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Brother
H3Y even though this question is long please don't pass it over I need help.
Im almost fourteen and my nine seventeen year old brother died about a week ago. I don't want to talk about it and my parents are trying to force me into it. I don't want to talk sometimes, I just want to forget. But theres something inside me that wont let me and thats when I get either angry or sad, but I never find myself in tears. I havn't cried since I found out he was dead. Those were tears of shock. If you were in the middle of an algerbra test and got pulled out just to be told your big brother was hit by a car you would probably cry too. I can't take this anymore. Sometimes I just want to turn him into some distant memory, and other times I want to remember him. People tell me to remember all the good times we had, but that just makes me even more sad to know that we won't ever have those times again. My parents arn't helping either. They're wanting to have another baby. They want to replace him. Plus they have allready started turning his old room into a study for my dad. MY twenty year old sister does nothing but cry and therefore gets all the sympathy. I dont ever cry so people think I dont care, but I probably care more than anybody. I know even though he's dead but not gone it still doesn't help me. I find myself always asking "What if." I can't stand "What ifs" But the one question that I have always promised I'd never ask myself is "Why me" Then I realized I shouldn't be asking why me. I wasnt the one that died. So now I am despising my sister for her constant mourning, because she's not crying for Bryson, she's crying for herself. All I need to know is that if I force myself into crying if it will make the pain go away. And if it won't how can I stop hating the world around me. Because now I'm starting to hate myself. I'm afraid to love or trust anybody again and I can't do it alone.
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I know exactly what you are going through. My brother was 20 when he died. He was walking down the street and someone shot him because he was trying stop a man from raping a woman. My friend found out before I did and she told me. At first I didn't cry for weeks and then all I did was cry I even thought about suicide. It's really hard I know. You obviously loved your brother much. I'm sorry to tell you that crying won't make the pain go away nothing really will except time but crying is better than keeping what you feel inside of you. I thought keeping my feelings inside was best but even though crying doesn't take the pain you feel away it does help a little. I know that sux to hear but it's true. I'm still nervous about loving or trusting people but you have to move on. It will be extremely difficult but you have to try. Think about what your brother would want you to do. I don't know who your brother was but he must have been a good person for you to have loved him so much. Ask yourself a few questions. First would he want you to always cry for him? I don't think he would but I also don't think he would want you to be afraid of loving or trusting people again. I'm sorry to tell you that it will be very difficult, but you have to try to keep living life.
I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that things will get better for you.
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I'm very sorry to hear about this! &hearts .. well I would keep a journal/ diary of your feelings, talk to a counceler, and pray (if you believe in Christ) Remeber: It's not your fault, it's not your sisters or your parents. Your parents are probably hurting just as much as you so they are trying to pre-occupy themselves with a new baby. But be sure to talk to an adult about these feelings, crying helps, so does just talkin to anyone that will listen.
&hearts Hope it all works out &hearts
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I'm really sorry to hear about your brother.Everybody grieves in their own way. Don't be mad at your sister because her way is not the same as yours. Your whole family is grieving. You all loved him. What ifs don't do much good. You can what if forever. It changes nothing. If you want to do something that might help you, write him a letter. I know it sounds stupid but give it a try. Tell him all things that you didn't get to say. You could even make a family project of it and keep all the letters in a notebook. Maybe read them out loud on his birthday.
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Maybe you should try to talk about it cause it might help insted of keeping it all in because if u get mad all of your fealings might come out at the wrong time.
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Dear sister,
I am sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves in their own way. And it all takes time. Though I can't believe that your parents are changing his room over already! No crying won't make you feel better, because some people cry over the loss of a loved one every day. But your family as a whole is not taking it well, there should be some family mourning, and some private mouring for each of you. YOu will always have a pang of greif or regret each time you think of your brother. But in time you will think of him less and less. In fact, the first day that goes by where you don't think of him, you will surprise yourself. But your memories are important, because your brother needs to live on through all your memories. The best thing you can do is honor his memory. Never speak ill of the dead they say, that it is for good reason. Your parents are not handling it well, if you don't have to imitate them. But if you learn nothing else, then learn that life can be brief, so please make the most of your life. Don't waste it. Because everyone on the other side, would be happy to trade places with you. I do believe that things happen for a reason, but the reasons are not always easy to figure out.
You keep up the good work. You mourn in your own way. You did not do anything wrong, and you don't have to mourn in the way other people expect you to.
Take care
Michele
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maybe talking about it can overcome what you feel inside of you.Talk to someone you can trust and that you feel comfortable talking to.Forgetting can be the worst thing you can do because it all piles up at the end and then you don't know what to do with all of it. Be strong and just fight your fear of talking about it and TALK ABOUT IT.If you can't find anyone to talk to about this than im here for you.Iknow that you don't know me,but maybe that's what you need.To talk to someone you don't know.That was your first step, telling all those people about your brother, but now the next step is actually telling someone what you dwell(hold) inside of you.You can do it.Be stong.email me when ever you want.anahi_marquez21@hotmail.com. IM HERE FOR YOU AND MOST OF ALL IM YOUR FRIEND..OKAY
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Hey,
You really shouldnt be trying to forget about him. i understand that you would have mixed emotions about his death. when a loved one dies it can be a hard thing to cope with.
by your question i understand that you do have alot of feelings tward his death. sadness is one of them obviously. hes your brother. You cant keep all of your emotions inside of you. let yourself cry. you will feel sooo much better believe me.
when someone you love dies you find your own way to deal with the death. crying seams to be your sisters way of coping with the loss of your brother. you need to accept that. you cannot get angry with her about something like that. its going to make her feel worse about it.
Dont hate yourself. it isnt your fault your brother is gone. death cant be blamed on anyone.
Your parents dont want to replace your brother. nobody can replace him.
I hope i helped even a little bit. i am so so sorry i hope your alright.
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Aww, I am soo sorry to hear that. You sound real mad over the fact that he died. Why would your sister be crying for herself, he brother just died. Yeah, what you parents are doing about the baby and the study is a little wrong and they are rushing things, but they are just as upset as you are. I think you should cry. Crying will let out all your emotions that are bottled up. If you don't let it out, one day you will just snap and then have like a breakdown. Don't hate yourself, it is not your fault that he died. Just remember him, don't forget. You will start to accept the fact sooner or later and you won't be all as upset. I am sorry, that is the best advice I can give you!
-Brianna
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Im so sorry! I know its really hard when you loose someone you love. One of my really close friends lost her 17 year old brother also but she is doing better now. You will always miss him no matter what. Dont try to forget about him and you should remember all the good times! You are in a lot of pain and it hurts even more to hold it in. If you feel like crying just let it out it will help. Hes not gone and you will be with him again! By talking about it also might help but maybe its too soon for you now. I hope you feel so much better and you should know that everyone is always there for you no matter what. x0
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oh babe.. this world is cruel and theres not much we can do to control what happens or when it happens, but you cant let things like this keep you down. Deaths can either bring out the worst in people or the best, and in your case it sounds like its bringin out the worst.. you cant let that happen! No, ive never been in this situation before but i know enough about it to know that yes its tough and yes other people are going to TRY to help but in most cases they will make it worse. Ant dont make yourself cry, its pointless.. i had a grandfather recently die and no he wasnt as close to me as a brother would be but he was still close, i didnt cry once, not even when i found out, but everyone around me was crying.. i thought i was doin the wrong thing by not crying but i think cryign makes it worse.. it makes everything go through your head.. the good things and the bad things.. it makes you sick to your stomach.. it actually brings out the violence and the hatred more.. just hang in there babe.. its all goin to be ok, just stay strong and turn to someone you can really trust and talk to them.. face to face helps..
</3 Sarabeth
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I'm sorry for your loss. But you are never going to get over him. Crying will make things better, it will let everything out, so I suggest you do it. I have never gone through what you have, so I cannot be very much of a help at all. I'm really sorry....
x0
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Everyone that loses someone has love and or trust issues, they may or may not last forever. You really do need to remember the good times you had with your brother and stop asking yourself, what if, because that will make you feel worse about the situation. It's hard to lose someone, but you really need to be strong for them, ask yourself what your brother would think if he saw you the way you are now. You need to be strong for him, and especially at this time, you need to be close with your family, one day, maybe bake some cookies, not sympathy cookies, but just something sweet to let everyone know that you love them and are thinking about them. Little things like that, become closer with your family, you guys are all going through this together, so make the best of it, don't forget your brother. Remember the impact he had on your life, all the happy moments the two of you shared, maybe visit his grave and talk to him about how you're feeling. I hope this makes you feel better, stay strong sweetie. Hope I helped and keep me posted, IM me anytime sillyangel869 -Angel
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