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My Parents/My Life
I just finished crying, letting it all out. All because of my parents. I'm making 14 very soon now, but when I was 12, I broke my virginity with this guy, and my parents told him not to call at all and not to come over. I admit, he was a bad influence, and he didn't care about me. But I learned so much from that. After that happened, I have been through numerous realationships, lasting anywhere from a week to 10 months. I matured very, very fast too. I have learned about all kinds of guys during that time, and I don't trust ANYONE now.I am currently in a serious relationship with a guy in his late 20s. He treats me so good. Never says a bad word to me. He says he's still shocked at how I am so mature for my age and says he's never met anyone as "real" as me before. The thing is, we can't go anywhere together. And I'm tired of letting good guys who're interested have to pass me up because my parents don't know me and think I don't know anything. I'm not saying I know it all, but I have been a street girl, and I know what it's like. i don't want that. I'm ready to settle down with one person. No cheating. And my age is what everyone looks at. Tonight I couldn't even go to a fair because "I'm too young to be out at night with 3 other girls." My parents don't know me. They don't know ANY of the things I have been through. I want to know how I can tell my parents that I feel too sheltered? It's not just that. My parents don't seem to understand that if they get me a cell phone, then they can stay in touch with me no matter where I am. They always try to keep me home. They won't even let me go to a high school dance, and I'm going there now. How can i tell them that age is anything but a number, and it's my maturity that counts? I'm sorry you had to read all that, but my life is getting very miserable, and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking a counselor...but I don't know. Please help and thank you.
Oh, and sorry if you misunderstand the part where I say i can't go anywhere with the guy in his 20s. I know why I can't go anywhere with him, it's illegal, but I can't go ANYWHERE with any boy, no matter what age. Many, many, endless scores of boys have asked me out to skating rinks and bowling alleys and three asked me out to the fair tonight. But I can't go because I'm "13".
Thanks again.
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Hey. I am really sorry about everything. By the way you talk, you dont sound like a 13 year old at all. You are extremely mature for your age, which is a good thing but might have been caused by much pain and suffering which Im sorry for. Your parents are definitely over-protective of you. To them, when you lost your virginity at such a young age - that was breaking a huge trust barrier, which is hard to get back from them, although I know it wasnt your fault. There are many pressures I feel and have felt with past boyfriends to have sex. Reassure them of that - tell them thats NOT you, you would not just go out and have sex with some random guy. But, you were possibly in love at the time? Or it just felt right. They have a right to be concerned with you, but let them know that YOU know you made a big mistake & you know you can never get your virginity back, but you really want the trust that goes with it. It hasnt been too long since you lost your virginity and all of that, so you should give it some time. Time heals lots of hard things in life. And, maybe it will heal this. Unfortunatly, your parents can do whatever they want with you (meaning not let you go to the fair, bowling alley, etc.) and theres nothing you can do about it until your 18 and can move out. Start earning your trust back by being very nice, helpful around the house, tell them you love them instead of yelling at them for not letting you go out, if they do let you go out carry a cell phone with you, let them know where you are @ all times and who youre with, try not to hang out around boys so much around them so that they dont get the wrong idea, and maybe you could try counseling. Because a counselor might be able to talk to your parents about this also and let them see YOUR point of view. God Bless ♥ Laura
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Well since you already know it's illgeal, that's a big factor. I'm not sure if I'm the best person to answer this, because I thought my parents we unfair until I read this. I have a cell phone, but I'm paying for it. And that's what it's supposed to be, a link from my parents to me. You can try explaining it to them. You can try writing a letter. Usually it's one of the best ways. Even though sometimes the way you write something can be misinterpreted, that's the only way you can 'talk' without being interupted. Have your parents always been like this, or only since you lost your virginity? I'm not sure really what to say. Maybe they lost their trust when you had sex, and are still trying to gain it back completely, no matter how mature someone is, it's always almost impossible to completely gain back trust. Maybe they're still worried something like this will happen again, and just can't help but worry. As a daughter every once and a while I try to look at things from my parents point of view. As an example, I break a pair of $50 heels that my mom bought for me not even a week ago. I should have to pay them back because why should she waste money on something that doesn't last even a week for me? Possibly a good columnist to ask this to is MFS, he's a dad and might be able to explain why some parents are like this. If I was a parents it'd be easier for me to answer this, and I'm sorry that I can't be of much help. This is a really really good question too. You should ask it to the whole site. I love getting questions in my inbox, but this one is a little tough for me to answer. But I hope that you'll either ask it to the site, or try someone such as MFS who, as a dad, could probably help you out a lot more than I could. (He's one of the only parents on here whos username I can think of, and spell (ha ha) Well I hope something I said might have helped. All I can think of is to talk or write a letter asking why they won't let you do these things. Ask them "don't you think I've learned from my mistakes" "Don't you think I've grown and matured since then" "If you love me you'll let me out of the house every once in a while" "I know you're doing this because you love me, but I need a little bit of freedom" Maybe stuff like that. But uhh.. here's MFS's column link... [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If you decide not to ask him, you might want to ask the whole site.
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I've been through all that before too, now if you want you're parents to understand them a little better, be the mature person you are and talk to them about your life. Now, since I've been through all of this before, I know that dating an older guy right now isn't good, especially a much older guy. Maybe your parents don't give you your freedom for a reason? Find out that reason, and work on it, maybe something bad has happened when you have gone out before? Even still, you have so much to learn, and from my experience, when I was your age doing the things you do, I thought I knew everything, but since then I know I have learned so much, you really need to act your age, as for now, parents are parents, you may be able to bend them, but you can't change them. Hope I helped, keep me posted -Angel
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hey hun okay to me you sound very mature for a 13 year old i have to say because at 15 i know i dont think like that lol...anyways alright lets get to it. i would highly say talk to your parents about all this. sit them down and be like mom, dad can i please have a word with you guys...i dont know if you know this or not but just because i'm 13 i kinda been through a lot of things that many 13 year olds haven't. i know i'm young but the thing is that i'm mature... ever since what happened i learned alot from that mistake and mature very quickly. and see what they say. do they know that you are in a serious relationship with a 20 year old? then you have to look at things from their poin of view too...they might decided that you can't go out with a guy is that they dont want you to get hurt again from before you know? they've become a bit more protective because they love you and dont want you to be harmed. definitly talk to them about what you told me if you feel comfortable enough to and see what they have to say. i'm not the best at this but my parents are the same way and i'm 15. they are just very protective because who knows your friend can be trying to hurt you. let your parents know who your going to hang out with and fill them in on things and on top of that show them that you are mature enough to handle things too. like i said i'm not the best at this but i hope i helped you out at least a bit. if you need anything else or something let me know. my inbox if open for you! lol Take Care hun. hope everything goes well! x3 SweetStar.
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