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Should I give him a second chance?
A while back in June, I went through a pretty nasty break-up. And by nasty, I mean argument after argument and weird feeling after weird feeling. I was dating someone much older than I was; I am sixteen, and he (John) is eighteen. He is leaving for the Navy in December, and I had always known that from the first date. We dated for at least a month, and even though it was a short time, it felt amazing to be with him. We had a picture-perfect fairytale relationship. He was respectful, romantic, and so damn thoughtful. He always put me first and made me feel beautiful, loved, and amazing. I never thought we'd end, and I knew we had a perfect chemistry and mutual interests from day one.
Things went downhill fast. John complained I was clingy after he ignored me for a day and I was worried about him. He knew I am insecure and worrisome, but he ignored me and went out drinking and got drunk without me knowing. I was afraid something had happened or I said something wrong. The next morning, we both apologized. I told him I was sorry for being clingy, and I'd work on it. He said, "Oh, no, no, it was my fault. I should've let you know." And that was that. I thought the argument was over, and I swept it under the rug, but he didn't. He complained day after day, and he ignored me. I felt hurt, unwelcome, and uncomfortable. Finally, I thought things were okay when I went to his house for a day, as usual. We hung out and talked, and when we performed some errands for his mother, he complained again and again. "Mind your own business. I can't stand when you look at other people and their stuff," he said, when I laughed about ducttape on a car. He clearly saw I was hurt and tried to cheer me up, but I walked ahead of him into the store. I felt like I was going to burst into tears. He grabbed my waist and hugged me close and kissed my forehead. I wanted to cry so hard and tell him how hurt I had been feeling, but I didn't. He also complained later that day that I am loud and clingy when I hugged him, climbed in his lap and squealed excitedly, kissed him, and told him I missed him after two weeks of not seeing each other, since we live far from each other, I in Pensacola, he in Perdido. We live in Florida. So that day just made me upset. I felt so uncomfortable.
We ended up breaking up. I was "too attached" and it was "never going to work" since he is leaving soon and we wouldn't "be able to make it work". I was crushed. I told him we could, and he was just giving up too easily. But it was over, and I cried for days, and sucked it up. I didn't start missing him until about a week ago, when the realization that he was gone finally sunk in. He personally told me that if I needed anyone to talk to, or if I missed him, he was always there. So day after day I told him I was thinking of him, or I missed him dearly. And always he'd say, "I'm sorry hun." But last night he said, "I miss you too. So much." I was shocked, speechless, and confused. I thought he was playing games and I asked him questions, like when did he realize it, and is he serious. He said he had a few drinks and usually when he is drunk, he thinks clearer. I didn't believe him, so he told me to ask him in the morning when he was sober, and I did so, and he said that he really does miss me. I didn't know what to say. I told him that our relationship went wrong over a dumb reason, and I missed him immensely, and I wanted things back to normal. He said that he'd love to fix it and try to make it work, that I was worth it, and he misses everything we shared. He also said being clingy was a small problem, but he thinks I can fix it if I worked on it hard enough.
Now, I am being extremely cautious. I don't know if I should let him back in. Do you think he deserves a second chance? I want to give him another chance, but supposedly now he has no gas money to come see me, and he is leaving in December. Should I just move on or try again?
Thanks so much!
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its not like he went and cheated on you. Youre lucky he is willing to take you back. work on your clingyness and give him a second chance. he just sounds like a typical guy.
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I see no reason why you shouldn't at least give it a try- at least then you'll know. No point in worrying until you see what happens.
Don't take this second chance for granted- too many of us never get one. Give it your all and if it doesn't work, that's ok, too. Definitely worth the risk for peace of mind.
-krista, 20/f
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