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do i give up my life and move home to help them
my bro n his wife r having trouble raising their son which most of it is lack of common sense and mainly being to selfish so i was asked by my parents if i wud move home(2 hrs away) to help them help my bro n wife..dnt want to move back to home town however there is a little boy to b concerned 4..very confused and a rollercoaster of thots running thru my head that i dnt feel im thinking with full clarity..and i have to move by end of month so the pressure of time isnt helping either......
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Hey,
This sounds like an absolutely horrible situation and it is obvious that you are feeling the pressure of it all. I know that it's your brother and you evidently care a lot about their child, however you need to try and disassociate yourself from the situation before you make yourself sick with worry.
As much as you care, I don't think you have to much such a huge commitment into helping raise a child. I don't know how old you are, but you need to enjoy and to worry about your own life before taking on such a huge burden.
If you were to move in with them, you would be most likely helping with the general housekeeping of the child, rather then any senseless decisions made by his parents. Personally, I think it is a HUGE commitment to do so and perhaps too much for one person. Moving out to a place two hour away is a big change - think carefully about the reality of the situation. Think about how much good you could do for the family and how it will affect you in the future. Put yourself first in this case.
It sounds like a horrible situation.
I wish you the best of luck darl. =]
Sarah.
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This is not going to be easy for me, because I know you want to hear that you have no responsibility here, but you have already got that from the other responders, so I will go head long into this.
It is your duty to watch after the young of this world and you have no idea what effect you can have on a youth. "Gee Gilbert, tell us a story, we do so love your stories," well, in that case I will.
Recently, my Uncle Ernie, I was told, was on his death bed, but the son of a gun is still kicking, (frankly, I knew he would not give in to death that easy). But, it got me thinking. I really didn't see him all that much as a child, but I loved him from the first time we met. He was such a delight to be around, always happy, a child in his own mind, if you will.
As I thought of him, I realized that I am what I remember him to be. I'm 48 years old and until just months ago, I didn't realize how much the few times I had seen this man impacted me. I fashioned my personality around my perception of this man.
The rest of the story is my life. As a child I was abused both mentally and physically by my parents and I have stories that would curl your toes. By all rights I should be a mean vindictive man writing you from a jail cell, but for a few people, (one of them my Uncle Ernie), I would be.
There is nothing more important in our life then the children, much less one who is family. If it were but adults here, my answer would be tempered by that, and you must be careful not to take away lessons meant to teach the adults, but one person can make a huge difference in the life of a child. If you are not up to what life is now so obviously trying to charge you with, then say no, but remember this when that young man becomes an adult and you realize how much you could have changed what he has become.
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I am not clear about what exactly you are being asked to help with. It helps to be specific. Do you feel like you owe your family this? I really can't give you my best advice without more detail, but I seriously doubt you have an obligation or the expertise to improve this child's life. The parents are the ones responsible, and if the grandparents (your folks) want to pitch in and help, then that is fine. Are you very old yourself? You deserve to concentrate on raising yourself more as a young adult and making something of your life.
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It is unlikely that your presence will fix a 'lack of common sense'.
You'll just be on more adult jumping into the fray around this child. One more person arguing and pushing him this way and that…
I can't know all the details here and can't tell you what to choose, but you should definitely stop beating yourself up. Even if you do move back, don't kid yourself, you wouldn't be parenting the child. His idiot parents would still be his main influence.
Tell your family, if they are really concerned, to send the boys parents to a parental coach. A professional will make a much bigger and better impact then you could.
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