Sorry for calling you a brat. You are in some seriously abusive cult for sure. Contacting the police for help is your best and only really safe option.

Updated***
Not what you had in mind? Obviously not, that is precisely the point.




You don't. Just sneak out or whatever. Do whatever you want. You know best. Teenagers usually know everything. Probably you will have a great time hanging out with your friends, who are really responsible good people and will keep you safe. Hopefully you won't get kidnapped, raped or killed. Your parents just don't want you to have any fun. They just took care of you all your life so that you could waste it with a bunch of losers that hang out in the park anyway. If they really love you then they won't set any limits ever. You should thank them by doing what you want and lie to them. Your parents are only your parents for a little while. Highschool friends and people that hang out in parks looking for a good time are really life long friends who will always be there for you.

Yeah this happens a lot. Home life sucks, so you move out or escape to whatever you can, only to find you have traded one crappy situation for another. This is a common mistake. Leave if you are not safe at home, but keep your options open. Moving in with a boyfriend is usually a mistake, especially in your situation. Can you do anything to take yourself out of the stress at home without leaving until you can really be independent? Maybe planning to move in with a girl friend would be wiser and more satisfactory long-term. You won't lose your parents for life...that is silly. People get over things. Live at peace wherever you are...don't engage in fighting, take yourself out of the circle of arguments, and talk to your school counselor for sage advice.

Two is my favorite number.


What we won't do for love...but would they do it back for us? Now I believe you knew it was a little sneaky and that your Dad would not approve when you did it...hence the secrecy. Lies only make it worse. Your Dad is not the selfish one here, you are. You used it to impress a guy...someone you will not even like a year from now..maybe a lot sooner. Be honest about your transgression with your Dad. He deserves it. Growing up is about learning to do the right thing even when it is scary. You will respect yourself a whole lot more when you tell the truth and live the truth. Overall this is a tiny boo-boo, but a good time to learn this valuable lesson. Make sure and tell your parents you finally get that and they will be more understanding.

Yeah that sucks...but you are not alone. Many of us survive that crap and a lot worse. Don't give up. If there is any abuse in this household, you must report it immediately and not take it. Some crying and being angry is normal and productive. It lets you release stress and helps motivate change in one's life. Stay on what your doctor prescribes, but keep talking to your doctor about what is going on in the home...every detail affecting your emotions and self-esteem. Tell your Dad and step-mom how you feel and how they are hurting you. Ask them to take you to counseling both for yourself and as a family. Maybe your doctor could suggest this to them for you. We all have struggles and feel not good enough sometimes and it does suck. There opinions do hurt, but they are not the truth, only perceptions that are limited and flawed. You have the real truth inside of you and you can live out the truth of who you are without approval when you learn to approve of yourself. Some people can never ever be pleased and they dangle their approval on a string in front of you all the time, just to play with your emotions. Don't let them do it anymore. Be proud of yourself and do things in your life that you know are good and worthy of approval for yourself. This is your life and you will accomplish your own goals when you find that it is not about them.

How old are you? Fighting can get out of hand...especially when people are under stress and say things that they don't really believe to be true, but say them to vent. This escalation of emotions needs to stop, so that you both can live in peace together and deal with disputes in a mutually respectful fashion. The easiest answer may also be the hardest to do. Quit arguing with your mom. Just let her have her say and walk away. Later when you are both calm, you can bring up the subject in a respectful tone and ask her when she may be more receptive to your side of things. This is going to be challenging for you, but it is the quickest way to stop the fighting. Take a few long deep breaths and hold your tongue. We all need to learn to do this more, not just you....in this case, to change your circumstance immediately, you will have to be the one to find the inner strength to do this. Hopefully your mom will learn from your behavior and follow suit eventually. Good luck and be strong.

They probably don't realize how it is affecting you. Talk to them. Tell them everything you feel and think about what is going on in your life and how their actions are making you feel. You have a right to express yourself and a right to all of your feelings. Talk to others also. Friends, trusted adults, teachers, counselors...ask your parents to take you to family therapy if you are not already going. Therapy can be free for kids through many community services and schools. Even the local police dept should be able to give you some phone numbers. You are important and need to be heard. This is not an uncommon occurance and is not anyone's fault...sometimes it just happens. Things will be tough, but they will get better. You will be okay. Talk and be open with your concerns. Bless you and your family.

I am not clear about what exactly you are being asked to help with. It helps to be specific. Do you feel like you owe your family this? I really can't give you my best advice without more detail, but I seriously doubt you have an obligation or the expertise to improve this child's life. The parents are the ones responsible, and if the grandparents (your folks) want to pitch in and help, then that is fine. Are you very old yourself? You deserve to concentrate on raising yourself more as a young adult and making something of your life.

Okay so this is something that is between you two, but it is hard for you to define exactly what it is and why. It is almost impossible to fix a problem that does not exist...at least one that does not exist for both people who are willing to admit what it is. I would try a different approach than you have been using, since what you have done is clearly not producing results. Do not let her pull you into game playing and getting mad. Do not let her manipulate you with her moodiness...that is passive-aggressive and not healthy. Be direct and honest about your feelings. Use "I feel..." statements that are about how you feel and not about blaming her for anything. Do this consistently. Ask her how she feels specifically when you have friends over and specifically what she does and does not like about it. This may help to clue her into her own feelings...which may have been confusing to her as well, making her even more frustrated. You two will work together and not against each other to figure this out. This is not the worst thing you could be dealing with, so take a deep breath and relax into that truth. Get to know the feelings and the rest will fall into place. The problem is not you having friendships, but something that comes up in between you two when you do have them. This is what you both will work on together.

Excellent advice already, so I just want to add my support to you personally. Whether or not the abuser considers himself recovered or think his words are okay is irrelevant. He is at best mentally ill, and at worst, an evil bastard who will eventually kill you, your child or both. Abuse of this kind is to be taken very seriously. Go to the police today, immediately. If a stranger on the street did these things to you, you would know how much danger you are in, but you have been fooled into thinking that this psycho guy has love for you as well as hate. He only loves his power over you and not you. I know you are confused...that is perfectly understandable. When you seek help and get away from him, things will become more clear over time and you will wonder why you put up with his abuse for so long. For now don't worry about the financial losses. What he is taking and destroying is you, and your child's chance at a secure and happy life. You and your child are worth far more than the items you have lost already. Get out with your life! Contact the police and women's shelter right away. Tomorrow you may not get the chance. You are in real danger...like a frog in a pot of boiling water who does not hop out and save himself, because the heat was turned up slowly over time...you don't realize how bad things are until it is too late. Get out of that pot! God bless you and please find the strength to do this for you and your innocent precious child. Don't worry about the details, have faith that they will work out. You have my prayers and support. Keep in touch.

The old double-standard strikes again. Parents often spoil one child, usually the female and expect the son to be responsible. Unfair...maybe, but that part is not relevant. Actually, they may be doing you and your husband a favor. Do you really want to be married to someone that is a spoiled child who will always be dependent upon his daddy and mommy? Of course not, so get over the fact that they want to spoil their princess. It is not doing her any favors in the long run either. Be proud of making what you and your husband will accomplish together in this short lifetime and don't look for anyone else to pay your way. Be clear that unless it is a true gift, you don't want it. Now, release all grudges..they are not healthy. Focus and appreciate what you and your hubby share together...something no one can give you or take away.

Yes, you must call CPS immediately and also get your kids into couseling. I would take your ex to court again and sue for full custody of the kids. This woman is evil and she is a terrible influence on your young girls.

Sex is like an anti-depressant, with all the endorphins orgasm provides. However, two depressed teenagers using sex for their only sense of joy and fulfillment will have a difficult time growing in other areas and realizing they have many other options. Sex should not be the only thing that makes the two of you happy when you are together. If you were allowed to see each other without restrictions then you would make it like rabbits until you both got bored of it and each other and break up anyway. Whether you are seventeen or seventy my advice is the same. Branch out and do some fun stuff both alone and together. Find ways to deal with your depression and live life. Sex should be an extension of your joy, not a replacement for it.

Talk with your mom about how you feel. You do not however have a right to judge her. Marriage is between the two people who said the vows and it means different things to different people and changes over time...sometimes for the better, but rough patches happen. Also, you are technically an adult, though you live at home. So, your parents have already done their job of raising you and you need to focus on your own life. Your job is not to "protect" your dad by telling him what 1. May not be true 2. May not be as bad as you think 3. Is not your business 4. He may not want to know, even if he suspects it 5. He may not deserve to know...maybe he does not care or is not as innocent as you think 6. Should only come from your mom, should she decide to say anything when and how she chooses 7. May seem like a simple choice, but life and marriage is complicated. Leave it alone, except for talking to your mom and giving her a chance to say for herself. If you find out from her that something is going on and she asks you to not say anything, tell her that is putting you in an unfair position, but give her a chance to come clean first.

I am not going to pretend this is obvious or simple, because you know better. However, I have to say that you are being reasonable and offered a practical solution to your problem. Unfortunately it was not a perfect solution and there is unlikely to be one. Trying to make several adults and childrens lives mesh in total harmony is not realistic, but we still try our best to find harmony in at least parts of those entwined lives. Is there a mediator available who might offer her valuable experience in this situation? Your husband had a hard loss and is emotionally distraught over it and like a guy, he wants to take action...even irrational action to feel more in control. His heart is in the right place, but yours is as well. There is nothing fair about the situation, but you need to leave that notion behind and do the best with what is. Is he planning on really leaving you or just renting a place to try to live in both cities? Have you made a list just by yourself of all the pros and cons of both of you moving to his ex's city where you and your husband work anyway? Maybe it could work? Don't think with your hurt feelings...you need to re-look at the situation with only the facts in mind. Make no decision out of fear, but empowered by knowledge and a willingness to extend beyond your prior comfort factor.

You already know the answer. The best way to avoid her and ignore her...things you mentioned, is just to do it consistently. The right thing is not usually the easy thing, is it? She probably knows on some level how bizarre she is, but it is easier to do the same old thing, than to change. Do you want to be like her? Right now she has you sucked into a pattern with her and you are an adult now and able to remove yourself, but the child in you does not know how. This is growing up. I have homework for you and it will be life changing...promise. Read TOXIC PARENTS and get back to me.

You live in an eight thousand square foot prison. You have three beautiful children who need a loving and calm environment. You need to find peace and strength within your own soul and realize that no one ever has the right to disrespect you and those you love. You have a great job, and even though you are overworked and underpaid, it is a very crucial job touching hundreds of lives and impacting the future. You don't need to live in a prison whether it is small or large, plain or fancy. You need a real home, which by definition is a place of comfort and rest and love and acceptance. Your family would not want you to be chained to a rock, just because it is on their land. You would not expect your own children to live that way...you love them and want to set a good example of family. You love a toad and wish he were a prince, but there is no wand in sight. This toad is grumpy and stinky and mean, and maybe he is always going to be this way and never change. I wish I had a wand, but I have the next best thing...a mirror. You are looking into it now and seeing that you are a beautiful and strong woman...a queen who does not need a castle to be a queen, and she has the most precious of all reasons to be whole and healthy and happy. The toad is a problem, but not a solution....what I mean by this is that while he is creating mischief and muddying up the waters, he does not have all the power and you can not wait on him to make things better. If he is unwilling to get counseling and make a real effort to change, then you need to let him and the big house go. Open yourself up first to positive things...even miracles to happen within your home and family with your toad. Let go every bad thing he has done and start over...give this toad a clean slate and your respect (yes, I know how impossible this seems, but sometimes a man will live up to or down to our expectations...they really are simple creatures) and if within a reasonable amount of time you and he are living in two different worlds still, then a divorce will not be as bad as staying together, though it will not be painfree. No one knows your situation like you do. You have my support no matter what you choose, but you must make this decision when you are in a positive frame of mind, knowing that you are choosing your best life for you and your children.

I agree with Mangy Momma...you and your son deserve a safe environment at all times. Depression can come and go...you need to get some help, support, counseling and security. Try relatives, friends' parents...they may have resources or know of something I am not thinking of..a school counselor or teacher, social services, community services..look in the phone book yellow pages, and don't forget your local places of worship-churches are often very willing to help a young parent in need with many things. Bless you and your son always.

This is not normal. You need to make every effort to contact your finance through family, friends, and the police need to be notified if you and family cannot get in touch with her immediately. What makes you think she is suddenly seeing an ex-boyfriend? Did you two argue or fight the last time you saw her. Please make every effort to make certain that she is found safely...this should be your main concern. If she wants to leave you, then let her. Be honest in sharing your feelings, but know that everyone has a right to their own mind and life.

You are probably more trustworthy than they give you credit for in a lot of situations, but that does not mean they don't have a point. Who we hang around has a profound effect upon our character, reputation, and life. It may be that they will never trust you if you are friends with people they don't trust. Maybe this can be remedied by having your friends over and get to know your folks more. If your parents get to know and like your friends, it will go well for you. However, it you are worried that you can't bring these people home and know your parents won't approve, then maybe you should face that your parents could be right about their influence upon you. Good luck and remember that a true friend is someone who adds to your life and well-being, not someone who drags you down.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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