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CONTROLING WIFE
oK, we have been married for 10 years, i have this problem with my wife. i do not say anything about when she goes places and does things with others, but everytime i find a male friend or anything she doesn't say anything to me but, actions are louder than words. she tends to distance herself from me and acts like she is pissed off and mad at me when we do something and i try not to do it on her time. Example. my wife had to go to work so my male friend and his girlfriend wanted to come over and eat pizza and have a beer after the kids when to bed. they were not even at my house 2 hours. everytime someone pulls in my driveway her sister and mother is texting her telling my wife that someone came over or whatever. Next thing you know, me and my wife that were getting along fine, she is ignoring me and haven't talk to me in like 2 days and didn't come to bed when she got home. I feel like she doesn't want me to have a life. i don't feel like i have done anything wrong. when i ask her what is wrong she just makes up something like, oh im jus tired, or ive got alot on my mind right now. i asked her if there was something i could help her with and she says no. so i tried getting mad at her when she did something with her friends, and that didn't work either, she did the same thing she just got pissed off because i said something about her doing something... what do i do?
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Okay so this is something that is between you two, but it is hard for you to define exactly what it is and why. It is almost impossible to fix a problem that does not exist...at least one that does not exist for both people who are willing to admit what it is. I would try a different approach than you have been using, since what you have done is clearly not producing results. Do not let her pull you into game playing and getting mad. Do not let her manipulate you with her moodiness...that is passive-aggressive and not healthy. Be direct and honest about your feelings. Use "I feel..." statements that are about how you feel and not about blaming her for anything. Do this consistently. Ask her how she feels specifically when you have friends over and specifically what she does and does not like about it. This may help to clue her into her own feelings...which may have been confusing to her as well, making her even more frustrated. You two will work together and not against each other to figure this out. This is not the worst thing you could be dealing with, so take a deep breath and relax into that truth. Get to know the feelings and the rest will fall into place. The problem is not you having friendships, but something that comes up in between you two when you do have them. This is what you both will work on together.
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