|
Teen relationship
My fourteen year old daughter has been going out with this nineteen year old boy since the beginning of January, first of all she lied to me saying that he was sixteen. I am quite worried about this. Can somebody help me and tell me what I should be doing. She is my only daughter, in fact my only child. I am worried. Help.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
can you say...overprotective????
]
ok.. I'll tell you one thing that I know for a fact. Don't Ever try to "Make" them break it off, it wont solve anything, it may make her hate you for not letting her make her own descisions, and then she could even end up running away with him or sneaking around and yeah.. All I can suggest is talking to her, Giving her tips on safe sex, and contraceptives, and maybe get that chip thing in her that makes it impossible for her to get preggy for 3 years.. Then you need be worried, also he is 19 so he is probably pretty mature, look out for what he drives, and the way he drives it.. also talk to him.. hope dis helps..
]
Wow, first when I read this I thought you were my friends mom. She has the exact same problem with my friend. First, don't yell at her about it, that just makes teenage girls *want* to make you mad. When my friends mom yelled at her, she snuck out and met up with her boyfriend. Also, as much as you would like to, don't forbid her from seeing him. She WILL no matter how much you keep your eye on her, she WILL find ways to meet up with him and since they arn't ALLOWED to see eachother alot, they will do more then they would do if they were to see eachother everyday. So, my best advice is to sit her down, tell her you are worried, and it's not HER you don't trust but it's the fact that MOST older boys only want sex from younger girls. Tell her you would be more willing to accept their relationship if you were allowed to meet her boyfriend and maybe he could come over for dinner one night. I hope I helped, by the way, I am 15 so I know what your daughter is going through, and I know that's exactly how my mom would deal with it, and I would be perfectly happy that way.
]
tell her that you don't like her going out with someone that old but do it in a calm matter or else if she thinks you have forbidden her to see him it will make her want him more...tell her that you're worried and you want her to be careful and tell her how you feel ask her why she lied and have her go on group dates if she really likes him that much -No One on One dates- it send bad signals- and meet the guy see if you approve or not because he may not seem the same to you of who he is or she might think he's great and you don't like him at all - what i am saying is don't judge him before you get to know him
]
get to know him don't jude him either ....maybe your daughter really likes him and she didn't want to tell you his age because she would know how u would rect to this ...give him a chance
]
You have got to be strict there is no other way. Ask her to bring this boy home and get to know him.
sit her down and ask her why she lied to you. if she retaliates, say to her 'i ask because im worried you are my baby girl you have always been my baby and i want you to be happy but if it means your not safe that it not a risk i am willing to take i love u very much'
And if she ses 'if you love me you would understand' which is an answer that if i was in that situation i would give.Be strict but not mean
Also she may have been pressured to have sex. try to have a bonding session with her. Maybe tell her about experiences you have had mistakes you have made and make sure she doesnt try to make a scene and run out the door Lock the door and be strict its the only way to show them your serious
Good luck xxx
]
First of all, you need to talk to the guy. Tell him how unhappy you are about this arrangement, and the possibility of him going to jail for having sex with a minor.
Second of all, why is she dating at 14? I honestly think this is too young. They don't even think rationally at this age about boys let alone almost grown men.
It's harder for them to get together secretly since she doesn't have a car. But I would highly suggest having you or another adult take her and pick her up from school for a while so they won't be together. You are just going to have to continually interrogate her about her comings and goings for a while. Encourage her to have friends over to the house while you are around. Offer to chauffeur. Just be nosy for a while. There is always a part in a teen life that they hate their parents, but they will hate them worse if they let them fall prey to ne'er do wells.
And the fact that she lied to you, should get her nice and grounded for a while. If she lies once, she will do it again if only to meet with her guy.
My dad wasn't really successful at keeping me from my too old guy, but eventually I understood how he was just trying to manipulate me.
]
What you need to do is just pay close attention. Dont nag her or she will try to get away from you more and more. If she is always out late or her grades are DRASTICALLY dropping something is wrong and you need to have a talk with her. Just talk, dont get mad at her, just ask her whats going on and try to be her friend. If she seems perfectly normal and nothing is different let her be, im sure shes fine
~lyndsey
]
14 and 19 is crossing the line a bit but heres the kicker if he does anything to hurt her you can quite legaly chop his balls off. youd probly get a few months in prison but thats its. hes over 18 you have less to worry abou than if she was going out with a 17 year old. just have a talk wit her about lying becasue thats bad (duh you know that) and let her have her fun, the more you try to keep them apart the more youll push them together.
]
Don't stress too much on it, talk to her about it. Find out what it is she likes about him, get to know the guy for yourself, if your daughter likes him and you raised her, then he can't be all that bad. Try to let her make her own decisions, but pay close attention to the actions she takes, if you notice that she's acting different, (i.e. grades, habits, personality, physical etc.) find out why and give her some limits. If by chance something does go wrong, make them break it off, be hard on her about it, she'll thank you for it later. Don't feel bad or worried, you're just a mom that cares, one day your daughter will understand. Hope I helped, keep me posted. -Angel
]
I'm around your daughter's age and I myself about flipped when I read this. 5 years of age difference is way too much of an age gap. And she knew that you wouldn't approve, which is way she told you he was 16. I'm not sure about what to do to get through to her, but I know what wouldn't work. Don't forbid her from seeing him. She would be SO mad at you. I would sit down and talk to her, and instead of jumping right in and trying to talk down the whole thing, ask her why she likes him so much. Maybe if you get to see her side, (whatever it might be) it will be easier for you to get her, to see your side. Then after that, I would let her know how much you don't approve of the whole situation, and why it probably won't last, and things she's going to miss out on. That's what would get through to me. I hope I helped and I will pray that you get through to your daughter.
]
Well first of all a 19 year old guy has one thing on his mind. SEX. Your daughter needs to be going out with guy 15 to 16 years old. Break them up in a hurry.
]
whoa ok im 13 but a 14 year old going out with a 19 yr old i crazy ok you and your daughter have to sit down and talk it out quietly and calmly. you need to explain to her that you dont feel right about the age difference and maybe she should date more around her age
hope i helped
jax143 :-)
]
dont force her out of the relationship because then she'll hate you forever. what you SHOULD do is to just not allow them to go anywhere without a parent there so nothing gets out of control. just let them stay in the basement and parents upstairs, checking on them everyonce and a while.
]
WOW! I used to date a 18 year old (I'm 14) my mom was in denial about the relationship. At first I thought he really cared for me, like I really liked him, and we had lots of fun together. I thought everyone was wrong when telling me he was in it for one thing because we weer dating for almost a year before he tried to get me to do anything. The first time he asked he respected my desicion in saying no. Same with the second time. The 3rd time he asked he wasn't so respectful, luckily we were sort of in public, like he wanted us to go inside and do something, but we were in public when he asked, but anyways, if we would've been inside when he asked I'm not so sure how lucky I wouldn't been. But I was able to get home safe, that night I called him and broke it off because I was too scared to do it in person. I say unless you really like the guy, you should try and talk to your daughter and tell her that it's practically pedophile. If he was 1 year older then it would be considered pedophile. For an underage person to be dating an overage person the age limit without it being pedohpile is a total of 5 years difference. And they barely make the cut. He probably wants her for one thing. Not 100% sure, but most likely that's all he wants her for. Tell her you don't mind if they hang out, but you don't like the idea of them dating. And if anything sexual happens you will press charges (since he's over 18+ it would be considered rape, though you probably know that) Or if she does continue dating him, you are her ride to and from dates. They can't be out together past a certain time. And the most they can do is double date. Though she will get more freedom if she dates someone around her age. Make that clear to her. And tell her if you find out that she lies about seeing him or anything like that then she will be grounded, not allowed to see any of her friends for a month, no cell phone, no phone, no computer, school, church, family, and that's ALL!! Not even tv!!!!!! Tell her when she's dating someone 18+ rules are much more strict, because even though most average guys are also in it for sex, the 18+ are illegaly in it, and though some of them are nice guys, it's a lot more dangerous and he could get in a lot more trouble for doing anything with her. ENFORE THE RULES!! DO NOT LET THEM DATE!! I wish my mom would have broken things off with me and my ex instead of me having to learn the hard way. If your daughter absolutely refuses, then at least tell her to carry pepper spray and knowhow to work it. And that they CAN'T be in a house alone without a parent present at ALL, even if the parent runs out for 10 minutes to go to the store, they have to go outside!!! Good luck with your daughter and BE CAREFUL!!! He could be a good guy, but he could also be someone wanting one thing that your daughter is not ready to give!! Hope I've helped some. E-mail me or drop on in the inbox for anything. The info is in my column!!
]
Wow its nice to see parents caring so much about their children! I understand your concern. My suggestion is to get to know this kids parents! If you know the parents very well, he might feel as if he is being looked after and probably wont do anything bad to her. On the other hand, if she lied to you shes probably hiding something and doesnt want to tell you. Don't be mad at her for that. A lot of teens feel as if their parents dont understand them, even I did. Sit her down and tell her to tell you whats been going on, whats been up; you know friendly stuff you usually wouldnt say. Dont be childish be motherly. After she tells you whats been happening (if you can get it out of her) DO NOT punish her. No matter how bad the situation is. Try to help her. Dont be mean and try to understand whats its like to live in her school. Shes probably suffered and punishing her isn't going to help at this point. Try to form a trusting bond and maybe she'll tell you more things.
Hope I helped
Jacki
]
5 years is much too big of an age gap right now. When shes in her 20's..fine. But not now.Crack down and be the "mean mom" trust me you'll be glad you did. Its your job! your daughter will apprecuiate it..maybe not now..but in the long run she will. I've seen tis happen to my(once) best friend. She dated an 18 year old (she was 14) and all he did was use her for sexual activities..then broke her heart. She could be lying to you bout other things as well. Take control before its too late! When your dauhter goes out ask "who,what,when, where why."
hope i helped
-melissa-
]
Obviously... hes going out with her for a reason... and that reason isnt because he's deeply in love with her. Why else would he be going out with someone 5 years older? The fact that she lied to you about his age.. could mean that shes lying to you about other things... at her age... a 5 year age difference is alot. hes old enough to smoke.. while shes not even old enough to drive. parents are always the most over protective of their first child... have you even met this guy? i'm sure hes harmless... but meet him... and talk to your daughter.. its illegal for them to be having a sexual relation.. so talk to her about getting pressured into things... your daughter can do better. encourage her to find somebody more her age. this relationnship will never work out.. the gap is just 2 big... so talk 2 her.. she might not be understanding... bUt she needs you!
good luck! hope i helped!
xOxO, aLeX
]
break them up- hes 2 old for her! ground her or somethin, just make sure she doesnt leave the house to go meet him. and make sure shes not seeing him no more. if you have to , try 2 fix her up with someone else.
]
you need to break them up! first of all, your the mom, you have a say-so in her relationships, second of all, it's illegal for her to be doing that! if they've done anything, it's rape! hope this helps!
~Alyssa
]
The fact that she lied about his age brings up the question, how close are you to her? Is this the first time she has lied to you? Maybe the reaction you are doing to that fact he is 19 is why she lied. I am sure your daughter knows some boundaries about her body. All you can do is talk to her right now. Don't punish, because that will always lead to her not telling you the next time. Tell her how you feel. She loves you, she'll understand that her mother cares for her.
]
o0 wow never gave advice t0 a mom .. ii thiNk its grOss for hEr t0 go Out wiTh a 19 yeaR olD ! hes like 5 yeArs oLder ! ii think all he wants is sex and its illeGal t0 ! you culD try forBiding her seEinG him because you dont want your daughter t0 end up pregnant or anything .
]
I think that you should talk to her about how you feel... but don't tell her not to go out with this guy because if you raised her right, she'll be able to see what guys are the bad ones to go out with and which are the good... i would make a dinner date with them and get to know her boyfriend. You should trust your daughter and let her like who she wants to because you can't make her like sumone she doesn't want to
]
What would a 19 year old want with a 14 year old? Sex. I'm almost positive you dont want your daughter to have sex, so just forbid her to go out with him. If she has ways of sneaking out, and going against what your saying..you can get a restraining order or tell the police about it. He is 19 and dating a 14 year old, which is illegal. So get the cops involved if you have to. Your daughter might not like you for a while if you do this, but in the long run...she'll realize you just care for her and dont want her to get pregnant!
]
More Questions: |