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Where do we go from here?
I have been married for 1½ years. My husband and I both have ex’s and children from those relationships. We have a 6-month-old baby. My husbands’ ex-wife recently relocated 45 miles away from our home. They could not agree on parenting time and school district so they went to court, the judge ordered for the ex-wife to keep the kids for school and my husband would have them for the summer, this decreased his parenting time from 182 days to 120 days/year. He is devastated by this change and cannot live with it. I recently found out that he has been looking for a place to rent in the city where his kids were relocated. I asked him about it and he said that I wouldn’t go with him anyway because my kids are here with us. I agreed that I would not want to leave my children but that he was not losing his kids completely; he still has them on the weekends during the school year and all school breaks, including the summer. I tried to tell him if that were me in the same situation I would appeal the decision, but I would continue to stay home because they are not really that far away and we both work in the city of relocation and could see them any day. Neither of us know what to do from this point, I am extremely hurt that he would just up and leave his new family over this. Any advice would be awesome!
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I am not going to pretend this is obvious or simple, because you know better. However, I have to say that you are being reasonable and offered a practical solution to your problem. Unfortunately it was not a perfect solution and there is unlikely to be one. Trying to make several adults and childrens lives mesh in total harmony is not realistic, but we still try our best to find harmony in at least parts of those entwined lives. Is there a mediator available who might offer her valuable experience in this situation? Your husband had a hard loss and is emotionally distraught over it and like a guy, he wants to take action...even irrational action to feel more in control. His heart is in the right place, but yours is as well. There is nothing fair about the situation, but you need to leave that notion behind and do the best with what is. Is he planning on really leaving you or just renting a place to try to live in both cities? Have you made a list just by yourself of all the pros and cons of both of you moving to his ex's city where you and your husband work anyway? Maybe it could work? Don't think with your hurt feelings...you need to re-look at the situation with only the facts in mind. Make no decision out of fear, but empowered by knowledge and a willingness to extend beyond your prior comfort factor.
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