|
apparently my shyness is coming off as arrogant
16/f, i have 2 best friends who i can be my complete and utter self around. ever since last year, our first year of high school, (we'll call her A), A has changed a lot because of joining sports. all 3 of us have always been shy, quiet, and that is probably why we came together in elementary school. so last year A played sports all 3 seasons in school and made "friends" or people she talked to because she had no one else to talk to. this has made her more outgoing, but sometimes she acts as though she is better than me & B (my other best friend), since we have not played any sports and especially last year, didn't much many new friends.
now, this year, our sophomore year, A is still more outgoing, and out of the 3 of us i do believe she is the most outgoing,.. B and me being on pretty much the same level. last year luckily we all had lunch together, but this year, i'm left alone. A & B have lunch together. thankfully there's people that i can eat with, and although i am not my self around them because i'm really only like that with a select few who i feel most comfortable around. i am surviving.. well here's the main reason i'm writing this.
last night, apparently A & B have been doing some serious talking at lunch without me, becasue last night as all 3 of us are hanging out in my room, they decide to give me this sort of pep talk about my shyness and how they think the way i respond to people makes me seem bitchy sometimes. NOW, in some ways i see this. the other day in class this girl next to me asked me if i went tanning. i was pretty much caught off guard, because i don't go tanning, and just simply said no, so she said my face looked pretty or something and i said a simple thanks. ok didn't tell you this: i have FOUR classes with B. only one with A. but B pretty much sees every interaction i have with anyone else. when i asked her for examples last night of how i come off as bitchy, she gave me the tanning example. she said she didnt even hear me say anything. does it matter if SHE didn't hear me say anything? no. i wasn't talking to her.
another example she gave me is in another class my teacher assigned a few people to be "master quizzers" and we would quiz people as they came around to each quizzer. B and i were picked as these people and of course stood close to each other. she claims that i looked so uncomfortable quizzing people. she's not me. how does she know how i feel? really. she's shy too. i bet she felt the same way as me.
it sucks since we have so many classes together it's like we're always comparing or competing or something. i just don't understand how she could say all those things when she's just like me. and she did most of the talking too. A just kept saying how i'm such a good friend and she wants people to be able to see the real me. which i want that to happen too, but it won't happen overnight. and she kept apologizing, especially when i started CRYING. like i know i'm shy, this has been going on for years, i'm just a SHY person. i want to change and let people see more of my personality, and if i'm coming off bitchy i don't want people to think that. but i'm so fed up with also being known as the quiet girl that i really don't even care if people think of me that way. i'll talk to the people i need and want in my life and i'm fine with that. i don't know, everything they said last night just made me feel depressed sorta. i know i'm shy, and i was dealing with it fine until they said everything. now i feel kinda worthless. i'm just confused. and now it's gonna be awkward in all my classes with them because they're probably gonna expect me to be all talkative. maybe i'm just overreacting, maybe i'm just pmsing or something, but i have no clue what to do. i really don't even know what i'm asking, i just needed to let that all out.
sorry this was overly exceedingly tremendously long, thanks if you actually read all of that, and thanks if you give me a good response too.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I had the same problem don't jump into being very talkative just try to talk more. extend how much you would normally talk to someone in class and your shyness will fade over time. as far as your friend B there are just some friends that are like that don't worry about it she will stop acting like someone she is not.
]
I am 15, in highschool, and more outgoing than I have ever been in my life. I'm still having problems with being shy, but it's getting better and I do come off as a bitch to some people because I AM shy, I only talk to the people who I want to and my best friends can't even tell me that I come off as a bitch because they don't want to get me upset. So I know how you feel. Even my best friends aren't in my lunch room and they are starting to talk about me behind my back, but it can be a good and bad thing that they confronted you about your shyness, depending on the way you look at it.
From one view point it could be bad because they talk behind your back and are critizsizing your shyness when they have/had problems with that themselves. And even though you may feel worthless because of what they confronted you about, you're not. You are fine just the way you are and don't let anybody, even A&B, make you think otherwise.
The second viewpoint is that it was nice and good that they talked to you about the way you may come off to people because they care about you enough to let you know what they feel and that they are looking out for you. That's what best friends are supposed to do, even if they didn't tell you what you wanted to hear, at least they told you what kind of person they were seeing, and yeah it's totally obnoxious that they think they know how you feel when they're not you, because they aren't you. They don't know how you really feel, so everything you just typed, you should talk to them about it.
You have all the right int he world to be whoever you are, with whatever personality you have/want and you shouldn't change yourself to pleased someone other than you. And even if your friends may expect you to change wiht the snap of their fingers, you don't have to, but if you want to, it won't happen in a matter of days and they will realize that soon enough. You don't have to be very talkative if you're usually not, and you can do whatever YOU want, if they are really your best friends, they will accept that fact and appreciate you for you.
I hope that all made sense and that I helped. Because I'm still in the situation you are, and it does get better, I would know.
]
More Questions: |