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mom.. dad.. me.. and bf LONG story.. sorry
17/f
so.. my mom and i. not the happy campers. me and her always argue. she has done a tremendous amount of emotional damage to me. my father does nothing due to the fact that he is scared of my mother and would rather agree than pick a fight.. 17 years.. and she has over protected me.. which isnt really a good thing.. she has turned into a control freak who will yell and scream and complain till he has broken an eardrum.. this woman hits.. she says things i dont think children are supposed to hear from their mothers.. you'd think she is a stepmother. basically my home life is not where i want to be. ill be graduating hs june 2009, and i have been planning to move in with my bf after hs. only problem is my mother. i'd probably lose her and my father for the rest of my life.. what do you guys think? become independent although not an easy trip once high school is over? or put up with her and eventually get thrown out , yelled at, and hit because i do not meet her standards? what are my options? what can i do? i know moving in with him isnt the best idea. but it seems the best so far. someone give me a little guidance?
thanks =/
losthope
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
My father = your mother. Being a guy myself, I guess thats not at all surprising.
Heres the tradeoff.
On one hand, you can put up with it as long as possible and get as much support as possible. Which is going to suck when they cut you off because you can't necessarily predict when its going to happen.
Or you strike out on your own now, owing them nothing, and start building your life from scratch.
Either way its going to suck. I will tell you from experience that the world doesnt help you just because your family sucks and offers no support. Its expected that you'll get help from family and if you don't things like college treat you as an aberration.
Talk to your boyfriend, as well. As much as I advice extreme caution with this idea, a business marriage might be a good thing for both of you. You'd be amazed at the amount of financial aid, help, etc that you qualify for if you are married and both full time students. Though, it has to be a clear set boundary about what this is for, its just a civil union for tax purposes and if you choose that route I'd keep it between you.
I dont know. I have been on the outs with my entire family (extended family too) for similar reasons to you for over two years now. Its hard. It really is. People have told me that eventually they come around, but I find that to be untrue so far. My experience is that my parents have in the last few months softened from "we want nothing to do with you" to "we want contact with you on our terms". Which basically means that youre free to rejoin the family if you do everything we've been wanting you to do from day 1 (in other words, we want you back as long as you agree to do all the things that you said no to and we told you to fuck off for in the first place)
I honestly can't advise you. Its about what you can live with, and how you can live with yourself.
If you can live without talking to your parents for years, and without whatever semblance of love they might represent, then do so. If you can't you cant. I can't find fault with either decision, honestly, because I have days when I wish I had just done what they wanted, and every time I talk to them about anything I have the exact opposite day where I feel like I made the right choice without a doubt.
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Yeah this happens a lot. Home life sucks, so you move out or escape to whatever you can, only to find you have traded one crappy situation for another. This is a common mistake. Leave if you are not safe at home, but keep your options open. Moving in with a boyfriend is usually a mistake, especially in your situation. Can you do anything to take yourself out of the stress at home without leaving until you can really be independent? Maybe planning to move in with a girl friend would be wiser and more satisfactory long-term. You won't lose your parents for life...that is silly. People get over things. Live at peace wherever you are...don't engage in fighting, take yourself out of the circle of arguments, and talk to your school counselor for sage advice.
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I think that you should sit down and think real long and hard about what will make YOU happy. what the best thing for YOU is. Not your mother, or your father, or your boyfriend, but YOU. Even make a list of pros and cons for both of these situations and any other situations you can think of. Did you ever think about going away to college? Maybe that could be an option for you. But dont just think about the time being. Think about the long run. Any whatever decison you make, the people who truly love and care about you will be there in the end even if the dont agree with it at the time being. Your the only person who has to live the rest of your life. Make the best of it.
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If you really feel that way about your Mother then you should get out of that house. Moving in with your boyfriend is DEFINETLY not an option though... Nothing good can come of that and you will end up with no where to go when you two break up, and your parents might not take you back. Staying home would be better than that decision. See if any friends are looking to share rent? Try going away to college and staying in the dorms. Good luck. I hope everything works out well for you.
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Do you have a relative you could move in with and probably things between both of you might get better, if not it seem's like if those are the way's of you're mother and it don't get better, there it seem's like there is no other alternative but to move in with you're boyfriend, most of the times in a thing like this you're mom might might snap and realise she has been to harch on you, maybe she might get worse against you, it's a chance you have to take, instead of living in a bad envirment like you do, you're problem don't have to many way's out, it seem's like youhave a sick mother who need's counseling.
HEALER
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