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Website: Straight UP Advice Onedayatatime
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Last Update: November 1, 2008
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I have been a christian off and on since I was 13. I am 22 years old now. When I was younger I have always had some sort of sexual curiosity not knowing where it all started? I am not sure why. I started playing with the idea since I hit my puberty stage. My first time was with my high school sweetheart at 15.
Long story short, I have been very sexual subconsciously and never really had a PROBLEM with controlling my urges. I also started masterbating at a young age. I believe my urges became almost non-existent after I had my son who is now 2. I started to become disgusted with it, and I was also seriously devoting my life to the Lord, puting my past behind me especially now that my new goalk was to be a Godly mother for my son.
My one weakness is my baby daddy who is also my high school sweetheart whom I have known for almost 10 years. Regardless of how disgusted with sex I was with anyone else, I can never refuse or not want to be with him. Although we never married we have always had a deep relationship, we are not together now, but we are still very close. I could honestly say I love him unconditionally and he does also, but marriage is far from our minds because of our past insecurities, God still needs to heal. I know that continuing like this hinders the relationship with God we both yearn for, and I am starting to feel that our love making is becoming more lustful because it is not right in our hearts always.
Another thing is that there is a powerful retreat coming up for the both of us, and I have heard stories of how the enemy will distract us from being empowered by the works of God. My urges has intensified within the last week. Everyday for hours I cant stop thinking about it. I pray, and pray... God is supposed to deliver me from this spirit. I just want to pounce on my baby daddy like an animal. I want to make love for hours! If I had a penis, I would have a boner all day. I know that since I was delivered from my natural sexuality,I had one demon to deal with and now Im dealing with seven. Everything I fought against in the past, I let the enemy manipulate me and now I have an almost impossible battle trying to get into the "purity" place I once was in. I know I need cleansed, I know I am a sinner, I am not perfect. How do you control something like that, I know urges are natural, but how could I refrain even from even masterbating (which is so unsatisfactory) at this point? I dont like how I feel, or what I am struggling with. Is it a psychological issue as well? I dont believe I have had to struggle with something that is so emotionally and physically intense before. And the funny thing, is its not like I want to go hump random guys or even things, its my yearning for my baby daddy. (link)
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ADVICE
All christains including myself mess up. We make mistakes and we often times get confused. I can tell you this as a christain the closer you try to get with god the more struggles you will face. So the more you pray and the more you try, the harder things will become around you. Those feelings of guilt and remorse for knowing you might have done something you should not have. Pray for strength, guidance, and wisdom. Ask for more willpower, when your feeling weak or tempted read the bible together. Find things to do with your child when he is around. Seperate yourself from being left alone with him because you feel weak at this time. I do not mean avoid him, just have your child in the room with you. Or possibily some other friends. Never be afraid to go to other christans you know for support. They can offter ideas, or even tell you what they have done to overcome certain things in their life. You will most likely always have a close connection with the father of your child. This can be a good thing, but it depends on how you go about it. IF you two do not want to be together but still act this way at times, its going to send mixed messages to your child eventually. Seek strength in those who have the same goals and beliefs as you. Those people where set in place to assist us and guide us when we feel we are loosing our way. Young christans learn as they go, the more we learn through the word of god the more is required of us. Knowledge is truely power, its what you do with that knowledge that makes the differance. Dont be hard on yourself, dont feel like your going through this alone. God is always watching over you, and when your ready to hear or accept god unconditionally things will get a little easier. I find that when I am alone and things are really getting to me and I know that I am having harsh thoughts, or non christain like feelings. I will pick up my bible lay my hand over it and pray. Then I will just open the bible at random. Allmost always my eyes are drawn to a passage that helps me, with what is going on around me. I feel so much better, and often times after doing that. I will again pray and ask for forgiveness, guidness, and strength to not be so easily distracted. You will never be perfect honey, and even god knows this. But god also knows whats in our hearts and why we do the things we do. Have a honest relationship with god, and then you can understand compeletly why god has given us certain guidelines to live by. You will begin to understand and know more as you continue to learn more about the bible and can gain, and retain that knowledge.
I also would like to say that I dont feel there is anything wrong with you at all. Struggels between good and evil will always be present. Mentally we face challanges everyday, sometimes the darker side wins. Other times the light shines through. Just remember the light always offers forgiveness, and hope for everyone. When the darker side takes hold, hurt, pain, guilt, and sadness usually show its ugly face.
I hope this helps you some, and always know that God never rejects anyone, people choose to reject God.
If you ever feel the need to talk some more, or just want someone to listen, drop me a line in my inbox anytime.
Take a deep breath and always remember to take it onedayatatime.
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Im 15. This summer I got my heartbroken . My first love of a year and 3 months broke up with me on June 1st , It's been the longest 4 months of my life! I miss him dearly and I have no clue how to get over him , it is probley the most confusing time in my life iv ever had . Im so weak when it comes to him and he KN0WS it! I would do anything to have him back in my life , I may be young but im very mature for my age. He was my everything and for it to go away all in one day is crazy for me . We know we still love each other and always will have somthing special there for each other. Im trying to move on , but I just can't . Everytime he wants to hang out I KNOW what's gonna happen , were gonna end up kissing and everything but it's like I can't say no to him ... I love him so much and it's like " so what If I can't be with you , im with you at this moment " ... Idk what to do , iv tried EVERYTHiNG!! (link)
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ADVICE
Well sweetie if this is how he is, when you guys hang out. Its like your really not broken up which is why its making him so hard to get over. Everytime you guys hang out its like all those feelings rush back and just adds to the confusion your dealing with. It cant be both ways, either you are friends and knock of the making out, or your back together. You need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him you cant continue to be this way with him because its tearing you up inside. Either you remain friends and nothing else so you can move on. Or you guys both try again and see where things go. This is not fair to you at all. Your going to have to be strong and confront him. So next time you guys are alone and he trys to make out with you, just say hey I cant do this anymore, unless we are together again. If he tells you he does not want that, your going to have to be strong and tell him then making out stops, because it not fair to you and its to hard emotionally to handle. Tell him you still have feelings for him, and he needs to stop sending you mixed messages. Your either with me or your not. Be straight up with him about it. I know its not easy, but you have to be strong and back this up with not only words but your actions. Make things totally clear to him, dont give in. Once he gets the message he cant have everything his way, he will have a choice to make. To be with you, or just be friends. I hope this helps, please let me know how things are going... Drop me a line anytime in my inbox to keep me updated..
Take a deep breath and always remember to take it onedayatatime
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WARNING:long sorry just wanted to give full story or most of it
ok so im pretty much 14(my bday nov 9)
im not attracted to guys around my age i dont knw i just think older guys are cute and are more mature.well there are these three guys one well call d he is 18 or 19 and the other well call is x but i dont knw how old he is and lastly well call him j and he is 16 or 17.at first me and d werent like friends like we hugged and said hi but ya knw.he just kinda messed with me like put his arm around me and sang to me cause he knew i liked him haha just who he is.well now he flirts with me and kissed me on the cheek twice and he knws my name and one day my friend was like why do you kiss b and he was like have i ever kissed you and i was like only on the cheek and he said see i only kissed on the cheek i havent kissed her yet and kinda smiled at me and all my friends think he likes me.now x he is kinda new haha the first time i saw him me and a friend were waiting at the place cause it opened at 8 and he was alreasy there and he kept looking at me and finally he was like ya im lookin at you and i gave him a look like me? and he was like ya you(i knw kinda weird)but when his bro(i only knw it was his bro cuz he told us) got there they started whispering and lookin at me well then they left and he was like watch my stuff please so i did.that whole night he kept smiling at me and yesterday we had our second hug.we talk and flirt and he always looks at me.all my friends think he is mad sexy and are kinda jealous and they all think he likes me but im not sure cause he dont really knw me and he flirts with other girls.then finally the last on j.he used to always flirt with me and stuff then he ended up breaking up with his girl and i saw him lookin kinda bored so i went to talk to him and he was like how old are you and i asked him the same but he was like i asked you first so i told him and he was like damn i cant mess with you and told me how old he was and then the next week he was dating his ex now he doesnt really talk to me or whatever and its seems he flirts with his girl around me but looks at me to ya knw like see if im watching or w/e.and i saw him in the hall last thursday(i go to his school for math) and he walked next to me but didnt say anything but smiled and kept walking and called his friend and kinda looked back at me so i guess you can say im totally confused so i need major help!thank you (link)
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ADVICE
Well with any guy that you might be interested in, its best just to ask them if they like you directly. I know you stated your age, and often times girls your age look much older. As for the attraction to older guys I can field this pretty easily. Girls mature at a much faster rate mentally than boys do. You may find you have interests that your other friends your age dont really have yet. BY this I mean to say some of your friends still like doing things you consider child like and immature even for you. So it comes to figuring out which older guy may have a real interest in you. The only way you will know for sure is to ask them in person. I will say that if an older guy is interested in you, he may often brush you off, just because of the age factor. Guys that may have a genuine interest in you might not want to deal with all the responibility that goes along with it. This means dealing with your parents, getting picked on by his friends who are older and so on. It does sound to me that the one guy who has kissed you on the cheek may have a real interest in you. He could just fear the idea of getting serious with someone younger than himself. I suggest telling that guy how you feel and what he thinks. Just keep in mind older boys like to do certain things to keep their interest. If he does return the feelings, dont ever let yourself feel pressured or you might have to do something sexually just to keep him around. I cant stress that enough because of te age differance. Guys those ages have hormones running on overload, as I am sure you have seen first hand. So figure out who you really want to be around, and who you really might have a connection with. Then you can take it from there. Just dont rush into it really get to know the guy as a person to be able to make the right call. I hope this helps please let me know, if you may need my assistance again. Feel free to leave me a message in my inbox anytime..
Take a deep breath and remember to take it onedayatatime
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this isnt me, im just wondering, so if you were adopted and you adopted parents adopt another guy, and is it wrong to marry and love him? and he lvoes you back? i mean we're both adopted! (not me) just wondering (link)
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I dont see it as being wrong. The fact is both children that where adpoted would have time to really get to know each other, being able to be around each other all the time. Having the adoption its self in common would bring them closer together just knowing their would share that same history. So even though it was meant to be like a family setting and living situation, does not mean that these two adopted people could not build real or relationship feelings towards each other. My only concerns in a situation such as this is how the adpotive parents themselves my view or react to it once they knew, or found out. Apotive parents my react upset or degusted as any notmral parent might, when viewing them as thier own children. The best thing to do is be honest with the adoptive parents and explain why these two adopted people grew so close together and why they care for each other in the way that they do and how it came about. Once the adpotive parents have time to let what is being said sink in they will have an overall better outlook on it. I myself can understand how easly something like this could happen. It might still be difficult for an adoptive parent or parents to handle though. The adoptive parents could feel quilty for this occuring since it was never something they expected or something they thought might ever happen. So just be honest and be upfront, they have nothing to feel ashamed of or guilty about. I hope this helps, let me know what you think.
Always remember take it onedayatatime
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I wasn't really invited, but my boyfriends mom was all nice to me and stuff she invited me in to my bfs suprise party. I was there for about 2 hours or something and then all the sudden two boys that were my friends came in and she pretty much kicked me out, well she said i have to leave and so do the other girls. well two other girls stayed. well its not my boyfriends fault. but im mad at him for some reason. wat do i do? (link)
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ADVICE
Well honey I would not stay mad at your boyfriend. If his mother asked you to leave for any reason there is not really anything he could have done to make you feel better. He himself has to listen and respect his mother's wishs even if he does not like it. As far as the other girls that got to stay, I think I would maybe be more curious or hurt by that one. I would be thankful for the time you did get to spend there and be happy you where included. Think of it this way, would you want your boyfriend to be mad or upset with you, if your mother did that to him?
I suggest just asking your boyfriend why you think his mother acted that way. Maybe even asking him why did those other girls get to stay when you where not allowed and how unfair that seemed to you. As far as staying mad at him, I think thats really not very fair to him at all, when he had no control over it. So you need to let it go honey don't be angry with him. It might even make him angry at you if you take it out on him. Just talk to him like I said ask those questions, if he has no answers then he really probaby doesnt know either. WE all have to do what are parents want when we live at home, and alot of times we dont like it. I hope this helps you out, best of luck keep in touch..
Remember to take a deep breath and take it onedayatatime
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Hi I am a 19 yr. old female and the guy I like is 20. I am having a hard time trying to realize everything that has happened. He has been my really good friend since last year, and never in my life would I have thought of him as someone I would be interested in. But just recently, in a weird random way we brought up making out with each other as mutual friends...I didn't mind so we have on different occasions. I was in denial that I didn't have feelings for him when this happened, because obviously people that usually kiss each other would have some kind of physical attraction? But yea, of course while this happened my feelings have been brought out more intensely. I didn't just like him because of that, but we have common interests as well. We are both musicians and we write and play songs together. We both share our secrets and love to talk about our daily lives.
Now here is the thing. I don't know if I should tell him how I feel, because we discussed it was a mutual thing and it shouldn't develop feelings. He is a guy that is very mysterious as well. He has told me straight up that he's not looking for a relationship or a committment based on his previous experiences, and just wants to have "fun". I knew that... but this is what happened to me. But I feel in my heart that he may have hidden feelings for me, because I sense something. I think that he does but is scared to take risks or be out there, scared to fall for me and be in a relationship which he might not be ready for. He's told me himself maybe thats why he is still single today... I am sensing mixed emotions from him. He's told me he really cares about me and doesn't want to continue this because it is way too "hot" and he wants to try sexual things. He said he really cares and feels like he might betray me in a way..
But all in all this is all confusing me. I've noticed the small details as well, that I wouldn't say is normal behavior. Like a guy kissing you on the forehead passionately after hugging him...is that a sign that he does like me? I've never seen him do that before...and he is usually looking for me when I'm not around. Always offers me a ride home.. you get the picture. I just don't know if I should pursue anything if he is in this "fun" state of mind, though I think he may have feelings for me. Should I give it time to blossom and for him to realize something of should I move on with my life until the opportunity opens up? I just don't know what to do. I really like him. I hope he likes me back. (link)
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ADVICE
Well you came to the right person to ask this question. I have gone through this situation first hand. I am with a guy who is my best friend, I was not attracted to him for his looks at first it was his personality that really drew me to him. MY best friend as well told me he never wanted a relationship, and cared about me but not in the way I cared for him. I have been with my best friend now for going on past six years and we are still together to this day. This was a long hard road though for even us. When a guy is your friend and he is scard he will say all the things you have mentioned above and then some. My best friend who I am still with, it took him almost four years before he could tell me straight up why he keep doing what he was doing and said what he said. So I am going to share this information with you. My now boyfriends fears back then where things like, when h felt to close or started to have deeper feelings he would do things intentionally to mess things up with him and I. He told me it was because he was afraid of being deeply hurt, and would do things without really understanding it all himself. After talking with my own best friend/boyfriend we have dove deeper into why those things took place. One thing that really scard him was that fact that he had never really been in a serious relationship. His longest relationship was one year. That girl stopped all over his heart and they where engaged to get married. That girl had told him she was not ready for anything like that, and he bleieved her. My best friend then found out not even two week later his now X girlfriend was seeing a new guy. He keep track of her to a point and found out it did not take to long for them to become engaged and set a wedding date. It crused him, and from that point on he viewed woman as a threat. He would keep things fun, sexual, or just hang out. But the main point is from that experiance alone he viewed woman as he ddidnt want anything serious again. He went through fazes of seeing more than one person at once. Just having flings, but always keep his deep emotions blocked off, or he would walk away when he thought he might have any. This guy you like sounds like something happened to him that is keeping him from being deeply emotional with you. I agree with you he is showing you all the signs that their is more feelings than he is willing to admit to you. My suggestion is this, dont force the way you feel about him directly on him, or he will get a bit freaked out. Stand by him and tell him how much you care for him and like him. Dont push a relationship because it will take some time before his guard will come down enough to really admit any deep feelings at all. I stuck it out through thick and thin and proved to my best friend I meant what I said. Soon it sunk into his thick skull and he had no choice but to realize I was being honest and meant what I said. Hang in their honey I know its not easy, but we all need time to heal, and sounds like if you back up what you say and he sees it eventually he will believe it. ( So you dont go anywhere) Eventually he will be able to tell you about deeper feelings he is having. I hope this helps keep in touch and let me know how things are going...
Always remember take a deep breath and take it Onedayatatime...
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A lot of people probably wont understand this. But I fell in love with someone on the internet. Like REALLY fell in love, for the first time in my life. He wants to talk on the phone and you know...but I'm worried about what I will sound like and I've never had "phone sex" so I don't want to sound bad or embarrass myself. I dont think he will, but what if he starts calling me all the time? Any comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated :] (link)
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ADVICE
You should do what you feel comforable with. But some tips on how to handle the phone sex thing if it ever did get to that point is this. Let him talk sexy to you on the phone and just listen, you can just respond with ya. I have done that a few times. You dont really have to say much if the guy is a talker. When typing online with him it should give you a pretty good of an idea of how he might be on the phone. So keep chatting online. Get comfortable with him on the phone just talking for awhile first. Then when your ready to take that next step you will know. As far as online love, its really not that uncommon. People have met online and even have gotten married. Its rare but not impossible. So dont let what others say bring you down. One last thing, doing something for the first time even though your nervous can be very fun and exciting. The great thing about doing something like this over the phone is they cant see the shocked looks on your face, or you kindof giggling and covering up the phone. Not saying that you would but that has happened to me. I hope this helps lets me know what you think.....
Take a deep breath and take it onedayatatime
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So there's this guy, and he's my neighbor; but his sister's are bestfriend's with my brother. So it makes him a total no-no. But I just can't help myself but to like him. I'm in eighth grade, but he's in tenth. Everything about it's wrong. Do you think I like him because I know he's off limits ? What should I do ?! (link)
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ADVICE
Well I think if you really do like this guy, maybe you should tell your brother how you feel about this. If your brother is friends with this guy's sisters why is that ok but you cant like this guy? Maybe if you are honest with your brother and get more insight on why its such a no no it might help. I dont know why your brother would be so against it, unless he thinks this guy you do like is bad news. Another thing is do you think this guy really does like you? If this is in a crush faze of sorts I would just keep things the same for now. If later on you do find out that this guy does like you and your still feeling the same way about him, you really do need to be upfront with your brother. Brothers are funny that way they will lay down the law to try to protect you, why you stand by and watch them do whatever they want. Be patient till you have all the facts about everything. Then you can see what direction you need to go in. I hope this helps let me know what you think...
one step at a time take it always onedayatatime
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okay lets start this off with im 14/f. and hes 14/m okay well he also has a girl friend. its very disapointing but any way last weeekend was our homecomeing were fresh man. and well i was dacening with my friends and he pulled me aside and said i looked beautiful and he loved my dress(aww how cute right?) so i gave him a hug and said you look dashing haha. well now hes on my mind at school sometiems . and monday i think it was i went to give my old boyfriend a hug because were still friends and the guy i like well alex well call him was there! so i gave um adam a hug then alex was like wow rachel way to give me a hug. ha i kinda was like oh im sorry heres a bigger hug for you then.! okay well everyday i pass him in the halls before 1st hour and before thirdrd and after school i see him because i have cheer practice and he has base ball..mmm. he gives me this crooked smile witch is really really cute. and he gives me a hug everyday now. oh and something eles you should know is ive dated some of his friends like adam and his friend scott and i almost went out with his friend edmond. oppps but i all ways thought he was the cutest out of them all. hes allways kinda been there in the back of my head. but hes moveing to the front of it know and im not srue what to do sence he does have a girl friend who he doesnt seem to close to but ive never seen them out of school together. but my questions are. does he have any feelings for me if u can tell should i back off sence he does have a girl frien? these are the things i need to know. (link)
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ADVICE
Being honest when you like anyone is always best. Weather he has a girlfriend or not, there is no reason you cant be honest with him and tell him that you like him. What happens after that is totally up to him. If he breaks up with his girlfriend and then wants to be with you, then you have your answer. If your having feelings of guilt because of the way you feel knowing he has a girlfriend, you shouldn't. He is sending all the messages your way that he is interested. Be clear and upfront with him and say I would never want to do anything to cause problems between you and girlfriend, but I wanted to let you know that I do like you and have for some time now. Tell him you just needed him to know that cause you where tired of caring that around with you, and it makes it hard being around him when you feel that way knowing he has a girlfriend. Also be clear that you are not ok with cheaters. You would only want to be with him if he is no longer with his girlfriend. So if he is interested and does not say anything right away after you talk to him, give him a few days. See what happens and let me know I hope this helps, please let me know what you think...
onedayatatime
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I'm looking for creative ideas for asking a guy to Sadies.
Someone at my school already used the "washable and permanent marker on a t-shirt" technique, which I think is ingenious, but I don't want to copy her. lol
All I have so far is sending him a note or a sports card that says, "Football helmet $50, Jersey $35, Football $20, date with (my name) to Sadies... Priceless"
Any cool ideas? (link)
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ADVICE
I really like what you have so far! Its cute its short its funny. Sometimes simple is the way to go. I would send exactly what you have, and nothing else. Only thing I could really say is instead of a card, how about balloons, put the words on balloons tye it to his locker. Its bold he cant miss it, and just pray no one pops them. You could even add a picture of you instead of signing the balloon. If you could get a picture of him you could also add that as well. I think that would be very mememorable. If I think of anything else I will let you know right now I am drawing a blank. I hope you like this idea let me know.... Wishing you the best have a great time at sadie hawkins..
onedayatatime
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So I'm REALLY not a jealous person by nature. My boyfriend of almost a year and I have the same circle of friends and we're really open and basically very happy. And we're okay with each other's other-sex friends.
And yet, there's this one, who for some reason makes me insanely jealous.
See, one night we were talking about how it's okay to find other people attractive, so sort of jokingly we were mentioning people (like rock stars and all that) and he said her. And I was okay with it at first. Then, though, inexplicably whenever he brought her up I felt this weird sense of sadness and anger.
She's in one class with me and one with him, and apparently they talk sometimes, so he tells me about her occasionally. She has a boyfriend too, and my boyfriend's consistently telling me how much he loves me. Consciously, I know I've got no reason to worry.
Then one day at a store we were looking at pictures and he looked at one and was like, hey, that looks like her. I never realized I could feel so jealous about one little comment, but I did. He apologized, and so did I (I didn't mean to get upset, after all).
The thing is, now, every day I'm in that class I can't help but look at her. I feel so jealous just being around her, and every time she talks to me I have no clue what to say. I don't know, she's nice to me and all, but there's this weird thing deep in my subconscious that connotes her with sadness now.
Anyway, sorry this is so long. But what can I do? I don't like feeling jealous, and it's silly because consciously I'd probably really want to be friends. She likes a lot of the same music as I do, but something in me makes me want to keep my distance.
No rude answers please, this was hard to say to begin with. (link)
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ADVICE
How you feel is completly normal. That feelings of being jelous and even feelings awkward is all things you should not really worry about. That statement he made triggered the thoughts of what would he do, if me and him ever had problems? Does he secrectly like her? All these emotions are normal. You might stare at her and even compair yourself with her, as a possible competion in the future. All these random thoughts that may cross your mind are noraml. We all have fears deeps down inside, and when he said something about this girl it rriggered this kind of emotional responce. The fact that you know this person and see her as well, makes it even more real. Do you feel that becomming firends with her, might leave more of a doorway open for your boyfriend? Maybe allow them to become closer than you want them to be? These are all things that may cross your mind. The best way to handle all this is be nice to her if she is nice to you. Going as far as wanting to become her friend, that might be more than you can handle right now. If you guys where to all hang out it may increase the fears you already have and cause stress on you and your boyfriend/friend. I think the best thing to do is keep it nice but dont get close to her. Not because of her herself but because of the thoughts you might have in the back of your head. I really do think that would be best in this situation. Let me know what you think, and tell me if this helps any or at all. I really hope it does help though.
onedayatatime
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I met this guy this beginning of school, and I was new to the school. I was talking to one of my friends there, and I saw him, and I was like shittttttttt who's that?! And she told me and I was like I want him, I'm gonna get him. And sure thing, I did get him. We got to know each other real well, we starting falling in love I swear, and we were together for about 2 weeks at this time. We had so much in common, I came into his room, it was full of German flags, I was like holy shit, you like Germany?! And he's like hell yeah! And my news was that well hey I was born there and I go there every year. I fucking love Germany. It was crazy. We finished each other sentences. Told each other we loved each other, cared about each other, and missed each other all the time. And we weren't obsessive either, we'd talk on the phone like twice a day at most. We had a great relationship. But thing is, I was his first. So when it came to school, he wasn't that affectionate and didn't really know how to act. So anyways, we dated, then for some reason. He broke up with me, because he heard I was going to break up with him because of the way he was acting. So he dumped me. After that, we were still talking to each other, hanging out, and obviously not over each other. He asked me out 2 days later. Everything was going smoothly and we liked each other so much. When I was around him, I got butterflies and I felt so happy, it's like nothing I've ever felt for a guy before. He was perfect literally. So we hang out this one weekend, we go to a party, get drunk as fuck, and I puke in his aunt's bathroom and miss the toilet. He has to clean up my puke for 45 min. while I'm outside puking some more. SO his mom finds out we got drunk, and she had to drive me home, and his family is not too happy at all. So him and I are still close. Then in the morning I text him and tell him we're not hanging out today even though we have plans. He says hey I don't know about us anymore. And I started getting teary eyed wondering what the hell is wrong. He tells me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. So I'm like alright why again? He says because he has mixed feelings right now. So we're still friends, and hang out and stuff. One day we talk on the phone and he wants to hang out with me to help him babysit. The women doesn't end up coming home till 4 a.m. We sleep together of course. I tell him, if you want me, I'm not going to wait forever. He says I'll ask you back in a week span, I fucking miss you, love you, yadayadayada. So the week comes by, we don't even talk. So then we're still friends, but things are moving slowly for no reason. I haven't done anything to him. So then somehow he hears that I was talking shit about him I guess, which I really wasn't, I was just mad because he ignores me in school and treats me like shit in public. He just doesn't act like the same person all the time. It was like he was fake or something or new to this relationship thing. Well anyway, now since he heard that, he doesn't want to deal with me shit and all this, he's not talking to me at all, not even looking at me. I try texting him, he doesn't talk to me. He's just cutting me out of his life. I'm fucking miss him so much and I want him back so bad. I have no idea what to do. He won't talk to me and it's killing me like crazy. I really don't know what to do. I just wish we could at least be friends then him hating me. Because it really sucks. I just want everything back to the way it was. I would talk to him face to face, but I'm way too scared. What should I do? Please help me. Thank you.(: (link)
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ADVICE
Well this sounds to me as if things moved very quickly. Also did you ever consider that fact that maybe his parents might not approve of him having a girlfriend? Parents can put alot of pressure on a child when they see something they are not comforable with. Lay down rules condidtions and so on. I believe that when he told you he was confused most likely he really is. When your sexually active with anyone, sometimes it adds alot of stress that younger people can not handle as well as adults. He might worry about things like could she be pregnant? What would I do? What would my parents do? If he feels that you guys might continue a more intamit relationship like this, it is a possiblilty, one he is not prepared to handle. I know that you are scard to face him, but you guys did engage is adult activity and in my opinion if you are able to do that, you should be able to handle confronting him face to face. I am not trying to sound harsh or mean, but if you truely care for him, then this is something you need to build up the courage to do. The way it is right now, I think you both are confused. But I do feel their are other factors involved as well. Maybe something he is afraid to say to you. No guy is going to admit he stopped seeing you because his parents told him so. That is an example. Another is when guys get scard or feels they are getting to close to someone, they tend to back away. Every guy is differant and in my experiance younger guys tend to NOT want to feel as if they are tied down in any way. Responsibility of any kind can scare alot of guys. Even being responable for someones elses feelings can be scary. I do feel that a good face to face talk is in order here. When you speak with him, pay attention to his body language. If he seems strange or not quite the same as things where before, you will be able to tell when your talking with him. Another thing to remember is, not all guys really know how to communicate very well when it comes to talking to a woman. So dont hang on every word, just take in what he is trying to get across to you. After you say what you need to say, and ask what you need to ask. Give him time to think and answer. Even if he cant give you a direct answer right away. Let him take in all of what you have to say, give him time to process it. If you get a responce like I dont know, then give each other space. When he is ready to share with you he will. Just dont push answers right now cause you need one. I hope this helps, let me know how it goes.
onedayatatime
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There's this guy iam talking to and he seems like a really sweet guy and I think he really likes me becouse he's constantly opening doors for me and helping me with my schoolwork he bought my a coffe and he offered to carry it for me so iam pretty sure the he likes me and i like him to but iam 19 and the guy is 39 and i feel like he's to old for me but i live with my cousin and she says that age is just a number and iam also afraid of getting hurt becouse everytime I go out with a guy that I really like and I think that really likes me to breaks my heart and iam afraid of getting my heart broke again.
what should i do? (link)
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ADVICE
All older guys seem to be attracted to younger woman. With this guys age I would have a bit of concern though. Questions and concerns such as, was this guy every married? Is he still married? Does he have children? Is he divorced? Even though age does not matter all the time, you have to take into account what life experiances, has he gone through already that you have not. Men who are divorced or get divorced always seem to want to go with someone younger verses a person in the same age range as them. Alot of married men cheat as well. My suggestion is you really have to know what your getting into before hand. Dont be afraid to ask questions upfront to this guy. He may be a great guy, but do you research and find out as much as you can upfront before making any kind of decision. There are some guys out their that age that would treat you very well I am sure, but really know what you want out of life and from a mate, before you make any rash decisions. You really dont have a bases for life ecperiance, not compaired to someone that age. And when your his age he will be a senior. Do you think you could ever be with someone who you might have to care for when you are 30 something. Its alot to take in, and alot to think about. It all depends on the person though, what is he capable of and what are you capable of. But I strongly suggest finding out as much as you can about him before hand. You are still very young, and their are many many fish in the sea... I hope this helps some, please let me know what you think, or any other questions you might have...
When it comes to finding anything serious out such as STDS. The only way to really protect yourself is to ask your partner upfront if they might have any. Certain people may not be honest with you though, not matter how much you feel you trust them. Always be safe use protection, when engaging in any sexual act with anyone. When your sexually active its always improtant to go to the doctors to get check ups from time to time. We all have certain risks involved when you engage in sexual activity. Just be aware of these risks and take as much precaution as you can. Make sure you do get regualar check ups by a doctor so if an std is present at any time, you will know right away. Some STDS can be taken care of right away, other ones you will live with for the rest of your lifetime. I hope this helps answer your question if you need any further help please feel free to leave me a message in my inbox. I hope this helps...
onedayatatime
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ANYONE WHO ANSWER'S WILL RECIEVE A 5 because i thank you for reading my long situation!
im 18 years old and a female.
i have or USE to have a male best friend, whose now almost 17. we hung out alot and i secretly liked him but never told him and i think he secretly liked me too but then he got a girlfriend about three years ago and there STILL going out, without ever breaking up and they RARELY ever fight and are together pretty much 24/7 when either one doesnt have sports. recently or starting about a year ago, i go without seeing or talking to him months at a time. it kills me, but i feel like i shouldn't text him because if he missed me too he would text me right? keep in mind a few months ago he tried getting with me and i really wanted to do stuff with him, but i said i couldn't because it was so wrong but he's not like a player at all which shocked me. last time i saw him we were talking and he was like what happened to us? i was just like alot i guess..and he's like we're not like we use to be and i was like i know..and he was like i was always the one texting you asking what you were doing and i just smiled and he was like you know its true and i knew it was but i really dont see the point in texting him when he's always with his girlfriend... then my cousins and him we're gonna go back to their house and he was like i'll give you a piggy back ride :) then i was leaving my cousins and i see him outside his house waiting for me so i roll down my window and i was like.. what? and he gave me a hug and i was like i missed you... and then we just talked for like 20 min. and sometimes there were awkward silences and he just looked at me and smiled and i was like what are you thinking about...and he was like just random stuff :) and i was like, like what? and he just said ahh nothing. that night he looked at me like he wanted to kiss me and keep in mind we havent done ANYTHING physical, not even kiss. i havent talked to him since that and it's been about a month and i miss him SO much. but my friends feel it's best if i dont text him and try to keep my distance but he was my best friend... i dont want him out of my life forever but i still love him and wish every single night he could be mine. everyone in my family loves hiim and my friends do too and they're all like when is he going to break up with him girlfriend and go out with you? and i always say idk..never :(
i dont know what to do, i think about him 24/7 and its not an exaggeration. i think he knows im attracted to him and like him but he doesnt do anything about it. i dont think he would ever break up with his girlfriend because he's scared and also cuz she "gives it up" to him. any suggestions? i've tried moving on to other guys but NONE compare to him. they're nothing like him and i can't move on, i just cant. (link)
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ADVICE
I have been in your situation before. The fact that he has a girlfriend is a bit tricky in handeling what needs to be done. I think you made the right call on not doing anything with him phyically. You need to met up with him face to face and tell him how you truely feel. this will eat at you for years never knowing how he truely felt about you. You need to confront him about everything and leave the call up to him. I would make it clear however that you could only feel right with him if he was no longer with his girlfriend, he would need to break up with her. So you will have to lay it on the line and see how he feels, but at least you will know that you did everything you could to win his heart in the right way. You cant keep all this inside and the person you need to tell you still have contact with, do it while you still have the chance. If you keep it all inside, you will kick yourself later. I can tell you first hand, I never had the guts to tell someone how I felt till it was to late. I have not seen this person now since like a year after I graduated. So 13 years of regret sit on my shoulders and I still wonder to this day, what if. This person is now married and I am happy for him. But it does make you thnk hard on the things that you could have done to make a differance or at least have a chance. So I am asking you not to be foolish and learn from my own mistakes. Tell him how you feel, and only he can make things right if he feels the same about you. I hope this helps, please let me know how it all works out..
onedayatatime
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if a girl is having problems reaching her point but feels it is almost there but never comes,what is the problem and how can i make it happen? (link)
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ADVICE
There could be many reasons why this is an issue. First one is it could be a subconcious isssue. Mentally something is holding them back. Second it could be medical issue, meaning something phyical that only a doctor could find. Their are many things that contibute to this,it really not that uncommon. Woman who are mentally stressed or just not into it, will sometimes never orgasism. If this is something that continues on though, I would recommend seeing a doctor about it and be checked out. If their is nothing phyically wrong, then its something mentally holding them back. Aslo knwoing your partner and what they like, is a very important key factor. Make sure you know dislikes and likes wen it comes to being intomate. If something is being done that makes a person feel uncomfortable it can have alot to do with this kind of situation. All in all if this is something that remains and issue getting a phyical is important. If the phyical shows nothing wrong, seeking some other professional advice might be nessary to get to the root of the problem. Mainly be honest and upfront about things, dont feel rushed take your time, try to make it a non stressful situation. Realy show her how important she is to you, dont makeit seem like a challage or a mission. And dont let this kind of issue ruin anyones self esteem, it happens. I hope this helped keep me posted and let me know how it going.
onedayatatime
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my best friend and love of my life wants to join the marines wen he gets out of high school. he is into all the dangerous stuff n im so scared that something will happen to him. i want to be happy for him and i support him in his decision but i really dont want him to go. can anyone give some help on how to get through this because im having a really difficult time with it and ive even cried about it. and i dont want to tell my boy about it because i want him to know i support him in everything he does.i just dont want anything to happen to him but i always see how many marines die on the news and stuff. thank you for the help!!!! (link)
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ADVICE
When it comes to anyone you love, its always hard to let go for any reason. Holding back any feelings or views on the situation at hand is not good on your part. If something did happen to him, you could never really cope with not saying the things you just mentioned here. Express how you feel always, dont hold back on what he means to you and how it will effect you emotionally. As far as supporting him, its a conflict when it comes to friends or any loved ones. A natrual reaction is to keep them safe and never see them suffer. You have to talk with him and know the reasons why he wants to do this so bad. Maybe when he explains it more in detail, you can have some comfort in knowing how important this is to him. It may make it a little easier to cope with, and understand the reasons that you are supporting him in. I would aslo mention to him that him keeping in contact with you is very important. Letting him know how much he will be missed may also give him some comfort and peace of mind. Its never easy to let go, but when its important to someone we have no choice. He just needs to know that you will support and love him no matter what. I hope this helps, may god watch over all our troops, and bring them all home.
onedayatatime
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ok so im sure you get a lot of questions like this but i just need some help
ive been dating my boyfriend for 8 months, almost 9 months and i didn't start loving him till about about four months, and now i can't imagine with myself with anyone else like i really love him and i don't know what i would do if we broke up like even everyone says we make the perfect couple like we've never even had a fight and we've been dating for 9 months almost and i see him everyday and night and i can't explain it i just love him a lot.
well we have a new guy at school he starded this year there, well he messaged me all the time on myspace and stuff and we talk in school quite a bit and im not gonna like he is pretty hot and i don't know theres just something attracts me to him and well he sent me a massage how he thinks im cute and wants to hang out. hes 17 turning 18 amd im 16 turning 17. i mean i love my boyfriend sooo much but out of no where it seems like im starting to like this new kid and i really dont know what to do i feel guilty sometimes because because my boyfriend will catch me staring at this kid.. what would you do if you where in my position? (link)
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ADVICE
Being in love is great, and sounds like you and your boyfriend have a nice thing going. Your still young though, and its normal to be attracted to someone else. this is the thing you need to ask yourself though. Spending alot of time with someone new that you are attracted to will compromise what you have with your boyfriend. Basically you are leaving yourself open and could eventinally develope strong feelings for this new interest. My suggestion is this, to not feel quilty in any way. Be upfront with your boyfriend, tell him you need a break or some time to figure things out on your own. You guys are still very young. It takes time to know what you want in life, and who you really want to be with. I would follow your heart on this one, and be honest with them both. Just dont base everything on attraction alone. Its the overall person that really matters. I hope this helps and you an your boyfriend can reamin on good terms with any thing you decide. I dont believe in being sneaky in any way its never fair to anyone. We all get hurt, and we all move on, its the way life is. But always follow your heart, and be upfront its best for everyone involved no matter how bad it might hurt.
onedayatatime
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16/f
i'm normally an honest person but about recently i just got a new boyfriend. he's amazing and i could never wish for a better boyfriend. i want to keep him with me forever!! but i told him a lie and i regret doing it! and its a pretty big lie too. I told him that i finger myself but i really don't. I havent even worn a tampon yet! and i really really really really REALLY do not want to tell him that i don't finger myself because he will get mad that i lied and he told me that he really wants to finger me and if i tell him that i've never done it then it will all just crash and burn. we've been talking that when we are going to hang out again soon, that he wants to finger me but i'm not sure what to do. help!!! i don't know what to do! (link)
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ADVICE
Ok first off I believe anyone who you decide to be sexually active with you should always remain honest and hope that they will do the same. As far as your situation, I would be honest in the fact that you have never done this before. You could tell him why you where scard and lied. The fact is alot of guys like the feeling of being first on something. It might even give him the feeling of being special, because this is something new and differant for you. I will also say this, never under any curcumstances do anything that you are not ready to do. Make sure this is something you want, and its not being pushed on you, or you feel pessured into. Never give up the person you are to suit someone elses urges. I hope this view point helps.
onedayatatime
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I've been with my boyfriend for like 1 year and sometimes I just can't stand it. I'm just so jealous. everytime I see his ex girlfriend, I get jealous. she is super gorgeous and cute like a kid and he's a kid at heart and I can see why they went out. I'm so jealous of the relationship they had. but sometimes I still feel like he doesn't love me like he says he do. when I think about it,I just feel so heartbroken and lonely. I can't break up with him cuz I love him. I just don't know what to do anymore. (link)
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ADVICE
Sounds to me that you feel very threatened by his X girlfriend. This does place a major facotr on your own personal self esteem issues. Do you feel as if their is some kind of competition between you and his X? Often times we feel overwelmed by being faced with actually knowing or seeing someones X. It does bring alot of self doubt, and you find youself asking, why is he with me? Communication and honesty is a must. I think that you feelings of lonelyness and heartbreat are based on your fears that your boyfriend is still interested or still may have some feelings for his X. This is actually very common with alot of people, so do not feel alone on this issue. I can tell you this all relationships are different for every couple. Do not compair what you have with your boyfriend to anything your boyfriend and your X had. They will differ almost always. Dont base your feelings on those kinds of past issues. When he says he loves you, but you dont feel as if he really does love you, I am almost sure that he does love you. The thing about all loves is that they are differant and can feel differant. You can have a love for your animal, you can love somene as a friend, you can love a favorite food. All variations of love, they are all true but on what level. I will make a suggestion, pretend like you know nothing of his X, what she looks like etc. Take all that knowledge and information and put it aside. Then look at what you and your boyfriend have without the X comming into play at all. I will also tell you this, you will never feel truely loved by anyone until you love yourself first. Work on what you have and dont fear the whats IFS. The what if questions will kill any good relationship when you cant let something go. It will drive a person to leave, or do something dumb. I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.
onedayatatime
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I gave my heart to this boy named Darshak Patel...I loved him and he said he loved me..i no he loved me n i hope he still does, We went to NYC and went to the park and had a awsome time there.so many memories.Then school started and we didnt really see eachother...then he wouldnt call me at all. so i looked on his facebook page and it said he has been flirting with girls and then girls were leaveing him flirty comments and then one of them said see u tommaor night...wtf noo! son i started this whole thing n he got mad..the worst came quickly, He took naked pics of me n put them on facebook and added all my friends. i was soo scared..its not that bad in school its just like i miss him alittle, But then he calls me and he is like o can we have phone sex and im like no.so then he hands up and says ur not goin to do it so i dont wanna tlak to u..His voice is soo sexy its not even funny.i still love him.what do i do i hate him for wat he did...omg what do i do. (link)
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ADVICE
First off, no matter how sexy his voice is, you deserve better. No one should treat anyone that way, and their is no excuse to make what he did ok by any means. Your going to have to put aside your feelings for him, and love yourself enough to move on. This is easy to say, harder to do when feelings of love are involved. Truth is you should know deep down this is not the right guy for you. I suggest finding some new interests, and dont make the situation worse by checking up on him. He has already proven what kind of guy he is. YOU DESERVE BETTER!! Always remember you have to truely love yourself and know what you want out of any relationship for it to work.
onedayatatime
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