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Divorce?
Picture This:
You live in a 8000 sq foot home. You have a 13 year old, a 10 year old and a 5 year old. You've been married for 15 years. However, you're married to a man who calls your daughter a stupid bitch, and your sons dumbasses and idiots on occasion. He's called you a lazy, ungrateful, fat, stupid pig. You've been fighting since you met, and it only gets worse. He's abandoned you without a car, locked you out of the house, and is distant and shows no emotion for your kids. Your kids are upset.
You're an english teacher, and there's no way you could afford the house on your own, but you're not sure what to do with it because it's on your parents land and you don't want to sell it to someone who isn't family. Your struggling, considered divorce, but you know you love him even though your kids get upset.
What do you do?
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Dear Picture This,
As a child I am suffering from my parents separation, but if it was my choice for my parents to get a divorce I would want them to. My dad is exactly like your husband. He has cheated on my mom 4 times through their 22 years of marriage and cusses out his kids and cuts down his wife, who by the way is disabled and bound to a wheelchair. He expects her to do ALL the work in the house and thats not exagerating. Keeping your kids in that kind of environment is not safe and can effect their future. As for the house, I understand how its put under your family name, but in this situation what would you rather choose? Your children or your angered husband and the house? I know how your children are feeling and they are suffering. They will try not to show it, but instead keep that anger inside of them when later theyll blow up. Talk to your children and ask them what they want to do. Your children should come first and you need to make that right decision for them. Before you get a divorce..have you considered marriage counciling? It can be a long process, but maybe it can work. Dont let your husband take control of you and your kids. What hes doing is taking his life problems and frustration out on you guys and thats not how you settle the situation. Let me ask you this. You love a man who calls your children names and conflicts situations on you that arnt even your fault, cuts you down, and calls you fat? Thats not love..im sorry. You need to get out of that house and take your children with you. Studies show that a person (usually men) that shows verbally abuse will later eveolve into physical abuse. Save yourself and your kids and leave.
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I recommend marriage counseling think of your kids if there own father doesn't believe in them who will it can only hold them back you want them to have a happy childhood. You need to talk to your husband about the way he makes you and your children feel it can only get worse if you don't. You only live life once make the best of it. You are a great person don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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You live in an eight thousand square foot prison. You have three beautiful children who need a loving and calm environment. You need to find peace and strength within your own soul and realize that no one ever has the right to disrespect you and those you love. You have a great job, and even though you are overworked and underpaid, it is a very crucial job touching hundreds of lives and impacting the future. You don't need to live in a prison whether it is small or large, plain or fancy. You need a real home, which by definition is a place of comfort and rest and love and acceptance. Your family would not want you to be chained to a rock, just because it is on their land. You would not expect your own children to live that way...you love them and want to set a good example of family. You love a toad and wish he were a prince, but there is no wand in sight. This toad is grumpy and stinky and mean, and maybe he is always going to be this way and never change. I wish I had a wand, but I have the next best thing...a mirror. You are looking into it now and seeing that you are a beautiful and strong woman...a queen who does not need a castle to be a queen, and she has the most precious of all reasons to be whole and healthy and happy. The toad is a problem, but not a solution....what I mean by this is that while he is creating mischief and muddying up the waters, he does not have all the power and you can not wait on him to make things better. If he is unwilling to get counseling and make a real effort to change, then you need to let him and the big house go. Open yourself up first to positive things...even miracles to happen within your home and family with your toad. Let go every bad thing he has done and start over...give this toad a clean slate and your respect (yes, I know how impossible this seems, but sometimes a man will live up to or down to our expectations...they really are simple creatures) and if within a reasonable amount of time you and he are living in two different worlds still, then a divorce will not be as bad as staying together, though it will not be painfree. No one knows your situation like you do. You have my support no matter what you choose, but you must make this decision when you are in a positive frame of mind, knowing that you are choosing your best life for you and your children.
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Speak to a counselor. Encourage him to speak to a marriage counselor as well. If he refuses to get help, or even acknowledge that there is a problem, speak to an attorney.
If he refuses to even consider improvement that should make your consideration of divorce pretty much cut and dry. No one deserves to live in fear. Not you and DEFINATELY not your young children. There is absolutely NO excuse for calling a 13 yearold a bitch or a five year old a dumbass. Adults are not supposed to behave that way.
So, be prepared to speak to an attorney about your legal options in removing him from the home, protecting your familyâ??s assets and maintaining your house.
It will be difficult yes, and unpleasant and things might not work out quite the way you would hope, but it's far better that your children learn to take care of themselves and value themselves then they learn to allow someone to treat them the way your husband treats his family.
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Do you love him really, or is he just a habit?
I know staying is so much easier but how can
you really love and respect someone who treats
your children like he does?
And what about yourself? Don't you deserve
better than this? He is abusive. Not all
abusive people resort to hitting. Mental
abuse is just as bad and can leave big scars.
You talk to your parents about the situation.
If for some reason they don't take your side,
then you can go to any battered womens shelter
for help and advice. You get a restraining order
to keep him away from you and you have your
local law enforcement on hand and your dad
as you hand him is bags.
You may indeed love him in a way but he isn't
loving you or your kids. He is abusing you.
Enough is enough get him out of your life so
your kids and possibly even you are not holding
your breath and walking on eggshells waiting
for the next explosion.
Good luck and be strong. :)
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Put your kids before yourself, if they're unhappy, do something about it. Don't put your kids in a situation that they were dragged into without any say in the matter, so you either make your kids suffer with this emotionless mean man, or remove yourself from him, get a better pay [or ask your family to help you out, maybe even sell the house to someone in your family, or get a loan] How can you love a man who is sooo mean to your kids? Your own flesh and blood?
It's your decision entirely if you want to get a divorce or not, no one on advicenators can tell you what to do with that, this is what you feel is right and best for your family [excluding your husband]
I hope you make the right choice.
good luck.
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