes the one who need to know that I cry every night and I'm really hurt inside because I dont like him. please help!
Move in with your dad, that should show her how you feel. If she decides to pay attention to your feelings and break up with the guy, then you should go back if you want. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do in this situation. Your mom should realize your feelings. Hope I helped. -Angel
ok, at my dads house my brother and sister constantly make fun of me. last night they kept calling me a pig, and a special ed. and they will pysically abuse me sometimes. and they call me "g" casue i listen to rap music. and they like sing a song about me eating all the time. they are really mean. and i don't do anthing to them, and i tell my dad and he sazys either, i start it or get over it, or say something back, but when i say something back he says i start it!! what do i do?? please help!
Get revenge, sweet revenge. You shouldn't be treated like that, really get to them though, in front of their friends or something so that it really traumatizes them, then they will NEVER think of making fun of you again. Trust me, it works pretty damn well. Hope I helped. -Angel
OK today is Christmas and my dad got drunk.Well my mom and him were arguing and my dad sometime hits my mom well I have a brother he's 17 and today he had enough and my brother went and hit him then they began fighting and alot of mess started.I don't know what to do or even think and my brother is leaving to the Army I'm really confused plz helm I'm 14/f.
Just kind of space yourself from your family a little bit, stay in your room. Don't try to fix anything, maybe talk to your mom. About your dad, stay away from him, either your brother will figure something out, or your mom will, but if I were you, the more space for now, the better. Just be there for any of your family members to talk to, if worse comes to worst, call the police or CPS, someone that can make the situation more controlled. I really hope things work out, Merry Christmas! -Angel
My older sister trys to kill me ...like really trys! shes puttin a knife to my neck and chased me around the house with a butcher knife! and much more...and my parents seem to not even care...
well, talk to your parents about it, or if that doesnt work, find a higher authority, grandparents, CPS, police, a mental doctor, someone to help her or you. My best advice other than that, don't piss her off and just stay the hell away from her. Hope I helped and good luck. -Angel
I apologize in advance for the potential length of this post.
Lately, I have been having trouble with my father. It seems like he's taking every opportunity to ruin every chance at happiness that I ever had. I normally wouldn't care, but he's really effecting my relationships with other people and my potential opportunity to get into a good college, which is really important to me.
Since I'm only fourteen, I have no way to move out without his complete consent, and I have considered moving in with my mother in San Francisco, but she is physically abusive toward me, so that really eliminates itself as an option.
He's making me feel worthless and like I'm a horrible human being and I don't know what to do. He's called me a slut, a liar, a failure, and a sociopath. Someone please help me.
You could call CPS on him, and then they could put you somewhere, but that may or may not make you happy. Maybe you have friendly aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents? You can talk to your dad and tell him that if he can't treat you respectfully the way you treat him, then it's going to have to be his responsibility to find a place for you to stay with someone who will respect you. It's a really hard situation, but if you're up for handling it, then you should go for it. I really really hope that things work out for you, and be really careful, I hope I helped. Keep ya head up. -Angel
What should i get my mom and dad for xmas? i dont have any money and i cant go out and buy anything so i was wondering if any of you have any ideas on what i could give them or make them? i hope you have some ideas because i only have 2 days! i will rate for effort! ill give you a five!
Christmas morning, make them coffee or tea, and make some cookies/brownies/whatever. They're your parents, they just want you to be happy really. If they're hard-working, let them get a lot of sleep. Little things add up. Good luck, hope I helped. Merry Christmas. -Angel
I have a problem: some part of me wants my older sister's approval so much, yet I am nothing like her. She is a good and decent person, if not a little conservative and practical. She is a good role model, but I am not her. I am intellectual, studious and questioning. When I ask her the big questions, she thinks I make a big deal out of little things. But I think she never asks herself the big questions in life or is afraid to.
Why do I want her approval so much? She is a good person and I love her, but why don't I have the fortitude to be my own person?
Every little sister secretly wants their older sister's approval. You do have the fortitude to be your own person, you are your own person, but you, like all little sisters, want your older sister to basically, like you. It's perfectly normal and don't think of yourself as anyone other than yourself. Hope I helped. -Angel
OK, so my dad has cancer, my mom needs 2 hav surgery, my sista is a diebetic, my other sis just had a baby, and we hav alot of other things like that going on in my family. I really need an additude ajustment. When ever some1 else says somethin negitive, i become negitive, and every1 gets mad at me. How do i change this?
look at the more positive things, if someone says "well yeah, moms getting surgery" then you could just be like "well at least she`ll be better afterwords" if you think something negative, dont say it, I know its hard, but there are some things that just dont need to be said. Its really hard and I know that this probably wasnt much help, but good luck and I hope things work out for your family. -Angel