|
Boyfriend's friend? What to do?
So I'm REALLY not a jealous person by nature. My boyfriend of almost a year and I have the same circle of friends and we're really open and basically very happy. And we're okay with each other's other-sex friends.
And yet, there's this one, who for some reason makes me insanely jealous.
See, one night we were talking about how it's okay to find other people attractive, so sort of jokingly we were mentioning people (like rock stars and all that) and he said her. And I was okay with it at first. Then, though, inexplicably whenever he brought her up I felt this weird sense of sadness and anger.
She's in one class with me and one with him, and apparently they talk sometimes, so he tells me about her occasionally. She has a boyfriend too, and my boyfriend's consistently telling me how much he loves me. Consciously, I know I've got no reason to worry.
Then one day at a store we were looking at pictures and he looked at one and was like, hey, that looks like her. I never realized I could feel so jealous about one little comment, but I did. He apologized, and so did I (I didn't mean to get upset, after all).
The thing is, now, every day I'm in that class I can't help but look at her. I feel so jealous just being around her, and every time she talks to me I have no clue what to say. I don't know, she's nice to me and all, but there's this weird thing deep in my subconscious that connotes her with sadness now.
Anyway, sorry this is so long. But what can I do? I don't like feeling jealous, and it's silly because consciously I'd probably really want to be friends. She likes a lot of the same music as I do, but something in me makes me want to keep my distance.
No rude answers please, this was hard to say to begin with.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hi,
there is nothing wrong with the way you feel. Anytime a boyfriend says that another woman is attractive, it strikes a nerve in the best of us. I don't care how secure you are. I don't know if you can ever be friends with her. I know I couldn't. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone my boyfriend found attractive and commented on in a store. You are human.
I would just be cordial to her when the two of you are around each other or in a group. Other than that I would let her have her friends and you have yours. You don't want to rock the boat. She could thing he is attractive to.
If it makes you too uncomfortable, I would just tell your boyfriend how you feel, if he cares about you, he will take that into consideration.
Sometimes you have to tell guys these things. They can't read our minds. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
]
ADVICE
How you feel is completly normal. That feelings of being jelous and even feelings awkward is all things you should not really worry about. That statement he made triggered the thoughts of what would he do, if me and him ever had problems? Does he secrectly like her? All these emotions are normal. You might stare at her and even compair yourself with her, as a possible competion in the future. All these random thoughts that may cross your mind are noraml. We all have fears deeps down inside, and when he said something about this girl it rriggered this kind of emotional responce. The fact that you know this person and see her as well, makes it even more real. Do you feel that becomming firends with her, might leave more of a doorway open for your boyfriend? Maybe allow them to become closer than you want them to be? These are all things that may cross your mind. The best way to handle all this is be nice to her if she is nice to you. Going as far as wanting to become her friend, that might be more than you can handle right now. If you guys where to all hang out it may increase the fears you already have and cause stress on you and your boyfriend/friend. I think the best thing to do is keep it nice but dont get close to her. Not because of her herself but because of the thoughts you might have in the back of your head. I really do think that would be best in this situation. Let me know what you think, and tell me if this helps any or at all. I really hope it does help though.
onedayatatime
]
More Questions: |