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January 10, 2015

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about

Hello! I am studying esthetics at an Aveda Institute after spending years in retail. I am proof that nothing turns out how you think it will, and that's a good thing. When you think you've got it figured out, you don't. Life would be boring otherwise, right?
Makeup, skincare, and psychology are my passions and I'm also happy to give advice on relationships, particularly for teenagers (so many things I wish I could have told myself a decade ago!) I'm happy to help fellow abuse survivors as well.
I'm a diehard SF Giants fan and also enjoy watching the Sharks and Niners. Addicted to music, especially The Gaslight Anthem. Oh, and my name is Krista. :)

advice

20/f

I have personally been very unlucky in the love department. But I feel that I'm not the only one. All around me I see people falling out of love,pretending to be in love,cheating,marrying out of interest,only going after sex and what not. Seeing all these things done by both men and women (although being a woman I often feel men are the emotionless ones) I wonder if love has become a thing of the past. It's like,if you're a guy,you only get the girl if you're rich. If you're a girl,you only get a guy if you look like a model. Personally I don't care what a guy owns because I'm a woman who is taking care of herself very well and I need no man to support me. But I don't look like a model,really. I'm good looking but not that much. And it seems like no one is willing to overlook physical flaws or a lesser financial status and love is non-existent in that case. I would really love to meet a guy who appreciates me for who I am-not for superficial things that can change any day. Are there no more men or women who can love? Has it only become a matter of some sort of interest?

Yes, love still exists. I had very similar thoughts before I met my current boyfriend. He is what I thought didn't exist anymore and loves me unconditionally (and I'm no model either- I have bad acne scarring and am not the nicest thing to look at in the morning). He doesn't care about my physical flaws (couldn't care less about the weight I've put on since we've been together) or money and I am the same about him. We truly appreciate even the littlest things about each other and are happy despite how little money we have.
Part of it is your age. I have a theory that guys don't really mature until about age 25. (My guy is 26) Before then, a lot of them are all about looks and getting with as many girls as they possibly can.
So wait it out, be patient. If you're looking in the right places (i.e. NOT a club, bar, dating site, etc) the right guy may just show up when you least expect it. In the meantime, do you and be happy- that always attracts the best kind of people.

- Krista, 23/f

18/f
I'm going to try and keep this simple because I know how boring it is reading through a long question.
I want to break up with my boyfriend. He's the sweetest most lovely guy, just I don't fancy him, he's already talking about marriage (we've been together 6 months) he's a bit immature-and I think I can do better.
Idk how to break up with him know because saying all this will break his heart and will come so unexpected. Also his parents love me which makes it harder.
I just want to have fun-you know?! Any advice would be appreciated :)

Just keep it simple and honest and make sure you talk to him in person. Tell him he\'s a great guy and hasn\'t done anything wrong, but you don\'t feel you guys are right for each other and you aren\'t ready for a serious relationship right now.
Then break off all contact- long-term it\'ll make it easier for both of you. He will be upset, but don\'t let it make you feel guilty- you are doing the right thing.

- Krista, 23/f

My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties. We have been together for about a year and a half and I've never had a reason to feel like I can't trust him. Yesterday evening, he went to bed and left his phone laying out on the counter. Now, looking into each other's phones is something we promised we'd never do. Neither of us get jealous easily and we've always gotten along SO well because we're both laid back.

Well, what I found hurt me a lot. There were two different girls that he had been texting from time to time over the course of the past few months. With one girl, he would text her randomly and tell her that she looked beautiful in her new Facebook photo, and then a few weeks later he would say that he wished he could come see her. The other girl, he'd call her sweet names and he said he'd be off work for a few days and thought that they should meet up. From what I could tell, he never met up with either of them. But seeing him flirt and sweet talk other girls hurts so bad and I don't accept that. Plus, if he's willing to say those things, what else has he done that I wouldn't find in his phone?

I don't know what to do. I don't put up with cheating but if it IS just words in a message, it is different from physical cheating but still is a betrayal of my trust. What I don't understand is that our whole relationship has felt like it's in that "honeymoon" stage. I've never felt like he's been unhappy at any point. We constantly have so much fun together and have rarely had even the smallest of arguments. He brags about me to all of his friends, his family loves me, we've made plans for our future... and then I discover he texts random girls every once in a while. They're never ongoing conversations but still very inappropriate.

I left him while he was sleeping and went back to my own house. Since then we've briefly discussed the situation but I really don't want to talk to him because there's nothing he can say to justify what he's done. He keeps apologizing and saying how bad he feels, and that he'd never actually cheat on me, the texts are just an ego boost for him and he only sends them when he's drunk, that's why he quits replying. It makes sense, but at the same time, I will not tolerate cheating and I'm just hurt so bad that I feel like I will always have doubts in the back of my mind.. but beside this situation, we are SOOOO good together and I don't want to throw that away.

A couple of years ago, I was in a very similar situation... Two years with a guy that I was crazy about and I found texts and Facebook messages that were inappropriate but didn\'t prove he had cheated. He said something similar about just wanting the attention. I gave him another chance.
It ended up being a five year disaster. Things escalated to him pretending to be tired so he could drop me at home and go see other girls. When we eventually broke up, he used me to cheat on three girlfriends, and years later I found out he had cheated on me too. This was a guy who seemed like the \'nice guy\' that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I thought I\'d never have a relationship that amazing ever again.

My point? Any kind of straying or disloyalty is a problem. With him, not you. Someone loyal will care about you so much that they will be strong and not want to send that text. In life, there is bound to be temptation and an opportunity to cheat sometime. Do you want someone weak who might not be able to resist that?

The right guy finally came along for me, and though we completely trust each other, we can go through each other\'s phones anytime we want. And when I have, there has been nothing bad or upsetting to see. This guy is not the last good relationship you\'ll ever have, and I think it\'s worth leaving him behind for someone you can trust and be truly happy with.

Hi, I'm currently a guy (16 Years Old) that wants to know what kind of fun things could two lovable teenagers do for like a special romantic date. I really want to surprise my girlfriend but it's really hard of doing so just because I have no idea what to do sometimes... It stresses me out because she talks about me not making the decisions of what we'll do a certain day that we'd want to see each other. When we're together we have fun but it just really bothers me.

I'm agreeing with the person below me, taking turns deciding is usually the best thing. When I was your age (eyes, i feel old) I had the same problem.
If you have transportation and money, there's always a concert or, depending on her interests, a musical or play or sport event.
You could go on a hike or go to the park and bring lunch. Making dinner together can be unexpectedly fun if you do something easy. My boyfriend and I like to make our own pizza. You can buy either pizza dough or pizza crust at the store then pick out sauce and toppings...something like Alfredo and/or pesto sauce with chicken or chicken meatballs and cheese is always good. If you know how to cook, making her dinner is awesome, I love when guys do that for me. You could bake some kind of dessert together.
Is there anything like Six Flags or a zoo in your area? Anywhere that would be fun for a day trip (beach, woods, big city, etc.)?

I like my brother's friend. I'm gonna be in the 8th grade next year. He's 2 years older than me, in my country he's gonna graduate next school year. So, around August last year we first met. I'm gonna try and make this so dramatic. So, he was very sweet and kind,he waves to me at school, says my first name and says hi everytime we met, until around the mid-week of March.There was this one time when he was still talking to me when we were passing by their classroom that had transparent glass doors. He saw me walk by the glass window, and ran to the door and gave me an enthusiastic wave and I gave him a what-seemed a "cute" wide, exagerrated, smile to me. And there was this one time where he saw me arrive to school, hesaw me, my face was sour, he notiiced me then walked with me and said "Good morning (my name)" Then there was this one incident where I was almost late I passed by their classroom and he greeted me good morning and waved, again, I gave him the "cute" smile. That's the last time I remember he interacted with me. Then, he started to avoid me like seriously, why? Maybe he's just busier with school now. Then there was this festival in our school, I sat somewhere where his friends and he himself were messing around. Everytime he laughs or does something funny he tries to take a glimpse of me, and I catch him doing so because I also look at him secretly. Then I went somewhere higher and my friend wanted to stand beside me she wanted me to lift her I was like " Awe, you want me to lift you here?" while doing the puty face, I noticed with my peripheral vision he was looking at me and my friend. After that he said "Awe, you're so sweet (my name)" and he moved somewhere further where I was sitting. But he keeps laughing with his friends and he secretly looks at me. A few minutes later he passed by me and stared at me then gave me a smile and nod, I smiled and nodded back. Then after that, I sat somewhere he and his friend were but I didn't notice until he decided to sit near me but my friend sat beside me. But before he decided to sit near me, he thought 'where he was sitting was too crowded' then glared at me and decided to sit near my friends and me. After that he kept staring at me for a little while. I just don't get it, we've met several times before this incident, why talk to me now when he could've just proceeded in avoiding me?

He could be interested but he also might just be friendly. Guys that age are so hard to read, and it's hard to try to get in his head without knowing him. Why not just start a conversation with him yourself the next time you're near him? Might give you a better idea of how he's feeling. Good luck!

-Krista, 23/f

my boyfriend whi broke up with me for about 3 months. Then we got back together in january and for 3 months we were fine. Almost everytime we got to see each other in person, we always did something sexual together not reaching the point to sex though. We had teo times where we hung out and actually talked and had fun just talking. I made him laugh multiple times and he did the same towards me. But last tuesday he broke up with me. Ir started with a fight on sunday about how i was so depressed and hurt from the rejection to my favorte colleges and he did not comfort me through it. Then i ifnored him for two days when he told me that i should get over it aince im the one making myself feel this pain. Then on tuesday he told me that he couldnt handle it anymore. That we havent been working out if i havent noticed and that he feels like hes falling out if love with me everyday but he still convinces himself that he still is in love with me. He talked to his friends baout the things we do and his friends told him that we wouldnt work out since the reason he got back with me wasnt strong enough. Then he told me that he feels like hes with me for my happiness not his. I believe that he made this decision under his friends influences and that he shoul have talked to be about this problem of not bonding. I talked to him on te phone however and when i ask him aboit if he had fun the two times we actually hung out he never answers and when i ask him for his reason to get back with me he says that it was because he thought we could work out. And recently yesterday i messaged him if we could talk things out a bit in person so i can see his true emotions. Then he said that hes a pushover when he sees desperate people in front of him. And then he told me "How about no. You already have begun to "clear off all the bs on the walls" so i'm beginning to clear off the bs in my life. Leave me alone with that shit. Theres no chance anymore so get over it. " and his quotes are from a snapchat that i added onto my story so i know that he is still looking at my things because i didnt send that snapchat to him specificallly. Well i dont know what I should ddo. Please help tell me ahat i should di and confirm my theories also.

I am gonna be complete honest here and you might not like what I have to say but... I think you should try to get over him. He's made it clear there's no chance anymore, so why waste time and energy on someone that doesn't want you? I know it hurts right now, but that won't last forever. I've been there before, felt desperate and hopeless and fought to get someone back for literally years and you know what? It was such a waste of time. When I finally gave up, the most amazing guy came along and now I've never been happier. There is someone out there who will care about you so much more than your ex, treat you so much better, and it'll make sense why it never worked out with anyone else.
Let him go. Give yourself some time to be sad and angry and whatnot, then get to work on making him a distant memory. Delete his number, block him on Facebook, get rid of any possible method of communication. Distract yourself with friends and hobbies and it will get better a little bit at a time until one day you're totally fine :)

-Krista, 23/f

The guy I'm talking to is always talking about girls he'd like to have sex with. We'll be talking about something and all of a sudden he'll send me a pic of a celebrity and be like "I would last 3 seconds man those legs she'd be mad but I would be the happiest man alive". Am I wrong to have my feelings hurt? Everytime he does that i just want to cry and i dont really know why. hes not one of those guys you can be emotionally vulnerable eith either so im stuck keeping it bottled in. I know we're not technically dating but I just think its disrespectful i never do that to him so why does he do that to me? I can't help but think maybe hes not even really interested in me. I get guys are naturally sexual people but does he have to always tell me about all the girls he'd like to screw? I'm 22 and he's 19 btw

While I don't know him, I've had guys do the same thing to me, and often they are trying to make you jealous so you want them more (I've even had a guy try to show me nudes of his last hookup)- it's a weird little game they play. It is disrespectful and rude and nobody like that is worth your time. He probably still has a lot of growing up to do and you can do better.

-Krista, 22/f

So I was bored one day and I know this is immature and lying but me and my friend made up this screen name and instant messaged my boyfriend. Who is 5 years older, (20,25). He is very opened to talk to anyone so I brought me up. I was completely devastated and crushed when I read the things he had to say about me. He said that I was obsessed with him and liked him a lot more than he liked me. He wasnt sure about us because we had nothing in common when he always tells me when we talk he loves how we don't because we still work. He said that I am constantly looking to talk and he hates it. When he breaks up with me i am going to be devastated and he doesn't know how to do it. I told him a lot of personal stuff thats happened and he mocked me about it. He said he's embarrassed of me because I'm immature when he eggs me on to do things like that. I can't even explain how hurt and stupid I feel. I love him so much though and our relationship is serious. If i've ever wanted to break up with him it would be right now. I just don't know how to tell him over what. He would be really mad if he knew the truth. Should I even be mad about this? Ugh I'm so confused! any opinions or advice would be great!

Thanks in advance (:

Yes, of course you have a right to be mad. Even though you did something wrong, so did he- what kind of jerk goes telling a random stranger all their relationship problems and badmouthing their girlfriend?

I wouldn't waste any more time on him. You don't even need to tell him why, just tell him it's over. He's not the last guy you'll ever be in love with, and he isn't worth it, since apparently he's going to dump you anyway.

-Krista, 21/f

20/f
I have a boyfriend of 3 months, who is the same age. We are both in college, and only get to see each other over the weekends. He is really good about texting me throughout the day, but he never texts me when he wakes up, or that he is going to sleep, or when he is going to do something (like mow the lawn for instance) so I never get a text back for a while. It really bothers me a lot, I feel like he should be telling me when he's going to just stop texting me for long periods of time. Am I right? Or is this just not that big of a deal? Opinions please!

It's not a big deal. He shouldn't have to text you about everything he does every minute of the day, that's how people get bored of each other. For a lot of people, texting is better than talking on the phone because you can reply whenever it's convenient. You should probably just try to get over it.

well which dating thing is free without paying money can you tell me

okcupid.com is free and the best of the dating sites I've tried.

I'm 19 years old and I've been out of a relationship for a while. I met this guy. From the moment we started talking, we hit it off and he told me he is 27 years old. I told him I was 19 and he said that he thought I was older when he met me. He thinks I'm too young to be with him. Do you think that a 27 yr old dating a 19 yr old is wrong?

I don't know about wrong, but I can tell you that it probably wouldn't work out. I dated a guy ten years old than me when I was around your age and it was a disaster.

You're in totally different phases of your life, so you might not have much in common and it can be hard to relate to each other with the generational gap. At his age he might be looking for a more serious relationship and possibly getting ready to settle down, while you might not even know what you want to do with your life yet. His friends may look down at him dating a 'kid'... It's hard to explain, but please trust me, it's not a good idea. If he says you're too young, you need to just respect his wishes and move on.

My bf's birthday is coming up and I want to get him a scent that will just make me want cuddle up next to him or jump his bones lol like the sort of scent worthy of spraying on my pillow or on tshirts that I wear around the house to remind me of him. He's in his early 30s and I have no idea what kind of scents I like on guys so any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Sephora has these really awesome sets, they come with a bunch of sample sizes of different colognes and a voucher for a free full sized-bottle of any of them, so you guys can decide what you like. I've given it to a few guys and they really liked it.

Well first off its sad how so many cute guys are playes, they cuss every word that comes outta their mouths, all they want is one thing, go out for girls for a day and then break up. I hate that it makes me sick! Well I was just wondering is it possible for people to change like when they get a little older like from a 15 year old boy to maybe 16 or 17 Or do you think they wouldn't? Thanks!

For the most part, not until they're much older...I'm 21 and most of the guys I meet are the same way.

do guys hate kissing girls who wear lip gloss

Most of the time, yes. It's sticky and gets all over them. If you still want some lip color, I suggest using a lip tint. (Drugstore options: Covergirl, Revlon Just Bitten. Higher-end option: Tarte.) They'll give you color that doesn't go anywhere.

My ex of 2 years decided he didnt want a relationship anymore, after everything weve been through. i dont really give a crap anymore, but curiousty is killing me because after all i LOVE karma.. now my question is, i typed in his name for the first time in a long time on the search bar on facebook, and turns out he blocked me, first off, id like to mention that i made a new account a while ago, and i never added him, he told my sisters boyfriend that he knows i dont have him on my new facebook, one thing lead to another, and my sisters boyfriend ended up making him feel like shit about doing what he did after he tried blaming everything on me, and got mad after they proved him wrong, all in all,my ex told me he doesnt have feelings for me anymore, this was before, and thats when i cut him off completely, now why would someone who hurt YOU, block you on facebook if you both werent even friends on facebook to begin with? correct me if im wrong, but is the guilt kicking in? or is this totally normal?
This is just all out of curiousity, thank you.

Here's the real question- why do you care? You say you don't give a crap, but it doesn't sound like it.

It doesn't matter why the guy blocked you. He probably just doesn't wanna talk to you or have you 'stalking' his page. And hey, it's a good thing. It is pretty much impossible to get over someone if you have any form of contact with them. He's not doing anything weird or wrong, so move on and forget about it.

-Krista
20/f

this is just a general question,if you are starting to see someone, is it ok to ask how their past relationshp ended? just to make sure your possible relationship won't end the same way?

If you just asked out of the blue, that'd be really weird/rude. I've had guys ask me that before and I got almost offended (it's a nosy question) and avoided answering. Past relationships have nothing to do with your current one and worrying about them will do absolutely nothing besides irritate the person you're with.If or when they want to talk about their past, they will.

-Krista, 20/f

This is for a school project I'm doing and would appreciate totally honest answers. I just need to know peoples own opinions on dating outside your own race could you please tell me gender, age and your own race plus how you feel when you see different coloured men and women together.

Also if you do support or agree with inter racial relationships, which is your favourite combinations like white women with black men or asian women with white men, don't be shy :) I just need some honest opinions to finish off my research. thank you

20/f, I consider myself to be white but I am technically half Hispanic I guess (my dad immigrated from a South American country).

When I see an interracial couple, I don't feel any different than if I saw a non-interracial couple. Of course I support/agree with them, because we're all human beings, regardless of color. I don't have a 'favorite combination', I feel like that's a little silly haha. I've never been in an interracial relationship because the town where I live is mostly white/asian. (I don't have a problem with Asians, of course, but they generally aren't allowed to date in highschool around here and high school was when I had most of my boyfriends.) However, if I met someone of another race that I really liked, of course I would have no problem with dating them. I can't say that my parents or family would feel the same, though.

I'm 23/female. I got out of a serious long term relationship recently, and am trying to date, but take things slowly. I don't want to have sex till I'm serious about someone, and I really don't think this is such an antiquated concept

I am occasionally somewhat naieve about men, as I'm bisexual and mostly dated one woman for the first part of my life, and then one guy for a long time.

What I want to know, is it natural for all guys to try and push for sex?

I went on a few dates with a couple different people, and even after I said "We arent going to have sex and I don't want to at this point" as we were kissing, they still try and push it in that direction. I slept with neither, obviously, but both situations got a little out of control, from my perspective of things.

Does it make a guy a jerk to push for that? Or is it just natural? I really don't want to have sex for the first few months of dating.

I'm in a similar situation- 20, got out of a long-term relationship, have been dating for a year and found that pretty much every guy I've gone out with (with the exception of the more 'nerdy' guys) just wants to hook up. A lot of guys our age just really need to grow up. Don't give up though, the nice guys are still out there, just harder to find.

Hi everyone, I'm thinking about getiing side bangs and I'm not sure if they get annoying and are always in the way... Are they ever a bother?

If you're not used to them, yes, they are a bother, and it takes getting used to to have them in your face all the time. Also, unless your hair is naturally stick straight, you'll need to straighten them every day or they'll flip out.

That being said, I love my side bangs and for me it's worth it.

A while back in June, I went through a pretty nasty break-up. And by nasty, I mean argument after argument and weird feeling after weird feeling. I was dating someone much older than I was; I am sixteen, and he (John) is eighteen. He is leaving for the Navy in December, and I had always known that from the first date. We dated for at least a month, and even though it was a short time, it felt amazing to be with him. We had a picture-perfect fairytale relationship. He was respectful, romantic, and so damn thoughtful. He always put me first and made me feel beautiful, loved, and amazing. I never thought we'd end, and I knew we had a perfect chemistry and mutual interests from day one.

Things went downhill fast. John complained I was clingy after he ignored me for a day and I was worried about him. He knew I am insecure and worrisome, but he ignored me and went out drinking and got drunk without me knowing. I was afraid something had happened or I said something wrong. The next morning, we both apologized. I told him I was sorry for being clingy, and I'd work on it. He said, "Oh, no, no, it was my fault. I should've let you know." And that was that. I thought the argument was over, and I swept it under the rug, but he didn't. He complained day after day, and he ignored me. I felt hurt, unwelcome, and uncomfortable. Finally, I thought things were okay when I went to his house for a day, as usual. We hung out and talked, and when we performed some errands for his mother, he complained again and again. "Mind your own business. I can't stand when you look at other people and their stuff," he said, when I laughed about ducttape on a car. He clearly saw I was hurt and tried to cheer me up, but I walked ahead of him into the store. I felt like I was going to burst into tears. He grabbed my waist and hugged me close and kissed my forehead. I wanted to cry so hard and tell him how hurt I had been feeling, but I didn't. He also complained later that day that I am loud and clingy when I hugged him, climbed in his lap and squealed excitedly, kissed him, and told him I missed him after two weeks of not seeing each other, since we live far from each other, I in Pensacola, he in Perdido. We live in Florida. So that day just made me upset. I felt so uncomfortable.

We ended up breaking up. I was "too attached" and it was "never going to work" since he is leaving soon and we wouldn't "be able to make it work". I was crushed. I told him we could, and he was just giving up too easily. But it was over, and I cried for days, and sucked it up. I didn't start missing him until about a week ago, when the realization that he was gone finally sunk in. He personally told me that if I needed anyone to talk to, or if I missed him, he was always there. So day after day I told him I was thinking of him, or I missed him dearly. And always he'd say, "I'm sorry hun." But last night he said, "I miss you too. So much." I was shocked, speechless, and confused. I thought he was playing games and I asked him questions, like when did he realize it, and is he serious. He said he had a few drinks and usually when he is drunk, he thinks clearer. I didn't believe him, so he told me to ask him in the morning when he was sober, and I did so, and he said that he really does miss me. I didn't know what to say. I told him that our relationship went wrong over a dumb reason, and I missed him immensely, and I wanted things back to normal. He said that he'd love to fix it and try to make it work, that I was worth it, and he misses everything we shared. He also said being clingy was a small problem, but he thinks I can fix it if I worked on it hard enough.

Now, I am being extremely cautious. I don't know if I should let him back in. Do you think he deserves a second chance? I want to give him another chance, but supposedly now he has no gas money to come see me, and he is leaving in December. Should I just move on or try again?

Thanks so much!

I see no reason why you shouldn't at least give it a try- at least then you'll know. No point in worrying until you see what happens.

Don't take this second chance for granted- too many of us never get one. Give it your all and if it doesn't work, that's ok, too. Definitely worth the risk for peace of mind.

-krista, 20/f

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